(Pre-K) Right now we say “Ms. Firstname” because that’s how she introduced herself and signs letters home to us. I don’t even know her last name. I expect this will change to “Ms./Mr. Lastname” as we get in elementary and beyond.
But it’s also probably a regional thing to do “Ms./Mr. Firstname” in general for adults. I’ve noticed a lot of our friends with kids do this. Which is different than how DH and I both grew up.
Well working with them is different than if you saw them only in a patient capacity. I would likely call teachers by first names if I worked with them.
I feel like people, on here, make fun of PhDs who want to be called Dr, I don’t see how this is any different. There is not even a title with a teaching degree.
Well I wouldn’t call an adult that isn’t my kid’s teacher (or a teacher in their school) by Mr/Mrs.
Like, my neighbor is a teacher. Her name is Anne. I don’t call her Mrs. Jones , I call her Anne. I’m only talking about people I strictly know as my kids’ Teachers.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
Oooooh. I am having a reaction to these teachers coming in here like “use my professional title: we aren’t friends.” I will say it and I don’t care if it’s flammable, you sound self-important, smug, and uptight. It’s not about being friends, it’s about being peers, and you better believe that you are your students’ parents’ peers. Get over yourself.
Meh, I call parents by their last names. I don’t care if they call me by my first name, but it does stand out when they do (most don’t). They are my peers but it is a formal relationship. I emailed DD1’s teacher and called her by her last name, and she addressed me by my first name in her response. I thought that was odd, too.
David's preschool teacher is someone I continued seeing after he went off to kindergarten because she was his swim coach, and now I see her all the time since our kids go to the same school and I still call her Mrs. Last Name. IDK, I can't shake it, lol.
I think if the teacher said "I prefer to be called by my first name" or introduces herself to me by her first name, then it's a different story. I'm also in Texas and things are much more formal here w/r/t children addressing adults. It's typical for David to call his friends parents Mr./Mrs.Last Name. (We do not do the sir/m'am thing, however.)
In front of my child and other students during school hours, I call their teacher "Ms/Mrs/Mr. Last Name." I AM friends with many of the teachers my kids have had over the years. I have been extremely active at the school, volunteering with the classrooms and PTA for the last five years and we've developed close friendships. Those teachers I call by their first name when we're speaking outside of school.
Post by Queen Mamadala on Sept 11, 2019 19:50:38 GMT -5
When they attended public school, I called their teachers the by their last name. Three of my kids are homeschooled through a charter and I call their HST by her first name.
My oldest decided she wanted to attend the local unschool/independent study high school where I was surprised to learn students call their advisors by their first name. I still call them by their last name.
I'm a teacher who has moved several times between old-school and progressive districts. In my old-school districts (first and current) even my colleagues and I refer to one another as Mr./Mrs. until we have a "hey, you can call me Firstname" conversation. Truly, this happens. My work BFF and I still call each other "Mrs. Lastname" as a joke on the phone because we went so long without using our first names with one another. Parents would never have dreamed of calling us by our first names--I doubt most of them even knew what they were.
My more progressive district was all about informality, and it was a big culture shock for me when I first arrived. Even the principal preferred for faculty to call her by her first name to her face, though I never managed to do it given my background, which I explained to her when she mentioned it to me. Parents there wouldn't think twice about using our first names when talking/emailing either because it was the culturally appropriate thing to do. I can't say I liked it, and I always called my kids' teachers Mrs./Mrs. Lastname, but again that was cultural for me.
All of which is to say that whether or not teachers take offense to being on a first-name basis with parents is largely #regional.
Post by sadlebred on Sept 11, 2019 20:07:18 GMT -5
(Disclaimer: I don't have kids but get to listen to all of my friends that do.) Around my town it seems like daycare/pre-K teachers are Ms./Mrs/Mr FirstName and elementary/middle/high school teachers are Mr./Mrs./Ms./Dr./Preferred honorific LastName. I would never consider calling any of my former teachers anything except Honorific LastName.
Oooooh. I am having a reaction to these teachers coming in here like “use my professional title: we aren’t friends.” I will say it and I don’t care if it’s flammable, you sound self-important, smug, and uptight. It’s not about being friends, it’s about being peers, and you better believe that you are your students’ parents’ peers. Get over yourself.
I don’t consider my kid’s teachers my peers. I’m not there friends. I use their professional title. I run into my kid’s teachers in the wild frequently and I still call them Mrs./Mr. Last name. Same with my doctor who I’ve run into. Unless a teacher has asked me to call them by their first name I will always use their last name.
I do Honorific Last Name unless told otherwise. I am a former high school teacher (who taught the younger siblings of my brother’s friends) and I still bristle at the use of my first name unless I know the adults socially. And if a student uses my first name.... I am a professor now at a community college and I still have students try my first name. My chair hates that so I stop it. I’m Mrs Last Name or Professor Last Name or just leave off my name.
All of my children’s teachers use their first names in emails and indroduce themselves, in front of the children, using their first names. They use my first name for emails, phone calls, and notes home. The children still call their K-12 teachers by Mx etc and preschool was the teachers first names. I’ve never given this much thought but I would find it odd to be called Ms. Booky by a teacher or to call a teacher Mr/Mrs/Ms/Mx. However it is very common here for children to address their friends parents using first names and I would do a double take if I ever heard a child use Sir or Ma’am as I would consider that mocking an adult and rude.
Oooooh. I am having a reaction to these teachers coming in here like “use my professional title: we aren’t friends.” I will say it and I don’t care if it’s flammable, you sound self-important, smug, and uptight. It’s not about being friends, it’s about being peers, and you better believe that you are your students’ parents’ peers. Get over yourself.
I have the complete opposite reaction and think that because it's a woman dominated field, people think it's ok to call teachers by their names and would never ever question a man who wanted to be called by a title.
Your point isn’t exactly a feminist one; a man is a Mr. regardless of whether he’s married or not. Titles for females denote marital status. It’s pretty antiquated. I don’t know many women my age (and I’m old) that even changed their name, let alone go my ‘Mrs’, lol. It’s not even an option anymore for registration forms etc. REGIONAL.
I used to go with what the kids said. But over time, I've started using their first names when it's an adult conversation (not around the kids) or in an email. (They sign their parent emails with their first names, so it would be weird not to respond in kind.)
I have the complete opposite reaction and think that because it's a woman dominated field, people think it's ok to call teachers by their names and would never ever question a man who wanted to be called by a title.
Your point isn’t exactly a feminist one; a man is a Mr. regardless of whether he’s married or not. Titles for females denote marital status. It’s pretty antiquated. I don’t know many women my age (and I’m old) that even changed their name, let alone go my ‘Mrs’, lol. It’s not even an option anymore for registration forms etc. REGIONAL.
I know the history of women's titles but when I call someone by their name as I read it in their signature, I am not aware if it's a husband's name or a surname they invented themselves. Society can do better about language, absolutely but individuals following the lead of other individuals and calling people what they say is their name seems like the best practice to me. If your schools use first names, cool. I've never had that experience so assuming it would be fine is what trips me up.
I call both of my kids’ teachers Mrs/Ms. even though one is 15 years younger than me. 😉
My youngest daughter plays soccer with our former preschool teacher's daughter and I have to really force myself to call her Laurie instead of Ms. Laurie. Many of my MS girls teachers' are younger than me...by a lot...and I still call them Ms./Mrs.
Post by downtoearth on Sept 12, 2019 8:13:25 GMT -5
Grew up with parents who were lifelong public school teachers... and their friends were my teachers and admin. So yes, I have always called teachers by their first name - even when I was a kid. The rule for me was call them “Ms/Mr last name” if you were in their class that year, but outside school you can use their first name. Now I just use first names unless my kid needs context (i.e. “What did Ms Beerg say you needed to bring to music tomorrow?)
ETA - I also call my doctors, dentists, lawyer, and my coworkers and clients by their first names too. No titles.
I'm going to start demanding people address me as "Attorney Cvillelastname" or "Cvillelastname, Esquire" in all work contexts.
I'm down with using my title at all times.*
*this is a joke. Court and initial correspondence (or correspondence/conversation with total aholes where I want to maintain frosty distance) is the only time where I don't just use my first name at work. But I still never use my kids' teachers first names unless they specifically invite me to do. #oldandstodgy
I already commented but after today’s parent interaction (I’m a professor)—if you are a parent calling a COLLEGE about your child, don’t call the professor honey or sweetie. I can’t tell you anything about your child because of FERPA, but you won’t even get general course information if you do.
I already commented but after today’s parent interaction (I’m a professor)—if you are a parent calling a COLLEGE about your child, don’t call the professor honey or sweetie. I can’t tell you anything about your child because of FERPA, but you won’t even get general course information if you do.
Don’t even get me started with the parents calling the college bullshit. There are SO many reasons that is wrong (I sat in an associate dean position and dealt with all the parent calls, so glad I’m back to faculty). This makes me think though, we now have a module in a class all of our first year students take that is “how to properly compose an email to your professors.” One student gave me a snarky attitude and asked why they had to do that so I told her all the email correspondence I’ve gotten from students over the years including no salutation, yo first name (that was my favorite), etc.
To answer the question though, I address all of my kids teachers as Honorific Last Name unless told otherwise. It’s simply about respect for me.
Post by DarcyLongfellow on Sept 12, 2019 21:24:08 GMT -5
I generally follow what they do. If they call me Mrs. Longfellow, I call them Ms./Mrs. Smith. If they call me Darcy, I will call them by their first name.
I'm in the school volunteering at least 5 to 10 hours a week, so I know some of the people very well. Most of the people in the front office, including the principal, and I call each other by our first names.
I think it's weird to call someone by a name they don't prefer. If I introduce myself as Ms. Wino, the other people around us in our interaction are referring to me as Ms. Wino, why would you demand to call me Red?
Post by arehopsveggies on Sept 12, 2019 22:26:39 GMT -5
I’m totally fine being firstname or Mrs Lastname... except out in my real life. I had few parents that taught at the gym I went to... and hated being called Mrs Lastname in that setting (As in... “you can do five more push ups Mrs Lastname!”)
Post by TamiTaylor on Sept 12, 2019 22:35:48 GMT -5
Teacher here, most parents call me Mrs. Taylor. However some parents have kids that are friends with my son and they call me Tami but not in front of the kids.
I’m way more loosey-goosey. Mr./Mrs. Last name just seems old and outdated. I address the teachers by their first names even in front of our kids (the horror!) I address the principal and VP by first names as well. The VP’s daughter plays on the same team as one of our kids and it would be weird to call her Mrs. VP in front of a bunch of other parents. I also address my Dr.s, Dentist, etc as their first names. Most of them under the age 50 have asked to be called by their first names.
I think it's weird to call someone by a name they don't prefer. If I introduce myself as Ms. Wino, the other people around us in our interaction are referring to me as Ms. Wino, why would you demand to call me Red?
Well, b/c it’s obnoxious, if I’m being honest. I don’t go around demanding patient’s call me Mrs Mofongo. It’s not a title that comes with a teaching degree, just as I don’t have a title with my masters. Most people I know with titled degrees don’t even introduce themselves that way. In front of kids, absolutely, but if we’re close in age I”m not calling you Mrs/Ms wino anywhere else.
I just don't understand feeling that strongly about it. Part of this is likely cultural and regional but I can't imagine going out of my way to use a name that a person doesn't prefer. Like I mentioned earlier, I have a hard time remembering dd's teachers' first names and my colleagues' first names because they're not used often. It's just not the culture of the schools. I'm not a person who is offended by parents calling me my first name but it rarely happens. We also call parents by their last names unless told to use first name. My kid's teachers do the same. This is the accepted way of addressing parents and teachers in my community so it would be weird to have somebody show up to a meeting and say, 'fuck that I'm 40, I only use first names'.
Clearly if a teacher introduces herself as Kathy, she doesn't mind being called Kathy, but it's ridiculous to demand to call her Kathy just because you're the same age. No teacher is asking to be called Ms. Jones by the other moms at soccer. For me, this is about correspondence and school related interactions where students are not present. Just call people what they want and keep it moving.