Post by covergirl82 on Aug 21, 2019 8:09:05 GMT -5
Dear God,
Grant me the serenity to make it through our job request committee without openly calling people out for wasting our time with the requests on the agenda. When people don't accept 'no' for an answer and try to find a new way around to get what they want, it pisses me off.
Also, please give me a better attitude about DS's classroom placement this year, and at least help me to have a fake positive attitude tonight at meet the teacher.
Post by librarychica on Aug 21, 2019 8:16:47 GMT -5
Dear babysitter,
DD1 gets off the bus at 4. I get home at 5:45. There is no reason she should be eating a bag of cookies, pile of fruit and 2 popsicles in that time.
Sincerely, You’re about to lose your job if you keep letting the 7yo walk all over you
Dear Working Parents,
What level of lack of focus is normal in a second grader? DD1 cannot complete tasks that her 4yo sister does on first request and yet doesn’t seem to be defiant about it. Then I get impatient and yell and she gets more anxious and more scattered and it’s a cycle.
You were amazing last night at your first game. Now lets try to keep it up, unfortunately with a cold that the entire team seems to share.
Dear class,
Today is our first day. Please be sweet little darling all year and lets have a great year.
Dear Management,
You told me to take over these classes. You can't be miffed that I can't make your very important meetings in the building at the same time as teaching one of my two classes both 30 minutes away. Pick your priorities people.
librarychica, my DD1 cannot complete simple tasks when requested verbally. She just can't. Now she's often defiant about it, but for a long time she wasn't. She is very smart, but cannot take multi-step verbal instructions. By multi-step, I mean, "OK, you need to brush your teeth, fix your hair, and put on shoes." If given in that way, she will only do 1 out of 3. We now know she's got some pretty severe executive functioning issues, so we're trying to figure out how to deal with that.
She does better with checklists, but she gets tired of them pretty easily, and then just ignores. But I've heard that most kids with EF issues do very well with a written or picture list.
librarychica, When you compare a child to your 4 year old and they come up short typically that means something unless your 4 year old is super advanced. We have that with DS and DD with mostly the motor skills, and I know he is just delayed 1-2 years on things requiring motor planning and balance.
He does well in math and is in accelerated math, but he cannot keep his mind on task at all while doing writing. I don't know if we will get an ADHD diagnosis in the future. According to the online checklists he definitely showed signs. His teacher did not see it though, and saw it as a motivational thing. However the teacher has to be right on top of him to get certain things done and keep circling back. We had to do the same with some tasks at home, but he is able to follow multiple step directions. He just gets irritated when we ask him to do 3 things at once because he is off trying to get task 1 done, which I can understand- we are annoying.
librarychica, We're in the same boat as mae0111 with DD2 and executive functioning. I've tried hard to readjust my own expectations of her. We rely on written lists for her to reference A TON now. It helps. It's hard when I have two the same age and one is good at it and one is so drastically not.
Post by librarychica on Aug 21, 2019 10:46:56 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for your feedback and allowing me to take over this letters thread with my kid problems. I think part of me knows she needs extra help, but the fact that she has always done fine in school has allowed me to overlook it. It’s like she has X amount of self control and ability to take directions and it’s all used up by 3pm. I took her out of after care and she has almost no extracurriculars (like twice a month), I limit our social commitments to one a weekend. All of this because of the way it affects her anxiety and behavior.
It’s really hard to judge what is normal here because a)no one I know seems to have much in the way of requirements of their kids IRL and b) I am an extremely self-disciplined person who grew up in a household run on military timing. So I get very frustrated with her but I also am besieged by self-doubt.
I tried to find her a therapist when she as younger but I never found someone suitable and I was worried about adding another commitment to stress everyone out. I’m going to have to look into that again, if only to get us all some better coping strategies. I did leave her a checklist for after school. I may end up firing the babysitter for someone a little more self-disciplined as well and DD1 is walking all over her.
Today I left her a checklist of three things to do before she can have TV — snack, her afterschool reading and playing outside. Not chores or anything she dislikes so I am hoping it will be a morale booster for her. I feel like this is a cycle — she wants to please and I have been hard on her and so she is anxious about pleasing, which causes her to struggle with focus ...
We have 3 weeks until teacher conferences. I’m going to see what her teacher sees and decide whether to pursue some sort of evaluation then.
Post by traveltheworld on Aug 21, 2019 10:47:53 GMT -5
librarychica, my 7 year old DS also cannot complete daily routine tasks based on verbal cues - he gets distracted easily. I've concluded that he definitely has executive function issues. We have a lot of posters up around the house to remind him of things - morning/evening routine chart in the hallway between his bedroom and bathroom; "what to wear" chart on his closet door; school bag packing chart in the mud room; chores chart on the refrigerator. We also rely heavily on multiple alarms set up via Google Home so that I'm not the one constantly nagging him about getting ready. He has an entire Google Home Mini devoted to himself and his alarms.
As a point of reference, his inability to remember routine things got so bad that by March of this year, he had already lost 5 water bottles, multiple lunch bags, and multiple jackets at school. We attached a small laminated sheet to the inside of his backpack that he looks at at the end of every school day to ensure that he has everything he needs before leaving the school.
On the other hand, he can stay incredibly focused on anything that's not "daily living" - reads multiple grade levels ahead, can work on advance math for hours, etc. So we just try to help him with the rest.
librarychica, my DD had issues paying attention to instructions at home and in school. She also takes a lot longer than my 5 year old DS1 to complete a task. It all came to a head during this past school year when she wasn't completing tests or assignments on time and it was starting to significantly affect her grades. She's a pretty smart kid and was able to ace most tests even though her classwork wasn't done. We ended up mentioning it to the pediatrician and she suggested screening DD for ADHD-inattentive type. It was an easy process - the pedi gave us surveys to give to DD's teachers, who sent them back to the pedi. We also filled one out. She was diagnosed last November and started on a medication to help her focus. The difference was amazing! The teachers were impressed with the turn around. After the diagnosis, I read up on this type of ADHD and it turns out it mostly affects girls. These kids are usually pretty smart and can compensate for their lack of focus. Other symptoms included executive functioning issues and inability to complete multi-step tasks. We did counseling for a little bit to learn how to work with DD. The best info we got was to use checklists and get her a planner to map out her school work for the week. At the beginning of the last school year, it was a battle to get homework done because she was so easily distracted. DH or I would have to sit with her at the table and constantly remind her to focus. It would take an hour to finish one math worksheet with 10 simple addition problems. At the end of the year, she was able to get her work done on her own without any prompting from us. I highly suggest that you talk to your pediatrician to see if DD1 should be screened for ADHD-inattentive type. If you go this route, I would suggest waiting until after the first month or so of the school year so the teachers are getting an accurate picture of your DD. Good luck!
librarychica , my 7 year old DS also cannot complete daily routine tasks based on verbal cues - he gets distracted easily. I've concluded that he definitely has executive function issues. We have a lot of posters up around the house to remind him of things - morning/evening routine chart in the hallway between his bedroom and bathroom; "what to wear" chart on his closet door; school bag packing chart in the mud room; chores chart on the refrigerator. We also rely heavily on multiple alarms set up via Google Home so that I'm not the one constantly nagging him about getting ready. He has an entire Google Home Mini devoted to himself and his alarms.
As a point of reference, his inability to remember routine things got so bad that by March of this year, he had already lost 5 water bottles, multiple lunch bags, and multiple jackets at school. We attached a small laminated sheet to the inside of his backpack that he looks at at the end of every school day to ensure that he has everything he needs before leaving the school.
On the other hand, he can stay incredibly focused on anything that's not "daily living" - reads multiple grade levels ahead, can work on advance math for hours, etc. So we just try to help him with the rest.
This is all DD2 exactly!
I love the Google alarms idea. I have an extra Echo Dot laying around that I could dedicate to her routines and reminders. That would be genius and free me up to do other things instead of keeping track of her to-do lists all the time!
polecat8, I swear you just explained my DD. I keep seeing her focus and concentration falter at gymnastics so have been tempted to make an appointment for the ADHD inattentive but then I saw her in her class last spring and her focus and ability to work at school was greatly better than the rest of her class so I thought oh it is just gymnastic level focus vs real life focus. But over the summer it has been so hard for her to sit and do her summer workbook pages. If I sit with her it is a breeze but go do 3 pages and 20 minutes later she has two problems done. I've just chalked it up to her not wanting to do it but now I really don't know. She is super smart but I swear her focus and ability to complete tasks hasn't changed since pre-k. traveltheworld, we've been doing gear check since July to help keep our stuff together but I think I might make a written list for school since she is the queen of loosing jackets.
Dear WPs I have a free night Friday! DH is paintballing all weekend and my parents asked to have DD over Friday for a sleepover. I will be kid free from 4pm to probably noon on Saturday. I've been lucky all summer to squeeze out a half hour of alone time once a month. What do I do? Go out to dinner alone? Get take out and stay home? I know sleeping in is a must Saturday morning. 186momx
librarychica , my 7 year old DS also cannot complete daily routine tasks based on verbal cues - he gets distracted easily. I've concluded that he definitely has executive function issues. We have a lot of posters up around the house to remind him of things - morning/evening routine chart in the hallway between his bedroom and bathroom; "what to wear" chart on his closet door; school bag packing chart in the mud room; chores chart on the refrigerator. We also rely heavily on multiple alarms set up via Google Home so that I'm not the one constantly nagging him about getting ready. He has an entire Google Home Mini devoted to himself and his alarms.
As a point of reference, his inability to remember routine things got so bad that by March of this year, he had already lost 5 water bottles, multiple lunch bags, and multiple jackets at school. We attached a small laminated sheet to the inside of his backpack that he looks at at the end of every school day to ensure that he has everything he needs before leaving the school.
On the other hand, he can stay incredibly focused on anything that's not "daily living" - reads multiple grade levels ahead, can work on advance math for hours, etc. So we just try to help him with the rest.
This is my DD1 too!!! Her reading comp was mid-10th grade level when she was in 3rd grade. She's constantly reading, or making bracelets, etc., but OMG if I have to remind her that she needs to wear shoes one more time...
We've tried the charts, and she just ignores after a while. I'm trying to step back and allow for some natural consequences when she screams at me, but it's hard for me to do because she beats herself up when she forgets. I think I'm going to try setting alarms this year in the morning and for homework. That's a great idea!
I'm tired of spending money on you. Since we moved in, we've done minimal "fun" stuff (shutters!) but lots of really annoying necessary and not pretty stuff like sump pumps, plumbing, trenching, electrical work, AC repair, chimney repair, etc. All of which has added up to big buckeroos, but not much visible improvement. And we still have a laundry list of things we need to complete. And it doesn't help that all estimates show our house has dropped at least $100k in value since we bought it. I know we're not selling anytime soon and that figure doesn't matter, but MAN you feel like a money pit.
Signed, Home ownership sucks.
PS: $440 dollars because of BIRDS in our chimney. EFFING BIRDS. And not just one nest of birds, TWO. I spent all of July and the first half of August listening to effing BIRDS in my chimney. After today, that won't be a possibility now that they can cap it off since the birds have exited.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Aug 21, 2019 12:40:15 GMT -5
Dear School,
What the actual fuck. Your Pre K 3 class somehow has gone into a death spiral and now only has 2 children and you've combined them with my kids class AND didn't even contact us about it.
Signed, Mad
Dear SAHM in DD's Pre K Class,
I think it's lovely you want to get the teacher a cake and gift card from the parents. I have no idea why you think it would be a good idea for parents to come in after lunch to sing happy birthday to the teacher. That is the craziest mess I've ever heard. No I'm not going to take off work to do that.
And not that I want to interfere with whatever you want to do, but if my kid is upset that I'm the only parent not there I'm going to be mad. And also, are the parents not going to pick their kids up at 11:30 if this happens? Are they going to leave and go back at 3? Or 5:30 if they stay for after care?
Post by traveltheworld on Aug 21, 2019 12:59:23 GMT -5
mae0111, I feel you on the natural consequences thing. I think for some kids (like your's and mine), natural consequences just don't work. For example, DS has to change his indoor shoes to outdoor shoes when he leaves the school. By mid first-grade, I told our nanny that she is not to remind him to change. Well, the kid took off his indoor shoes, walked straight out of the school, walked 2 blocks in his socks, IN THE FREEZING RAIN. Another struggle we have is clothes - people always say oh just let them wear whatever, if they are hot/cold, they'll adjust. Not my kid. He would wear t-shirt and shorts in freezing weather, not notice, catch a cold, trigger his asthma, and miss school. So yup...can't have that happen. So we put up a "what to wear" sheet, where every morning, he gets up, Google tells him the expected temperature, he cross-references it to the sheet, which tells him which drawer he can pick his clothes from. Meanwhile, my 4 year old has been able to dress herself, weather-appropriately, for the past year now. So I KNOW it's not my parenting.
traveltheworld - I agree. I think I will continue with natural consequences if she fights with me. If I remind her to pack her homework, and she screams at me for reminding her, and then she forgets, then oh well 🤷♀️. And that happened a few times last year - homework, gloves, an extra layer if the classroom got cold. Nothing that could truly harm her, but it was certainly inconvenient and/or uncomfortable.
Post by sandandsea on Aug 21, 2019 13:41:43 GMT -5
Dear teacher, I’m sorry i emailed you about homework already but I’m glad I did because I was able to get the math paper out of the trash so DS could turn it in and avoided a crisis. I’m sorry if it stinks now and promise to not do it again. Thanks, Mom who is used to last year’s rules and realized a day too late that they changed
What the actual fuck. Your Pre K 3 class somehow has gone into a death spiral and now only has 2 children and you've combined them with my kids class AND didn't even contact us about it.
Signed, Mad
Dear SAHM in DD's Pre K Class,
I think it's lovely you want to get the teacher a cake and gift card from the parents. I have no idea why you think it would be a good idea for parents to come in after lunch to sing happy birthday to the teacher. That is the craziest mess I've ever heard. No I'm not going to take off work to do that.
And not that I want to interfere with whatever you want to do, but if my kid is upset that I'm the only parent not there I'm going to be mad. And also, are the parents not going to pick their kids up at 11:30 if this happens? Are they going to leave and go back at 3? Or 5:30 if they stay for after care?
Signed, Working Mom
OMG. EYEROLLS for days at that mom wanting parents to come in to the class and sing to the TEACHER. WTAF. I have never even heard of a parent sending in a cake AND gift card for the teacher's bday. Nice gesture, but seems a little over the top.
What the actual fuck. Your Pre K 3 class somehow has gone into a death spiral and now only has 2 children and you've combined them with my kids class AND didn't even contact us about it.
Signed, Mad
Dear SAHM in DD's Pre K Class,
I think it's lovely you want to get the teacher a cake and gift card from the parents. I have no idea why you think it would be a good idea for parents to come in after lunch to sing happy birthday to the teacher. That is the craziest mess I've ever heard. No I'm not going to take off work to do that.
And not that I want to interfere with whatever you want to do, but if my kid is upset that I'm the only parent not there I'm going to be mad. And also, are the parents not going to pick their kids up at 11:30 if this happens? Are they going to leave and go back at 3? Or 5:30 if they stay for after care?
Signed, Working Mom
OMG. EYEROLLS for days at that mom wanting parents to come in to the class and sing to the TEACHER. WTAF. I have never even heard of a parent sending in a cake AND gift card for the teacher's bday. Nice gesture, but seems a little over the top.
For real. She obviously has no concept that not every kid has a two-parent household where one doesn't work and has flexibility to participate in activities during the school day.
What level of lack of focus is normal in a second grader? DD1 cannot complete tasks that her 4yo sister does on first request and yet doesn’t seem to be defiant about it. Then I get impatient and yell and she gets more anxious and more scattered and it’s a cycle.
Focus varies from person to person and your 4 year old probably has less demands placed on her all day so may simply have more reserves. What is your concern? Not completing homework? Not getting dressed? Not cleaning up?
My younger one can't focus which is common with ADHD. We have to give small sub-tasks and polite but firm reminders. Rewards help and I do occasionally have to let natural consequences happen like not finishing breakfast if you've been slow all morning. I get the frustration that drives yelling but I also find it counter productive. While your expectations might be reasonable in general you have to meet your kid where she is and try to build her focus like muscle. If the HW is the issue I would have her work in 4 10 min bursts and slowly stretch the time.
What the actual fuck. Your Pre K 3 class somehow has gone into a death spiral and now only has 2 children and you've combined them with my kids class AND didn't even contact us about it.
Signed, Mad
Dear SAHM in DD's Pre K Class,
I think it's lovely you want to get the teacher a cake and gift card from the parents. I have no idea why you think it would be a good idea for parents to come in after lunch to sing happy birthday to the teacher. That is the craziest mess I've ever heard. No I'm not going to take off work to do that.
And not that I want to interfere with whatever you want to do, but if my kid is upset that I'm the only parent not there I'm going to be mad. And also, are the parents not going to pick their kids up at 11:30 if this happens? Are they going to leave and go back at 3? Or 5:30 if they stay for after care?
Signed, Working Mom
OMG. EYEROLLS for days at that mom wanting parents to come in to the class and sing to the TEACHER. WTAF. I have never even heard of a parent sending in a cake AND gift card for the teacher's bday. Nice gesture, but seems a little over the top.
We had a set of cousins in DD's JrK class that the parents did this stuff. They were over the top on everything. Floral arrangements for the teacher's birthdays, gift bags for every student for EVERY holiday, etc. Every time I noticed something extravagant like that in the class, I'd be like "what in the world... oh. The cousins." And the teacher/office/whoever would be like.. "yep, the cousins." And you bet your booty that every project they turned in was professional quality.
But never expecting the parents to drop their day and do anything at least. Apparently the moms had fun doing it, and they never expected me to step up, but they sure set bars high.
I just got notification from Ad Club which is DD before/after/summer care. They had 4 confirmed LICE cases today. They sent all infected kids home and they can't return with live bugs. They are taking it seriously and asked each parent to triple check heads tonight. DD's last day for summer is tomorrow and I think I'm not sending her as we will all be up late combing out her hair.
186momx, FX it skips you. But if you do end up with lice, I highly recommend paying someone else to do the treatment. My kids cooperated for a stranger 1298374298x better than they ever would me. I thought I'd done a pretty good job with it, turns out I'd left behind tooooooooons of nits. The price tag was worth it. Not to mention the reassurance of not having to rely on DH checking my head.
OMG. EYEROLLS for days at that mom wanting parents to come in to the class and sing to the TEACHER. WTAF. I have never even heard of a parent sending in a cake AND gift card for the teacher's bday. Nice gesture, but seems a little over the top.
We had a set of cousins in DD's JrK class that the parents did this stuff. They were over the top on everything. Floral arrangements for the teacher's birthdays, gift bags for every student for EVERY holiday, etc. Every time I noticed something extravagant like that in the class, I'd be like "what in the world... oh. The cousins." And the teacher/office/whoever would be like.. "yep, the cousins." And you bet your booty that every project they turned in was professional quality.
But never expecting the parents to drop their day and do anything at least. Apparently the moms had fun doing it, and they never expected me to step up, but they sure set bars high.
I totally said I'd put in money for the card and cake but no to going up and singing.
There's at least two moms who are going that I know of. I should send my husband. (No way in hell would my husband go). I can't imagine the teacher wants parents up there singing to her at lunch when they still have the whole rest of the day after that.
k3am, I already have the closest lice treatment company bookmarked from our last foray. Hopefully she doesn't have anything and I just spend 2 hours tonight combining and braiding her hair. Luckily she loves her hair played with.
Investment Co How did you loose DH's mutual fund account history. You lost from 1988-2008 and now want me to gather it for you. Luckily I had 90% of that on my money file at work and just need to have the mutual funds confirm my basis information in what they have. But this means I need DH to call the mutual fund companies so that he can tell them to talk to me so I can ask them for the documentation. Cranky Accountant PS Anyone have an in with someone who works at American Funds??
DD1 gets off the bus at 4. I get home at 5:45. There is no reason she should be eating a bag of cookies, pile of fruit and 2 popsicles in that time.
Sincerely, You’re about to lose your job if you keep letting the 7yo walk all over you
Dear Working Parents,
What level of lack of focus is normal in a second grader? DD1 cannot complete tasks that her 4yo sister does on first request and yet doesn’t seem to be defiant about it. Then I get impatient and yell and she gets more anxious and more scattered and it’s a cycle.
Help!
My oldest dd is like this. I can only give her one thing at a time. If I give her even 2 she only remembers the 2nd one. I can give her younger sister a laundry list of items and she remembers them all. My oldest is 18 and it has improved much over the years.