Need advice: 5 year old emotions

[erinshelley21]

I hope you all can give me some guidance on my 5 year old since most of you have some older children. DS is a sensitive boy. He always has been and has always been a bit dramatic. Over the last couple of months it seems that he is even more sensitive and emotional. I know I've talked about him being around my preteen nieces and picking up whining and other habits from them. DH and I believe some of this could be more of that but I want to make sure we shouldn't be doing something more.

We have been hearing some negative self-talk like I'm so stupid, I'm the worst kid. When he is trying to talk to us and we ask him what he said or to repeat himself, he'll say never mind and sulk. Some days he is a happy kid and others he just seems bummed out or sad.

He needs constant and changing stimulation, unless he is watching TV. TV is the only activity where he will sit and see something through. If he is playing on a tablet, he will bounce from app to app. If we are painting pictures, he will try to paint as fast as he can and do as many as he can. He will sit and do a Lego set with instructions almost all the way through.

I dont know what I'm even worried about exactly. I told DH I feel like we need to talk to the pedi, but I dont even know if I'm describing it well.

Were your preschoolers an emotional wreck too or do we need help?

[ilovelucyvv]

I have a 5 year old too. The comments he was making about not being the best kid-however you worded it- made me sad. DD has been struggling at K this year at times but she doesn’t say stuff like that. Her attention span definitely isnt great, but getting feedback from her teachers each day helps encourage better behavior.

[waverly]

Some of it is age. Some of it is personality. DS was very sensitive. He definitely whines at 4-5 but much better at 6. He is also very confident and laid back though. But he also has or had the sensory issues and coordination/ motor planning issues which got a lot better with PT and OT.

DD just turned 6 and is more emotionally where your DS is now. Whiny, a bit of a perfectionist, some negative self talk along the line of perfectionism. I addressed that every time by teaching her that no one is perfect etc. She is very demanding, rebellious and loves to test limits. We are definitely in for some trouble/ battles with her when she is a teenager. She wants everything and wants it her way. My mom did say that she would be worse though if not for my parenting. She takes after DH’s personality.

That being said the pediatric doctor podcast that I listened to advised not to hem and haw about OT, PT, ST and other therapies. If you aren’t sure go for the initial evaluation and they will tell you. My pedi is not really helpful from a mental health perspective (if that is what you are looking for). They refer everyone out, but might be able to give you some names.

But otherwise from just a parenting point of view it’s kind of a deep dive into emotions and what to do about those big emotions. And how to have those discussion and consequences and being consistent. It’s hard!
DS is very much like that with attention. If he is interested he’s interested if not he could totally care less. In DS’s case we might eventually come to an ADHD diagnosis but so far he isn’t struggling so we are letting it ride and see what happens for now.

[erinshelley21]

ilovelucyvv, it breaks my heart. It's been at least a week since he has said something THAT sad. MIL has told me that she hears one of the nieces saying similar things like "I'm a dufus" or however the hell you spell that. So part of me wonders if he has picked it up from her but his 5 year old vocabulary and thought process can only get out "I'm the worst kid" I don't know. Feedback from his teacher is nearly non-existent. We are less than impressed with his teacher this year. At the open house in the fall we asked how he was doing and if there is anything we needed to know and all she could say was "he is doing fine" A lot of our "bad" days follow days when she is at MIL's house or if they spend extra time together. Like tonight. He went to her house from MIL's (without my permission but that's another thing for another day) and didn't want to leave, but as soon as we got in the car he was sad because she wanted to watch videos and show him her memory box instead of play with him. The 4 year age gap is starting to have an impact of their relationship where she's moving into her tre-teenage years and he's going into K.

waverly, DS seems to be a combination of your two haha. He is confident and maybe has some coordination issues (not sure if they are "issues" or if he just isn't athletic). He is not a perfectionist and loves to test limits. We are very encouraging and do our best to give him lots of praise when we does something well or we see him try hard. If he starts talking negatively about himself, we tell him 2-3 things he's good at. I've even told him it makes me sad that he talks about my little boy that way. I am sure an ADHD road is ahead of us. I take Adderall. My mom takes medication for it as well. DH says DS may look like him but is 100% me otherwise haha.

[mommyatty]

I think every kid does some of this. We try very hard to not encourage it with a lot of attention. DD went through a phase in K when she would say things like “I’m terrible” or “I’m the worst friend and no one will like me.” She’s hard on herself. While we often will say something like “that’s not true” in the moment, we don’t dwell on it. Instead, we take time later to say things she did that made us proud of that we like and love about her without reference to the negative self-talk. She’s mostly stopped, and now occasionally we hear it from DS. We are trying the same thing with him and crossing our fingers.

[mustardseed2007]

DS still does this sometimes. Basically whenever he forgets something or looses something. We tell him he's not the worst, everyone makes mistakes etc etc.
DH will give him a big speech and I don't do that. But that's just our different parenting styles. I don't think a combo is bad.

Like mommyatty says, we give him praise, tell him what a great thing he's done.

ETA: A line I give him is "don't talk about my favorite boy that way. It's not true."

[vasc]

Try watching the movie Inside Out as a family. Having a reference point for the five main emotions in Riley’s brain can help you discuss feelings with your DS, “who is controlling your control panel right now?” etc. Get him to focus on being balanced in his feelings...

[2chatter]

Idk if this helps but DD pointed out that DS is not only extreme in his negativity with the “I don’t do anything rights” ... he is also overly enthusiastic about his capabilities “I am such a great reader - I can read that book so fast.” (Noodle, way below his level).

She said, aptly, that he’s kind of like a 12 year old girl. So, I think it’s kind of normal?

[erinshelley21]

2chatter it actually does help knowing that a young boy close in age is also picking up pre-teen girl habits.

You all have helped me feel more at ease about this phase that we are in. He seemed to be in a better mood today and actually energetic and didnt have such large swings in emotions. It may be a coincidence, but niece's weren't at MIL's after school today, or if they were it wasn't for very long since we picked the kids up early and they weren't there. I enlisted MIL's help in talking to him since she is his favorite person. She couldn't get anything out of him that I couldn't.