Help! Period starting - staying overnight with new guy tmrw

[abba]

My period, which is more punctual than me as a person, seems to be starting a whole }#%* week early. I’m going out of town with a new guy that I really, really like tomorrow night and am a) bummed this is now on the table and b) not sure what to do.

1. There’s apparently a menstrual cup you can have sex with - Instead Softcup that’s in stock at a local Walgreens so I could pick up tmrw. Googling reviews led me to a horror story of someone who ended up at urgent care though after it folded in half and got stuck behind her cervix, though (!!!!).
2. Tell him at some point tmrw and see how he feels about period sex. My experience with guys here has been mixed.
3. Hope that this is just some random spotting that won’t escalate. I’m on abx for strep but I don’t think that would cause this. It’s been an incredibly stressful week at work so I’m shocked that between the stress and sickness that my period is coming early.
4. I can’t take hormonal BC due to a blood clot history so can’t use bcp to assist. I have a ParaGard iud.

I’m so annoyed. Any ideas or hair pats? This is sort of a long distance thing so we don’t get to see each other very often which is also adding to my frustration with my body’s timing.

[Patsy Baloney]

The instead cup is fine during sex, but you’re still going to be on your period, so a silicone rim in your vagina isn’t going to keep the secret from your guy that you’re having sex on your period.

I’d mention it and have those ready to go. They do, in my experience, make cleanup easier.

[turnipthebeet]

Sex in the shower. It was my go-to for period sex. I’d tell him tho.

[klingklang77]

Ugh, that sucks. I’ve become irregular thanks to peri menopause. On my SO and I’s second date where he stayed over, I had my period. I told him and he was really cool about it. He was like so what?, it’s natural. I think most guys are used to this by now. And if they aren’t, then I probably wouldn’t want to see them again, TBH.

So my vote goes with just tell him. It’s going to come up eventually.

[Leeham Rimes]

I use a cup and sex with it is incredibly messy and not at all worth it. Just tell him and have shower sex if you’re both into shower period sex. Sometimes H and I are and sometimes my period is so heavy, ain’t nobody wanna deal with that. lol.

I don’t know why you wouldn’t tell him. I certainly wouldn’t ever want to do anything with a man who is all “omg. Period, ewwww”. I totally get the inconvenience factor, my period always picks the *worst* possible day to start.

[CloudBee]

I've used the cup without any leakage during sex. However, he will be able to feel it. And so will you. It's not the most comfortable sex, unfortunately.

ETA: I would expect him to be understanding, but would *not* expect him to still want to have sex with you. Period sex is extremely intimate, and not something I would think most people would be up for early in a relationship.

Sorry.  

[Leeham Rimes]

Also: if you’ve never used that particular cup before I’m not sure first time use should be under pressure.

I actually use a menstrual disc vs a cup and the first two days of my period are abnormally heavy so perhaps it’s only messy bc of that, but my disc absolutely had a bit of a learning curve.

[Leeham Rimes]

Aug 18, 2019 7:32:01 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

I've used the cup without any leakage during sex. However, he will be able to feel it. And so will you. It's not the most comfortable sex, unfortunately.

ETA: I would expect him to be understanding, but would *not* expect him to still want to have sex with you. Period sex is extremely intimate, and not something I would think most people would be up for early in a relationship.

Sorry.  

Yes to your ETA.

I would be offended if he was offended by my period in general but I would not he offended if he passed on sex. (Honestly I don’t love period sex and rarely have it bc my period is just awful)

[Jalapeñomel]

I really don’t understand how using a cup during sex would work. It seems like it would hit the cup, like a barrier, and that’s that. I don’t know how that would be pleasurable for anyone.

If I had sex during my period, I’d just do it in the shower. But I abstain because I’m not remotely interested in sex while menstruating.

[wambam]

Add me to the “how would that even work” camp for having sex with the cup in.

Just be upfront about it and be breezy. It’s cool if he wants to, cool if he prefers to wait.

Also, you should definitely watch this ASAP. It will help you laugh away your menstrual misfortune : m.youtube.com/watch?v=Uab2BlDpPxQ

[MixedBerryJam]

I'm trying not to judge, really and truly. But how old are you? Because this question sounds very not ready for secks if you're asking a boardful of strangers (this is your first post?) about having period sex with your new boyfriend who's also a long distance boyfriend.

Also I'm in a rotten mood tonight (not period related, just genuine old hag rottenness) so maybe it's just ... me?

ETA Also the comment that you're going out of town with him tomorrow, combined with the comment that you can't take bcp for backup because of the clotting thing, strikes me as very "bcp work 24 hours after starting them," which is not very ... accurate.

^^^^ RESCINDED.
I WAS WRONG TO POST THIS ^^^^

[turnipthebeet]

Aug 18, 2019 19:36:30 GMT -5 MixedBerryJam said:

I'm trying not to judge, really and truly. But how old are you? Because this question sounds very not ready for secks if you're asking a boardful of strangers (this is your first post?) about having period sex with your new boyfriend who's also a long distance boyfriend.

Also I'm in a rotten mood tonight (not period related, just genuine old hag rottenness) so maybe it's just ... me?

Does this board have an age limit?

I assume that this poster is inexperienced. Could be young, could be a byproduct of a religious upbringing, could be someone who married young and recently got divorced. Regardless, I remember being inexperienced and unsure about menstrual sex. I don’t think that means she shouldn’t be sleeping with the guy.

[TR]

Aug 18, 2019 19:36:30 GMT -5 MixedBerryJam said:

I'm trying not to judge, really and truly. But how old are you? Because this question sounds very not ready for secks if you're asking a boardful of strangers (this is your first post?) about having period sex with your new boyfriend who's also a long distance boyfriend.

Also I'm in a rotten mood tonight (not period related, just genuine old hag rottenness) so maybe it's just ... me?

ETA Also the comment that you're going out of town with him tomorrow, combined with the comment that you can't take bcp for backup because of the clotting thing, strikes me as very "bcp work 24 hours after starting them," which is not very ... accurate.

It sounds like you’re judging.

[MixedBerryJam]

Aug 18, 2019 19:43:00 GMT -5 turnipthebeet said:

Aug 18, 2019 19:36:30 GMT -5 MixedBerryJam said:

I'm trying not to judge, really and truly. But how old are you? Because this question sounds very not ready for secks if you're asking a boardful of strangers (this is your first post?) about having period sex with your new boyfriend who's also a long distance boyfriend.

Also I'm in a rotten mood tonight (not period related, just genuine old hag rottenness) so maybe it's just ... me?

Does this board have an age limit?

I assume that this poster is inexperienced. Could be young, could be a byproduct of a religious upbringing, could be someone who married young and recently got divorced. Regardless, I remember being inexperienced and unsure about menstrual sex. I don’t think that means she shouldn’t be sleeping with the guy.

You're right. I did fail at not judging and for that Op, I do apologise. I'm leaving the comment up because I own my harshness. OP and every one of us can sleep with whoever the hell we want to, whenever the hell we want to, and I let me terrible horrible no good very bad day color my response.

abba I truly do apologise. I was young once too and I hope it works out for you.

[klee23]

Aug 18, 2019 19:36:30 GMT -5 MixedBerryJam said:

I'm trying not to judge, really and truly. But how old are you? Because this question sounds very not ready for secks if you're asking a boardful of strangers (this is your first post?) about having period sex with your new boyfriend who's also a long distance boyfriend.

Also I'm in a rotten mood tonight (not period related, just genuine old hag rottenness) so maybe it's just ... me?

ETA Also the comment that you're going out of town with him tomorrow, combined with the comment that you can't take bcp for backup because of the clotting thing, strikes me as very "bcp work 24 hours after starting them," which is not very ... accurate.

I didn't see anything that indicated this was a long distance relationship, just that they are going away overnight together. Someone that she is seeing and thought a trip would be a nice first time.

As far as the BCP- I took that as a preemptive comment to keep posters from suggesting she skip the placebo week when it doesn't apply to her situation. OP also mentioned she has a Paragard so she's on top of things there. Paragard also has a reputation for causing heavy periods too.

Nothing she said seems too unreasonable or immature to me so I figure what's the big deal. 🤷‍♀️

[CloudBee]

The Instead cup is basically a diaphragm. It has a thicker ridge, and a thinner surface. I have had sex with one in many times. It is possible, and a great option for vacation. Even if it means sex won't be as pleasurable. But it's only something I would use with a partner I've been with for a long time. Like my spouse. I wouldn't use it the first time... THE first time, with someone new.

The Instead Cup is nothing like a Diva Cup. It has a completely different shape.

[lostrn]

Aug 18, 2019 19:59:27 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

The Instead cup is basically a diaphragm. It has a thicker ridge, and a thinner surface. I have had sex with one in many times. It is possible, and a great option for vacation. Even if it means sex won't be as pleasurable. But it's only something I would use with a partner I've been with for a long time. Like my spouse. I wouldn't use it the first time... THE first time, with someone new.

The Instead Cup is nothing like a Diva Cup. It has a completely different shape.

I've used the instead cup as well during sex. DH doesn't like it but it certainly keeps things neater!

[cleo29]

Aug 18, 2019 19:51:18 GMT -5 klee23 said:

Aug 18, 2019 19:36:30 GMT -5 MixedBerryJam said:

I'm trying not to judge, really and truly. But how old are you? Because this question sounds very not ready for secks if you're asking a boardful of strangers (this is your first post?) about having period sex with your new boyfriend who's also a long distance boyfriend.

Also I'm in a rotten mood tonight (not period related, just genuine old hag rottenness) so maybe it's just ... me?

ETA Also the comment that you're going out of town with him tomorrow, combined with the comment that you can't take bcp for backup because of the clotting thing, strikes me as very "bcp work 24 hours after starting them," which is not very ... accurate.

I didn't see anything that indicated this was a long distance relationship, just that they are going away overnight together. Someone that she is seeing and thought a trip would be a nice first time.

As far as the BCP- I took that as a preemptive comment to keep posters from suggesting she skip the placebo week when it doesn't apply to her situation. OP also mentioned she has a Paragard so she's on top of things there. Paragard also has a reputation for causing heavy periods too.

Nothing she said seems too unreasonable or immature to me so I figure what's the big deal. 🤷‍♀️

I thought maybe it was mentioned because she was on antibiotics, which can mess with the pill, right? Maybe lead to spotting? I don't know, it has been so long since i have been on hormonal bc of any kind.

[mags]

Shower sex

[rebneen]

Talking about period sex with a new partner is awkward, but very briefly and gets worked out quickly. I just had that come up at 2 months into having sex. I told J and was just straightforward that it started (I have an IUD and it's been many months). I asked him if he still wanted sex later knowing that.

[abba]

No worries MixedBerryJam! This IS super new to me! I’m actually a regular, posting under an AE since my H and I decided to try having an open marriage. This guy is my first boyfriend under the arrangement and I was super nervous after not having been with anyone but H for so long! I didn’t include all that in my OP because I know you guys would have focused on that vs the very boring in comparison period question. 😂

To update, though, I ended up only spotting Sunday and Monday. We text frequently and I mentioned I thought I was starting my period and he was super great about it. We ended up having fairly non-messy sex on Sunday and did other things yesterday and today. It was all great and we’re super happy. 🙂

[Patsy Baloney]

Yes, hello, please tell me about your open marriage.

Glad it all worked out

[cabbagecabbage]

Excuse me. You need to start the other more interesting thread immediately. I try not to be all jaw-droppy and OMG about people's relationships but I find this fascinating. You should tell us everything.

[lexxasaurus]

Glad he was cool with it and you had fun!
Maybe I'm the odd one because I don't love the mess but everything is more sensitive and I'm more into it so I like period sex. Plus my BF gives no fucks, we usually just toss down a towel then hop in the shower at the end to clean up.
I did unexpectedly start DURING a one night stand and the guy went to the bathroom, came back and asked if I was on it and thankfully was super breezy because I was mildly embarrassed I hadn't realized.

ETA: also interested in the open marriage thread if you're comfortable with it! We aren't open but are 'monogam-ish', lol, and have brought in others for fun. I'm always intrigued to hear about other non-traditional relationships.

[downtoearth]

Yeah, I'm way more interested in the "new guy that I really, really like" and "open marriage" than the period sex. Hmmm... so many questions.

[MixedBerryJam]

Now that we have your period straightened out, we're waaaaaaaaaiting, abba. You cannot jerk us around like this!

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

I would be up front about it, and also even if he isn’t that into period sex (which I don’t judge because the first couple days of my period are so awful he doesn’t want a piece and I don’t want anyone near my midsection), there are plenty of ways to be intimate with each other that don’t involve vaginal sex (and I don’t mean anal sex, unless you’re into that). Like mutual masturbation (lay down a towel and bring some gloves) or talking dirty to each other or just making out while watching something adult or something else more creative. That kind of stuff can be way more intimate and satisfying for me than just slapping parts together. Sorry about the timing! That’s totally something my own uterus would do too, because she is not a team player and responds to anxiety by throwing blood around.

[Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear]

[Pilsy]

How on earth are we still on page 1 here? The thread about how neat everyone is has more posts. 

[waverly]

Yes I need more info on how a couple decides to have an open marriage.

I know nothing so I admit this is all assumptions and judgemental. Does it mean the end of the previous relationship? How do you handle jealousy? Was it really a mutual decision or was one partner forced into it, like open marriage or I will leave? What happens if you all like the other partner better than the original one?