How would you feel/react if your spouse got this text?

[atexan]

What I would do might depend on how hot Sue is, but would probably involve me showing up at the happy hour with eyeliner and spanx, and two children in tow. This is a family man right here, Sue, and a hot wife is part of the package.

[miso]

Aug 25, 2017 16:19:28 GMT -5 @tooshort said:

Aug 25, 2017 15:43:20 GMT -5 eclaires said:

I always say that I am not divorcing my H and letting some other ho benefit from MY hard work.

Fuck that. He used to wear goddamn pleated pants and thought his mom was good at decorating. It took me awhile to break him in and the only one benefiting from my 15 years of dedication is ME.

He showed up on our first date wearing a fucking fleece sweater vest. And I stayed! Til death do us part and not a second faster.

I'm crying at this because this is basically my husband but thinner, younger, and cooler.

[oliviapope]

I have absolutely no chill about shit like this. You ain't slick, Sue!

[lucybrown]

Aug 25, 2017 15:46:09 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Aug 25, 2017 15:27:14 GMT -5 jeekerbeeker said:

DEAD.  This made me snort out loud.  Totally a move my H would do.  He knows I'm crazy, why get involved when I got that shit.

ETA: the quote: "apparently H told her "you're in trouble" and just stood there eating his meat, watching."

[lovelyshoes]

Aug 25, 2017 14:58:38 GMT -5 freedom said:

I'm so jealous this didnt happen to me! I could really blow off some steam tonight at that happy hour

Me too! I'm already drinking wine, but sadly alone.

[eclaires]

@tooshort miso

MH has this ridiculous patagonia vest. It's not sweater/fleece, but it just looks stupid. and he thinks it looks really cool.

I might burn that tonight in remembrance of Brooke, the bichon calendar bitch.

[atexan]

Aug 25, 2017 16:21:33 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Aug 25, 2017 16:20:04 GMT -5 atexan said:

What I would do might depend on how hot Sue is, but would probably involve me showing up at the happy hour with eyeliner and spanx, and two children in tow. This is a family man right here, Sue, and a hot wife is part of the package.

If I brought my kids, Sue would definitely change her mind about H. She'd have to take all 3 of them. And the dog.

No way.  I've seen pictures of your man-baby.  He is precious.  That bitch Sue would be sooooo jealous.  You'd be like, look at this happy family right here that you will never bust your way into.  Bye bitch!

[cabbagecabbage]

Aug 25, 2017 16:51:22 GMT -5 connie0000 said:

Aug 25, 2017 15:49:03 GMT -5 cabbagecabbage said:

So true eclaires ! I stuck with him through living at home, I attended his pool league finals, and stayed for his goatee year. I'm not letting him go now that he's a real grownup.

I'm seriously laughing so hard at this! If this aint paying your dues in a relationship I don't know what is!

Now that his brother is wearing a goatee, it is so satisfying to see him realize how bad it really was.

[twilightmv]

I really like those Patagonia vests.

But I'm not Sue. You can let me near your husbands.

[eddy]

Aug 25, 2017 15:43:20 GMT -5 eclaires said:

Aug 25, 2017 15:32:12 GMT -5 @tooshort said:

Girl, yes! H and I have been together for 10 years. I met him right out of college. I put in way too much time and effort to let Sue come up in here fucking my shit up. No ma'am. I would buy two drinks, throw one in her face, and slowly sip on the other. Fuck Sue.

I always say that I am not divorcing my H and letting some other ho benefit from MY hard work.

Fuck that. He used to wear goddamn pleated pants and thought his mom was good at decorating. It took me awhile to break him in and the only one benefiting from my 15 years of dedication is ME.

I was JUST saying this to someone this weekend. We have been together since we were 20. We are 36. No way in hell am I giving up my masterpiece without a fight.

I got him to give up hemp necklaces and take out his earrings. That shit takes time and skill.

Now he is a thinner, better dressing, sexier version of that 20 year old. #backthefuckoffbitch #iownthis

[fernweh]

Aug 25, 2017 15:46:09 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Aug 25, 2017 15:27:14 GMT -5 jeekerbeeker said:

Or "better back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up"

The week before our wedding, H & I met friends in NYC. I was the DD so I was completely sober & H was pretty tipsy. We ended up getting street meat and were standing on the corner eating. SOME BITCH ran up to my H, SMELLED HIS FOOD, and said "yummmm that meat looks so good, can I have some?"

OH HELLLLLLLL NO.

I got in her face so fast & said "YOU NEED TO BACK THE FUCK UP." All I could think was "fuck my wedding is in a week and if I get hit in the face..." luckily it just was a ton of shoving and screaming. I called her a hungry, hungry hippo. My H's friends still talk about this. Mostly bc apparently H told her "you're in trouble" and just stood there eating his meat, watching.

I am absolutely dying at this, mostly because it is definitely something my H would do. We had an instance once where we had a dispute with a mechanic.  The guy says to me in the most condescending way, "listen here, HON." H took a step back and says to the guy 'good luck!' as he watched me obliterate him for calling my Hon. 

[fernweh]

Aug 25, 2017 16:57:46 GMT -5 twilightmv said:

I really like those Patagonia vests.

But I'm not Sue. You can let me near your husbands.

That's exactly something Sue would say, "Not Sue"

[05heel]

This thread is missing some chippy coming in here to call us all insecure and then yapping about how she doesn't have female friends and relates better to men.

[eclaires]

Aug 25, 2017 17:59:00 GMT -5 05heel said:

This thread is missing some chippy coming in here to call us all insecure and then yapping about how she doesn't have female friends and relates better to men.

sorry all I have to offer is that I'm in all male fantasy football league with my husband's friends from college. I'm on all of the email chains and group chats, and I am pretty sure about 99.9% of the time they forget I'm there... like when the draft was being discussed and a joke about butt plugs for everyone at the draft party. I think embarrassed the fuck out of the guy who said that by saying "as tempting as the offer of a free butt plug is, I'll be drafting from home and not attending the live draft." 

Or maybe not, because his FIL is on the email chain too...and a couple years ago his MIL/FIL were somehow attached to his wife's apple ID and they were getting all of her texts. Including a bunch of really filthy sexts about what he and his wife had done the night before.

I think I just talked myself into finding a new fantasy football league.

[iammalcolmx]

I am ready to join a Ho-ass-whuppin posse!!

[knx9211]

I am angry with my husband now.

[runwny]

Lol, she's weird...BUT my husband is well-liked at his work and I know a lot of the women had/have 'crushes' on him. They are all pretty much married so it's more of a joking matter.

[05heel]

Aug 25, 2017 18:44:40 GMT -5 runwny said:

Lol, she's weird...BUT my husband is well-liked at his work and I know a lot of the women had/have 'crushes' on him. They are all pretty much married so it's more of a joking matter.

famous last words.

[sofamonkey]

Aug 25, 2017 19:00:38 GMT -5 @natariru said:

I asked H if he would show me a text like that and his response was "there's no right answer here"

I'm guessing no in fear of what I would end up doing.

He'd block her number and delete that shit so fast, his meat wouldn't even cool down 2 degrees before he got back to eating it.

[Champagne Supernova]

cabbagecabbage, Is he home yet? Update? LOL.

[bohemianmango]

"I'm on to you, Sue. Stop tryna be all totes ma goats with Joe. I'm embarrassed for you and Jeff."

[cabbagecabbage]

Aug 25, 2017 19:05:24 GMT -5 Champagne Supernova said:

cabbagecabbage, Is he home yet? Update? LOL.

No! I kind of guessed he'd be late because you'd be stupid to hit the highway before 6:00 anyway. If he isn't home by 8:00 I'm texting him.

[nextbigthing]

Dammit I wish I lived in chicago. I would have totally come babysat your kids so you could go to HH! Eff Sue, totally not ok.

[boxertdog]

Aug 25, 2017 15:46:09 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Aug 25, 2017 15:27:14 GMT -5 jeekerbeeker said:

Or "better back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up"

The week before our wedding, H & I met friends in NYC. I was the DD so I was completely sober & H was pretty tipsy. We ended up getting street meat and were standing on the corner eating. SOME BITCH ran up to my H, SMELLED HIS FOOD, and said "yummmm that meat looks so good, can I have some?"

OH HELLLLLLLL NO.

I got in her face so fast & said "YOU NEED TO BACK THE FUCK UP." All I could think was "fuck my wedding is in a week and if I get hit in the face..." luckily it just was a ton of shoving and screaming. I called her a hungry, hungry hippo. My H's friends still talk about this. Mostly bc apparently H told her "you're in trouble" and just stood there eating his meat, watching.

This one made me laugh out loud.

[mbcdefg]

Aug 25, 2017 15:46:09 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Aug 25, 2017 15:27:14 GMT -5 jeekerbeeker said:

Or "better back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up"

The week before our wedding, H & I met friends in NYC. I was the DD so I was completely sober & H was pretty tipsy. We ended up getting street meat and were standing on the corner eating. SOME BITCH ran up to my H, SMELLED HIS FOOD, and said "yummmm that meat looks so good, can I have some?"

OH HELLLLLLLL NO.

I got in her face so fast & said "YOU NEED TO BACK THE FUCK UP." All I could think was "fuck my wedding is in a week and if I get hit in the face..." luckily it just was a ton of shoving and screaming. I called her a hungry, hungry hippo. My H's friends still talk about this. Mostly bc apparently H told her "you're in trouble" and just stood there eating his meat, watching.

It wasn't the halal cart on 53rd, was it? Because not only would I be pissed at some skank trying to move on MH, but I'd be furious that she was breathing her smelly breath all over my meat and rice and white sauce.

[knx9211]

Aug 25, 2017 19:12:54 GMT -5 cabbagecabbage said:

Aug 25, 2017 19:05:24 GMT -5 Champagne Supernova said:

cabbagecabbage, Is he home yet? Update? LOL.

No! I kind of guessed he'd be late because you'd be stupid to hit the highway before 6:00 anyway. If he isn't home by 8:00 I'm texting him.

It's 8:45 where I live so get your ass to Outback.

[FastHands]

*brrrrrrring brrrrrrring*
"Hello, Outback Steakhouse, Candi speaking, Have you tried our new sriracha lemonade potstickers?"

Cabbage/designee*: "I'm not here for overpriced small plates, Candi. This is a business call. You go ahead and find the work group happy hour section and ask Sue to please come to the phone. This is urgent. Thank you."

*Candi goes and Finds A Ho*

Sue: "Hello, this is Sue. What's going on?"

Cabbage/designee*: "Oh I'll tell you what's going on. I know you've had a few but I know you're still a thirsty-ass, and I see you. So you go ahead and collect your husband and get yourself home, and forget my husband's name, let alone his phone number. Do this now, before I have to show up and make sure you leave in an ambulance. Because believe me when I say that I WILL do this. 'But you probably already knew that! Winky-face!' "

And THEN you forward the text to the husband.


Designee* -- I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE.

[cabbagecabbage]

He is home from Outback! Neither she nor her husband came. I know who was there and I could get confirmation real fast if I felt like it but I believe him. I looked at his phone while he peed. No new messages.

[05heel]

Aug 25, 2017 20:01:13 GMT -5 cabbagecabbage said:

He is home from Outback! Neither she nor her husband came. I know who was there and I could get confirmation real fast if I felt like it but I believe him. I looked at his phone while he peed. No new messages.

She's trying to play coy and hard to get.  #staywoke

[Champagne Supernova]

I'm sorry that youuuu....seem to be confused. He belongs to me. The boy, is, miiiine. Fuck you, Sue!