Post by covergirl82 on Sept 11, 2019 7:16:51 GMT -5
Dear DH,
We both have to get to work and we both have crappy commutes right now due to construction. We're both really busy with work right now. I get it. But when you send me a snarky text about running into traffic and how you're going to be late now for a meeting (insinuating it's because I spent 5 extra minutes this morning doing DD's hair for picture day), it makes me mad. What I wanted to text back was "Well I'm sorry that you have kids and a wife who works full time", but I didn't. But seriously, I would quit anytime and we can sell our house and move into a house that gives us a smaller mortgage if it means that you can go to work at 6:30 and not have to worry about anything related to the kids or sharing morning responsibilities (which I do all of it on the mornings I get the kids on the bus and most of it on the mornings you take the kids to before care at school) and don't make me feel guilty for being a mom and wanting DD to look special on picture day. I guess next picture day I'll just get up even earlier so I can get myself ready, make lunches, get the kids breakfast, and do DD's hair.
Dear WPs, I'm now attending those leadership meetings I was stressed about. CEO officially invited me to attend all future meetings and worked me into the agenda. And he adjusted the meeting to run earlier in the day whenever possible due to my scheduling conflict with the girls. How did I find this unicorn company?! Everyone else in this meeting is a director, so I'm assuming a title change is in my future when I have my review... Signed, Twinmomma
Dear beau, Are you serious about taking me on vacation this winter to escape the cold? Because I'm totally in. I guess this means you plan to be around for awhile if we're planning winter trips? Also, how rich is your family?! I know how much your apartment costs and it's not cheap, your hometown is a very fancy suburb, you've casually mentioned some things that make me think your family is loaded and you've paid for every single date so far, many of which haven't been cheap. Definitely not complaining! Signed, Intrigued
So you get to leave early from volleyball, because you work the weekends and now this is your weekend? But I spent my weekend at a volleyball tournament? So when you are working, you can't do anything, and when you are off, I am still doing the running of the children. Something's not right.
Signed, you shouldn't have been surprised when I am not nice.
Dear WP,
I got my official paperwork and badge yesterday for the new job! It is official. I may even remember to wear my badge, at least for a week or so.
twinmomma, I am so glad it worked out and that your company values you so much that they are willing to adjust to accommodate you. That is so awesome.
Dear WP,
My DS (4) faked sick for the first time ever to get out of going to school. He did it right. DD was sick then Dad. However, I think he just needed a mental health day. As long as this isn't a common occurrence I am okay with it.
I did probe a little to see if something at school was causing him stress, but I think my introverted child needed a day off.
I took off on Monday just to have a day to decompress. I still did a call in the middle of it. I also signed both kids’ classes up for Homecoming tents, had lunch with both kids, and took DD to her checkup. Now I have to be off Thursday so I can have my own physical and now I have to pick up the kids from school because MIL has a follow up with her doctor 30 miles away that DH has to take her to. I am currently on a business trip, and Friday, my only day in the office, looks like Armageddon.
xctsclrx, DS wants a day home with just me. I told him that only happens if he's sick. Luckily at 3, he's not smart enough to figure out to fake it. I would probably fake it for him, but Murphy's law would kick in and he'd really get sick.
You are awful. Your first meeting with a potential client looking to spend a good amount of money and you send out... that guy?
First off, if I'm taking time off work to come home at the time HE requested, don't text an hour before and ask if we can meet in 10 minutes. And then don't show up 10 minutes AFTER the scheduled time. If you can't make it to a sales call on time, I doubt you can run a project on time.
I'm looking at design firms for someone to give me ideas. I showed him our space, let him know that at minimum, it's a gut job/replace everything keep the same layout, but that if, as a professional, he has an idea that would make it more functional, we'd love to consider it. "Well, it's easier for us if you know exactly what you want" isn't what I want to hear.
He took no measurements. He said "I have no idea what this would cost, I'll take pictures and send them in and then you'll get a quote." He couldn't ballpark. He couldn't give me a timeline. Does he really work there or is he just a temp filling in for the real guy?
Signed, Baffled at your good Angie's List and Yelp reviews. BAFFLED.
xctsclrx, DD did that. DD does everything her brother does. Like as soon as he gets in trouble for something she runs and does it so we will tell her to stop also. I don't understand it, but whatever- attention seeking?
Anyway, he brother was legitimately sick at school and went to the nurse. The nurse called us and we picked him up. Another kid told DD hey your brother went to the nurse and went home sick. So DD (while at school) pretended she was sick asked to go to the nurse and said she was sick. She was not sick- the booger. Although since she was wearing a jacket and sweatshirt as she had just come from recess she did make the nurse think she had a 99 temp when really it was just that she was hot.
Post by traveltheworld on Sept 11, 2019 10:04:45 GMT -5
Dear DS,
My heart hurt when you said you didn't want to go to school this morning. I know it's been a tough start to the school year.
Signed, Sad mama
Dear Other WPs,
Advice/Thoughts? In 5 days of school, DS (7) had 4 incident reports. Twice for him hitting/kicking another child, and twice where he and the other child both claimed the other hit/kicked first (and no one was around to see it). We've had multiple calls and emails with his teachers. On our last conversation on Monday, his teacher said that due to his behaviour, certain privileges will be taken away and he has to sit by himself during class + the special ed aid will keep a closer eye on him, all of which seemed reasonable to me. But yesterday DS told me that he has to stay by the Special Ed aid during all recess/lunch. They just walk around outside. He is not allowed to join his friends. This is supposed to last the whole week. Do you think that's too extreme? On one hand, I feel like the incidents weren't that bad and shouldn't prompt a whole week of effectively taking away recess/lunch; but on the other hand, maybe his behaviour is so far off the norm that such drastic measures need to be taken? For context, it's a huge school (1,000 kids) and he is in a class with a very well-liked and well respected teacher. DH thinks we shouldn't ask the teacher/school again as we've had multiple lengthy email exchanges already. We are also scheduled to see his teachers on Monday; and "Meet the Teacher" night (where you are NOT supposed to talk about your kids, it's just simple meet and greet) is tomorrow.
For additional context, I guess I'm more sensitive to the taking away recess thing because that was one of the things specifically addressed in his psycheducation evaluation - his psychologist noted that he has impulse control issues (and maybe ADHD) but without movement opportunities, it'll be very difficult for him to stay regulated. His teachers haven't seen this report yet. I sent it to his Grade 1 teacher and the Vice Principle last school year and was planning to follow up with his current teachers in a few weeks when we start planning his IPP.
My heart hurt when you said you didn't want to go to school this morning. I know it's been a tough start to the school year.
Signed, Sad mama
Dear Other WPs,
Advice/Thoughts? In 5 days of school, DS (7) had 4 incident reports. Twice for him hitting/kicking another child, and twice where he and the other child both claimed the other hit/kicked first (and no one was around to see it). We've had multiple calls and emails with his teachers. On our last conversation on Monday, his teacher said that due to his behaviour, certain privileges will be taken away and he has to sit by himself during class + the special ed aid will keep a closer eye on him, all of which seemed reasonable to me. But yesterday DS told me that he has to stay by the Special Ed aid during all recess/lunch. They just walk around outside. He is not allowed to join his friends. This is supposed to last the whole week. Do you think that's too extreme? On one hand, I feel like the incidents weren't that bad and shouldn't prompt a whole week of effectively taking away recess/lunch; but on the other hand, maybe his behaviour is so far off the norm that such drastic measures need to be taken? For context, it's a huge school (1,000 kids) and he is in a class with a very well-liked and well respected teacher. DH thinks we shouldn't ask the teacher/school again as we've had multiple lengthy email exchanges already. We are also scheduled to see his teachers on Monday; and "Meet the Teacher" night (where you are NOT supposed to talk about your kids, it's just simple meet and greet) is tomorrow.
For additional context, I guess I'm more sensitive to the taking away recess thing because that was one of the things specifically addressed in his psycheducation evaluation - his psychologist noted that he has impulse control issues (and maybe ADHD) but without movement opportunities, it'll be very difficult for him to stay regulated. His teachers haven't seen this report yet. I sent it to his Grade 1 teacher and the Vice Principle last school year and was planning to follow up with his current teachers in a few weeks when we start planning his IPP.
Any thoughts/advice would be appreciated.
Signed, Confused.
Request to move the meeting up and share the report with them ASAP. Then they can implement the movement opportunities and hopefully see a reduction in altercations with friends. He’d qualify for a 504 plan with accommodations for movement with an ADHD diagnosis.
traveltheworld, I would move up the meeting if possible and share the report with the teacher ASAP. I would print it out and take it to meet the teacher night to hand deliver it. I'm surprised his 1st grade teacher didn't give his 2nd grad teacher a heads up.
Dear DD I'm sorry school is just doing testing and you aren't learning anything and everything is boring. Hopefully by next week (3rd week) learning will start. I'm 100% positive that Ms S won't think you are crazy for complaining about things being too easy. She is the teacher who gave you the 4th grade summer packet. Mom
Dear September Weather We normally have summer weather still. Why do you think it is necessary to rain buckets, be gray and gloomy, and 60s? I'm not very happy to have November in September. Angry PNW resident who wants the cop who pulled over mother nature to go away so we can go back to 80s
Post by greenmonkey1 on Sept 11, 2019 11:43:49 GMT -5
traveltheworld Have the incidents occurred during recess/lunch or other times during the day? If they have been I can see where the teacher is coming from in terms of creating separation to limit the opportunity for another incident. It's a tough call though, kids need that time to unwind physically and mentally while at school.
I'm sorry if I missed this in your post/previous post, but is your DS currently on an IEP/504? If he is then, I'm curious what the plan says regarding movement and consequences for inappropriate behavior. Based on your post I am assuming your DS is not currently on an IEP/504. Given the number of incidents and the fact you have some indication of exceptional needs, it might be time to ask for an evaluation from the school. If you DS has a documented disability then the whole special education team can structure movement time into his day or sensory breaks or whatever accommodations your DS needs to interact positively without incidents.
Almost daily hitting at age 7 is pretty far out of the norm. And as a mom of a 7 year old, if your kid was hitting mine multiple times per week and there weren’t consequences, I would be upset.
A coworker has a very bright daughter with ADHD. They put her on medication last year after a lot of issues kind of like what you were describing. Poking other kids while they were working, kicking chairs, making noise, and just generally not showing an ability to regulate her behavior. They said the change was just astounding. She started making more friends, she liked school because she wasn’t constantly in trouble, and she was just so much happier. The flip side is the need for frequent med adjustments.
With that said, I think taking away recess is pretty much the dumbest way to handle conduct issues for elementary kids. If anything, teachers should be making them do physical stuff when they have conduct issues. When I taught pre-k and substitute taught elementary, I used to have forced wiggle breaks, where we all stood up, moved to our own area of the room, turned on music, and then wiggled like crazy. I also instituted a rule that anyone could raise their hand to go to a wiggle spot if we weren’t in the middle of a test or something where it wouldn’t work. Kids need to move. People need to move. Heck, I need to move.
traveltheworld- drop off the eval with the school counselor who typically handles the IEPs and 504s, and a formal letter requesting the school to evaluate him. Google for letter examples. By law the school had 60 days to evaluate them they will schedule a meeting with you. Typically school counselor runs then and VP, teacher and special ed teachers will attend. Also ask a medical doctor maybe psychologist for an adhd eval. The school can not provide a medical diagnosis only an educational one and I don’t know / think that ADHD can be diagnosed by the school. Maybe call the doctor first to get a timeline on the appointment.
traveltheworld, we have similar issues with my DS1. He's 5.5 and in kindergarten. He doesn't handle frustration appropriately and if he's mad about something he will pinch or twist the arm of another kid, or something similar. His teacher uses ClassDojo to track/communicate behavior and yesterday was a typical day - 5 good points for things like being on task, working hard, and "whole body listening" and 2 negative points for "touching others."
In terms of handling it - I agree that taking away recess is not a good solution. I think my DS1's issues aren't totally out of the norm for his age and sex, and luckily his teacher (who DD also had, and she only ever had positive feedback) and the after school program staff are trying to help us work on them. Yesterday his teacher helped him write an apology note to the kid whose arm he twisted during the kids' free choice time. My latest idea is that he wants to go see a monster truck show, so everyday that we get a good report he's going to get a sticker and when he gets a certain number, we'll buy the tickets. DH likes the Daniel Tiger approach of helping him take a deep breath and count to four, and they've come up with a code word that DH can say to remind him to do that. With DD, the after school program staff takes her over to onsite soccer practice twice a week, but DH leaves work early so that he can take DS1 and keep an eye on his behavior. It's definitely still a work in progress for us, and everyday we hold our breath a bit at pick-up to see how his day was, but hopefully things will improve as he gets more used to school and the adults around him get more used to what works for him - which is what happened in preschool, and most of the time he did great.
Good luck! Let me know if you make progress so I can borrow your ideas
Contractor follow-up. He just reached to let me know he had a bad email address for me and could I give it to him again. Apparently when he wrote it down last night, he was missing the "." in between first and last name.
Spoiler alert? My initial communication to him included all of my contact information.
Am I just been too nitpicky?
Signed, And yes, I toss out candidate resumes with typos on them. I don't care what the virtue signaling posts on LinkedIn say, if you can't take the time to put your best foot forward, I'm weeding you out. (You know the articles I'm talking about, right? "I hired someone with a typo on their resume and it worked out amazing!)
k3am, we've been through several major house projects since we bought our house 8 years ago - the full kitchen, an outdoor living room addition, front yard overhaul, and a couple of bathroom projects. We tend to go with smaller/less expensive contractors who do a lot of the work themselves rather than using sub-contractors, and we source and manage a decent amount of the projects ourselves. I think the alternative is using a more expensive design/build firm. If you're going the more expensive design/build firm route - then I would expect them to be more on top of your contact info and the business side of their work. And what you're describing would drive me nuts. But with the people we've used, there's a reason they work for themselves - they are good at what they do, but perhaps a little less organized on the business side. It sounds like this first firm you met with did not start out well - and I think the most important thing with hiring someone who's going to be in your home all the time is trust.
Post by traveltheworld on Sept 11, 2019 12:34:42 GMT -5
Thanks everyone! To answer a few questions - DS has not been diagnosed by the school or referred to for diagnosis. He had a great kindergarten year, then 2 incidents in Grade 1 where he was pushing another kid. We addressed it with him and the problem stopped. He was complaining of boredom in school so we had a psycheducation evaluation done in March with a school-district recommended psychologist. The evaluation identified him as highly gifted, and briefly mentioned that he had impulse control issues and we should monitor him for ADHD. We dismissed the latter part because we didn't see any of the other typical symptoms of ADHD, and we thought the impulse control thing was just being a 6 year old. We have also never seen the hitting behaviour first hand, nor have there been any other reports from the camps/programs that he attended, or from school (other than those 2 early incidents), so we didn't think much of the impulse control issue at the time.
We corresponded with the Vice Principal at the school to set him up for an IEP this school year - we were thinking mostly of things like letting him go to the library to choose his own reading books, letting him work on his own math worksheets, etc. The school hasn't followed up with us this year, but it's only the second week of school so we were going to wait to bring it up.
Post by sandandsea on Sept 11, 2019 13:06:35 GMT -5
traveltheworld I hate the idea of taking away recess. The kids who act out in class often NEED recess. More supervision and assistance in class and on the playground is good but don’t exile him at recess.
I would request a meeting this week to discuss privately. A live meeting will go so much further than emails in reaching a solution and discussing next steps. And it has a much more human aspect that helps in my experience.
Does he have fidgeting toys or a special movement chair/cushion in the classroom? These help DS a ton to get his movement out in non disruptive ways. Do the incidents come at the same time? (Hangry, transitions, needs more space/movement/breaks).
Medication may or may not help so don’t feel like that’s the only answer. I have a Neice and nephews (different families/genes) on meds and it hasn’t been an easy magic pill for any of them and has had serious drawbacks for one.
I think our boys are close in age. Ds is borderline based on behavior and comments, we know he’s less mature and capable of being still than his peers but his teachers don’t think he’s that far outside of the norm to do an evaluation yet. They said this year will be the deciding factor (he’s 7 and in second grade) and we will know for sure one way or the other this year. We don’t want to medicate and have found ways to help him by working with his teachers. He has matured a lot in the past 6 months so he could just be a late bloomer. Hang in there. I know it’s hard.
Time for a new contractor. The lack of detail would scare me away. I want straight tile and crisp finishes.
Also all of the contractors told us “we don’t do design. You tell us what you want there and we implement your plan. We don’t do any planning or ideas”. So basically you’d have to hire a designer and a contractor unless you coordinate everything. We coordinated everything and it took a lot of time. We had to order everything, measure, make sure it worked, coordinate delivery dates/times, etc. For example shower tile is laid wed, measure shower door for Friday, 7 days to fabricate, can install the following wed. Etc. It was a PITA. But we survived and it only took an extra month on a 3 week project.
Has the world just gotten more incompetent, or do I have less tolerance for it? Work- no communication, other managers going around assigning programs or work that doesn't involve them, others pushing their work on others. Wrong information that takes time to unravel. One manager showing up at events looking totally uniformed and unprofessional, just because she decides that her passion, yet it's not her job. Volleyball - you have a game Thursday, no wait, you don't. No practice Friday, maybe, but if we think we want to maybe we will. Food orders- plain burger- get a dressed burger, stand at a counter for 10 minutes waiting to be served, order a diet coke - is this diet? we're not sure - then throw it out and bring me a damn diet!!!!
Post by sandandsea on Sept 11, 2019 13:25:54 GMT -5
Dear body, I know I’ve been abusing you this month but please be kinder to me and I promise to try to be less demanding and sleep more than 4-6 hours a night. Food poisoning, an eye infection and 7 pound weight gain all in a week sucks. I will try to sleep more and eat better but I need you to cooperate as I’m really really busy and have to keep going. After busy season I will do whole 30 again as that seemed to make you happy. Thanks, Me
sdlaura, sandandsea, we did a lot of work on our old house and basically ran into the same thing.
We are not willing or able to handle the details. I can't handle too many decisions without combusting (and second guessing EVERYTHING), and DH is a "that's good enough" person. So we're willing to pay more to get the service and reassurance.
We've worked with and without a designer before and my level of happiness with the end product was a thousand times more on the projects the designer worked with us on.
We've already had that firm out to quote, but we still want to get a couple more. I had another guy come by last night that was on the ball, and a 4th will come Sunday.
Dear life Please improve I am tired of being the cheerleader for everyone! Please improve I am bored out my mind at new role I hope it improves sooner than later.
Dear body, I know I’ve been abusing you this month but please be kinder to me and I promise to try to be less demanding and sleep more than 4-6 hours a night. Food poisoning, an eye infection and 7 pound weight gain all in a week sucks. I will try to sleep more and eat better but I need you to cooperate as I’m really really busy and have to keep going. After busy season I will do whole 30 again as that seemed to make you happy. Thanks, Me
I feel like my body has also revolted lately. This is TMI, but - I have a disgusting rash in my armpit that I eventually went to the doctor for two weeks ago and they diagnosed a fungal infection. I used the prescription antifungal and part of it went away but most of it is still there, and spread to my bikini area, probably from my razor. So I went back to the doctor last night and they said the fungal infection had resolved, but then it changed to a bacterial/folliculitis type infection, and now I'm on an antibiotic. Ugh. So gross. Plus some other unrelated smaller things. And of course this disgusting rash is occurring during the hottest month in San Diego, when I'd like to be wearing tank tops and swimsuits a lot.
k3am I would totally go that route too, expect DH is super frugal and won't let me My friend works for a pricey design/build firm here that does beautiful work and is known for great customer service, and I would love to use them for something.
You suck. During my commute I saw a motorcycle laid down on the highway , watched two people jaywalk into traffic — one with a stroller!— it’s hot and getting hotter, the schools are underfunded, traffic is awful, I hate the politicians and I am pretty sure we will all be under water soon. If I moved the only things I’d miss are my dad and beach access.
But my dad is watching my kids two afternoons a week and I came home to them whittling sticks and laughing. And neither he nor the beach are planning to go anywhere. Please suck less.
It's now been two months of planning for you to help us every Thursday morning from 6-8:15 am while I travel and DH goes to work early. You applied for and received approval from your employer to babysit for a member family. I trained you and wrote up all our info. And now you send me a text today that after doing it once, it is too much stress for you to work at all outside of your day job at all, so tomorrow will be the last time you can do it. You already knew our whole family, so I don't think this is because we're not nice or something...
Signed, Ah, millenials
Dear back-up babysitter,
You made my day by texting back immediately that you wanted to start doing Thursday mornings for us. I knew a rational person would be happy to walk 3 kids to school and make $50 before they even head to their day job.
Signed, Crisis averted!
Dear doctor,
Please call me tomorrow with a good report following my pelvic ultrasound today, or at least with something wrong that can be easily resolved. The ultrasound tech was very uncommunicative and made me worry a bit with how long it took for her to talk to the radiologist to see if more images were needed. I'm tired of wacky, painful cycles each month since I got my IUD out.
Signed, I would love to get this show on the road to have one more baby