Post by claudiakishi on Feb 20, 2019 13:22:03 GMT -5
I have anxiety and depression; had it for as long as I can remember. I am finally making a commitment to feeling better, so I started therapy 3 weeks ago. I like the therapist, but I feel a little lost when she starts the session with "the floor is yours" and I'm just supposed to start talking. I hate talking about myself and am much more of a listener than a talker, so having to talk about myself for an hour is overwhelming and actually adds to my anxiety a little bit. My anxiety and depression are generalized so it's not like I am going to her with a specific issue that needs to be addressed. I just want to find out why I feel this way and learn coping skills to get better. Once I start talking she does interject with questions and comments which is helpful, but getting started is hard for me. I almost wish she would start with a question or "why don't we talk about xyz" and that would be a lot easier.
Any thoughts or advice on this? The last two times I've gone in I've said "I don't really know where to start" and she said "start wherever you'd like" so I would pick something random to talk about that makes my anxiety/depression worse (like job searching or a relationship). Is this how it usually works? I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist in March to talk about medication as well, but so far have found therapy helpful. I guess I want to make sure I am getting the most out of it and not wasting the hour.
Do you feel okay telling her that she makes you uncomfortable when she asks you to start? She might want to explore why this is, and maybe that would be helpful, but hopefully she’ll back off a little.
Not all therapists are a good fit for all people, and she may not be a great fit for you.
In the beginning it tends to be fairly open concept, but in the past therapists have done CBT (which helped) and EMDR (for trauma as a child) and together those were hugely helpful.
Mindfulness is a big thing I am working on as well.
I had the same problem when I started therapy and it actually made me very uncomfortable. In one of the appointments she said something like "I'll just wait for you to start talking" and I finally just said something to the effect of "if you wait for me to start we might be waiting awhile". So we discussed why that might be and worked from there. From then on she would lead in a bit and it made things easier.
I just realized last month that I can push back against my therapist. For my entire life I saw therapists as an authority figure and tried to please them. Then last month, I had an issue where I felt my therapist was creating a problem that wasn’t there and I sort of let her have it. She responded really well and let me know that we can have “meta” conversations about what is working and what’s not. All that being said, I would say specifically “I need a prompt. It makes me feel uncomfortable to start without any guidance.”
Post by hopecounts on Feb 20, 2019 13:55:28 GMT -5
Definitely bring this up at your next appointment. Depending on the response and how you feel about it you can keep seeing this therapist or find a different one whose style is a better fit.
Therapist may start asking more questions to help get you started or may dig into why it’s uncomfortable and help you work through it.
It’s ok for a therapist to not be a good fit you just have to commit to finding a good fit and sticking with it
That’s not an unusual way for a therapist to start your relationship-building and trust-building. It lets you start where you want and with what you want. It puts you in the driver’s seat. Now that you’ve had three sessions and “practiced” this a little, you may want to give yourself some time to prepare for each session. Maybe a day or two before your next appointment, write down what you covered last week and what you’d like to cover this week. Yes, some therapists may do this more formally, but if you prefer this type of structure, give it to yourself! You are still very new to what could be a long-term relationship. So, it’s best if you direct them conversation, otherwise, the therapist could be directing you somewhere you don’t want or need to go. You could share some coping strategies that work/don’t work for your anxiety and depression. And ask to explore that WITH HER a bit more. You can set a goal “When I go to the grocery store and feel overwhelmed, I’d like to be able to calm myself instead of leaving before I check out.” Also, you can journal and then share what’s in your journal.
You can also ask for help in preparing for the appointment or being effective in communicating as you build your therapeutic. You can say “this is new to me and hard”. “How can I best use our time together?”
That’s not an unusual way for a therapist to start your relationship-building and trust-building. It lets you start where you want and with what you want. It puts you in the driver’s seat. Now that you’ve had three sessions and “practiced” this a little, you may want to give yourself some time to prepare for each session. Maybe a day or two before your next appointment, write down what you covered last week and what you’d like to cover this week. Yes, some therapists may do this more formally, but if you prefer this type of structure, give it to yourself! You are still very new to what could be a long-term relationship. So, it’s best if you direct them conversation, otherwise, the therapist could be directing you somewhere you don’t want or need to go. You could share some coping strategies that work/don’t work for your anxiety and depression. And ask to explore that WITH HER a bit more. You can set a goal “When I go to the grocery store and feel overwhelmed, I’d like to be able to calm myself instead of leaving before I check out.” Also, you can journal and then share what’s in your journal.
You can also ask for help in preparing for the appointment or being effective in communicating as you build your therapeutic. You can say “this is new to me and hard”. “How can I best use our time together?”
Good luck and keep going back. It gets easier.
Thanks, I am very Type A and wanted to go in with a sort of "agenda" but felt that was weird. I like the suggestion of going in with more structure, I think that will be helpful.
I am pretty reserved around new people as well so the whole thing is awkward for me and it was hard to even make the appointment, but I am sticking with it.
I just realized last month that I can push back against my therapist. For my entire life I saw therapists as an authority figure and tried to please them. Then last month, I had an issue where I felt my therapist was creating a problem that wasn’t there and I sort of let her have it. She responded really well and let me know that we can have “meta” conversations about what is working and what’s not. All that being said, I would say specifically “I need a prompt. It makes me feel uncomfortable to start without any guidance.”
Do you feel okay telling her that she makes you uncomfortable when she asks you to start? She might want to explore why this is, and maybe that would be helpful, but hopefully she’ll back off a little.
Not all therapists are a good fit for all people, and she may not be a great fit for you.
No, but I am also a terrible advocate for myself so that might be something she *would* want to explore.
Post by bullygirl979 on Feb 20, 2019 14:55:38 GMT -5
As a former therapist, I agree with spearmintleaf. Also, keep in mind that you JUST started with her. She is still getting to know you. She doesn't know if you want to be in the driver's seat or if you want her to be. The first bunch of times can be tough because you are figuring each other out. I would absolutely encourage you to be open with her about how you feel when she says things like "floor is yours" and "where ever you want to start". This time is YOUR time and you need to feel like this is helpful to you. While she is the "professional", you know yourself best and she isn't a mind reader. She should be okay with this feedback (I know I was). I also echo livinitup 's suggestion of jotting some notes down. Whether it's an agenda or it's some bullet points of positives and negatives about how the week went, it may give you some direction.
IME, I talk about what caused my anxiety to spike or what I want to work on based on things that happened in the last week or so. It's fresher in my mind and it usually has some roots into earlier situations so we do get pieces of the big picture in there.
Have you made a treatment plan and discussed your goals for therapy? Or are you intending this to be an open-ended supportive talk therapy situation? There is no wrong answer here. But you might want to discuss your goals for therapy as a way to guide your sessions a bit.
I have gone to therapy a couple of times for specific issues but also included learning to deal with my anxiety along with those issues. My therapist always starts with “how are you doing”? Which usually makes me start crying, especially these days, but it lets me go wherever I want with it. I agree with the others, a prompt is good and it’s ok to tell her that. It’s also OK if she’s not a good fit for you. I’m proud of you for taking the first step in going. I knowthe first couple of times I went I sort of dreaded it because talking about these things can be draining but I usually feel better afterwards.
I just realized last month that I can push back against my therapist. For my entire life I saw therapists as an authority figure and tried to please them. Then last month, I had an issue where I felt my therapist was creating a problem that wasn’t there and I sort of let her have it. She responded really well and let me know that we can have “meta” conversations about what is working and what’s not. All that being said, I would say specifically “I need a prompt. It makes me feel uncomfortable to start without any guidance.”
I never had the need to push back against my therapist but I let our marriage counselor have it one day and told him he was just jealous that my now ex got sober and his ex never did and that he was projecting his own issues on us and that I felt like he was taking sides because my ex got sober and he just couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just move on with my ex. I also told him he pissed me off by basically telling us that our 8 year old would end up an anxiety/depressed ridden teenager who would be come an addict of some sort and probably be suicidal at some point if we got divorced. Apparently my own therapy has been helpful because I would’ve never dared to do that in the past 😂
Another way to do that is to keep a running document of times when your anxiety or depression gets in the way during the week. Any tidbits about why it flared up at that moment are also helpful. Stuff like- “boss criticized my work. Went to the bathroom and cried, went home early, went straight to bed.” If you don’t know why, something more basic like “stayed in bed all Tuesday night” is fine too.
You can also identify a concrete goal, and start with updating on how that has been going.
Good luck!
This. I usually ask my clients to write in their phone if something comes up during the week so that they have an issue or two to focus on, as well as the homework that I've asked them to do between sessions.
Is she giving you tasks to do between sessions? If so, you can always start with that - state what you like and didn't like about it, how it worked or didn't work, etc.
I just realized last month that I can push back against my therapist. For my entire life I saw therapists as an authority figure and tried to please them. Then last month, I had an issue where I felt my therapist was creating a problem that wasn’t there and I sort of let her have it. She responded really well and let me know that we can have “meta” conversations about what is working and what’s not. All that being said, I would say specifically “I need a prompt. It makes me feel uncomfortable to start without any guidance.”
I never had the need to push back against my therapist but I let our marriage counselor have it one day and told him he was just jealous that my now ex got sober and his ex never did and that he was projecting his own issues on us and that I felt like he was taking sides because my ex got sober and he just couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just move on with my ex. I also told him he pissed me off by basically telling us that our 8 year old would end up an anxiety/depressed ridden teenager who would be come an addict of some sort and probably be suicidal at some point if we got divorced. Apparently my own therapy has been helpful because I would’ve never dared to do that in the past 😂
I’m sorry that happened to you.
My therapist is still good, she just made a big deal out of something I did not want to make a big deal about. I wanted to talk about and move on but she wanted to me to do things I felt we’re not helpful to me.
I just realized last month that I can push back against my therapist. For my entire life I saw therapists as an authority figure and tried to please them. Then last month, I had an issue where I felt my therapist was creating a problem that wasn’t there and I sort of let her have it. She responded really well and let me know that we can have “meta” conversations about what is working and what’s not. All that being said, I would say specifically “I need a prompt. It makes me feel uncomfortable to start without any guidance.”
I never had the need to push back against my therapist but I let our marriage counselor have it one day and told him he was just jealous that my now ex got sober and his ex never did and that he was projecting his own issues on us and that I felt like he was taking sides because my ex got sober and he just couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just move on with my ex. I also told him he pissed me off by basically telling us that our 8 year old would end up an anxiety/depressed ridden teenager who would be come an addict of some sort and probably be suicidal at some point if we got divorced. Apparently my own therapy has been helpful because I would’ve never dared to do that in the past 😂
I'm sorry you had this experience. Unfortunately there are some people who become therapists for the wrong reasons.
Have you made a treatment plan and discussed your goals for therapy? Or are you intending this to be an open-ended supportive talk therapy situation? There is no wrong answer here. But you might want to discuss your goals for therapy as a way to guide your sessions a bit.
Good for you for going!
At my first session she asked what I wanted to get out of therapy, and I told her I wanted to know why I get anxious and depressed and to learn coping skills so it doesn’t affect my life as much. So far we haven’t really talked about coping skills but I get it’s still early and she’s still learning stuff about me.
Another way to do that is to keep a running document of times when your anxiety or depression gets in the way during the week. Any tidbits about why it flared up at that moment are also helpful. Stuff like- “boss criticized my work. Went to the bathroom and cried, went home early, went straight to bed.” If you don’t know why, something more basic like “stayed in bed all Tuesday night” is fine too.
You can also identify a concrete goal, and start with updating on how that has been going.
Good luck!
This. I usually ask my clients to write in their phone if something comes up during the week so that they have an issue or two to focus on, as well as the homework that I've asked them to do between sessions.
Is she giving you tasks to do between sessions? If so, you can always start with that - state what you like and didn't like about it, how it worked or didn't work, etc.
She hasn’t. So far it’s just been talk therapy and nothing concrete to work on week by week.
This. I usually ask my clients to write in their phone if something comes up during the week so that they have an issue or two to focus on, as well as the homework that I've asked them to do between sessions.
Is she giving you tasks to do between sessions? If so, you can always start with that - state what you like and didn't like about it, how it worked or didn't work, etc.
She hasn’t. So far it’s just been talk therapy and nothing concrete to work on week by week.
Is she a CBT Therapist? Because with the issues you are facing talk therapy may not be right for you. Talk therapy is great if you want to understand why you feel a certain way but not necessary at getting skills to deal with the issues. I would ask her what direction she sees you going in and how she's going to help with your issues. If she can't give you a concrete answer, then it might be worth seeing if you can see someone else.
Have you made a treatment plan and discussed your goals for therapy? Or are you intending this to be an open-ended supportive talk therapy situation? There is no wrong answer here. But you might want to discuss your goals for therapy as a way to guide your sessions a bit.
Good for you for going!
At my first session she asked what I wanted to get out of therapy, and I told her I wanted to know why I get anxious and depressed and to learn coping skills so it doesn’t affect my life as much. So far we haven’t really talked about coping skills but I get it’s still early and she’s still learning stuff about me.
I'll be honest. I'm a CBT/ACT therapist and I give clients work to do between sessions from either session 1 or 2, so if you've seen her a bunch of times, then I'd ask about this again. Understanding can come along with doing coping skills.
At my first session she asked what I wanted to get out of therapy, and I told her I wanted to know why I get anxious and depressed and to learn coping skills so it doesn’t affect my life as much. So far we haven’t really talked about coping skills but I get it’s still early and she’s still learning stuff about me.
I'll be honest. I'm a CBT/ACT therapist and I give clients work to do between sessions from either session 1 or 2, so if you've seen her a bunch of times, then I'd ask about this again. Understanding can come along with doing coping skills.
Her bio said she uses CBT, but she hasn’t specifically mentioned that as a technique she will be using. My fourth session is next week so I will try to get some clarity. My copays are expensive and I don’t want to feel like I’m wasting that hour. Thanks for your advice!
Post by mrsukyankee on Feb 22, 2019 3:36:24 GMT -5
claudiakishi, there's a huge difference between someone who was trained in CBT and someone who just uses some CBT techniques. I'd definitely clarify. Hope all works out well for you.