Do you have tracking enabled on your teenagers phone? How did you discuss that with them? Did you disable it at a certain age? Was it enabled because you were concerned about something?
We use Life360. We said it is a safety thing, knowing where she is in case anything happens. We also told her as long as we pay for her phone, she needs to keep the app enabled.
We track our 17 year old and she knows she needs to keep it enabled in order to keep her phone. She’s been dealing with some serious and heartbreaking mental health issues for about a year and we need to know where she is.
We don’t track our 18 year old and never did. He’s never given us reasons to worry or fear for his safety.
My DS is only 10, so he's tracked. That's part of the agreement of him having a phone, he always has to have GPS on. We use the Google Family link app to track his location and Norton family to track his apps, websites, calls, texts, etc.
Post by wesleycrusher on Dec 9, 2018 21:49:06 GMT -5
My mom still has a tracker on my sister's phone- she is 22, a senior in college and lives alone in an off-campus apartment. She has had a tracker on her phone since she was a teen since she's made some pretty bad decisions in boyfriends which has had my mom concerned. My sister knows it's there and doesn't care.
My mom has access to my location. My mom told me tonight that my dad says she is nosy when she looks where I am but totally find when he asks. I am boring and old so I don’t care. My parents are boring, old and retired so it gives them something to talk about.
No, and I’m actually really opposed to them. There are definitely instances where they might be needed, like in cases of serious mental illness or fear of a runaway, but in the vast majority of cases they appear to be much more about the parents’ anxiety and need to control, and less about legitimate safety concerns about the kids.
I’m trying to raise responsible, independent adults. I’m not into treating kids like prisoners, or promoting a sense of mistrust or disrespect in the parent/child relationship. And I judge anyone who has them on their college-aged kids’ phones SUPER hard. Let go, FFS. You have no business knowing their every move at that age.
Maybe some of this is true but to be all old and everything, being a college student isn’t what it was back then. Social media wasn’t around. So many more ways of stalking and ways for young women (and men) to be preyed upon...I don’t know. If the trust is there between the parent and the college aged kid, then I don’t see the harm. If parents were being sneaky spies, that’s different. I’m not saying see what they’re doing all day, every day as parents but I don’t think it’s a huge thing to judge.
PDQ I work part time at a restaurant. Lots of my coworkers are in college. One of them has become like a daughter and is our babysitter. She has had some struggles with depression lately and over the summer has to do inpatient. She is a college freshman this year and she put me on as able to track her location in case she ever needed me for emergencies.
Post by imojoebunny on Dec 10, 2018 10:41:50 GMT -5
I have a tracker for DD, and plan to continue to have one. Not looking to "catch her", just want to be able to know where she is, if she doesn't show up when she is suppose to be home or if she needs a ride, but doesn't know an address. It isn't like I sit there watching, waiting to say, "Ah ha, I have caught you going to get a Popsicle, instead of Starbucks."
I had a friend go missing for 3 days in college, after she went home with a random guy in a bar. I wish we had had a tracker on her, but it was in the dark ages. She was just being inconsiderate, but another student was murdered by an unknown assailant, right before that, and not found for a couple of days, so her going missing created a lot more drama than was necessary that could have been avoided with a simple tracker.
I think things were worse "back then" in many ways. If you were gone, there was very little to go on and your electronic footprint was tiny. yes, there might be new ways to stalk a person, but overall I think criminals could get away with a lot more or at least evade the police easier. hearing about everything at the rate we do just makes it seem worse.
I don't think i will have a tracker on my kid's phone unless they do something to prove it necessary. but who knows.
Post by thelurkylulu on Dec 10, 2018 11:58:54 GMT -5
Life 360 is great. In addition to location tracking, it also shows phone usage while driving, tracks speed, and offers crash detection response/roadside assistance (on the upgraded version).
Does anyone not have their teenager have a smart phone? I am toying with the idea of just a GPS watch with text or a "dumb" phone with texting. I don't think the non smart phones offer GPS. My kids are not teenage years yet. Tracking isn't my main concern. It is a nice perk to just go on find my I-phone but not necessary if I have a way of reaching them.
No, and I’m actually really opposed to them. There are definitely instances where they might be needed, like in cases of serious mental illness or fear of a runaway, but in the vast majority of cases they appear to be much more about the parents’ anxiety and need to control, and less about legitimate safety concerns about the kids.
I’m trying to raise responsible, independent adults. I’m not into treating kids like prisoners, or promoting a sense of mistrust or disrespect in the parent/child relationship. And I judge anyone who has them on their college-aged kids’ phones SUPER hard. Let go, FFS. You have no business knowing their every move at that age.
. 🙄
I think we are all trying to raise responsible, independent adults. Having a tracker on your child’s phone doesn’t change that.
kooshball, how are they tracking you- what app/service are they using? This (tracking an adult) is pretty crazy to me, but, my parents kicked me out when I turned 16 and didn't even make an attempt to know where I was for several years, so I guess we just didn't have that kind of relationship! :-p
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Post by penguingrrl on Dec 10, 2018 13:03:52 GMT -5
I have find my friends turned on in my 6th grader’s phone. We agreed that if she turns it off, she loses her phone and with that her ability to go out with her friends. I trust her, and the few times I’ve checked it she has always been exactly where she said she would be. But I’m keeping it on on the off chance that she does things to lose my trust between now and turning 18. She knows it’s there and isn’t bothered by it. I almost never check it, but sometimes do to see if she’s on her way home when she’s supposed to be.
I plan to upgrade to life360 when she starts driving, or possibly riding with friends. I remember how stupid my sister was as a teen driver, so I want the alerts if she’s speeding or driving recklessly so I can address it.
If I’m being honest, my oldest I suspect would never need these options. But my middle and youngest are likely to have rough adolescences based on their personalities, so I want the precedent set from a young age that I have the right to know where they are at all times. I feel like if these things are done as consequences they’ll be fought harder than if they’re used to it before they rebel.
Once they’re out of HS I’ll turn it off. However, if they’re driving a long distance (like say college far away) I may ask that they turn it on so I can make sure they get where they’re going safely or find them if not. But I don’t need or want to know what they’re doing while away at school.
kooshball , how are they tracking you- what app/service are they using? This (tracking an adult) is pretty crazy to me, but, my parents kicked me out when I turned 16 and didn't even make an attempt to know where I was for several years, so I guess we just didn't have that kind of relationship! :-p
My parents tracking me are just using the iphone find a friend. I am fine with it. They are old and I rather know where my mom is if something happens.
kooshball , how are they tracking you- what app/service are they using? This (tracking an adult) is pretty crazy to me, but, my parents kicked me out when I turned 16 and didn't even make an attempt to know where I was for several years, so I guess we just didn't have that kind of relationship! :-p
My parents tracking me are just using the iphone find a friend. I am fine with it. They are old and I rather know where my mom is if something happens.
This post was really about tracking a 15 yr old.
Okay, that's not as bad as I was imagining (and trying to figure out how they got a tracker on your phone was the real head-scratcher- ha).
Post by Chuppathingy on Dec 10, 2018 14:24:46 GMT -5
Not a teenager, but I gave DD a phone earlier this year so that she could call me from her dad’s house. I use Google’s FamilyLink app. It keeps track of her location and has very useful parental controls for what content she can access online and what apps she can use. That said, she’s eight years old so I will obviously be lessening the parental controls as she gets older and becomes more responsible. I don’t know how I’ll feel about turning off tracking but I’m sure I will eventually because I want her to be able to learn independent judgment with it while she is still under my roof.
Post by mrsjuleshs on Dec 10, 2018 15:41:22 GMT -5
DD is 19 and she actually installed Life360 on my phone quite awhile back. I don't track her for just any reason but it's nice to be able to see when she has gotten somewhere, like when she is headed to my house. I really only have my location services on if she is expecting me somewhere. It's easier than her texting or calling me asking how far away I am.
Her family on her dad's side all have it on their phones and keep track of each other to either see if they are home or if her brother is at the mall and she's close by.
We use Life360. We said it is a safety thing, knowing where she is in case anything happens. We also told her as long as we pay for her phone, she needs to keep the app enabled.
this - he's just turning 13.
he only complains b/c he feels like it sucks his battery - otherwise it's a non-issues and I never look at it as I know where he is - but just in case...
I will be putting it on the phone we'll get for DS 1 when he starts middle school next year. If all goes according to plan he's going to be walking to the big public library to read and do homework most days after school, and in order to get there he'll have to cross a couple of streets. It will give me a lot of peace of mind to know that he's made it there safely before I can pick him up.
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DH's aunt and uncle track their 15 and 17 year old kids. Which is one thing on its own, but they also use it to literally track them down. The uncle is a police officer and went and found his kid having a meal with his friends, went into the restaurant, and talked to him (he wasn't in trouble, the dad just wanted to talk to him). I found the whole story completely bizarre. His son isn't doing anything unusual for his age, his activities are very age appropriate, down to a bit of teenage drinking on weekends, and there are no mental health issues or any particular reasons for concern. It just seems like way too much to me.
I don't so much take issue with having the tracking on, but literally using it to track them down at any given moment feels very intrusive to me.
DD is 13 and I have an app that lets me set time and content controls, as well as location alerts. I have no intention of keeping these when she's in college. I also take the phone at night. All electronics charge overnight in the kitchen, including mine.
It seems that with cell phones, comes more leniency at an earlier age with regard to letting kids go places, wander around malls alone, etc.
DS is only 5, but I wouldn't hesitate to put a tracker app on his (future) phone if our gut told us to.
How many times have we heard on here "I only let Sally walk home because she has a phone" or "Yes, they can go to the movies alone, but only because they have a cell."
Post by rachelgreen on Dec 11, 2018 12:39:35 GMT -5
This is kind of off topic but related and goes along with how I sort of view it for the future with my girls years down the line (and following up on my earlier post in a way). DH and I have location settings set to on for each other. He uses it for me more so because I generally take the kids traveling out of state and even for 90% of errands. When I road tripped cross country this summer it was nice because I had him book me a hotel based on approximately where I was going to be based on my locations when I got super ill and literally couldn’t even function safely anymore in Kansas.
Even though I’m generally nosey as all fuck, I forget it’s turned on and he thought I would spoil my birthday surprise on the morning of when he was out picking up my gifts with the girls. I had forgotten it was even turned on. When I text him to ask how long he’ll be somewhere he always says just check where he’s at. I always forget.
I think it’s such a subjective thing. People who have boundary issues will overstep with their kids. I hope I don’t - I don’t think I will - but I do think that it has its good points in many ways.