Did you do a first birthday party??

[sunflower17]

I keep going back and forth on this. Dd is turning one the end of January. My BFF is flying in that weekend for a few days to visit. I don’t have family here locally, but I do have a few friends/coworkers with toddlers. I don’t really know daycare families to invite them.
On one hand I thought I could do something small and cute and winter themed. On the other, I’m thinking have a cake and call it a day. The other thing is that i don’t really want to get stuck having my mom and her bf coming into town and staying with us because I want to enjoy time with my bff, not entertaining them (they are not easy at times). And having them come so soon after Christmas would just increase the strain with H and I (which we’ve been doing pretty well) because my mom is not nice to him.
Help me navigate this?

[arch01]

We did a "party" with MIL and BIL. Actually, that's all we've ever done and DS is about to turn 7. His birthday this year will be time with me, swim team practice, a trip to a place of his desire for a "party" with STBXH and his brother/mom, then pizza and cupcakes at my house.

[Susie]

We basically passed on her first birthday.  My mom had died 6 months previously and the holidays, including her November birthday, were just too much.  I cut the corner I felt was my choice to cut, so it wasn't adding to Thanksgiving + Christmas.  I made cupcakes and took some pictures of her at 1, but that was really it.  The party isn't for the kid anyway at that age.

We did a big family party the next year for 2 though.

[ECB]

Don’t have a party. Celebrate, yes, but party that requires people to come to town? No.

[VillainV]

We happened to be visiting the ILs at the time, so we did have a small family-only party with cake and balloons and whatnot. But we didn't "throw a party" with a guestlist or a theme or anything.

[dcn]

Yes for Ds1.

Nope for ds2. Poor second kid.

[undecidedowl]

I like feeling like we have a "party" but I don't like hosting people. Since you like the winter theme, I would get a few small decorations like snowflakes, a "Winter One-derland" sign, whatever you like. Then buy or make a cute cake, get her a cute outfit, take some pictures, have a nice dinner and cake and let her tear open some presents. Only invite people you truly want to be there, like your BFF, or even no one. At our house, a birthday party doesn't require extra guests.

[sunflower17]

Dec 5, 2018 14:32:36 GMT -5 Susie said:

We basically passed on her first birthday.  My mom had died 6 months previously and the holidays, including her November birthday, were just too much.  I cut the corner I felt was my choice to cut, so it wasn't adding to Thanksgiving + Christmas.  I made cupcakes and took some pictures of her at 1, but that was really it.  The party isn't for the kid anyway at that age.

We did a big family party the next year for 2 though.

I’m sorry for your loss.

[momin2013]

Nope, we did not. We have no local family, so it was just the three of us, some balloons, and an Elmo cake - lol!

[bronxgirl]

We did a first birthday party at Gymboree. The grandparents and my cousin who was a local college student came, but otherwise it was DD's friends and their parents.

[Mrs.flang]

We did, but all our family is local so it wasn't a huge deal. In your case I don't think I'd bother, I'd just do a small celebration with the three of you with a few cupcakes and maybe a birthday hat or banner to mark the occasion.

[cabbagecabbage]

First birthday parties are for the parents to celebrate that they survived a baby. We had one because our families are local. Have the day that's best for you.

[brooke77]

We had a first birthday party for about 50 people. However, DS’ birthday is in July and we could do it outdoors. Cake with your BFF totally sounds like a fun 1st birthday to me!

[kitkat1502]

We did but just for family...so our siblings, my mom, and my aunts and uncles and a few cousins. We all live within 1 hour of each other. DH and I are party people, we love having family over for snacks and drinks. We had the party from like 2-6pm had some light snacks and then ordered food trays of rice/beans, chicken and mini empanadas from his friend's restaurant.

[goldengirlz]

Dec 5, 2018 14:38:54 GMT -5 VillainV said:

We happened to be visiting the ILs at the time, so we did have a small family-only party with cake and balloons and whatnot. But we didn't "throw a party" with a guestlist or a theme or anything.

Pretty much this exactly. It wasn’t that important to us but my ILs wanted to do it so we let them handle most of the logistics.

I think you should skip it without guilt, if that’s what you want.

[mbcdefg]

I wanted a big party so we rented a town-owned hall near our house and did a brunch buffet for about 50ish people. The hall wound up being 86 degrees inside (click here for me bitching about it - we eventually got a refund) and most people left before we brought out the cake. 

On her actual birthday a couple weeks beforehand, my mom, brother and sister came over with gifts (MH is an only child and his parents died years ago) and we ordered pizza. I bought a Carvel ice cream cake and made DD a smash cake from a box. That all went fine.

I would've been super happy with the way the rental hall party turned out, if not for the excessive heat. But the results upset me so much that I don't want to do another big party again. Once she gets to school and can ask for a party we'll figure something out, like a backyard party or having a handful of friends at one of those gym places or something.

In your shoes I think I would get a cake and something special for dinner, and celebrate with your BFF. Maybe Skype in the family if they want to say hi (possibly without mentioning that BFF is there, if they're like my mom and would be all huffy that you invited BFF but not her).

[redheadk]

Yes, but it was a family/friends party in the clubhouse in our neighborhood, not a kid party. The only kids there were her cousins and the kids of family friends. It was fun and simple. Her birthday is in the summer so we paid for an extra lifeguard so that people could swim if they wished (mainly older kids) but it wasn't a swimming party.

[estrellita]

We did parties for both and it was just family (and a couple close friends). We only started doing a "friends" party for E's 3rd birthday and it was basically us inviting our friends kids (who he mostly knows but doesn't see that often). So if you do something, definitely don't feel obligated to invite other kids!

[sewf]

For DS’s first, we took him to my mom’s house, where she was living with two of my aunts and my cousin. H’s parents happened to be in town and came with us. I did exactly 0 for it. My aunts invited us over for the dinner and got him a cake.

For DDs it was just H, DS, and me. We got her a small cake and took pictures.

I do celebrate their days by decorating our dining room with a birthday banner and streamers, and when they are old enough, they get to pick meals for the day. But for the first birthday, I treat it as more for H and I as a Congratulations, you kept them alive for a year, thing. So if you want to throw a party and it won’t stress you out, go for it. But don’t let anyone pressure you into thinking you need to do a big blowout. Your kid isn’t going to remember it anyway.

[halfpint]

With my first, we did a big party - invited friends and family, probably had 30+ people. Rented a room, provided a meal and individual strawberry shortcake cups, snacks, Little Blue Truck theme, photo timeline of his monthly pictures...I went all out.
It was fun, but kind of stressful and expensive.
With my second, I made banana cupcakes and invited the grandparents over for dinner.

[noodleoo]

Yes, we did one, but it was more a party for us than for DD. It was small, we invited family and our friends. We only really invited one “friend” of DD’s, but it was really my new mom friend since at that age the kids don’t really “play” together. Lol! We did not invite daycare kids because she had just started and we didn’t know any of them yet. Honestly, DD hated it. She was sensisitive kid, got scared with all the people in our house and was clinging to me th whole time. She cried bloody murder through her cake smash.

So my advice is to realize the party is for you and your H to celebrate surviving a year as parents and do whatever makes you the happiest. Since your BFF is in town, I’d probably keep it low key to enjoy the time with her. You could always do something separate with your mom another weekend. She’s one, she’ll never know! Lol!

[hbomdiggity]

No. We had just moved states, still 3,000 miles away from any family but now zero local friends.

I put up a banner, bought him a cake and took a picture.

He is 3 and has yet to have any type of party.

ETA: I think if we hadn’t moved, we would’ve probably had a party. I wouldn’t have expected family to fly in, but we had a decent friend group and loved to host a party for any occasion.

[raangoli]

No. It was a bit rough on me so we didn’t do it. I have complicated feelings about her birthday as it wasn’t supposed to be her birthday/wasn’t remotely close to her due date.

Plus my father wasn’t doing well and so we just had my husbands family over for cake and lunch. My dad ended up passing away a few weeks later and so we celebrated with my family around he actual due date two months later.

Do what you feel is best. Enjoy the day with your immediate family and BFF and do something later with your extended family later if you want.

[scribellesam]

I did a low-key backyard picnic for DS1’s first. No theme, nothing elaborate, just invited over a half-dozen friends with similar aged babies and we grilled hot dogs and ate cupcakes. I did not do anything for DS2’s first. We went out to a restaurant for dinner with my parents and then gave him a cupcake after.

I find throwing parties very stressful, so I generally opt out. For first birthdays, I only think it’s worth the effort if you specifically enjoy planning and hosting parties. Otherwise, no thanks.

[pooh8402]

Yep, a big one with friends and family and themed food and water games. He has a bunch of little friends who are all the same age as him, so they were invited (as in, a bunch of our friends who had kids around the same time were invited).

It was fun. I fully realize that 1st birthdays are more for the parents than the kids but we enjoyed it and I enjoyed the planning aspect. His next 2 birthdays were more low key.

[nessness]

We didn't do a "proper" party with either kid until this year, when DD1 turned 4. If you're looking for an excuse to throw a party, go for it, but your kid isn't going to care either way.

[Shreddingbetty]

We did but it was end of May so nice weather and we basically had a bbq with some friends and got cake, no themes or elaborate stuff, just a get together to have some fun.

[Waffles]

We did a small "party" at home with our BFFs and a colleague whose daughter is a month older. We were 8 adults, 5 kids. We put up a couple of balloons, a happy birthday banner and ordered quiches/cakes and had bubbles.

[krystee]

We had one for DS1 with about 40 people at a community rec room that had a little play place in it (ball pit, slides, etc.). For DS2, we'll be visiting the ILs out of state, and we're having about 15 people at their house for dinner.

[joy]

We did not. We also didn’t have a second birthday party.

For her first, we had cake at 5pm (or something). Grandparents, siblings, etc all Facetimed to sing and watch. I made her cake and put a few decorations on her high chair. The end.