@@ getting a 3.5 year old to do things independently

[woodgnome]

Is 3.5 too young for a kid to be able to at least attempt dressing himself? He can put on his own underwear and pants, the shirts he has a harder time with. But my issue is that most of the time, he won’t even attempt it, he just wants me to get him undressed and dressed, including socks and shoes (easy velcro ones). I’ve repeatedly told him that I’ll gladly help him if he at least attempts to get himself dressed with socks and shoes but he just whines and refuses to try. I think it’s probanly turned into a power thing at this point.

[cabbagecabbage]

I feel like kids vary wildly. Some are so excited to do everything themselves and others are happy to have you spoon feed them through junior high.

[VillainV]

Ugh. We are still going through this to some extent with our 4.5yo. Last year we told him he wasn’t allowed to turn 4 unless he could show us that he could get dressed and put his shoes on (not socks though). Because those are things 4yos know how to do. He practiced for a while and of course figured it out. This year we told him he can’t turn 5 until he can put his own socks on. He has until April!

His arms are short enough still that socks are tricky, and he’s only just in the last month or so been able to consistently take off his own shirts.

We also try to praise him like crazy when he does things by himself.

[goldengirlz]

I think you need to ask yourself whether it’s worth the battle at this point. There are things you can try like making it a game (e.g. have a “race” to see who can get ready fastest) or focusing on one article of clothing item at a time (e.g. you’ll do shirts until he completely masters pants).

But some kids need a bit more time. I was helping DD in some capacity until at least age 5, and it wasn’t until maybe first grade where I put my foot down and was like, here are your clothes, go get dressed. Granted, that’s surely on the later side but it was the path of least resistance when we needed to get three people with packed schedules out the door. Maybe she’ll still be living in my basement at age 30 but that was a risk I was willing to take!

[woodgnome]

I think what’s really pissing me off is that he’s like this with a lot of things lately. Picking up toys, “making his bed” ie just pulling his covers back up and putting his stuffed animals on the bed, washing his hands, etc. It just all seems to devolve into me yelling and threatening for it to get done. I’m due with #2 and if this keeps up, I’m going to lose my mind! 3 is such a tough age.

[FastHands]

Dec 9, 2018 15:03:23 GMT -5 woodgnome said:

I think what’s really pissing me off is that he’s like this with a lot of things lately. Picking up toys, “making his bed” ie just pulling his covers back up and putting his stuffed animals on the bed, washing his hands, etc. It just all seems to devolve into me yelling and threatening for it to get done. I’m due with #2 and if this keeps up, I’m going to lose my mind! 3 is such a tough age.

At 3.5 ds even had a potty trauning regression where he'd full on tantrum if we asked him to go pee when he was holding his crotch. Really??

Like someone said above, pick your battles. DS is 4.5 and dresses himself now but it wasn't until he started prek when he turned 4 and they started talking about being "responsible" that he really cared enough to do it. No amount of prodding or any other tactics from us helped.

And I feel you -- dd is 9mo old now and I had those same thoughts while pregnant, lol.

[circa1978]

Mine took forever to reliably dress himself. He was over 4 for sure.

[iamgrace]

My daughter is 5 and still asks us sometimes to help dress. I don’t care. She is not going to be asking for long. I tend to not stress about these things. Maybe I’m wrong. But I don’t think she’ll be 16 and asking me to help her get dressed. I honestly don’t care. She can. But she chooses not to some days.

ETA -kids are only kids for such a sort time. I want to enjoy it while I can. Not to the detriment of their development. ...but it makes me not get worked up about certain things.

[nextbigthing]

DS will be 4 in Feb. He can do underwear and pants but I have to show him the front.

He used to go his shoes but now he wants me to do it. I tell him to try his best then I can help.

Shirts I put over his head then he does arms.

Undressing he does everything but his shirt and puts in the wash.

I think it's very kid dependent and you just have to be super consistent and tell him he needs to be a big boy and try before you help.

[Deleted]

My DD was 5 before she could consistently get dressed without a fight. Now at 6.5 she does all dressing independently, it’s awesome. My son is 3 and sometimes puts his shoes on but the kid can’t even pull up his pants usually lol. I let him do what he wants to, which is usually attempting his shoes and jacket.

[ellipsis]

DD will be 3.5 in February and loves to dress herself (and really do almost everything herself). The other day I had to convince her for at least 5 minutes that her underwear was on backwards, so it's a double-edged sword. She also still has days where she wants me to dress her.

Can you compromise and say you'll help with X and he has to do Y? Like you put on his shoes, and he closes the velcro? Or say you'll help with his shirt if he does his pants.

[underwaterrhymes]

Our kids are so different.

K wanted to do all the things quickly. He’s artistic and intense and emotional. He’s awesome.

N is happy to let you do things for him. He is into cars and laid back and funny. He’s also awesome.

I try not to stress out too much about stuff. I’ll work on areas that need focus (N is struggling with letters and large motor stuff right now) but generally I think it’s a mistake to put too much pressure on them and they will sort it out when they’re ready.