1st grade help

[Deleted]

Okay so I already emailed the teacher nicely informing her about this, but I’m wondering what I can/should expect. Today for Valentine’s Day my daughter brought home a card where all the kids in her class were supposed to write a kind word or saying about her anonymously. Well up on the top the words “I kill you” are written. There’s no way it’s something else, we tried to think of anything. Is this developmentally normal? Should I expect the school to try to figure out who wrote it? The handwriting is pretty unique so I think it’s be easy to tell. If I had any clue how to attach a photo I would, but I don’t. She’s been having issues with some bullying on and off all year and ugh I hope it’s not one of those kids.

[sandandsea]

I have a first grader and I think this is normal unfortunately. It’s not appropriate and should be corrected and addressed but I’ve heard lots of the boys say things like this without knowing the severity of it. They don’t mean it or understand how bad it is to say but they do know it’s not nice/okay to say.

[lilac05]

I have a second grader and don’t think this is normal. I’m not saying this is a panic-inducing thing, but it definitely should be addressed. To hear a child randomly yell it during free play is one thing (still not acceptable, but it does happen), but thoughtfully choosing to write it when given the direction to write something kind is a completely different situation.

I wouldn’t necessarily worry that my child was in any physical danger, but I’d definitely want it to be addressed, for my child AND for the writer. It seems like they would benefit from some additional care from at least the counselor.

[joy]

Slightly off point - but did each kid have a card like this? Only your daughter? I’m curious if something like this could have potentially been written in other cards to other kids in the class.

Anyway, I’m sorry. I have no idea if this is normal but I’d be upset to read this directed at anyone, let alone my kid.

[VillainV]

I didn’t want to read and not respond. My H is an elementary school substitute teacher, and he sees this kind of thing a few times a year. Only once has it represented an actual physical threat. More often it’s kids who don’t understand the severity of the threat, or sometimes kids with atypical development who lack the coping skills to deal with other stressors in their life and act out inappropriately. Due to those factors, it doesn’t typically receive the disciplinary action that we usually think will accompany a death threat (ie: kids are rarely suspended).

So I’m not sure whether or not it’s “normal” but it’s definitely not super-uncommon. Hopefully bringing this to the teacher’s attention will help the staff identify if the offending child needs any services he or she isn’t receiving, and will alert the teachers to be extra-alert for any potential safety concerns for all the children.

[Deleted]

Feb 14, 2019 20:37:28 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

I have a second grader and don’t think this is normal. I’m not saying this is a panic-inducing thing, but it definitely should be addressed. To hear a child randomly yell it during free play is one thing (still not acceptable, but it does happen), but thoughtfully choosing to write it when given the direction to write something kind is a completely different situation.

I wouldn’t necessarily worry that my child was in any physical danger, but I’d definitely want it to be addressed, for my child AND for the writer. It seems like they would benefit from some additional care from at least the counselor.

Thanks. I should have mentioned that I’m not worried about her safety! I did mention that to her teacher also.

[readyin07]

I have a first grader. I think my kid's teacher would likely be able to figure it out by handwriting/process of elimination and speak to that student. I will say having a first grader...well, "kill" could easily be "like" or who knows...my son is actually a pretty decent phonetic speller, but he brought home something the other day and the word he put down was absolutely not the word he was trying to say,; it had similar letters but the order was all off and I have no idea where it came from.

[Deleted]

Feb 14, 2019 20:57:41 GMT -5 joy said:

Slightly off point - but did each kid have a card like this? Only your daughter? I’m curious if something like this could have potentially been written in other cards to other kids in the class.

Anyway, I’m sorry. I have no idea if this is normal but I’d be upset to read this directed at anyone, let alone my kid.

Yes everyone got one. I asked her teacher in the email if anyone else had that written on it. I’m hoping I’ll hear back from her tomorrow morning.

[readyin07]

Oh yeah. I wouldn't take it as a threat and I don't think the kid would get "disciplined" per se but I do think it should be addressed because it's not nice.

[readyin07]

Feb 14, 2019 21:04:07 GMT -5 @lindy said:

Feb 14, 2019 20:57:41 GMT -5 joy said:

Slightly off point - but did each kid have a card like this? Only your daughter? I’m curious if something like this could have potentially been written in other cards to other kids in the class.

Anyway, I’m sorry. I have no idea if this is normal but I’d be upset to read this directed at anyone, let alone my kid.

Yes everyone got one. I asked her teacher in the email if anyone else had that written on it. I’m hoping I’ll hear back from her tomorrow morning.

Honestly the teacher should have monitored these better for that very reason. There was a story a few years ago about a teacher who gave kids a graphic representation using words other students had given to describe each other (like a heart or whatever). And one child'd words were all negative. I don't know how you just let that go, knowing that kids are @#. 

[pinkpeony08]

As a fellow mom of a first grader, I would talk with the teacher. Without knowing, it's hard for the teacher to know who to help. My friend and awesome mom who is also a school social worker has a son who is on the autism spectrum and could very easily do something like this if he was having a bad day. It may just be a kid having a bad day or trying to get a rise out of someone.

[Deleted]

Feb 14, 2019 20:59:40 GMT -5 VillainV said:

I didn’t want to read and not respond. My H is an elementary school substitute teacher, and he sees this kind of thing a few times a year. Only once has it represented an actual physical threat. More often it’s kids who don’t understand the severity of the threat, or sometimes kids with atypical development who lack the coping skills to deal with other stressors in their life and act out inappropriately. Due to those factors, it doesn’t typically receive the disciplinary action that we usually think will accompany a death threat (ie: kids are rarely suspended).

So I’m not sure whether or not it’s “normal” but it’s definitely not super-uncommon. Hopefully bringing this to the teacher’s attention will help the staff identify if the offending child needs any services he or she isn’t receiving, and will alert the teachers to be extra-alert for any potential safety concerns for all the children.

Thank you, I'm glad to hear it's not super uncommon.  I definitely don't expect anyone to be suspended, more just talking about why we don't write/talk like that.  Also if a kid does happen dislike my daughter that much, I'd like the teacher to know so she can keep an extra eye out on them.

[CrazyLucky]

DD is in first. If she brought this home, I would definitely alert the teacher. If my child wrote this on someone's card, I'd want to know. I'm with everyone else that it warrants a discussion and possibly and apology, but not a big punishment.

[momin2013]

Yes you absolutely need to contact the teacher. This is not ok, and as the teacher I’d want to know about this.

[Deleted]

The teacher responded. My daughter wasn’t the only one this was written on and the teacher knew who it was based on the handwriting. She’s working with the principal and the girl who did it to figure it all out.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Feb 14, 2019 21:06:00 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Oh yeah. I wouldn't take it as a threat and I don't think the kid would get "disciplined" per se but I do think it should be addressed because it's not nice.

This.

[Deleted]

If anyone cares, it was done by her BFF. I’m kind of sad about it. It was written on her and one other girl’s card who is also friends with them but there’s been jealously issues for awhile.

[joy]

Oh gosh. I’m sorry this happened 🙁

[heyjude]

Uh no. Not normal! It’s doesnt mean your kid is unsafe necessarily but the kid who wrote that needs some sort of help/redirection. And if this is her best friend I would have a talk with your kid about toxic relationships and what it means to be a good friend because a good friend doesn’t write “kill you” on a valentine.