1. What do you think of 4 boys having a joint birthday party? Boys are born 3 days in a row and have been in childcare together since they were 3 months old. 90% of the kids that will be invited are from the same center.
2. What would you do about gifts in this situation? Would it change your answer if one of the boys has never had a typical party with gifts? (Has has joint parties before with suggested donations)
3. Would you consider “going rogue” and just planning (an individual) party and hope for the best?
Some further details: due to spring break, holidays, and parent travel schedules there is really only one ideal weekend for the celebration. Due to related sports & activities, there is really only one day of that weekend available.
ETA: I’ll respond to some questions here- My son, who has never had a party just for him where he gets to take presents home, has been talking about his birthday party for months. He knows exactly where he wants to have it and any suggestions to deviate from the plan are met with resistance. I can’t blame him. He’s going to be 5, stuff like this is a really big deal when you’re that age.
I’m fine sharing the party, but I’m also not wanting to compromise so that my child gets anything less than what he’s been talking about for months. The desired location has a 25 kid limit, which is why we’d be inviting just the boys from the center. Maybe a grandparent or two, but no extended family or non-center friends.
I’m leaning towards not even addressing the gift issue. We’ve been to parties there in the past and the party host (from the venue) collects the gifts when you check in and (as a guest) you never see them again. We would not be opening gifts at the party. This is one of the things DS mentions about the party. “And I want my friends to bring me presents.” Again, he’s 4.5, this is a big deal at this age. He’s had 1 non-family party before and it was suggested to bring donations, so he’s never had that experience.
I’m not looking to cut anyone out of this, but I also don’t want to miss the opportunity to give my child the birthday he’s been talking about for months. The other parents are suggesting things that would not appeal to DS and we may have to have different parties on the same day. I’d be sure to have ours at a different time, of course. I’m not trying to make this awkward or dramatic, but I also want to give my kid the party he wants. This is the last year for this as they’ll all go off to different kindergartens.
1. As a guest, I'd be cool with it. If I were the mom of one of the kids, it would depend on how my kid felt about it.
2. I would prefer a "no gifts" party so guests wouldn't have to bring 4 gifts, but since most guests know all the kids, I guess it's okay to let people bring gifts too.
3. Don't plan a competing party at the same time. If you can figure out another day to do it, sure.
1. Will family also be invited? Or is this just for friends? Just friends - makes sense if all those kids would otherwise be invited to 4 different parties. If it’ll include family too (like grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc), it could get really big and crazy.
2. I could go either way with gifts. If I’d be getting gifts for these kids anyhow, i wouldn’t care. But I’d also be fine to not bring gifts. What would the plan be, though, for a possible gift opening? That could be pandemonium.
3. I feel like i need to understand more. Is this where the drama lies? Do you not want to do this? If you don’t want to, that’s fine. Yourbkid, your choice. But - if time frame to even have a party is limited, yes, i agree with the prior answer - don’t plan the party at the same time.
To me, it sound great both for parents of the birthday boys and the guests. I'd do no gifts, but I do no gifts parties for my kids at the best of times.
If I did "go rogue," I think I'd be looking at another weekend (even if that meant waiting a couple of weeks) to avoid a conflict, especially since I knew that they were planning this already.
2. For gifts, if these were kids that DS would normally go to parties for (I assume this is the case here), I’d buy them all a gift and call it good. I’d figure I would have been buying for them anyway, but this way I’m getting them done all at once. ::shrug::
3. I’d stick with the plan and do the joint party OR possibly do a smaller individual party in the hopes that maybe it would work for a smaller group of kids.
Ok reading your follow-up, I’m now leaning toward an individual party. I get it, DS just turned 6 and had a few things that really mattered to him about his party such as the theme, and it would have been a bummer to not be able to do those things for his party.
Would you want to invite that many kids (ie 25ish)? Maybe a separate party but with a smaller group might be a better option?
i'm going to be a wildcard and throw out the idea of having this party for his friends, and then a separate family dinner/cake/small party at a different time.
if i was attending this party, i might bring something small for each boy, but our families are generally the ones who give more significant gifts anyway.
At first I was very team "just let him have his own party", but knowing it would be the same day as the other party I feel super hesitant. Honestly, I would find that really weird as on of the other parents and inconvenient as one of the guests. There's absolutely no way to make it a different day? Even a Friday night? If not I'd stick with the original plan for the joint party.
ETA: I think anytime within like 4 weeks either way of his birthday is an acceptable date to pick. It doesn't have to be the weekend of, before or after.
And to be perfectly transparent, if I was a guest invited I would feel a little annoyed that I have to bring 4 gifts, but there's only 1 opportunity for you to entertain my kid for free. This is probably flamful. (I'd bring 4 gifts anyway and never say a word, this is just how I'd feel deep down--LOL).
If you want to do your own party, then just tell the other parents what you said here - DS is excited for his 5th party and he has very specific ideas about what he wants. SO, you’re going to do your own thing. This shouldn’t be an issue!!
As for the date, I agree with icedcoffee. The party can be more then a week away from his birthday if that one weekend is tight. If your schedules really are THAT busy that there isn’t a date a month before or after his birthday, o.k. - go with that weekend. But... is it really an entire 2 months that’s the ONLY date that works?
I love joint parties because I hate kids’ parties. Knock them all out at one time - brilliant. I wouldn’t mind bringing 4 gifts - id have to buy four gifts anyway and this way I only have to go to one party. At this stage in my life, I’m over kids’ parties because I’m exhausted every weekend and don’t feel like spending three hours at a bounce house.
At first I was very team "just let him have his own party", but knowing it would be the same day as the other party I feel super hesitant. Honestly, I would find that really weird as on of the other parents and inconvenient as one of the guests. There's absolutely no way to make it a different day? Even a Friday night? If not I'd stick with the original plan for the joint party.
ETA: I think anytime within like 4 weeks either way of his birthday is an acceptable date to pick. It doesn't have to be the weekend of, before or after.
Due to parents traveling, school breaks, holidays, and other events, the next available date would be over a month later. DH & I each have weekend work travel for the 2 weeks following the desired party date. We can’t really go earlier as there are also school breaks, and other parties already scheduled. 11 kids in this group were all born within 8 weeks!
i'm going to be a wildcard and throw out the idea of having this party for his friends, and then a separate family dinner/cake/small party at a different time.
if i was attending this party, i might bring something small for each boy, but our families are generally the ones who give more significant gifts anyway.
I think this is the best idea. Have the joint party (no gifts) with his friends. If he wasn’t included in it, don’t you think he would feel left out? Then have a family party (with gifts) exactly as he wants.
Post by minionkevin on Feb 15, 2019 8:43:12 GMT -5
I wouldn’t do a joint party, especially not with 3 other kids. One kid, maybe. Four kids - that’s too many competing personalities/likes/dislikes, even when the parents are friends/friendly. Kids from my daughter’s class - also turning 5 - haven’t had parties on the closest weekend to their birthday, they do it based on place availability and parent/family availability. A girl in my daughter’s class wanted a party at a horse farm but they only did them up to Thanksgiving due to weather and her birthday was the week between Christmas and New Year, so they had it 2 weekends before Thanksgiving. A boy in my daughter’s class has a birthday over a holiday weekend (which all 3 of my kids also have/will have) and didn’t have a party until 3 weeks later due to other availability; it just isn’t a big deal. The kids love parties whenever they are.
I’d be totally cool with attending a joint party. My son is still at an age where we stay with him at the party and I hate the forced awkward socializing with the other parents if I don’t know them well, so getting 4 done in 1 go is a win in my book. I would not have a problem bringing 4 gifts.
Deciding whether to participate in this kind of thing if my kiddo was one of the birthday children would largely depend on what my son wanted to do.
Post by minniemouse on Feb 15, 2019 9:08:50 GMT -5
I’d be fine with attending a joint party, but if it’s not what he wants then do your own thing! The party can be a month two from his bday if needed. We went to a party last June for a kid who turned 5 in April. I’ve also been to a joint party in August for kids with sept & nov bdays- because they wanted to do a pool party.
I see why you want to do the party separate but do not do it the same day. That’s a recipe for disaster. The parents will go to the other party (3 for 1 so easier) and he will have low to no attendance at his because most aren’t going to want to do 2 parties in 1 day,
Pick a different weekend even if it’s more than a month before or after
I see why you want to do the party separate but do not do it the same day. That’s a recipe for disaster. The parents will go to the other party (3 for 1 so easier) and he will have low to no attendance at his because most aren’t going to want to do 2 parties in 1 day,
Pick a different weekend even if it’s more than a month before or after
I agree with this. Have a separate party the next month, you'll have better attendance.
ETA: Do something special with just family or 1 friend so he still gets to celebrate on his actual birthday.
Post by cabbagecabbage on Feb 15, 2019 9:32:06 GMT -5
Joint parties require no gifts in my mind. If I was invited to a party for 4 with an expectation of gifts or even confusion where I wasn't sure, I'd nope put of there faster than my debit card could cringe.
Nobody owes a preschool group a lifetime of joint parties just becauseyogve done them before. Have a solo party. "Jeff wants a solo party" is all the reason you need.
For the age they are, I agree that I think 2 parties in one day may be too much. When DS was 5, I probably would have just muscled through it and done both. But I could absolutely see where some parents are going to say "it's too much".
I guess it may be a bit of a crap shoot. There are 25 kids? How many do you feel will say yes to both parties or just one? I'm sure SOME will do both. If you're o.k. with possibly a lower attendance, then go with it.
OR we're all wrong and everyone will just come to both.
ONE OTHER IDEA: You say both you and DH have work travel the following two weeks - does that mean BOTH of you are gone BOTH weekends? If not, honestly, I'd consider having the party on one of those weekends and just one of you be there. Have a small family party ON his birthday for you all to celebrate as a family, but for the friend party? I dont feel you both HAVE to be there.
I say this as the wife of a man who works 2 weeks on/ 2 weeks off. We try VERY hard to schedule DSs party so that DH can be there. But some years it just can't happen.
We did a joint party for my DD and one of her friends who share the same bday this year and it was great - I love planning big kids parties and I got to do it at half the cost! We did no gifts - I think with a joint party and just for kids parties in general its so much easier. A few people still brought them.
I don't think you should go solo if the only option is the same day - that seems weird. I don't think going solo is an issue at all if thats what you want to do but it can't be the same day.
I like the idea of the joint party and a smaller separate family one at home later with grandparents and some gifts.
Post by jennistarr1 on Feb 15, 2019 10:42:29 GMT -5
I think I need more details 1. Have you already said "yes, let's do a joint party"? How did this come about? How serious have the conversations got (is it possible to back out?) 2. What does your son want to do for his party. Have the other parents rejected that (and for what reason, do they have non-center kids they want to include?).
Post by formerlyak on Feb 15, 2019 11:04:14 GMT -5
Can you do the big party and then let him invite 5 special friends to do a smaller, exactly as he wants it, party on a different day? You can let those 5 parents know ahead of time that while the big party will be the group one, he wanted a separate time with his besties to do cake with them. DS is 12, but he's had a few friends do that kind of thing and it's been no biggie.
1. I'd be totally fine with attending a joint party. I'd also be ok with organizing a joint party. There's another girl in DD's class with the same birthday and we had a joint celebration last year. 2. I'd probably bring small gifts for all the birthday kids. For my parties, I usually write "no gifts" in the invitation, but people bring them anyway. 3. If you want to do it individually, don't do it on the same day as the joint party. That'd be super annoying.
Post by simpsongal on Feb 15, 2019 12:09:51 GMT -5
My DS just turned 5 and we had his party at a trampoline place. I don't think he would have been thrilled with a joint party. As a twin, i was never thrilled with joint parties growing up. I stopped saying "no gifts" last year b/c he got so excited about gifts. We open after the party and I work on writing thank you notes w/him.
4 seems like a lot - are the kids in board with that? Sharing their day with three others?
As a guest I wouldn’t mind. I would happily get four gifts if it was likely my child would be invited to their parties regardless. If I didn’t know one of the kids I probably wouldn’t get them a gift or get them a smaller gift.
I’m not a fan of no gifts at kids parties because someone always brings a gift anyway and then if you don’t you sort of feel bad. Also my kids like to give gifts and I want to encourage that. I know many kids have excess these days so it’s tough.
In the end whatever you do will be fine. We celebrate my DS2 with family on his birthday but with school friends almost two months early or late because he has a summer birthday.
If it was a group party like that I would be thrilled with a charity donation gifts which is what I did for my triplets birthday party last year and I think it went really well! But I also wouldn't bat an eye at buying four gifts either.
And to be perfectly transparent, if I was a guest invited I would feel a little annoyed that I have to bring 4 gifts, but there's only 1 opportunity for you to entertain my kid for free. This is probably flamful. (I'd bring 4 gifts anyway and never say a word, this is just how I'd feel deep down--LOL).
This is not at all flameful. I'd be extremely annoyed to have to bring 4 gifts to one party.
And to be perfectly transparent, if I was a guest invited I would feel a little annoyed that I have to bring 4 gifts, but there's only 1 opportunity for you to entertain my kid for free. This is probably flamful. (I'd bring 4 gifts anyway and never say a word, this is just how I'd feel deep down--LOL).
This is not at all flameful. I'd be extremely annoyed to have to bring 4 gifts to one party.
Same. Part of my gift giving rationale (aside from treating the kid of course) is a thank you for entertaining my kid and giving him an activity for that day. icedcoffee,