Write Yours:

[woowoo]

PLEASE can we play this game?  Write yours!

www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/airbnb-reviews-of-mothers-wombs

[Susie]

Cramped space but health nut's dream!  4 star.
Enjoyed open water swims, indoor cycling, and yoga with host.  Ran my first 5k, and swam my first open water 5k from here.  Ate and drank to my heart's content, thanks to the huge placenta host grew.  As time went on though, placenta got a little out of control.  It crowded my space, and meant no more carbs -- and a cranky host.  Decided to vacate early on a spur of the moment decision.  Immediately regretted the decision as it was FREEZING OUTSIDE but no turning back.
- Kid #1

Great place for a lazy 9 months.  3.5 star.
Enjoyed a lazy, luxurious stay with host.  Weekly gentle yoga and a little swimming, but nothing strenuous.  Plenty of donuts!  Stretched out and relaxed as much as possible.  Subtracted a star for the older sister who kept poking and laying on me from the outside.  Kicked her back.  Still deciding how long I want to stay.  Don't really feel like working at the whole eating, breathing, thing!
- Kid #2

[clseale]

Amazing, cozy space. Immaculate and brand new. Open bar upon arrival.* Host was very accommodating to all needs. Daily runs, including a 10 mile race and a half marathon. As a bonus, a week in Portugal was included in the rental agreement. Across the duration of my stay, I did start to outgrow the space a bit, but that wasn’t enough of an issue to keep me from staying the full 9 mo. In fact, the host was gracious enough to let me stay 6 days past my check out date. (Although she did grow a bit impatient when it took me 44 hrs to actually pack up my bags and walk out the door.) All and all, it was a great stay. 5 stars.
-Kid #1

Too soon to write for #2 yet.

* We got a positive test on 4th of July & in the midst of a big set of birthday celebrations. Poor kid was soaked in booze before we knew about her.

[scm1011]

Mine would be very similar to Susie .

Resort offered perfect blend of relaxation and activity! Daily runs followed by naps, and deliciously healthy dinners each evening. Check-out was quick and painless! 5 stars
- DS

Accommodations were less relaxing than described by prior guest, with constant neediness of other vacationers interrupting much desired nap time and resulting lack of energy thwarting opportunity to take part in activities. Healthy dinners were sporadic, but there was a constant flow of ice cream and sweets! Trip was often interrupted by a loud, needy, and aggressive boy. 3.5 stars. 
- DD

[woowoo]

4 Stars

Despite my tumultuous trip getting here, my time here has been fairly pleasant. A very clean place although it’s showing some signs of age. Lots of diverse food options, absolutely loving all the sunshine and activities, and the music is wonderful.

Deducting a half star for the dog that keeps barking and another half star because my host has been super paranoid throughout my stay (maybe she’s new hosting?). I feel like I’ve been a pretty low key guest. *shrugs*

[woowoo]

May 15, 2019 13:34:31 GMT -5 clseale said:

 Open bar upon arrival.*

*DEAD*

[icedcoffee]

DS1:

Had a hell of a time getting here. Then shortly after I arrived there was some sort of fire drill going on where we thought I'd need to evacuate, luckily they let me stay. The food was good and there were fresh baked goods every morning. The owner seemed nice, but like a bit of a lunatic. The second part of my stay was relatively low key. A few days before I was supposed to leave the water got turned off so I had to leave. I didn't leave willingly though. I made them come in and get me. They really should look into the dog that lives here. He's a noisy one! Overall...3.5 stars.

[slcjess]

DS1:

6/5 Stars!! Did NOT want to leave this establishment but sadly the host forced me out a week after my stay was supposed to end. Could have stayed forever. Lots of rest and great food. Only possible complaint is a lot of poking and the host seemed to be sitting on a bouncy ball the whole last month of my stay. Would recommend!

DS2:
3/5 stars. While I do appreciate all of the chick fil a and donuts the host keeps sending, there is almost no rest. Some very loud person outside the door almost constantly. Won't stop singing Jingle Bells. Also seems to be constantly climbing on the outside of my room?? I think it may be the previous guest that said they didn't want to vacate. Also the male owner keeps calling me Vladimir which is NOT my name. Host seems accommodating though so maybe I'll ask for an extension on my stay as well!

[osulori]

AJ:

4/5 stars! Great, cozy spot with plenty of fruit, root beer floats, and McDonald's cheeseburgers at my disposal. Despite questionable food options, there was plenty of opportunity for activity-running, walking, spin classes, you name it! I did accidentally break my waterbed, which resulted in drawn out efforts to evict me from the home. I put up my best fight but a combination of drugs and a powerful vacuum got me out of there. It was really cold outside the home but the owners were pretty happy to see me and kept me nice and warm once I got outside.

Zoe (so far):

5/5 stars! I agree with previous tenant that this is a great, cozy spot. Owner seems to prefer serving me cold, sweet things so I have been happy to consume lots of popsicles, ice cream, smoothies, and frappucinos. Fruit Punch slushies from McDonald's have been a particular favorite as of late, and always result in a dance party from me. I've had lots of chances to go running in all sorts of weather which overall I really like, though sometimes this liquid filled balloon gets in my way so I just head butt it until the owner empties it. The owner is hoping I stick around for another 2 months but has warned me that I will likely be evicted on 7/15 unless I leave on my own before then. I have not yet decided what I'll do, but the owner has asked that if I end up accidentally breaking the waterbed like the previous tenant that I avoid doing so between the hours of 7:30am-6pm Tuesday through Friday. Something about not wanting to "deal with that" at work.