Best Resources for Looking for In-home Nanny (part-time)

[yourmother]

My DS was recently diagnosed as having ASD.  He will be starting public school next week for the first half of the day (7:40a - 10:45a) and I'm considering looking for a part-time in-home nanny for the second half of the day.  I don't expect much, just playing with him and making sure he is quiet while I work.

How do I go about looking/finding someone reliable?  

His current daycare situation is changing.  I love(d) it but they aren't loving us back anymore.  My DS has strong meltdowns and they call me to come pick him up.  I think they're short staffed right now and am hoping it changes soon.  However, they've called me 5 out of the last 7 business day to come get him.  I didn't even make it home yesterday after dropping him off.  He's happy at home in his own space.

My work schedule involves travel for 1-3 (sometimes 5) nights about twice a month.  Otherwise, I'm working from home.  Also, my DH works about 30 hours a week and can be home by3pm or  4pm or so.  My dad's schedule is flexible the second half of the week, but he's hesitant to committing to taking care of my son other than pick-ups from daycare and the evenings (while my DH and/or I are home). 

My MIL runs a daycare but she is at capacity and will let me know if that changes soon.  I will also be touring a Montessori daycare near me that may be a better fit.  

Just lots of changes for my little guy. I'm stressed about the logistics also of getting him from the school to home/daycare while I'm traveling.  Ugh.  

Any advice?  I'm about to board a plane.  Will be back in a few.  TIA for any suggestions!

[candreco]

We've used care.com and gotten good recommendations from neighbors on Nextdoor if your neighborhood has a page.

[Deleted]

Another recommendation for Care.com.

I actually found our old sitter on Facebook. We have a localish group for parents and babysitters. I posted an ad with my requirements and had several people respond that were interested. I did a background check on my own (I believe that Care.com does this for their sitters, but not positive) and was able to check references as well.

[yourmother]

This is GREAT feedback! I’ll start looking tonight.

[cabbagecabbage]

Feb 20, 2019 9:18:40 GMT -5 @sameoldstory said:

Another recommendation for Care.com.

I actually found our old sitter on Facebook. We have a localish group for parents and babysitters. I posted an ad with my requirements and had several people respond that were interested. I did a background check on my own (I believe that Care.com does this for their sitters, but not positive) and was able to check references as well.

I am an occasional daytime sitter with a care.com profile and care offers it as a paid option so only a small portion are vetted through their system. Since I'm only part-time and I have great local references, I haven't paid for it.

[isabel]

My sister is a nanny. Her current family has a child with some delays and disabilities related to drug use in utero (he's adopted). Her last family had a child with autism. She puts that in her care.com profile. eta: Not specifics about the kids she's nannied, but her SN experience.

I would specifically seek out a nanny who has some experience with children with disabilities. My sister doesn't have formal training, but she has learned techniques from parents that she can bring with her to new families. It helps both her and her families that she has experience with that.

All of her families have found her through care.com and she has stayed pretty long term with both. It seems like a decent way of finding a nanny from my observations with my sister and her work. She does drive her kids around, sometimes does light house work or laundry, etc.

[gastro]

We used a local nanny service - they provide all sorts of services and fully vetted nannies. They are part of the association of premier nannies... Maybe there's one local to you? theapna.org

[litebright]

Hi. My DD1 is 11 and has ASD. We hired a PT nanny for her and her younger sister at about age 5 because I got an opportunity to WFH if I had childcare. We found our PT nanny through a local sitter service called Mother's Helpers -- they have franchises in a few metro areas. She was incredible and my girls both loved her, and we ended up having both her sister and her mom as sitters (through the service) at various times and/or for summer care. I personally would look for a local nanny or sitter service that will let you interview someone before you commit, may have nannies with experience with SN and may also be able to help you with the related taxes that you will have to deal with as an employer.

I would caution you to think very carefully about a Montessori-based program for kids with ASD. It depends entirely on the daycare, of course, but an environment that is less structured and/or "child-led" can mean that a kid with ASD has a difficult time navigating and may be allowed to perseverate on favored topics/activities, which is not what you want to encourage. If predictable structure and routine help your son regulate himself, Montessori may not be the best environment for him at age 3 when he is struggling at his current daycare. Especially if he is receiving support services at his regular preschool to help him succeed, a one-on-one nanny environment at home for the remainder of the day might be a better option than a daycare where he faces most of the same challenges as preschool, without the support. However, if the Montessori daycare has staff with experience dealing with ASD and an attitude welcoming kids with SN, that would be a different story (and quite rare).

Are you getting your son into any private therapy? Another option, if your current daycare is willing, would be for you to pay to have a professional that works with him come to the daycare and observe him and how they deal with him, and give them options and advice on triggers and how to handle things more successfully. I've been in a situation with my DD where the staff at a summer daycare-type program simply had no idea how to handle her because she wasn't like the other kids, and so I got reports every day about how she had misbehaved and the staff (older women) were clearly frustrated with her and began to hint that she shouldn't be in the program at all. It really hurt, but I tackled it head-on and had one of her therapists go there and do some tactful, gentle education and give them strategies that worked with her (and worked with other kids, too, BTW). The staff learned things they didn't know before that helped them be successful, it gave my DD what she needed to succeed too, and then I was the proactive parent who wanted to help them instead of the parent of the problem child -- KWIM? And we all made it through. Even if you change daycares now, you may need to do something like that at some point. And if you are working with school-based therapists rather than private ones, you may offer to pay one of them for their time if they could do something similar.

Good luck. Parenting a kid with SN is really hard at times, and the childcare issue is such a difficult one -- it is extremely hard to find a good fit that can handle a child with SN. Between therapy appointments and daycares who can't handle either behavior or medical needs, many families either have to figure out a way to have a parent stay at home, have an extended relative help, or take on the expense of a nanny.

[minionkevin]

We used care.com. Kid1 is/was in preschool, but it runs on a school calendar so I needed school break/summer/etc. coverage. Kid2 is/was too young for preschool, we didn’t want two drop-offs/pick-ups, and now we have #3 on the way. Our nanny/babysitter only works for us 2 days/week and works mornings for another family as an elderly person caregiver the other 3 days, so she has been available for me on short notice for afternoons, meaning H and I only have to take a half day if my mom (who watches my kids the rest of the time) is sick, has a doctor appointment, goes away on vacation, etc.
We checked references and went through care.com’s background check. It was super easy and I got a lot of responses, even for pt care. We pay our babysitter a flat rate every 2 weeks when she only has Kid2, and extra for the summer/breaks/etc.

[hopecounts]

Good advice already but wanted to add I 2nd the Montessori isn’t usually a great fit for kids with autism.

They tend to do better in very structured predictable environments and that’s the opposite of Montessori

[yourmother]

Feb 20, 2019 9:45:32 GMT -5 litebright said:

Hi. My DD1 is 11 and has ASD. We hired a PT nanny for her and her younger sister at about age 5 because I got an opportunity to WFH if I had childcare. We found our PT nanny through a local sitter service called Mother's Helpers -- they have franchises in a few metro areas. She was incredible and my girls both loved her, and we ended up having both her sister and her mom as sitters (through the service) at various times and/or for summer care. I personally would look for a local nanny or sitter service that will let you interview someone before you commit, may have nannies with experience with SN and may also be able to help you with the related taxes that you will have to deal with as an employer.

I would caution you to think very carefully about a Montessori-based program for kids with ASD. It depends entirely on the daycare, of course, but an environment that is less structured and/or "child-led" can mean that a kid with ASD has a difficult time navigating and may be allowed to perseverate on favored topics/activities, which is not what you want to encourage. If predictable structure and routine help your son regulate himself, Montessori may not be the best environment for him at age 3 when he is struggling at his current daycare. Especially if he is receiving support services at his regular preschool to help him succeed, a one-on-one nanny environment at home for the remainder of the day might be a better option than a daycare where he faces most of the same challenges as preschool, without the support. However, if the Montessori daycare has staff with experience dealing with ASD and an attitude welcoming kids with SN, that would be a different story (and quite rare).

Are you getting your son into any private therapy? Another option, if your current daycare is willing, would be for you to pay to have a professional that works with him come to the daycare and observe him and how they deal with him, and give them options and advice on triggers and how to handle things more successfully. I've been in a situation with my DD where the staff at a summer daycare-type program simply had no idea how to handle her because she wasn't like the other kids, and so I got reports every day about how she had misbehaved and the staff (older women) were clearly frustrated with her and began to hint that she shouldn't be in the program at all. It really hurt, but I tackled it head-on and had one of her therapists go there and do some tactful, gentle education and give them strategies that worked with her (and worked with other kids, too, BTW). The staff learned things they didn't know before that helped them be successful, it gave my DD what she needed to succeed too, and then I was the proactive parent who wanted to help them instead of the parent of the problem child -- KWIM? And we all made it through. Even if you change daycares now, you may need to do something like that at some point. And if you are working with school-based therapists rather than private ones, you may offer to pay one of them for their time if they could do something similar.

Good luck. Parenting a kid with SN is really hard at times, and the childcare issue is such a difficult one -- it is extremely hard to find a good fit that can handle a child with SN. Between therapy appointments and daycares who can't handle either behavior or medical needs, many families either have to figure out a way to have a parent stay at home, have an extended relative help, or take on the expense of a nanny.

I'm going to an Autism Conference early next week and will be meeting with lots of therapists and will then look at my options for therapy.  I like your idea of having one come to the daycare to help the teachers learn how to work with my kid.  I actually need help myself when he has his meltdowns.  

As for the Montessori route, I appreciate  your insight.  I'm struggling with the idea of someone coming to my house to watch him watch TV or have him a somewhat structured environment (Montessori or traditional DCC).  I'm hoping I can find a good balance.

[yourmother]

Feb 20, 2019 9:59:49 GMT -5 minionkevin said:

We used care.com. Kid1 is/was in preschool, but it runs on a school calendar so I needed school break/summer/etc. coverage. Kid2 is/was too young for preschool, we didn’t want two drop-offs/pick-ups, and now we have #3 on the way. Our nanny/babysitter only works for us 2 days/week and works mornings for another family as an elderly person caregiver the other 3 days, so she has been available for me on short notice for afternoons, meaning H and I only have to take a half day if my mom (who watches my kids the rest of the time) is sick, has a doctor appointment, goes away on vacation, etc.
We checked references and went through care.com’s background check. It was super easy and I got a lot of responses, even for pt care. We pay our babysitter a flat rate every 2 weeks when she only has Kid2, and extra for the summer/breaks/etc.

I went on the Care.com website and see price ranges.  In your experience, was this negotiable?

[sequins]

I have no advice but huge hugs to both of you as you navigate all these changes!

[yourmother]

Feb 20, 2019 16:25:48 GMT -5 sequins said:

I have no advice but huge hugs to both of you as you navigate all these changes!

You're awesome!  Same to you. You have a busy, busy schedule!  

[yourmother]

turbo, Thanks for your suggestion and kind words.

[sent]

I had a miserable experience with Care for a nanny when my DS was born last year. Looking back, most of the candidates I interviewed were duds but it might have just been my situation at the time. I’d check out agencies as well. When the nanny started flaking on us, we started getting temp babysitters through my husband’s backup care and they were almost always so much better. Especially when we got sitters that came through the college-sitters agency.

As soon as I told my nanny she was fired, she was immediately on the website and left that afternoon for a working interview at another home. She had to ask me for toll money to get there and I couldn’t get rid of her fast enough.

[nonsensetomfoolery]

Also, if you live near a university be sure to check into early childhood/ special education/pre SLP, OT, PT/psychology students. I did that when I was an undergrad and have found sitters that way, too. One of our local universities has a list they will share, the other let me put up a flier

[minionkevin]

Feb 20, 2019 16:13:07 GMT -5 yourmother said:

Feb 20, 2019 9:59:49 GMT -5 minionkevin said:

We used care.com. Kid1 is/was in preschool, but it runs on a school calendar so I needed school break/summer/etc. coverage. Kid2 is/was too young for preschool, we didn’t want two drop-offs/pick-ups, and now we have #3 on the way. Our nanny/babysitter only works for us 2 days/week and works mornings for another family as an elderly person caregiver the other 3 days, so she has been available for me on short notice for afternoons, meaning H and I only have to take a half day if my mom (who watches my kids the rest of the time) is sick, has a doctor appointment, goes away on vacation, etc.
We checked references and went through care.com’s background check. It was super easy and I got a lot of responses, even for pt care. We pay our babysitter a flat rate every 2 weeks when she only has Kid2, and extra for the summer/breaks/etc.

I went on the Care.com website and see price ranges.  In your experience, was this negotiable?

It was negotiable with some, not all. I ran across a few whose actual rates were higher all the time once I mentioned occasional care for 2 kids. I only needed care for 2 kids maybe 5 days from January-June last year, plus all of the summer, and then 3 days since. I was not going to pay $20/hour for 1 kid the rest of the time.

[sakura]

Our part-time nanny was a teaching assistant at another local pre-school. She was looking to make extra money and her school let out a little before our pre-school so she was able to leave work to pickup our kids and watch them for the afternoon. It worked out great for us and her schedule was very reliable, so just another suggestion to check out.