Ok. Prepare me for 2 under 2

[hamster]

Looking for words of wisdom, tips for managing during the day, wine recs, etc. Only half joking on the last one!

C is going to be 18.5 months. He's a snuggler who loves sitting next to me to read (or watch YouTube videos), but doesn't talk and gives no shits about instructions unless he wants to. He usually takes one nap from 1 until ideally 3.

I feel prepared enough to handle the newborn but definitely have anxiety about managing both.

Maybe I should have posted this 10 months ago, haha.

[kath16]

Words of wisdom... hmm.....


this too shall pass?

[namasteak]

Don’t worry about screen time

Always get outside in the morning and after nap

Don’t worry too much about nutrition

Pay for things that make life easier

Have a secret box of surprise toys to bring out when the older one is struggling

Find a HS student to come a few afternoons a week to give the older one special time (or hold baby so you can be with the older one)

[kath16]

ok, actual advice:

game plan things you can do with the toddler while the baby is still in the bump on a log/sleep all day stage. I feel like I missed some opportunities with this because it actually got harder when baby was on an actual schedule, which sounds insane, but it was true for me. the sleep 18 hours a day stage was easier.

lower your standards about things like a clean house, healthy home made food all the time, whatever, and learn to pick your battles. if something IS super important to you (like, for me it was nap time), obviously adhere to those as much as you can, but for the stuff that might be less important to you/your family, just learn to exhale.

keep various sizes of diapers and clothes EVERY. WHERE. in your car, in your H's car, on all levels of your house, in your diaper bag and your purse. there is never enough at the time you need one. there was more than one time that we squeezed the toddler into the baby's clothes because he fell in a puddle or whatever. (I'll accept my Mother of the Year trophy at any time.)

get a Snap N Go stroller if you don't have one. it was almost always easier to take baby out of the car and snap him into the stroller and THEN get the toddler out than trying to do it the other way around. I never wanted to carry the carseat because the toddler still needed help up the curb/steps/whatever and all that was easier to manage with a stroller than the bucket. (I tried wearing baby and hated it. Your mileage may vary)


ETA: it will feel really impossible at the time, but as much as you can, try to give the older one some special one-on-one time. even if it's a long bathtime or extra story time at night or whatever. those little moments will do wonders for your older kid when he'll probably be feeling insecure about everything. 

[mccallister84]

The biggest struggle for me in the beginning was managing the toddler while the baby was nursing. So I tried hard to have DD1 occupied when the baby was due to nurse - like she would eat lunch and I would nurse. I would take her to library story time and nurse, etc.

I also worked really hard to get the baby to nap when DD1 took her afternoon nap. And when she got on a schedule I would wake the baby early if needed from her morning nap so that she would be ready to nap when DD1 did.

Oh and baby wearing was a life saver.

To be honest though, I found 1-2 (even with 2 under 2) way easier than 0-1. I think the time of year helped too.

[Mrs.flang]

I don't have 2 under 2 but going from 1 to 2 kids, I feel like the most important thing I had to remember is how hard it must have been on DD1 to have her life change so much. Whenever she became extra needy or annoying, I had to try to find empathy. Also, when I would feel guilty about having to give the baby attention instead of her, I tried to remind myself that it is good for her to see me showing love and care for DD2, even if she was upset about it.

[humpforfree]

Baby wearing (I liked the sling especially with the second bc it was so quick to get her up), getting the baby to nap as the same time as #1 in the afternoon (most morning naps for her were car naps on the way to activities, sorry kid), I would put the baby in a containment device (swing, infant to toddler rocker) while I rocked the older one and read stories before bed or nap.
Also,

[humpforfree]

Oh, also! Do you go to a gym? Ours was (is) a lifesaver!!! I could have put my membership on medical hold after the baby, but I actually kept it even though I couldn’t workout bc for $60/month I get two hours a day of childcare! So once the baby was like 1.5 or 2 weeks old & I was moving better, I started bringing the older one for childcare to play with kids and have some activities/structure. Parents have to stay in the building, so I brought the baby in the car seat and stuck her on the floor of the family bathroom while I took a shower. After I showered we just went up to the lobby and I perused the internet on the free wifi.
Once the baby was 6 weeks and could go to childcare she did! It saved me so many times when the toddler was going crazy and the baby was screaming at me and I just didn’t know how I’d make it. Often I only got like 30-45 minutes before I had to come get the baby bc #screamer but it was still time for my sanity.

[kdubs923]

Mine were 25 months apart, so not quite the same.

But we'd sometimes tell the baby, 'Hold on DD, I'm helping DS right now. Please be patient'. Even though she didn't understand, it was helpful for DS to hear that sometimes the baby needs to wait too. It was definitely an adjustment for him to have us fully accessible to now being told he has to wait because we were busy with the new baby. So I think it eased the blow for him to know sometimes baby has to wait and DS takes priority too.

[hamster]

humpforfree I like that we are going for quantity over quality!

[humpforfree]

May 16, 2019 15:28:05 GMT -5 hamster said:

humpforfree I like that we are going for quantity over quality!

Quantity is required, friend.

[hamster]

I think the nursing aspect is one of my biggest sources of anxiety. I have toys for C in the nursery to help keep him occupied in there, and we can all sit on the couch together. But, like, what if is just waking up from a nap when I'm nursing? He usually wakes up upset and crying, so I hesitate to leave him for more than a few minutes.

That and food schedules. I remember feeling like it was really hard to eat with a newborn, but now I have a lot less flexibility and have to figure out how to manage. I do have a swing where I can see it from the stove, so hopefully the baby likes it!

Any tips on how to make sure baby takes a bottle? When to introduce and all that? I had the opposite problem with C but it's crucial to me so that he and I can still get some alone time.

[grover]

Try to plan naps at the same time. I had twins 9 days before A turned 2, and because of Moms on Call scheduling, I get one nap a day where all three are napping for at least a little while at the same time.

[maudefindlay]

Quality time doesn't have to be planned out and doesn't have to be big chunks of time. You can sneak in quality moments with your older child throughout the day when the opportunity arises. A long snuggle on the couch counts!

[Mrs.flang]

There have been times I’ve had to put down DD2 more abruptly than I would prefer because DD1 woke up or got into something and needed my immediate attention. It’s not ideal. I’ve felt flustered and panicked and in those early extra emotional days, I cried a lot. You won’t be able to give as much attention as you’d like to either, but after a while you get better at it and it will work itself out.

I eat while nursing a lot of the time. Or I put DD2 in the fisher price chair in the kitchen while DD1 and I eat breakfast.

I think the suggestion for introducing a bottle is around 5-6 weeks.

[sapphireblue]

May 16, 2019 10:26:34 GMT -5 namasteak said:

Don’t worry about screen time

Always get outside in the morning and after nap

Don’t worry too much about nutrition

Pay for things that make life easier

Have a secret box of surprise toys to bring out when the older one is struggling

Find a HS student to come a few afternoons a week to give the older one special time (or hold baby so you can be with the older one)

This is all so good. I couldn't agree more!

[sapphireblue]

Mine are 20 months apart. For us, we found it really hard, I must say. Now, our youngest is 2 and we have definitely felt that it is getting much easier these last few months.

We did a lot of wearing the baby because she cried a lot and wanted to be held a lot.

We also bought a ton of prepared foods from this local small gourmet market. For those first six months or so we lived on those so once we had some peace in the evening and time to relax and eat, we just had to heat something up. We had to stop that eventually because it was so expensive but for at least the first six months that was most of our dinners.

I noticed how much my SO would tell my son to wait because he had to do x, y, or z for his sister, the baby. So I tried to be very conscious to not put my son off for the baby whenever possible to do so, and at times to say to her (even though she was a baby so couldn't understand) "I'll do that in a minute after I finish playing with son." I didn't want him to feel resentful of her. 

[namasteak]

When my PPA was bad And I worried about Ds1s nutrition I bought healthy versions of kid foods from WF. Now there is NurtureLife but it’s kind of pricey so I plan to fall back on WF kid stuff again if I need to.

[lacey]

Baby proof the house well. Let go of expectations. If your children are fed, changed and safe and everything else is a disaster that is ok. They are both going to cry more than you want. The older one is going to cry because sometimes you need to do something for the baby. And the baby is going to cry because you need to do something for the older one. Babies/toddlers can cry; you are not breaking them for tending to their sibling (or yourself!!).

[Blue Moon]

I didn't have 2U2 but my daughter was 2 when my son was born. I plopped my son in the Solly Baby wrap multiple times a day so that I was "free" to help my DD at the park, play dolls, or just do what I needed around the house. I didn't really baby-wear with my first because it wasn't necessary, but with my second I thought it was absolutely a necessity. I had a tough time with 1-2, and in hindsight I wish I would have let more go. I pushed myself too hard to maintain the standards we were used to-- ie, home cooked meals, daily outings, a clean house.

I did a bottle beginning at 2 weeks for my son (and 3 for my daughter). It worked fine in both cases and we had no issues nursing. I had my husband feed the baby the bottle for the first "overnight" shift and I got in bed as soon as my toddler did. That meant I sacrificed time to myself and time with my husband to veg out at night, but I prioritized sleep over those things. Without that little stretch at the beginning of the night, I wouldn't have made it.

[kellikans]

Following since mine will be less than 16 months apart come July. I'm terrified.

[hamster]

May 16, 2019 20:47:17 GMT -5 namasteak said:

When my PPA was bad And I worried about Ds1s nutrition I bought healthy versions of kid foods from WF. Now there is NurtureLife but it’s kind of pricey so I plan to fall back on WF kid stuff again if I need to.

It's less about nutrition and more about the act of figuring out food and putting it on the table. I hate doing it for myself, much less tiny, intermittently picky creatures.

But maybe I need to browse Costco for some more convenience foods...

[namasteak]

May 17, 2019 10:56:15 GMT -5 hamster said:

May 16, 2019 20:47:17 GMT -5 namasteak said:

When my PPA was bad And I worried about Ds1s nutrition I bought healthy versions of kid foods from WF. Now there is NurtureLife but it’s kind of pricey so I plan to fall back on WF kid stuff again if I need to.

It's less about nutrition and more about the act of figuring out food and putting it on the table. I hate doing it for myself, much less tiny, intermittently picky creatures.

But maybe I need to browse Costco for some more convenience foods...

Browse all the convenience food aisles and just stock up! Microwave is king postpartum

[kath16]

May 16, 2019 15:34:22 GMT -5 hamster said:

I think the nursing aspect is one of my biggest sources of anxiety. I have toys for C in the nursery to help keep him occupied in there, and we can all sit on the couch together. But, like, what if is just waking up from a nap when I'm nursing? He usually wakes up upset and crying, so I hesitate to leave him for more than a few minutes.

That and food schedules. I remember feeling like it was really hard to eat with a newborn, but now I have a lot less flexibility and have to figure out how to manage. I do have a swing where I can see it from the stove, so hopefully the baby likes it!

Any tips on how to make sure baby takes a bottle? When to introduce and all that? I had the opposite problem with C but it's crucial to me so that he and I can still get some alone time.

I know you're not going to believe me, but your older one will adjust (I mean, probably - most kids will). He honestly will just figure out that if baby is hungry Mama is going to feed him for a few minutes and that's when he can play by himself or watch tv/video/whocares. You could also get into a habit of something like: nurse and talk C into doing X, then when you're done nursing/burping, he gets 10 minutes of Mama to himself while baby rests. like, there is a payoff to him for being patient. 

[kath16]

May 17, 2019 10:50:53 GMT -5 kellikans said:

Following since mine will be less than 16 months apart come July. I'm terrified.

mine are 17 months. i assure you that if I can do it, you can too. i'm not a kid person. i never "did" babies until i had some. 

they're now 2 and 3 and we're out of the general fog of it all. 

just giving you hope from the other side that you absolutely can do this.

[lynn07]

My first two are 13 months apart. Baby wearing was definitely a necessity. We also had a device to set DS2 down into on every level of the house - a bouncer in the kitchen, swing in the living room, etc. That way if I ever needed to set him down quickly, I had a safe, contained space nearby. I spent a lot of time reading to DS1 while DS2 nursed, or I’d sit on the ground and nurse so I could still be somewhat involved with DS1. We still ate at normal times and stuff. DS2 was my least flexible baby schedule/nursing wise, but he still just got set down sometimes when I needed to get stuff done with DS1. It was tiring, but the transition from 0-1 was still harder than 1-2 for us. There’s just something about being able to feel more comfortable in your parenting that made it easier for us.

As far as bottles go, we introduced them around 3-4 weeks. If they didn’t like one after trying it a couple of times, I just tried a different one. I used a preemie nipples so that they wouldn’t drink them so fast. That seemed to help in the long term. Good luck!

[cherryvalance]

Honestly, I just kept reminding myself that each day I was another day closer to them being used to each other (well, to the baby just being used to being here, lol). DD started STTN at 6 weeks, which helped, but only got on a regular day schedule the past few weeks (she's 12 weeks). Having a regular schedule has been SO helpful.

There are times where they both need things at the same time and someone needs to wait. They've adjusted. It was hardest when DD was brand new and DS was totally thrown for a loop. Calling her "our baby" has really helped, too--he always wants to touch or look at our baby.

I'm EPing and remember posting in a feeding group asking how people managed to EP with 2 and I got a lot of recommendations to allow DS to watch tv. LOL, tried that! He wouldn't sit for a show, no matter what I did. I just let him run around and do his own thing, then play and interact when I can. If one is up during the other's nap, I make sure to get lots of one on one time then. We also get out every day, whether it's to run an errand or to the park, etc. DS is an attention whore and loves strangers stopping us to say hi or compliment him, so that's helped his mood, too.

Now, when DD cries, DS runs and grabs a pacifier or bottle or toy and offers it to her. Granted, it's not really helpful, lol, but it's adorable and he has genuinely adjusted to having her around.

[sent]

May 16, 2019 14:59:12 GMT -5 humpforfree said:

Once the baby was 6 weeks and could go to childcare she did! It saved me so many times when the toddler was going crazy and the baby was screaming at me and I just didn’t know how I’d make it. Often I only got like 30-45 minutes before I had to come get the baby bc #screamer but it was still time for my sanity.

I had these grand plans last summer when I enrolled 4.5 year old DD at the full time pre-school summer camp at the Y. I envisioned strolling the 4 blocks over there to drop her off at camp, then dropping off 3 month old DS at the childcare and going to work out. I'd be back to my wedding weight in no time. The front desk at the Y didn't understand why I was upset when they told me babies had to be 6 months for the childcare. They even mocked me for "wanting to get rid of him so soon." 

I'm still bitter. 

[humpforfree]

May 17, 2019 23:23:16 GMT -5 sent said:

May 16, 2019 14:59:12 GMT -5 humpforfree said:

Once the baby was 6 weeks and could go to childcare she did! It saved me so many times when the toddler was going crazy and the baby was screaming at me and I just didn’t know how I’d make it. Often I only got like 30-45 minutes before I had to come get the baby bc #screamer but it was still time for my sanity.

I had these grand plans last summer when I enrolled 4.5 year old DD at the full time pre-school summer camp at the Y. I envisioned strolling the 4 blocks over there to drop her off at camp, then dropping off 3 month old DS at the childcare and going to work out. I'd be back to my wedding weight in no time. The front desk at the Y didn't understand why I was upset when they told me babies had to be 6 months for the childcare. They even mocked me for "wanting to get rid of him so soon." 

I'm still bitter. 

😳 that’s crazy! Sorry that happened. My gym is like the best thing I’ve got going for me.