I think that as this is a new job and the possibility that he’s been told that there are strict rules about WFH - again, roll with it for now while he figures it out and maybe determines on his own that it’s ok for the OP to leave him alone with the kids.
When you’re new in a role, i feel that “1st impressions” matter so much. He needs to rock this out, show his dedication, and not have any questionable issues arise where he wasn’t doing his job.
If he gets “caught” now, in only his 2nd month, taking care of his kids instead of working - that’s a mark that will stick with him for a LONG time.
Where as if he works hard, shows his full dedication, etc - if at some point, months from now, some weird one-off situation comes up with work, he’ll have already shown his work ethic and his bosses may not be as bothered.
I’ve experienced this myself and being a rock star the 1st 6 months gave me YEARS of trust. Where as if i has screwed up in the first 2 months, i know that would have hurt that trust for years.
I work from home full time. Well, I actually work part time, but all of my work hours are from home. I would have no problem doing what you're suggesting your H do. I often do more supervising of my children while working than you're requesting, and my kids are only 2 and 6. I don't particularly like being responsible for them while I'm trying to work and they're awake, but sometimes it is unavoidable, or sometimes I choose that to make other things in our life run smoothly. If they were sleeping, it would be a non-issue.
However, my job is extremely flexible. In 99% of cases, if I had to walk away to attend to one of my children, I could just say that and it would be fine. If your H isn't comfortable with it, or if the parameters of his job don't allow for it, hire the sitter.
Post by pittpurple on Aug 26, 2019 10:05:19 GMT -5
Personally I'd ask if he could make it work for the unavoidable one-off issues (the practice, though - wow, that's late!) and come up with a plan for the optional times - the book club. I wouldn't feel comfortable with either myself or my husband risking our work relationships or actual work for a social event for the other person. If he was physically at work you wouldn't have an option and would have to decide how much it's worth for you to go so I'd definitely look at it like that.
I feel like there are also times that schedules just clash or surprising things happen - someone needs to go to the doctor, etc and you might want to save any potential flexibility for when you really need it. My husband and I both work full-time and work from home sporadically but we have super flexible jobs that don't have that sort of pressure. Even so, at the times I'm meant to be working from home I have to be ready to take phone calls as needed so I need childcare for those specific times.
DH and I both work from home about twice a week. In general, assuming we're not involved in meetings, we can handle watching the kids if necessary. That said, they are in full-time daycare/preschool and the only time they are home when we are working is early in the morning when they're getting ready and we're getting going with work or if someone is home sick.
We both have a ton of flexibility and don't really have to be 100% focused all of the time. In your case, I'd hire a sitter. It's really difficult to actually get work done and also watch a kid. But it also depends on their ages. We could make it work with DS1 because he'll happily sit and watch tv and he's a rule follower. I can't do that with DS2 (both because of age and personality). So there's a lot of factors to consider, IMO.
eta: I see your kids are older. I would have a conversation with the whole family about what dad's schedule is like when he is working and that he cannot be interrupted. If you feel comfortable that the kids can manage themselves and only interrupt him with emergencies, I would be comfortable with this. It really doesn't seem like he's going to need to do anything with them at all.
For real. Both of my sisters ran XC and practice was at 7 am, and right after school until like 4:30 or 5. I think the morning run was optional?
This isn’t that uncommon. SD’s swim practices were from 7 to 8:30 PM at one point. There is only so much available pool/field/court time, so they have to slot in kids at multiple different time slots; sometimes they are annoyingly early or late. And of course, if you have practices right after school, working parents complain; if you have practices later in the evening, people complain about the interruption to family dinner and bedtime. There is no way to win with scheduling kids sports.
there is.... no pool/field/court time required for cross-country. it's not like ice hockey practice where 87 teams have to share one rink. it's long-distance running.
For real. Both of my sisters ran XC and practice was at 7 am, and right after school until like 4:30 or 5. I think the morning run was optional?
This isn’t that uncommon. SD’s swim practices were from 7 to 8:30 PM at one point. There is only so much available pool/field/court time, so they have to slot in kids at multiple different time slots; sometimes they are annoyingly early or late. And of course, if you have practices right after school, working parents complain; if you have practices later in the evening, people complain about the interruption to family dinner and bedtime. There is no way to win with scheduling kids sports.
I had 6am water polo practice in high school. The boys team got the pool right after school so us girls were up before six 3x a week for morning practice.
I’ll probably get flamed for this, but I think if you cannot be distracted from your work for even a minute to use the bathroom, you shouldn’t be working from home..
That’s just how radiologists work, especially if they’re super busy. It’s not an in-home vs office thing. They sit in dark rooms and don’t get up much. Radiologists are some of the smartest doctors I know. I’m sure you want a radiologist that readings your imaging to take their job very seriously, right?
I think it’s completely reasonable for OP’s H to request to not be in childcare duty while working at home. Radiology isn’t a “normal" job. What if the 8 year old starts puking and needs help? Sure mom will be home in a little while, but I’m sure the 8 year old would still expect Dad to come help them.
It sounds like he didn’t say NO and get mad about it, but said please don’t make this a regular thing. I think that’s completely reasonable and the responses to this post are not relevant to this situation.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Aug 26, 2019 13:11:48 GMT -5
Thanks for all the responses. To answer a few questions: Cross country practice is from 7-8PM. DD has a super early bedtime, we know that, but she is out late for her own activities 3 nights a week, so on the nights she doesn't have to be, we like her to be in bed at 6:45 with light's out between 7-7:15. And today was the first day of school, so I'm sure she's going to be super tired and tomorrow morning will be rough even if I don't have to keep her out till 8ish. Dh's shift is from 4-11 PM, and the urgency of him reading the scans really is up in the air because it depends on what comes in. I will say, he's not a pediatric radiologist, so none of the scans would be kids waiting in an ER, but I get that the nature of his job is really what leads to him not being willing to try to be flexible with doing anything. I guess my thinking was, even if he was at the hospital working, if a coworker came in or even if I called him, he could take 5 minutes to deal with something non-work related in the middle of reading a scan/dictating. So I thought as long as his 'kid related' tasks would take 5 minutes or less, it should be ok, mainly because my kids are at ages where they are mostly self-sufficient (and we do leave the 10 year old home alone for short periods of time if needed). I fully accept that if something were to happen, like a kid starting to throw up, he would call me and I would immediately come home. We did talk about it, and he said again he was ok with me leaving dd home during ds's practice tonight since it's the first one, and overall he did say ok to me leaving him home with them if they are already in bed, which is basically all I was asking for.
I work from home regularly and I’ve told my H that he needs to treat it just like I’m in the main office working. You’d absolutely get fired from my job if you’re watching your kids at the same time without explicit permission from management. And I work in Healthcare so I wouldn’t feel comfortable either if I were your H
Post by swiftlyirun on Aug 26, 2019 18:54:17 GMT -5
DH works from home a couple days a month and almost every time, I leave during the kiddos nap time to run an errand (usually no more than 10 min away), my kids are pretty solid nappers, so it's a pretty safe bet that all he needs to be is a warm body in the house watching the monitor. My kids are 1 & 3. He's in sales so it's possible that the phone could ring at any minute with a call that he HAS to answer. Glad y'all were able to work it out!
Sitter. My DH very, very occasionally works from home. Mostly snow days, etc. And when he does, he is 1,000% glued to his computer monitor or phone when he is "on". He may have downtime, but he can't plan it around when DS needs him. There's no way I would put childcare on him while he's working.
If he were a doctor and a patient might be waiting in a hospital for results... that's a lot of stress for him to take on even in an hour span. A crying or vomiting child could become a reality in your home, keeping him from his work.
Hire a sitter, and don't feel guilty for spending the $. I think he's saying yes just to be nice. Hinting that he doesn't want it to become a habit is a red flag, IMO, that it is actually an inconvenience or stressor.