Anyone want to do a check-in for pregnancy anxiety and/or PGAL? I find that typing it out and hearing from other moms who are going through the same struggles helps me.
I am struggling big time this week. I have a dd who is 8, had three losses and then a dd who is 4. I am six weeks pregnant and go to the dr next Monday for my first U/S. Morning sickness hasn't kicked in, which concerns me because with my losses, I never had morning sickness, only with my girls. I just have it in my mind that the U/S isn't going to have a good result. My anxiety is basically sky high and nothing is killing it. I've been on Lexapro for years but it isn't touching my anxiety right now. I feel my heart racing and my mind just wanders all day long. Hoping the next few days speed by so I can get an answer one way or another on Monday.
zarapipe, this would be a great check in for me as well. I'm sorry about your losses and understand your anxiety. I found that actually leaning into my anxiety helped a little. When I started to have those moments of panic, I actually gave myself a few minutes to feel that panic, feel that anxiety, cry a little, whatever I felt at that particular moment, then took a few deep breaths and moved on. I found this better (for me) than trying to continuously ignore it or pretend it wasn't there.
I already use the Apptiv app for workouts so I also did a lot of meditating (and trust me, I am NOT a skilled mediator) and that helped a ton as well.
Also, Monday will be here soon and I'll be thinking of you until then.
Post by KellyEasterbrook on Nov 20, 2018 12:22:57 GMT -5
zarapipe, This is such a good idea. thank you! I'm so sorry for your losses. PGAL is no joke. I have cried through all three of my ultrasounds so far and I'm only 11 weeks.
My anxiety level is going up the further the pregnancy progresses (our loss towards the end of the second tri in June and we're still dealing with the grief from that nightmare). I was told our daughter's fatal heart defect formed in the first tri, so the paranoia is strong right now. I used to hike and do yoga quite a bit to relieve stress, and was just getting back into it (after spending the summer impressed if I just got out of bed). And then my SCH occurred, and I was told no exercise. I just got the okay for light exercise, so I'm hoping that'll help a little bit. There are still so many physical reminders of our loss -- the linea nigra, those last five pounds I haven't been able to lose, the larger bra size. It's just such a mindf&*k.
I have found it a little helpful to sit and remind myself, "Today, I am pregnant and the baby is okay." And then I cry for an hour..so maybe that isn't that great of idea! And I'm not sure if that mantra is that helpful without getting that first ultrasound done. Ugh, I'm so sorry. Monday must seem like years away. I hope the holiday provides a little distraction.
I have a 6 year old DD, had two losses, and now am 21 weeks with a boy. My whole first trimester, I felt like a crazy person. Even now, every time I go to the bathroom or feel off at all, I slightly panic and have to calm myself down. I have called my doctor and gone in twice now for heartbeat checks just because of my paranoia. It is so hard and I hate that my mind just automatically goes to the worst possible place.
I had my A/S yesterday and he looks healthy and wonderful, but I know even that confirmation is not enough for me to relax, which makes me sad because I just want to enjoy this time.
Post by greengables on Nov 20, 2018 14:23:02 GMT -5
I have a 4yr old DS, then had 2 losses, and am now 18 weeks with another boy. My anxiety was really high up until week 12. At that point, we had passed our previous losses and gotten good test results. I was fairly relaxed after that but the anxiety is ramping up again as we get closer to our anatomy scan on Dec. 4th. I know that the issues that caused our previous losses aren't present with this baby, but I'm paranoid that something else will go wrong. Announcing on social media also caused some stress, I keep imaging having to 'un-announce'.
I have a 6 year old DD, had two losses, and now am 21 weeks with a boy. My whole first trimester, I felt like a crazy person. Even now, every time I go to the bathroom or feel off at all, I slightly panic and have to calm myself down. I have called my doctor and gone in twice now for heartbeat checks just because of my paranoia. It is so hard and I hate that my mind just automatically goes to the worst possible place.
I had my A/S yesterday and he looks healthy and wonderful, but I know even that confirmation is not enough for me to relax, which makes me sad because I just want to enjoy this time.
Lots of hugs. I felt the same with DS and frequently have the same anxiety now. I always assume I'll be the exception, not the rule.
I have a 6 year old DD, had two losses, and now am 21 weeks with a boy. My whole first trimester, I felt like a crazy person. Even now, every time I go to the bathroom or feel off at all, I slightly panic and have to calm myself down. I have called my doctor and gone in twice now for heartbeat checks just because of my paranoia. It is so hard and I hate that my mind just automatically goes to the worst possible place.
I had my A/S yesterday and he looks healthy and wonderful, but I know even that confirmation is not enough for me to relax, which makes me sad because I just want to enjoy this time.
Lots of hugs. I felt the same with DS and frequently have the same anxiety now. I always assume I'll be the exception, not the rule.
Thank you. That is a good way to put it - always feeling like I will be the exception.
Post by pinkpeony08 on Nov 21, 2018 9:09:52 GMT -5
Right here with you all. I'm had two healthy, term pregnancies and then we decided we want a third. Since then, i have had 3 losses - 11w, 14.5 w and 12w. I'm now 12w again, just had my 12w ultrasound yesterday. I'm still very nervous and feel like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. As it was put above, I do feel like I will be the exception. I should be in the "safe" zone, but I sure don't feel it. I am grateful to be through the 12 week milestone as I was imagining going in yesterday and seeing no heartbeat again. I try to remind myself that we don't actually know what will happen.
I'm now taking baby aspirin and progesterone suppositories, as after meeting with maternal fetal medicine they felt, as did I, it was important to change something even just for the mental sense that something is changed.
I can't imagine I will really be able to relax until I have a baby in my arms. Hugs to all you ladies
woowoo, KellyEasterbrook, poppyseed, greengables, cherryvalance, pinkpeony08, Thank you all for responding. It is so comforting knowing that we are all dealing with similar feelings. I hope you all get your baby in your arms at the end of your pregnancy. I'm feeling a bit better today. With Thanksgiving and the long weekend the time will go fast. I am just preparing myself for the bad on Monday. pinkpeony08, I'm on baby asprin and was on progesterone with dd2 but after checking my levels a few weeks ago my Dr. feel like I needed it again. I wish I would have pushed for the peace of mine we are doing everything we can. You are right about feeling relief once a baby is in your arms. I remember dd2s birth so vividly. It was such a healing experience for me after the losses and her anxiety riddled pregnancy. I just balled and it was probably one of the most amazing experiences of my life. It was definitely a different experience than my birth with dd1.
Post by pinkpeony08 on Nov 21, 2018 11:06:07 GMT -5
zarapipe I wouldn’t hesitate to message your doctor about the progesterone if it would give you peace of mind! Sending good wishes to you! It’s helpful to know you are all in the midst of this too
Post by cheeseandcrackers on Nov 21, 2018 14:28:44 GMT -5
i don't go here anymore (i had a baby nov 1) but i had two loses. One before DD1 and one before DD2. First was "natural" at 7 weeks, second was a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. Honestly, the thing that made me feel better was looking at statistics and how much of a chance you have going full term after each passing day. It actually helped a little. I also took baby aspirin for both of my "successful" pregnancies and didn't with my miscarriages.. might be a coincidence but who knows. Second trimester got much easier, especially when I started to feel the baby move. The fear never goes away, but it does ease the farther along you are.
Post by cherryvalance on Nov 21, 2018 20:45:38 GMT -5
zarapipe , I would definitely talk to your doctor about the progesterone again, especially if it will bring you some peace of mind. I know how it feels when you just want to do something.
Also, although obviously anecdotes, I felt the same about m/s. I had awful m/s with my son and nearly nothing with this pregnancy, so I was so sick expecting the worst every day. My anxiety also spikes during pregnancy and I just went back and forth worrying about the new baby and then worrying something would happen to my son. Luckily, despite having it really easy, she's healthy!
It has gotten better, but I'd be lying if I said the worry was gone. I just try to reassure myself with her movement, the Doppler and our good scans, but those first months are so, so hard. I hope everyone here gets some relief/peace of mind.
I know I am late posting, but I am hoping I can be included (and allow me to apologize ahead of time for rambling) I found out on Thanksgiving that I am pregnant. I have 2 living children (DD1 is 9, DD2 is 5.5). I have a son that should have been almost 11 but he passed a week after he was born due to a heart defect. I am BEYOND scared/anxious/not ready to get excited yet. I had a D&C on 8/10 due to missed MC. I am now overthinking everything. Every mild cramp (that I know is normal) worries me. Before I eat anything, I make sure it is not on the "do not eat" list. I make sure that my 5 year old doesn't jump into my lap, I don't carry anything heavy. I had my first blood draw on Monday, and will go today for my 2nd. Then hopefully I will have my first appointment with my Dr in a few weeks. As I said before, I cannot get excited yet. I haven't even "peaked" to see when my due date would be. We made the "mistake" of taking our daughters to the first appointment the last time because they were ecstatic (my 5 year old had been begging us to have another baby). And it was then when they did an u/s and only saw an empty sac. The look on their faces when we had to tell them there was no baby was...heartbreaking to say the least. I just want this baby to stick in the worse away. And I hate the not knowing and the fact that I can only control so much when it comes to this-the rest is just crossing our fingers that everything works out.
Post by pinkpeony08 on Nov 28, 2018 15:11:27 GMT -5
jules17 - I hope all goes well for you. I still haven’t told my kids and I’m 13 weeks because my older one was so devastated for months after my 15 week loss. Sending good wishes
jules17, I'll be thinking of you and hope you can get into the dr. soon for that first appointment. I also have two older girls and I defiantly plan to keep this pregnancy secret until at least 12-16 weeks. I didn't tell work or any outside my family with dd2 until I was 22 weeks or so?
jules17, I totally understand. After we lost our baby earlier this year around 7 weeks, Dr's told me it was likely due to a chromosomal abnormality. We ended up having the cells genetically tested and the results came back that the baby was totally normal. I came UNGLUED for weeks. I thought for sure it was something I had eaten/done/screwed up. I sobbed and sobbed at the Dr (I mean...the whole time you're pregnant all this fear-based crap is being thrown at you) and TWO different Dr.'s (Gyn and RE) assured me that so much of these stupid "rules" we have are so unnecessary. It is near impossible to damage your own baby in utero unless you're drinking (heavily), doing drugs, smoking, get in a car accident, or get an infection. Otherwise, it's just nature being nature.
Not sure if it helps or not, but truthfully, there is very little you can do to cause or prevent a miscarriage.
I recently read "Expecting Better" and the statistical analysis of the research out there (and reading several of the full reports that were used throughout the book) was freeing for me. It helped me understand the risks (or lack thereof) of certain things like drinking coffee. And thankfully those conclusions are fully supported by my OB.
Your body knows how to protect that little one you have in there. It's why womens bodies are so damned incredible!
Post by KellyEasterbrook on Dec 3, 2018 14:37:54 GMT -5
I've got a question. I had two close co workers who were pregnant this year. We were all due with girls within weeks of each. We spent months discussing our pregnancies. Of course, my daughter passed at 24 weeks, and they both had healthy baby girls. One of the coworkers has returned from maternity leave today. The talk about babies is just killing me. Now there's an email chain with baby pictures. It's so f*cking hard to see photos of a little girl that's the same age as my daughter should be. Do you think it would be terrible of me to ask her to not include me on these emails? I feel awful asking that...I really like my co worker and I know she'll be horrified that she did anything to upset me...but I just can't stop crying after getting these photos.
KellyEasterbrook, I would absolutely ask to be removed from the chain. Don't feel awful- you need to protect yourself and if they are hurting you, that isn't fair to you. I dont think she will be horrified. She will probably be angry at herself for not thinking in that way, but I'm sure a nice email, congratulating her again, but explaining that you wish to be removed will be a simple and manageable request. I'm sorry you are getting the emails. That must be so hard to see in your inbox.
Post by cherryvalance on Dec 3, 2018 15:26:00 GMT -5
Not at all and, honestly, as nice as she is, I can't even fathom how she missed that this email chain might be incredibly cruel to you. I'm so sorry for your loss and for the thoughtlessness.
Not at all and, honestly, as nice as she is, I can't even fathom how she missed that this email chain might be incredibly cruel to you. I'm so sorry for your loss and for the thoughtlessness.
I'm here. I can't believe this is something that even needs to be addressed. She should have known better, full stop. I'm so sorry KellyEasterbrook, I imagine that must be unbelievably triggering.
Post by KellyEasterbrook on Dec 3, 2018 18:13:21 GMT -5
cherryvalance, scm1011, zarapipe, Thanks ladies. I wasn't sure if I was overreacting/hormonal. The emails finally died down soon after I posted. I haven't said anything, but I think I will if it happens again. I just want eight hours a day where I can keep my s$%^ together for work. It's an all-remote team and we've got a weekly call to just touch base and see what's going on with everyone. I think I'll skip that call this week. I want her to be able to share...I just think it's best if I don't hear it.
KellyEasterbrook, I'm really sorry. That sucks and you are totally justified for wanting to keep your distance. I'm sorry for your loss.
I posted this in the weekly update thread but it's probably more relevant here. Despite my efforts to try and relax and be happy about this pregnancy, my anxiety and fear isn't really going away. My OB offered for me to come in weekly to check the heartbeat and I took him up on the offer this morning. He's worried enough about my anxiety that he went ahead and put me down to come in once a week for the next few weeks for reassurance. I may decide I don't need it after next week, but for this week, it helped.
Post by greengables on Dec 4, 2018 14:43:22 GMT -5
I am so sorry KellyEasterbrook. Maybe it was a (misguided) attempt on your coworkers part to keep you from feeling alienated after your loss? I think it is hard for those who haven't been through something like that to know what to do or say, and perhaps they thought that cutting you out of the emails would hurt more than including you. I would definitely let them know how you are feeling and ask them to remove you from the emails.
woowoo, I am glad that your OB is so willing to work with you to help keep your anxiety down!
Slight update: My blood work came back fine. I think my levels were around 8k and my first appointment is on the 18th (it can’t come soon enough!) I have absolutely no symptoms though and I have to admit that worries me. I am sure some would say that I should count my blessings but I just want the slightest bit of nausea or achy boobs to assure me that everything is fine. Anyone else not have symptoms? I should be 6w1d.
Slight update: My blood work came back fine. I think my levels were around 8k and my first appointment is on the 18th (it can’t come soon enough!) I have absolutely no symptoms though and I have to admit that worries me. I am sure some would say that I should count my blessings but I just want the slightest bit of nausea or achy boobs to assure me that everything is fine. Anyone else not have symptoms? I should be 6w1d.
I know how nerve-wracking that is, but it's so, so early. With DS, real m/s didn't hit until about 9 weeks and this time, I had reallllllly mild nausea starting about the same time. Knowing how sick I was with DS, I was freaked, but they're not lying when they say literally every pregnancy is different.
I barely ever had anything prior to 8-9 weeks, tbh. I remember being in maternity pants at 7 weeks with DS because anything that wasn't barely touching my stomach made me feel gross, but that's about it. This time, I had some RPL early on. Nothing noticeable with achy boobs or anything like that.
jules17, I called the OB yesterday because I my anxiety was ramping up because I also dont have any symptoms. They are awesome and offered to have me come in for a quick check to ease my mind. Baby still has a nice heartbeat and was measuring right on track- 8w1d. I feel your pain- I have basically no symptoms. Some days I'm tired, but not every day. No morning sickness. It's weird because I was pretty sick with my girls.