PT’ing

[k3am]

DS turns 3 Monday. DC has been very hands off about PTing. Honestly, so have we.

Now that he’s nearing 3.. they want him PT’d. Yesterday they told me they forced him into the potty while he was screaming. The afternoon teachers said we could bring gummy bears to bribe him (works at home), but the morning teacher sent them home with DH since it’s against the rules.

I get why gummy bears are against the rules... but I’m not okay with them forcing him to the point of screaming.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Anything?

He has peed on the toilet at home twice, but that’s it. He says he wants to be a baby. He LOVES his diapers.

Side note: after age 3, we would get a discount in the $300 range/month once he’s potty trained.

[madringal]

Is it in their policy that he has to be PT’d by three? Because if it’s not I’d be like “thanks but no thanks”.

[k3am]

I’m not sure about policy. As far as I know, he. doesn’t have to be PT’d by 3. But they typically are.

[waverly]

I feel like this is an every child is different answer. DD PT’d at 2 with very few accidents but had to remind her until she 3.

DS PT’d at 2.5. Got sick, had a regression for a few weeks, tried again. Still had 25% accidents then ended up with an accident a day for about a month. Then let’s say an accident every other day for another month then 2 accidents a week and so on. We kept going because it was forward progress, but it was very frustrating and slow.

I didn’t want to wait until 3 though because my sister did that and ended up with very stubborn boys who didn’t train until 4.5 and 4.

I did the 3 day method with both. With DS that turned into the 10 day method then after his regression back to diapers I think we did another few days without pants.

With DD, I put her on the potty first thing every morning because she would pee through her first diaper of the day. By the time I potty trained her she was already going 5 times a day on the toilet.

This all to say I don’t have a great answer for you, but the daycare seems out due to the screaming and lack of consistency. So I would try more at home.

[ilovelucyvv]

Assuming you are okay with them working on potty training with him they should have some experience with this... trying to get him to use the potty in intervals, reminding him of all his friends in the class that already use the potty... a good first step might be a sticker chart with the promise of a reward after so many stickers. They should be able to convince him to want to try without the screaming. You should probably start doing more with it at home though if you want it to stick.

[mommyatty]

A big old nope on forcing him in there screaming.

My kids both potty trained pretty late. They were both three or almost three. It was maddening, because we KNEW they could control it. They would take the time to stake out a hiding place to go poop in the diapers. That took more time than just going to the potty. I guess we could have attempted to beat them into submission, but that wasn’t worth it to us.

And both our kids went to a school starting at 3 where they had to be potty trained. What finally did it for them was saying truthfully “You can’t go to your new school if you don’t stop wearing diapers by x date.” So maybe if his friends move up classes and he can’t it will motivate him?

[mustardseed2007]

It's not going to work if he's screaming about going into the potty. I would sit down with the teacher, and the director if needed, to discuss strategies about getting him to want to go in there. Not worried too much about him actually being potty trained but just willing to go into the bathroom and do something or not do something, KWIM?

[sdlaura]

We did the 3-day method. Someone sent me the ebook when DD was 2. You throw the diapers in the trash (I kept night diapers) and follow them super closely for 3 days and get them on the potty immediately when they start to go. We do food rewards at home too (an m&m). It’s messy but they got it pretty quickly and the idea is that over the 3 days they go from you rushing them to the potty when they start to go to starting to anticipate needing to go and getting there first. You obviously can’t go anywhere those days.

My DD was potty trained by 2.5 but DS1 was much harder and wasn’t fully potty trained till 3.25. He did LOVE his pacifier and we eventually figured out that he was old enough for negative reinforcement. Once we knew he got the concept of going on the potty and understood that it’s where he needed to poop, he was still pooping in his diaper and we told him that any night he pooped in his diaper during the day, he wouldn’t get his pacifier that night. That finally worked.

Daycare got on board with constructively helping pretty quickly when we told them there would be no more diapers at all. We were going to Aulani in Hawaii when DS1 was 3.25 and he had to be PT to use the kids club so that was motivation for me.

My DS2 turns 2 next month and I plan to do the 3-day thing with him at like 23 months over the summer. He wants to do everything early because of his big siblings and I feel like it was harder to potty train DS1 when we waited to start till almost 3.

[k3am]

ALL of his friends have either already moved up or move up next week. He doesn’t seem to care.

The three day method is impossible because he hates being naked unless he’s getting in the bath. HATES. That leads to screaming too.

[xctsclrx]

My son wasn't ready to potty train until he was 3 and 3 months. Once he was ready it took about 2 days and then he had to go a month at school without consecutive days of accidents. He started in February and was good by April.

We had tried several times before this and it didn't work. If he isn't ready he isn't ready. Forcing them doesn't always work and sometimes can make the situation worse.

The other option is to take away diapers and pull ups completely. Let him wear underwear and see how it goes. Be prepared for lots of pees to clean up

[sandandsea]

Getting to wear undies like his friends helped DS2. He wasn’t interested until he saw Ethan wearing undies. Then He PT overnight because he wanted it. What is his currency?

Paw patrol undies, toys, candy? We also did rewards for ds1. He got one gummy bunny for going on the potty and a toy from the surprise bag for #2. We got a bunch of junk from the dollar store and it worked.

DS2 just needed the candy incentive and he was sold.

[sunbutter]

He needs to want it. He is totally capable. Similar to mommyatty, DD refused until she learned that she wouldn’t be able to go to her new school still in diapers. Once she knew that, she just did it. She was a little over three.
Other than the fact that the caregiver charges more 🙄, I don’t see it as a big deal.

[sdlaura]

k3am, maybe I did the 3-day method wrong, but DS wasn’t naked. He wore a normal shirt and undies. Just no pants...

[k3am]

May 11, 2019 22:55:55 GMT -5 sdlaura said:

k3am, maybe I did the 3-day method wrong, but DS wasn’t naked. He wore a normal shirt and undies. Just no pants...

With DD, we did just a shirt. Most methods I’ve come across recommend going commando.

This kid considers no pants to be the same as naked anyways though... he is not his fathers son. We tried undies today... my eardrums may never recover.

[xctsclrx]

Potty training sucks. Hope it gets better soon.

[campermom]

My feeling is if they are forcing him in there screaming, that he’s not invested yet and they are going to prolong the process and it’s going to be ugly.


What would be reinforcing to him? Identify that and give reinforcers for just sitting, at home. Successive approximations can be effective for kids who aren’t quite there yet. So if he sits for the allotted time (have a timer) then he gets a (sticker, gummy bear, etc)

Then if they aren’t allowed to do candy at daycare, can they do a sticker chart? If he goes x amount of times at school or he gets x amount of stickers, he gets candy from you?

[k3am]

If I can convince them to do a potty dance, he might go for it. He’s gone pee in the potty about 5-6 times this weekend.

The kid has been ready (but unwilling) to PT since Christmas. I have been ready but not willing to push it since about the same time.

I’m just frustrated that now that they want to push it, there’s screaming involved. My motto has been... he’ll be PT’d before he starts college, we’re fine.