ISO help - selecting a school

[curmudgeon]

I haven't posted here before, I'm a little stuck on a school related decision and am hoping for some outside perspective. 

My DD (elementary school) was recently identified as twice-exceptional and has had an IEP for several years. Specifically, she has emotional and behavioral issues. For the better part of 2018 we have been working to build a house within the attendance boundaries of a different school (same district). We had hoped to move before school began, but are now looking at a 6-8 week delay. Because we planned to move during the summer we worked with both schools to transition the IEP; however, due to the delayed move date we may either request enrollment at the new school or remain at the current school. 

New school: smaller school; fewer resource/special ed staff; large class size (30 students); no resources for gifted students (I'm not sure how significant this is at her age); 40 minute commute for the first several weeks of school.

Old school: recent turnover of resource staff (many of the teachers and support staff have worked with her, but most of the special ed teachers will be new hires); principal is very strongly encouraging us to change schools (i.e. insinuating that DD would need to transfer immediately after the move, despite district policy that the transfer could occur next school year); located close to both my and my H's workplaces and an equal distance from both houses (she rarely rides the bus).

I feel like an ass keeping her at the current school after everyone's efforts to arrange the transition, but I believe the current school is better equipped to manage her behavioral issues and may provide better enrichment opportunities (the gifted identification was recent and somewhat unexpected, I really don't know what it entails). She has trouble making friends and has one friend at the current school, but we have arranged for the two to see each other regularly. She will absolutely be attending the new school in future years as there is no chance that the current school will accept her as a transfer.

Please internet strangers, tell me if 1) I am being an ass for even considering changing the plan at the last minute to keep her at the current school, 2) I need to choose what's best for our family this year and the school will manage, or 3) Really, is this even a question? Please kindly return when I have something useful or interesting to say.

[auntie]

Aug 14, 2018 2:07:59 GMT -5 curmudgeon said:

I haven't posted here before, I'm a little stuck on a school related decision and am hoping for some outside perspective. 

My DD (elementary school) was recently identified as twice-exceptional and has had an IEP for several years. Specifically, she has emotional and behavioral issues.


What grade? My answer would be different if she was due to transition to middle school next year (stay) vs complete 2+ years at the new school (move now).


How profound are her emotional/behavioral issues? Do you agree with the school's classification? Have you had an independent neuropsych done to make sure it's accurate. EBD is one classification you want to make sure is absolutely correct because it can lead to a kid being placed in a more restrictive setting with other kids who act out. Behavior strategies for a kid with anxiety, ASD or ADHD would be different than those used for kids who are oppositional or dealing with mental illness. 


For the better part of 2018 we have been working to build a house within the attendance boundaries of a different school (same district). We had hoped to move before school began, but are now looking at a 6-8 week delay. Because we planned to move during the summer we worked with both schools to transition the IEP; however, due to the delayed move date we may either request enrollment at the new school or remain at the current school. 

New school: smaller school; fewer resource/special ed staff; large class size (30 students); no resources for gifted students (I'm not sure how significant this is at her age); 40 minute commute for the first several weeks of school.


It makes sense that a smaller school would have fewer resources as they are typically based on student population. The class size is a concern at the elementary level. Our public school contract limits class sizes to 30 from 3rd grade on; it doable but not ideal. Does your DD spend all day in gen ed? Does she or the class have/need a para assigned? 

Old school: recent turnover of resource staff (many of the teachers and support staff have worked with her, but most of the special ed teachers will be new hires); principal is very strongly encouraging us to change schools (i.e. insinuating that DD would need to transfer immediately after the move, despite district policy that the transfer could occur next school year); located close to both my and my H's workplaces and an equal distance from both houses (she rarely rides the bus).


This is probably best practices. The sooner you move her, the sooner she will be able to make connections in her new class and with the kids who live in your new neighborhood. 

I feel like an ass keeping her at the current school after everyone's efforts to arrange the transition, but I believe the current school is better equipped to manage her behavioral issues and may provide better enrichment opportunities (the gifted identification was recent and somewhat unexpected, I really don't know what it entails).


But she's still headed to the other school in a year. It is tempting to go with the devil you know rather than plunge into the unknown. If you have a good IEP in place, she will get what she needs at the new school. And if she doesn't, you should reopen the document and fine tune it. What does GATE look like at the schools? Where I live, a crazy high achieving district btw, it's pretty laughable at the elementary level. It's a weekly humanities pull-out with more in depth study of what the rest of the classes are doing. In middle school, it's a special social studies class and by high school most kids have dropped GATE to focus on AP classes or classes at the community college. I have friends whose kids went to magnet schools that were all GATE schools which were awesome for them.


She has trouble making friends and has one friend at the current school, but we have arranged for the two to see each other regularly. She will absolutely be attending the new school in future years as there is no chance that the current school will accept her as a transfer.

I wouldn't keep her in a place where the principal thinks she needs to move on- either because it's best for her or because he wants rid of her. In education, fish stinks from the head down and his attitude will infect others.


The friend thing hurts, but friends come and go. Especially for girls. And especially for the sort of kid who has trouble making friends. Does she have any social skills support in her IEP? Often girls will have a buddy who sticks with them and sort of mother-hens them until the approach of puberty when kids become hard-wired for conformity at which point interests diverge and they get dropped. If your DD is seen as someone "different" she may be dropped 

Please internet strangers, tell me if 1) I am being an ass for even considering changing the plan at the last minute to keep her at the current school, 2) I need to choose what's best for our family this year and the school will manage, or 3) Really, is this even a question? Please kindly return when I have something useful or interesting to say.

Given the situation with the principal and the fact that this will be her neighborhood school in a few weeks- I'd rip the Band-Aid off now.

[curmudgeon]

Thank you for the response. She is in 3rd grade. We are in the process of having her independently evaluated in conjunction with outside therapy. She spends most the day in gen ed and does not have an assigned para, but works with a couple counselors/resource teachers who intervene/work with her independently as needed. I'm not sure what GATE looks like in the district, they did a quick identification right before the end of school saying that typically they go into more detail at the beginning of the next school year. We do have an awesome 2E private school nearby, which is far outside my budget. Her IEP does address social skills, I'm really worried about her friendship situation regardless of what school she goes to.

I really appreciate the input, I know I'm not looking at this clearly and needed a logic check.

[waverly]

It kinds of sounds like you thought new school was a good fit when you decided to build a house there and transfer your child. I am sure what you though would work will still work at the school. It kind of just sounds like nerves to switch schools. But if that’s where you will be living and you have to switch eventually anyway I would switch now especially if the principal would try to have you switch mid year.

[auntie]

Aug 14, 2018 11:38:47 GMT -5 curmudgeon said:

We do have an awesome 2E private school nearby, which is far outside my budget. Her IEP does address social skills, I'm really worried about her friendship situation regardless of what school she goes to.

I really appreciate the input, I know I'm not looking at this clearly and needed a logic check.

I'm glad you are having someone outside the district take a look.

Depending on whether she has a mental health or developmental diagnosis, and what sort of program is in place at the 2E school, the cost of the school may be deductible as a medical expense on your federal taxes. We were able to do this when DS, who has dyslexia (a neurological impairment per the IRS), attended a therapeutic school with a program to treat the condition. These schools are really expensive- the one he attended cost more per year than tuition and R&B at the public university he attended. The school will know if other parents are able to do this and your accountant can help you figure out your net cost. For us, it made the school about the same as the indie day school he had attended prior.

The other piece is that many of these kinds of schools, specifically do not enroll students whose "primary presenting dx" is behavioral. They're more about serving the kid who has a higher IQ and ADHD, a specific LD or perhaps ASD. They do expect more emotional lability and have structure in place to set these kids up to be successful- but they don't want the kid who is having a meltdown several times a week or knocking over desks when it's time to transition to the next activity. 

[akafred]

Honestly I think you know your kid best. What does your heart tell you? It will be a hard transition either way, but which will she handle better?