How to agree on a name?

[spk926]

This is all new territory for DH and I. Both DD's name and DS' name were decided before we ever got married. We always just knew if we had a girl she would be named what DD is and if we had a boy he would be named what DS is. I don't even specifically know when we talked about it but forever ago and that was that. We both love both names, their first and middle names hold significant meaning, and we are still very happy with our choices. 

Fast forward and we're pregnant with #3. If this was a girl her name was decided a year ago and was simple to agree on. But, this one isn't a girl and so now we're tasked with finding a boy name we agree on which is proving to be very very difficult. Like very.

I love names A and B. DH hates them. He loves name C. I hate it.

We both like name and nickname D but more me than him.

We both like name and nickname E but more him than me.

D and E are the only names we both like. Not love, but like. But I want D and he wants E. 

Middle name would be the same regardless after a family member.

So either I compromise on our kid's name or he does. Both names are good names and like I said we both like both, but each of us strongly prefers one over the other and that's where we disagree.

So do we just keep sleeping on it until one person caves? I don't want him to cave and not love the name and I don't want to cave and not love the name. I want us to both love the same name! Ahhh 

[grover]

We're kinda if the same position. With DD, we chose her name at 8 weeks, before even knowing it was a girl. This time, we had a girl name picked out again, found out it was twins, easily agreed on a second girl name, then found out it was two boys. I'm having them anytime in the next 8 weeks. We've partially decided one name (first only) but are still stuck. He has no suggestions, except that boy names are lame. But he crossed off a bunch, I just presented him with a shorter list of the non crossed off names, and now we're down to 7 which includes the aforementioned possibility.

It is totally weird to me that we don't already have a name and I'm 30 weeks. I feel like I bonded better during DD's pregnancy because I was thinking of her as that name for the majority of 31 weeks.

[hamster]

We are at D and E. He feels he picked DS1's name (not really true) so ultimately it's my call (his words). I'm just not coming around to E, but I'm not convinced there isn't an F.

[kellikans]

With DS, we had a tough time deciding on a name. I kept pushing for one, he wasn't 100% on it. Finally when I was 7 months pregnant, we were out at dinner and he just said, "OK, we can name the baby L." So I got my first choice. DH had more decision making power on his middle name, but of course I had to agree with it. It wasn't my first choice, but it sounds good and it fits him. I can't imagine him with any other name.

Now I'm pregnant with a girl and we haven't come up with a name yet. I thought it was going to be a lot easier naming a girl, but it's not. She'll probably be nameless until we leave the hospital.

[cherryvalance]

If you figure it out, let me know, lol. We did finally narrow it down to two names and think we'd be okay with either, but we each like one better. Then H threw a wrench in the plan and suggested we use the middle name for the first with name A, which I actually like, so now I'm torn again.

I think we might wait until we meet her, even though I'm convinced all newborns look the same.

[pandorica]

We had to go with the only name that we could agree on. It's a name we both like, but we both probably had names we would have liked better.

Middle name is narrowed down to 2... both H's choices. I don't love either but would be fine either way. I think the final decision will happen in the hospital. Hopefully we're feeling more decisive then!

[hamster]

Oh yeah. H basically thinks he picked the first name by basically just calling him that until eventually it stuck, and that was just what his name was.

So, that's been my approach this time. This has also helped me cross off a name because it didnt feel right, but I'm digging the next one so far.

[woowoo]

This is probably a risk, but we're down to two that each one likes more than the other so we're waiting until we meet our son to decide for sure.
There is a slight chance that we'll just decide to use the middle name (which is my Dad's name) as well.

We weren't going to tell people the name beforehand anyway so this works for us. Can you wait to decide? Maybe when you meet your son you'll know for sure!

[scm1011]

DH brings nothing to the table name-wise, but both times I've come up with LONG lists and he's latched on to one name. Both times they wouldn't be my first choice, but since they made my list obviously I like them enough. This time DH has pretty much won by constantly referring to the baby as Darby (his #1 choice) and now it seems weird to change it, so Darby it is (well 99% sure anyway, ha).

[hazel]

We decided on names yesterday. I'll be 30 weeks in a few days and it was bothering me we hadn't talked about it that often. I see so many people who had names decided from before they were even pregnant! This is our first child so we went with the one name we both liked for a boy. Then used his great-grandfather's name for the middle name. I have always loved a certain name for a girl...could have sworn he said he liked it months ago! When we started talking about it yesterday he acted like we hadn't talked about that one yet. I was thinking, "yeah, this is why this conversation needs to happen more often!" Anyway, thankfully he agreed on it and then we are using a family name on my side for the middle name.

Like some other posters said, he didn't bring much to the table and it seemed like it was something he didn't think about too much. I can only imagine how much fun it will be when we decide to have a second child! I think next time I will insist he make a list of names by a certain date so we have more to work with. We tried a naming app and he didn't use it that often.

[CrazyLucky]

We came up with a list of ten names we could agree that we didn't hate. Then we separately ranked them, 1-10. The one with the lowest composite score was the winner. That was for the first name. For DS's middle name, we agreed to use FIL's first name (he had passed away). For DD's middle name, we did not agree on a boy or girl middle name. We were team green, so I told DH if it was a boy he could pick the middle name and if it was a girl, I got to pick. It was stupid and arbitrary, but it was fair.
And of course, I reminded him constantly that mom has to approve the name on the birth certificate. They didn't care what dad said. LOL.

[icedcoffee]

I am dreading this.

For DS we were team green. We've had a girl's first name picked out since like the day we got engaged and H got over his fear of talking about the future. LOL I picked it out and suggested it and he loved it. I got him on board with the middle name by just starting to use it and he eventually did too. For a boy's name he literally turned down every damn name I suggested and he never suggested anything remotely suitable. I randomly suggested DS' name and there were a few issues with it (we have a family friend with the same name, but they moved away a few weeks before so I no longer felt like it was off the table) and my H didn't want to use it. One day my H randomly was like "Ok...we can use that name". I love his name so I'm happy that happened.

If #2 is a girl we'll use the name we've always had in mind. If it's a boy we are screwed. H's only suggestion is His Name + Jr. and there is no way in hell I'm doing that. Every other name he turns down and he suggests nothing. It's so frustrating.

The hardest part is that I'm bilingual and need the names to translate into my second language so although there are a bunch of boys names I like if they don't translate it won't work.

Of course #2 will probably be a boy. Haha

[jennistarr1]

here's the plan...

Go to him and say "let's go with E, I like it, and you love it, and I want you to be happy"

He'll turn around and say "no, I want you to be happy, go with D"

and then you'll be "great, thanks, honey, D it is!"

seems like it should work, right?

[zarapipe]

Don't cave. You will never forget! I caved with DD2- you may remember the million threads. I caved like 24 hours after birth because we were basically at a standstill. I was getting so frustrated and I didn't even have a name I loved. I would keep on working on it. We basically stopped talking about it after 7 or 8 months because I was done. I wish we would have tried harder on the front end bc maybe we would have finally agreed on something.

This time (#3). names are set. I basically held finding out the sex as hostage until we came up with a name. He wants to find out the sex (next month!) SO bad and I told him, nope, not gonna happen until we have names. Well we have names and he basically agreed on the boy name I had without any negotiation. The girls name he shot down some but now we are both happy with the girl name we have picked out.

[ivy]

We were in a similar situation except we have 2 names to agree on. Fortunately one was easy. Then we each ended up conceding and compromising on a perfectly fine name for the second baby that neither of us loved several months ago. I let it lie for months thinking it would be fine but randomly brought it up again this week. H pretty quickly agreed he wasn’t loving the name either and agreed to my name without much discussion. I was shocked. Maybe giving it some time (I assume you still have some time?) and bringing it up again in a neutral way will lead to a productive conversation down the line.

[gastro]

With both kids we didn’t really share till a few weeks before the due date. We didn’t disagree much but ultimately went with DH’s choices
and #2’s middle name DH wanted after his father who had just recently passed and that was fine with me.
We are having a girl this time around and it’s proving to be a bit harder. I’m trying not to shoot down anything immediately DH suggests but ugh I hate everything he’s suggested.
We’ve decided to each come up with lists and we will share in a few weeks.

[spk926]

Jan 22, 2019 11:34:10 GMT -5 jennistarr1 said:

here's the plan...

Go to him and say "let's go with E, I like it, and you love it, and I want you to be happy"

He'll turn around and say "no, I want you to be happy, go with D"

and then you'll be "great, thanks, honey, D it is!"

seems like it should work, right?

He'd call my bluff though. He'd be like, "Great! E it is!". And then I'd be freaking out in my mind.   Haha

[spk926]

Jan 22, 2019 15:37:57 GMT -5 zarapipe said:

Don't cave. You will never forget! I caved with DD2- you may remember the million threads. I caved like 24 hours after birth because we were basically at a standstill. I was getting so frustrated and I didn't even have a name I loved. I would keep on working on it. We basically stopped talking about it after 7 or 8 months because I was done. I wish we would have tried harder on the front end bc maybe we would have finally agreed on something.

This time (#3). names are set. I basically held finding out the sex as hostage until we came up with a name. He wants to find out the sex (next month!) SO bad and I told him, nope, not gonna happen until we have names. Well we have names and he basically agreed on the boy name I had without any negotiation. The girls name he shot down some but now we are both happy with the girl name we have picked out.

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Haha I do!! This is why I absolutely don't want to wait until baby is born (not just your story, but yours and others like yours ). Adding the pressure of time to make this decision won't make it any easier I feel. Also, I have a lot of pregnancy and birthing complications and with baby coming at 35 or 36 weeks like the others we're planning on the real possibility of another NICU stay. I don't want the trauma of my birth complications and a baby in the NICU again and not even have a name for him. I feel like so much of my pregnancies are out of my control and DH and I deal with the cards we're dealt when it comes to all that, but if we can at least give the baby a name right as he's born that would give me some sort of odd piece of mind.

Ugh this is hard! I wish we could wake up some morning and both be 110% on board with the same name. I don't want him to cave and regret the name and I don't want to cave and regret the name.  

[namasteak]

Well we HAD a baby name picked out but then DH realized it is the name of a character in Star Wars.

And we already get teased because our first two have names of actors in Star Wars. Which is a total coincidence , we just loved the names!

Dh is worried people will think we are obsessed or something 🤦🏻‍♀️

[pandorica]

Jan 23, 2019 22:33:47 GMT -5 namasteak said:

Well we HAD a baby name picked out but then DH realized it is the name of a character in Star Wars.

And we already get teased because our first two have names of actors in Star Wars. Which is a total coincidence , we just loved the names!

Dh is worried people will think we are obsessed or something 🤦🏻‍♀️

And here I am trying to fend off suggestions of Star Wars names from H 😂(the terrible and obscure ones, not what you chose)

[stillswimming]

We always narrow it down to two names and dh picks when he meets the baby. I have c sections so I don’t trust my own judgement when that drugged up. Lol.

I really feel like if the name is acceptable to you, you will grow to love it as you get used to it being linked with your baby. It doesn’t have to be an absolute home run for you both.