Book recs for ADHD parenting

[game blouses]

So I’m 99% sure that DS (6) will be diagnosed with ADHD inattention type. He fits the description almost like a poster child (dreamy, distractible, hyper focused on creative projects but forgetful in everyday activities). He is also the youngest in his class that is heavily populated with redshirts who are over one year older than he is, so the difference between his behavior and his peers’ is even more stark.

We are on that awkward stage where I’m trying to decide whether to work more with the district or a private psychologist. We have done the Vanderbilt scales and he would likely be classified as borderline, since his academic progress is not strongly affected (as long as he is focusing). It’s really more of the mundane details - needing many prompts to finish writing his name, for example, or not getting his shoes on after being asked many times).

I wanted to see if anyone had any good books or parenting strategies to redirect from nagging. I feel like I am constantly correcting his behavior and it has to be taking a toll on his self esteem to hear ten increasingly frustrated prompts to do something. He responds extremely well to positive reinforcement and very poorly to negative reinforcement, so we do a lot of sticker charts, marble jars, etc etc, but it’s never enough to keep him focused enough to finish a task without promoting.

[hopecounts]

We use a schedule for DD to check off.

She has a morning, after school, and before bed checklist

We started wit a visual one around 4 and transitioned to written in 1st.

Each list has everything expected of her in order so she just has to work through it.

This allows me to just say ‘check your schedule’ to redirect her if she’s off task rather than say ‘get your shoes on’ for the 50th time

Medication has made a huge difference and has made her so much happier because it’s easier for her to focus and she isn’t constantly fighting herself to get things done.
We see a child Psych which helped immensely in trialing various meds to find the right fit for her, so I always encourage a Ped Psych consult

[arch01]

I highly recommend the private psych route for a diagnosis. Ours was worth every penny and we also ended up getting a visual processing delay diagnosis for DS that we otherwise wouldn't have known was there. We had an eval through the school system and I was highly disappointed in it. As I said in another post last week, could've just been the school-but I am of the belief that you'll get better quality testing if done privately. There's a ton of value in the classroom evaluation, but for actually getting to a diagnosis, private gives you a lot more IMO. DS also scored borderline on the scales, but our psychologist didn't use the Vanderbilt scales and we did some more extensive rating scales.

I haven't ready any of these, but really need to. We're in another rough patch. They were all recommended by the psychologist, who has some different ideas on parenting than XH and I do, but at this point I am trying to be open minded because what I'm doing isn't working.

www.raisinglions.com/raising-lions-method-bio

www.amazon.com/Conscious-Parent-Transforming-Ourselves-Empowering/dp/1897238452

www.amazon.com/Children-Challenge-Improving-Parent-Child-Relations-Intelligent/dp/0452266556

Will he respond to visuals for tasks to cut the nagging? I have seen some stuff on Pinterest that literally goes through dressing-they check off a box when they put on their shirt, pants, shoes, etc. One of the best things his therapist told us was to keep things in 10 second statements-shoes, please. Clear your place, please. When they respond with something else (argument, other activity), you just repeat it. It takes a lot to keep a calm, level voice when doing this-but it becomes a bit more natural over time.

[game blouses]

Feb 18, 2019 8:34:36 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

We use a schedule for DD to check off.

She has a morning, after school, and before bed checklist

I LOVE this idea. He is very officious and would delight in filling out a checklist! I am going to try this immediately.

Re: a private psychologist, I’m definitely leaning that way. I’m getting frustrated because his teachers constantly comment how poor his focus is, but when I begin to pursue intervention, the attitude is “whoa whoa whoa, he’s not that bad.” Like it’s bad enough for them to complain to me but because he wouldn’t qualify for special ed, they don’t want to do anything? (I also used to be a public school teacher so I’m very aware of the rights he’s entitled to, and the road blocks annoy me).

Ultimately I want him (and us) to have self-redirecting strategies, so a private psychologist would probably be a better solution than classroom accommodations anyway.

[hopecounts]

Some of that may be the teachers being very careful to avoid diagnosing him.
This avoids the school being on the hook so some districts are super hard core about teachers not saying anything related to a diagnosis even if it’s obvious.

There is also the issue that certain types of ADD go under diagnosed because the kids are easy to deal with so it gets passed off as ‘daydreaming’ ‘easily distracted’ etc rather then properly diagnosed.

I’d see a private Psych and go from there.
You may want to loop in the school with an IEP or 504 just to cover him if he needs more accommodations later.

But if he is just a ‘daydreamer’ medication and some coping skills (checklists for example) could easily handle it.