Help with 5 year old

[nicolewi]

My DD2 turned five in December. She was the EASIEST baby and is generally sweet and well-behaved, but when she IS stubborn about something there is nothing that can change her mind. We went through a really tough spell around 3.5 to 4, and then had been in a good place again. But just in the last couple of weeks there's been a big change and I feel like we have reverted to 3.5. She is being extremely fearful and clingy, and also throwing giant, long, crying fits about crazy things. I.e. we had no frozen pancakes one morning. She cried for 30 minutes or so b/c we didn't have pancakes. Tonight, she had a giant, giant fit b/c we couldn't find a certain old pajama shirt that she wanted. No rationalization will help and neither good cop nor bad cop has any positive effect.

She's been having trouble separating from me at preschool again lately and also complaining about going to speech (her teachers are all great and we've known them all for multiple years, plus it's a co-op so I see first-hand what happens at school and it's all good)

She needed me to go with her and hold her hand at the dentist last week for her regular check-up and barely let him see her teeth, after doing three previous check-ups just fine on her own. She barely let the haircut lady trim her hair. She was a crying, screaming mess at her first swimming session (FWIW, she also "failed" 2 previous swimming sessions at ages 3 and 4 and simply refused to get in the pool after the first or second lesson. We tried everything. But she LOVES PLAYING IN THE WATER and she said this time she would be fine. Not true.) Tonight at ice skating lessons she cried pretty much the entire time and kept trying to grab me and cling onto me.

What is the deal?? Any thoughts? I don't know if this is a normal-ish phase at 5 or a sign of anxiety (DD1 has some) or some other "issue". I know it's a long time until September in kid-time but I'm really concerned about her handling kindergarten this fall.

[momin2013]

Man, that sounds rough. My DS is almost the same age, and if I imagine him suddenly starting to behave this way it would really great tired fast, after being so independent and generally chill about stuff like you listed for a while now.

I would KOKO and hope it's a phase. Do you know if she was exposed to any conversation that might have upset her? Things like maybe a parent dying, leaving, etc? That might have caused it...

[cjcouple]

Probably just a phase but some things that helped my (SM) son when he was younger and highly anxious was prepping in advance for activities and/or new things. I talked to him about what to expect and what to do. Also arriving early whenever possible, being one of the first there helps a lot. I also engaged a little bit and excused myself for the restroom for example.

Brayden's anxiety at 11 and practically non-existent at this point but I still take the steps to minimize potential anxiety in new situations. He recently tried out for a travel basketball team and I made sure to be there 20 mins early. He was one of the first 3 or 4 boys there and he got right out there. If there was a huge crowd he may have struggled and had a harder time engaging.
Plus, in general it is a good life lesson to teach them to be a bit early arriving places.

Lastly, praise her when she does something independently. Goals and rewards can also work well if she is really struggling in a particular activity.

Hope some of this helps :-)

[nicolewi]

My theories are
1) could be related to her thinking about going to kindergarten. Although we haven't said much, it's come up a few times lately.
2) could be related to being tired/growing?

What we do when the fits occur? I don't even really know. A little bit of everything? Usually it goes something like me starting out trying to be kind, patient and understanding, giving her some options (we don't have pancakes today. But you can have waffles or cereal, etc.). Then it progresses to me being really frustrated and being like, "Okay, DD, you know your options. We talked about this a lot already. Choose something or you can go to bed with no PJs on" or similar. At the dentist and the hair cut, I think she eventually got through it b/c i told her that if she didn't get it done that day, we'd have to come back alone a different day and try again. At skating, I gave her a "time out" of sorts on the bench b/c I said she couldn't keep screaming and crying and disturbing the class. At swimming, the teacher threatened her with me having to go watch through the windows from outside the pool area.

[jag01]

How much sleep is she getting? Has she recently given up naps? Does she do it with your DH too? Does it seem to be more when she’s hungry?

[cabbagecabbage]

It sounds like she’s doing a lot of activities. I’m a big fan of scaling back and giving my 5yo a lot of down time to play independently and get plenty of rest. Does she have a few days a week with some hours of unscheduled playtime?

I also think this age is prone to little toddler flashbacks, so it may be par for the course.

[nicolewi]

She actually doesn't have many activities, but you might be on to something. All she has had all winter is dance, but we also have to drive the big kids to gymnastics. Just in the last couple of weeks we have had a five-session family ice skating class (all of us), and she started a session of swim. Maybe when added to preschool and speech, it seems like a lot to her all of a sudden.

Today she had a fit at school (I was special helper today) over wanting ME (and no one else; neither teacher) to walk her to the drinking fountain. It eventually resolved but her teachers were even at a loss and were so surprised to see her act that way. Other than that, we've had a great day!

[waverly]

Mar 21, 2018 15:56:52 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

She actually doesn't have many activities, but you might be on to something. All she has had all winter is dance, but we also have to drive the big kids to gymnastics. Just in the last couple of weeks we have had a five-session family ice skating class (all of us), and she started a session of swim. Maybe when added to preschool and speech, it seems like a lot to her all of a sudden.

Today she had a fit at school (I was special helper today) over wanting ME (and no one else; neither teacher) to walk her to the drinking fountain. It eventually resolved but her teachers were even at a loss and were so surprised to see her act that way. Other than that, we've had a great day!

There could be something to this. I'm a big fan of learning to swim so I hate saying this but maybe drop the swim class and work on the anxiety in other areas. I might take a day off work or do a weekend date and Do something fun or hang out together. . During that time I might try to figure out what her fears are. Do a little gentle questioning and talking to her about handling fear/ anxiety. Maybe some books and tv shows on handling fears/ emotions and separating from parents. And lots of reassurance and coping techniques especially for separation. Hopefully that would be a reset for her.

[auroraloo]

I really like the anxious toddler podcast for helping to deal with anxiety in kids. DS is diagnosed highly anxious and OCD, and a lot of the things you mention sound similar, and that podcast has given me lots of strategies. (I am NOT saying your kid has anxiety/OCD, just saying this helped me with similar behaviors:)

[nicolewi]

I'm pretty sure she has some kind of tic disorder. That's neither here nor there, but apparently there's a huge overlap with anxiety and other issues if she does have a tic disorder. I've been researching. Going to post on MM.

[ellebebold]

Wow that sounds rough!

[nicolewi]

Yeah, she's doing way better again. I don't know what happened. We had a really tough couple of weeks and then it just went away again.