What is your kid's currency?

[ssmjlm]

And how did you figure it out?

There's a reason I call my kid the honey badger and that is because literally nothing phases her.  Not praise, not bribes, not taking thing away, not time out, not a star chart.

We are having a challenging time in Kindergarten.  She talks a lot and gets in trouble for it.  We're having the same problem at home.

We updated her chore chart last night after another rough day at school, but I just got a call that she lied about having her coat with her b/c my kid hates wearing a coat.  So although it worked great this morning, obviously she won't get a smiley from school, and won't get a star on the chart at home.

[arch01]

We were in the same boat this time last year-honestly, the therapist we were seeing at the time said to ask him. He had to come up with 3 consequences and 3 rewards. His goal was to get fewer than 10 X's in a week-and those X's came from our top 3 issues (not listening the first time, not following directions, and I can't remember the other one).

Now, at almost 7, his currency is literally money. He doesn't earn an allowance, he earns very little cash by doing extra things around the house. He earns money very slowly, so it's a big deal that he actually *has* money. All I have to tell him now is, "That's a quarter" and he typically stops whatever it is he's doing after he's been warned twice.

It was a LONG road to get there-and what mattered one day didn't matter the next. Getting him involved seemed to help. I will say the week long thing was too abstract for him-he knew what a week was and the number of days, but he didn't care at the beginning of the week because he couldn't understand that that meant he had to be REALLY good at the end of the week to earn his reward. If he got 3 X's in a day, he had a consequence for that day.

[lilac05]

DS1 doesn’t have a consistent one. Never has. (And prior to having kids, I worked with kids, and finding and using their currency was a HUGE part of what I did, so I had experience.) You name it, we’ve tried it...multiple times! I’ll never forget when he was 3 and he lost his toys for not cleaning up, he helped me load them into a trash bag and take them outside. Happily! Occasionally something will work, but then it absolutely gets him. That’s not good, either. He’s in 2nd grade now, and doing very well. The only thing I’ve figured out is that keeping things positive is critical for him. If I can keep him on the right track, we’re golden. If we get off, NOTHING works aside from calling for a “reset” and starting over. I’ve even sent him back to his room and had him come out and pretend it the first time I’ve seen him that day. I don’t know how it works, but it works miracles around here!

DS2’s is screen time. No question. (Which to me, goes to prove that it’s definitely child dependent and not something I’m doing wrong since I haven’t figured out DS1’s.)

[bk1]

Dec 4, 2018 15:37:44 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

DS1 doesn’t have a consistent one. Never has. (And prior to having kids, I worked with kids, and finding and using their currency was a HUGE part of what I did, so I had experience.) You name it, we’ve tried it...multiple times! I’ll never forget when he was 3 and he lost his toys for not cleaning up, he helped me load them into a trash bag and take them outside. Happily! Occasionally something will work, but then it absolutely gets him. That’s not good, either. He’s in 2nd grade now, and doing very well. The only thing I’ve figured out is that keeping things positive is critical for him. If I can keep him on the right track, we’re golden. If we get off, NOTHING works aside from calling for a “reset” and starting over. I’ve even sent him back to his room and had him come out and pretend it the first time I’ve seen him that day. I don’t know how it works, but it works miracles around here!

DS2’s is screen time. No question. (Which to me, goes to prove that it’s definitely child dependent and not something I’m doing wrong since I haven’t figured out DS1’s.)

I did the load a trash bag of toys up with my three year old and she had no issues with it. She was like "and this mom!"

The only things that remotely works for her is taking away books or screen time. Even then it doesn't mean she will actually listen, those are just the things that get a response from her. I still put her in time out but she doesn't really care and it doesn't really change the behavior. Sometimes I just need to her be out of the situation for a minute so I don't loose my shit. 

[dochas]

It was and always will be television. All the kids were playing after preschool one day he did not listen when I told him to NOT follow the other kids that kept going behind the building. I took away his tv show with lunch that he looked forward to every day and from then on, any infraction, any look of dismay on my face resulting in him screaming on the top his lungs "DON'T TAKE TELEVISION AWAY."

[ssmjlm]

TV/Tablet are not her currency. She only gets tv on weekends if we're home and tablet time is rarer than that.

[lolo]

I wouldn't be concerned about the lying. It's developmentally normal. Ignore the first part of this, but the list of why kids lie at this age is really helpful: www.janetlansbury.com/2015/09/when-children-lie/

[simpsongal]

Hot wheels (earn and to lose), special treats, and right now the Christmas tree in his room.

[Susie]

a trip with mommy to "the donut store" aka Dunkin Donuts for a donut with sprinkles.

She doesn't have or know what screen time is yet.  It's ok, I'm clearly setting her up with winning habits for life anyway.

[hocus2]

DD - parental approval is a big thing for her but in general I'd say TV time is her currency. 
DS - this is a bit tricky but he loves little trinkets and so a chart can work for him. He really loves one-on-one time too. He would love to earn down time at school. Maybe being allowed to do something more fun at the end of the day.

[luv2rn4fun]

Nothing. Taking things away, time outs, screen time, no Christmas lights walks. Nothing works.

He is currently in his room being so loud while I have 3 other kids trying to nap. When his friends are here he’s extra bad behavior and more intense emotions (he is difficult on a normal today but days when I have everyone is even worse...and I have them 3x/month for the last 5 months so it should be getting better! And he loves his days with his friends...I think it’s just hard to share both me and his toys all day so he acts out).

He also goes in phases of being really awesome with his little brother and then does things intentionally to hurt him. Usually going back to preschool helps that behavior improve but not always (he’s only there Weds and fri).

[abs]

Taking away things has definitely never worked for DD. Ever.

Her currency is praise and small prizes.

[sugarbear]

Screen time, which is weird because both of them get so little of it anyway.

[sillygoosegirl]

Novelty, I think. Often the littlest things work, but nothing has ever worked reliably or predictably.

[ellipsis]

Screen time and making others happy. All I have to say to get her to cooperate brushing her teeth is asking her if the dentist is going to be happy. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[lo]

DD1 (4) is motivated by a lot of things. Her #1 is probably sweets, which is not good and I really try not to use food as a currency, but I know it would be her top choice by a long shot.

[notsopicky]

iPad. Money. He's 7. The teen years are going to be bad, I can already tell.

[carolinagirl831]

My Dd 1 is like this. And if she starts the day bad reminding her that things will get taken away literally makes it worse. It's almost like we'll I'm already screwed might as well act as bad as I can. She is much more motivated to work for a reward then responding to punishment.
She hates getting screen taken away and since kindergarten started she actually gets very little.

[goldengirlz]

Probably her bedtime story and songs. I HATED taking those away but it was sometimes the only thing that let her know we meant business.

My kid has always been about sticking to a routine and the Mommy snuggles, so I guess it makes sense that taking away her bedtime snuggle-with-Mommy routine would upset her the most.

Luckily I only had to do it a few times since it’s my thing too!

[Deleted]

Kindergarten was rough, really rough in our house. She did okay at school for the most part (some extra talking and being anxious) but was very badly behaved at home. Nothing really worked, she was just tired, over stimulated, and needed to "let loose" at home. She threw huge tantrums. lied, screamed, whined. We did time in her room to decompress on bad days and just tried to survive. So far, she's like a different kid in 1st grade and its been really great.

[madringal]

Bedtime snuggles. My middle is almost 7 and having me snuggle her at bedtime is totally what motivates her. Most of our issues come from dinner time through bedtime. Lots of whining, complaining about dinner, getting up out of her seat a thousand times, bugging her sisters, and then dragging her feet getting ready for bed. If I threaten to take away bedtime snuggles, she shapes right up. Snuggles basically include me laying in bed with her and chatting about anything she wants to tell me for 10 minutes or so. Sometimes I stay until she falls asleep, most times I don't. But she loves it, so I still do it.

Although, next month she'll move to the top bunk that that will be the end of me laying in bed with her. We are both sad about it, I love that time with her!

[madringal]

Dec 4, 2018 21:19:21 GMT -5 notsopicky said:

iPad. Money. He's 7. The teen years are going to be bad, I can already tell.

And expensive, lol!

[hermione]

The iPad (as a punishment, so being taken away) and Chuck E. Cheese as a reward. Either of those things are strongly motivating to her.

[sent]

So I feel better that my DD also has no currency. She does have a routine and if we vary from it without much advance notice like taking something away at the last moment, things fall apart. I remember asking on here a while ago if it was strange that DD could not be bribed like other kids. I distinctly remember bribery working once with her - DS had just been born but wasn't home yet and we needed DD to go to bed on time but she was stalling her bath. I told her she could watch Vampirina if she finished everything. Vampirina wasn't on her usual show rotation but I think she heard kids in school talking about it. It worked that day, but it won't work anymore.

[ssmjlm]

Just an update, we are on day 3 of the star chart with the reward being going to the bounce house.

This morning she got 1 out of 4 stars. The only thing she did was let me brush and do her hair. Everything else was a fight or back talking.

[pinkpeony08]

My kids go for "special surprises" at the end of the week - aka a new toy (new train for the train set, book, etc) or sometimes going somewhere special. It doesn't mean they magically listen, but it does mean they usually shape up when I remind them about needing to be good listeners to get the special surprise. That being said, we do still sometimes have rough patches with terrible listening. Sometimes just saying "it seems like it's a really tough morning. do you want a hug?" Helps a bit. I hope you can figure out something that works for you!

[krystee]

Mine likes more immediate and positive stuff, like "If you do everything I ask you to this morning, you get a sticker to wear on your shirt today!" Something building up over a whole week would not work for him.

[pinotgrig]

Ds2 is also nicknamed the honey badger. 🤣 and also 😭

Ds1’s currency is screentime and dessert. Ds2’s... sometimes fruit snacks. Sometimes a certain tv show, sometimes his blankie or certain stuffed animal. But it changes by the hour and something I’m sure will get him motivated often totally falls flat. So I feel you.

Eta - I do try to use humor with him. Silly voices or singing a song. It’s not a sure thing, but sometimes he’s just in a mood and that’s that.

[gastro]

With DS1 (7) - threats of an early bedtime, screen time
Ds2 - nothing. Sometimes bribery with sweets work but he’s pretty headstrong so I usually just try to be one step ahead.

I’m losing my edge...I used to follow through but now I feel like the queen of empty threats.

[pooh8402]

TV, easy. We've also used candy or chocolate milk as bribes/rewards. He has a big sweet tooth. He also likes competition, so we'll "race" to see who can run to his room faster, or get dressed faster, etc.