s/o sex thread

[TR]

As I’ve gotten older, it takes a lot of...pressure/vigor...for me to orgasm. I’ve always had trouble expressing what i want/need in bed so I’m having trouble getting comfortable to even bring it up with H, but moreso with feeling like it would be uncomfortable/hard for me to relax while he’s putting that much manual effort in, but feel like a vibrator would easily do it. But is it weird to use that almost every time we have sex?

[Jalapeñomel]

Not at all. If it works, it works.

[eddy]

I am in the always category.

It is just part of the routine.

[mccallister84]

Nope. We use it almost every time.

[rosiebear]

Always. Early on with my now-husband, I basically said if it’s gonna happen, we need to use this. And so we do.

Eta: I brought it up very early in our sex life because I wanted to get any awkwardness about the topic out of the way early and, honestly, to gauge his reaction to it.

[namasteak]

I don’t think it’s weird. Maybe a wevibe would make you feel less weird since it could be used at the same time & not feel so much as an afterwards thing?

[katfco]

I don’t think it’s weird if it’s what works for you.

[sapphireblue]

We used to use it occasionally. It used to be once in a while when I would feel like what normally would work (usually oral from him) just, for whatever reason, wasn't going to get me over the edge.

It does seem like lately I need it more. Like I need the added intensity it provides. We have a rabbit. We have a lot of toys but that's the one I want when I call for the vibrator!

[eb777888]

It is absolutely 100% not weird at all. Whatever works for you and your partner.

[livinitup]

Get a Pocket Rocket.

And there are lots of vibrating toys for men, too.

[sapphireblue]

I don't think it's weird. I think it's actually pretty common!

[TR]

I kind of want to barf thinking about bringing it up to H. At first I was thinking it was temporary or something was just off for awhile, like I wasn’t turned on enough so i didn’t say anything. But now I need to be like, “Sooooo I’m not actually getting off anymore.” And I’m worried it will hurt his feelings.

[eddy]

I guess I look at it as a way to spice things up. I wouldn’t even talk about how old methods aren’t working. Just be like “let’s try this”

My experience is that it is a turn on for all involved.

[livinitup]

May 20, 2019 19:30:08 GMT -5 TR said:

I kind of want to barf thinking about bringing it up to H. At first I was thinking it was temporary or something was just off for awhile, like I wasn’t turned on enough so i didn’t say anything. But now I need to be like, “Sooooo I’m not actually getting off anymore.” And I’m worried it will hurt his feelings.

Buy lube and a Pocket Rocket. Light a candle, put on music in your underwear and say “I want to try this”.

I guarantee he’ll say “Sure!” with a big smile.

Men aren’t that complicated. You are setting yourself - and really both of you - for a good time. It’s just fun.

[whitemerlot]

I totally agree that I would not say anything about things not being great in the past. I’d just have it be a fun thing to add and then if it works out, maybe you can just say that it was extra fun/awesome and you’d like to keep using it.

[ssmjlm]

I use a toy every time. Why make it harder when instead you can have 3 orgasms.

DH is totally cool with it. Plus toys are fun!

[namasteak]

While honesty is a good thing I totally get the anxiety. Maybe say “I’d like to try something new to see if it makes things more intense for me”?

[jlt19]

When I was 21 I had my clitoris pierced and it broke me 😞 I haven't been able to have an orgasm from just intercourse since. I either need a toy or oral coupled with nipple stimulation. DH doesn't mind because he truly wants me to be satisfied, just as I'm sure yours does.

I've never had a gspot orgasm and that makes me sad. And not for lack of trying either. I've got a lot of toys but it's never happened. I actually just bought one from that list circa posted in the other thread. Hoping it helps!

[laurack]

I’ve never used a vibrator at all but I just asked H if he’d be bothered if I said hey I want to start using a vibrator during sex so I can have better orgasms and he said no of course not. Now he’s trying to get me to buy one

[mcmel]

Every single time.

Condom ✅
Lube ✅
Hitachi Magic Wand ✅

[notsopicky]

May 20, 2019 19:56:07 GMT -5 mcmel said:

Every single time.

Condom ✅
Lube ✅
Hitachi Magic Wand ✅

This. All of this. 

[cleo29]

yeah, I feel like most guys would think this is kind of hot. Nearly every guy I have ever been with would love to watch me masturbate. I do not feel the same way about watching them.lol Anyway, I think this would kind of combine that desire and yet they are still part of the action. i say bring it up!

[rosiebear]

May 20, 2019 20:09:41 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

yeah, I feel like most guys would think this is kind of hot. Nearly every guy I have ever been with would love to watch me masturbate. I do not feel the same way about watching them.lol Anyway, I think this would kind of combine that desire and yet they are still part of the action. i say bring it up!

Re: watching them masturbate. The velocity is astonishing. Like, their hand is a blur. It’s amazing.

[rebneen]

I think confidence is hot, so if a partner knows what they want and asks for it, it's on. Lol.

I'd just say, "Hey, I've been really wanting to use xyz with you. I think that'd be super hot."

I'm blunt but care about feelings and don't like starting these kinds of conversations.

[knx9211]

Never done it but I vote not weird. But I understand why it’s weird to bring it up. I’m awkward about this stuff.

[cleo29]

May 20, 2019 20:17:20 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

May 20, 2019 20:09:41 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

yeah, I feel like most guys would think this is kind of hot. Nearly every guy I have ever been with would love to watch me masturbate. I do not feel the same way about watching them.lol Anyway, I think this would kind of combine that desire and yet they are still part of the action. i say bring it up!

Re: watching them masturbate. The velocity is astonishing. Like, their hand is a blur. It’s amazing.

I believe it. honestly, i was not big into giving handies because I could never do it as well as them. I know that is not the point, but there you have it. Also, the hand position never feels quite right. I kind of feel the same about guys and digitally handling things. It is ok, but other things are better.

[sapphireblue]

I get why you feel so nervous about bringing it up to your H. But here is the thing (and I have to remind myself of this at times too):

Most guys think there is nothing sexier than a woman asking for what she wants in bed and seeing her get super turned on and then having a great orgasm.

 I felt like the first time I asked for the vibrator, I had to explain later that he was pleasing me in bed, I just could tell I wasn't going to be able to finish without that extra push of the vibrator. I was all concerned about his feelings.

He was just like "Whatever, that was hot."

[flex]

I've always had to use one whether alone or with a partner. Just the way I am.

[TR]

May 20, 2019 20:17:20 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

May 20, 2019 20:09:41 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

yeah, I feel like most guys would think this is kind of hot. Nearly every guy I have ever been with would love to watch me masturbate. I do not feel the same way about watching them.lol Anyway, I think this would kind of combine that desire and yet they are still part of the action. i say bring it up!

Re: watching them masturbate. The velocity is astonishing. Like, their hand is a blur. It’s amazing.

LOL

[TR]

Thank you SO much to everyone who responded. I will try the “hey, I’d like to add this” approach.