Post by HeartofCheese on Oct 2, 2019 14:07:41 GMT -5
I have 2:
1. I'm divorced and only have my kids half of the time. As a result, sex is high on my list of priorities. When I was married and had my kids 100% of the time, sex was nowhere to be seen on my list of priorities and yet was a huge priority no matter what for my H - who also had the kids 100% of the time (although our experiences of "100%" were vastly different). So I feel like all Hs should go through a training explaining Maslow's hierarchy of needs to help them to better strategize how to secure sex with their partners.
2. We should all have kids and live separately from the fathers. If I had more time, I'd say more about that, but I don't. So just gonna leave it here for now...
@heartofcheese, I can definitely see the advantages of having more (some?) time without my kids, and more time for sex. But on the other hand, it seems like there would be a lot of practical headaches for that plan - like costs for maintaining two households, me not having control over who else the father brought into the kids' lives, and all the logistical stuff, right? I imagine that's why you're labeling it as an UO
I had no idea how important sex would be after divorce (or still separation in my case). I often catch myself wondering what it would be like with beau if we had kids together or lived with our kids, since sex has been a huge part of our relationship so far. I don't know how we would have the time or the energy for both.
1. Some of the things in regards to money advice or outsourcing advice seems to be more for the ultra rich. Like I have a good idea of their potential salaries are even with our pretty good salaries are still likely make 300 + K more a year than us. So while there are some good concepts there, actually putting stuff into practice would be vastly different for people not making 500K + jointly.
2. DH traveled so much that I felt we lived separately which was great when he is cranky, but not the point since all the kid and house stuff fell to me. I often felt that things would be more equal if we were divorced in terms of childcare, but then I see my divorced friends are still arguing about who takes the kid when type stuff, so that definitely still happens even when there is a court decree on it. But since DH isn't traveling anymore, things are still more equal just due to that. But yes sign me up for more everything.
3. If you are going to cut your child's hair yourself then convince them to grow it out (assuming a girl here) and only do a trim like 2 times a year. No need to complicate it.
I think leggings are not pants. And I don’t care how awesome your body is, I don’t need to know the precise shape of your butt cheeks. Which everyone can see in leggings. I love leggings. I just ensure my ass is covered when I wear them.
I don’t like bacon on most things. And I don’t like bread crumbs sprinkled on the tops of anything. Like Mac and cheese. Or casseroles.
Unpopular with my Dh. I think it would be great to have separate rooms. He snores. I dont sleep. I want to paint my bedroom blue, he says he cant sleep in a blue room. He works irregular hours, resulting in me sneaking into my master bath and closet. Or dragging everything to the hall bath. Logically this would be difficult with kids, because it would be obvious what may go on when we are in the others room.
I think it’s impossible to actually share household tasks 50/50. Someone is always going to be doing/giving more. It’s just how life works.
My divorced friend seems to have a marvelous life now. She travels for girls trips all the time and is constantly flying somewhere amazing to drink, dine and dance when her Ex has their child. She’s also in a serious relationship but not living together/talking marriage serious (yet?). It looks fabulous but I tell myself there’s no way it’s actually that great ——right? My UO is I think she puts it on FB to make it look better than it really is to compensate for something. I have no idea what that something is because she’s awesome.
mommyatty, DD and I have a heated debate on leggings as pants all the time. I'm starting to loose this running bottle between us. My problem is that the thick exercise style leggings DD prefers are so tight in the legs because I have to buy 2 sizes too small so the fit in the waist. I've been extremely tempted to talk to my client that makes leotards into making DD leggings so that the length/tightness looks okay. She wore a pair to the jog-a-thon Friday and a couple mom's asked what sport she played because the muscle definition in her legs were so impressive.
rere, I'm cleaning the spare room this weekend so DH will be able to move in when he gets his never ending winter man cold in the next week or so. He clucks in his sleep so unless I go to bed before him all bets are off if I want to sleep.
HeartofCheese , supertrooper1 , I think for me, it's because I finally have the breathing room to do something for ME and only ME. I can do whatever the hell I want, when I want (on my no kid days) and I take advantage of it because for so long I was the sole caregiver and being treated terribly by XH.
sandandsea ,I do a ton of fun stuff when I'm not with my kids now. Awesome dates, sex, plans with friends, even going off by myself to do stuff. I've seen more theater in the past year than I saw in the previous 5 - and I was married to someone in theater! Does it suck to miss out on some milestones with the girls? Sure. But I'm also enjoying the milestones I"m there for a lot more because I'm not always stuck worrying about if their dad will show up or be involved and fighting to get him to care. I'm all in when it's my job to be all in and when it's not my job, I let myself live my own life.
ETA - This is all brought to you by a mental breakdown and some really good therapy. I cannot take credit for it.
Unpopular with my Dh. I think it would be great to have separate rooms. He snores. I dont sleep. I want to paint my bedroom blue, he says he cant sleep in a blue room. He works irregular hours, resulting in me sneaking into my master bath and closet. Or dragging everything to the hall bath. Logically this would be difficult with kids, because it would be obvious what may go on when we are in the others room.
When I was 22 I moved out of my parents house and my Mom moved into my room. They hadn't slept well in years between snoring, a bad hip, bathroom runs etc. My parents sleep great now and have been much happier ever since.
However, my brother (who was 15 at the time) was very uncomfortable waking up in the middle of the night and seeing only one bedroom door closed lol.
Post by dixeedeluxe on Oct 3, 2019 13:08:46 GMT -5
I haven't even attended GS camp training yet and I've already decided camping is not a life skill. When the BSA started accepting girls into the program, all the hub-bub was mostly about camping. My defense then was "GS does that too." Now I wish I had a time machine and go back to "WHO THE EFF CARES ABOUT CAMPING AND HOW TO CLEAN A LATRINE!"
Also relating to parenting, if all these boy scouts learned to camp correctly and it involved extensive meal planning, how come more ex boy scouts aren't in charge of family meal planning. If they were, I'd be more into "camping as a life skill" or whatever.
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
dixeedeluxe , Mine is only in cub scouts, not boy scouts, but there has been almost zero instruction on camping and absolutely nothing on meal planning. They do camp, but since it is with the parents, I would say the instruction comes from the parents on how to set up a tent for example. The leaders are managing songs, hikes and skits.
DH learned meal planning from a cooking class that he took. I hope DS gets the opportunity to do a kids cooking class like that one.
I wouldn't say camping is a life skill, I mean the tents nowadays are pretty easy to put up. There are some parts that are more of a life skill like how to start a fire.
dixeedeluxe , my husband and daughter do our YMCA adventure guides program (used to be called Indian Princesses) and one of the things I think is awesome about it is that DH and the other dads not only do the actual camping, but all the planning, too. Normally whenever we go away from our house I'm the one who packs for the kids and plans for meals and all that, but I completely stay out of this program and it has been just fine - even if they forget extra underwear or a toothbrush. It has been great for DH to get a taste of doing 100% of the planning that goes into a trip with kids.
dixeedeluxe , my husband and daughter do our YMCA adventure guides program (used to be called Indian Princesses) and one of the things I think is awesome about it is that DH and the other dads not only do the actual camping, but all the planning, too. Normally whenever we go away from our house I'm the one who packs for the kids and plans for meals and all that, but I completely stay out of this program and it has been just fine - even if they forget extra underwear or a toothbrush. It has been great for DH to get a taste of doing 100% of the planning that goes into a trip with kids.
DH is a Cub Scout leader and it definitely is the leaders who do the planning. I'm hoping in Boy Scouts, the boys/girls do more of it. One of the den leaders just had a baby and DH has not so subtly hinted he wants me to take over until she's back. Hell no. It's the one aspect of our lives that I don't have to plan every detail of. I'm staying far away from it. I do go camping though
@crazylucky stay firm! I'm glad that our program is solely dads and daughters. They do have mom/kid programs too, but it's a whole separate thing. My two boys are currently 5 and 2, and I'm hoping that when DS2 is 5 (the minimum age), DH will join one of the groups for dads and sons and then once a month I'd get a weekend alone with DD, who would be 10 at the time. That would be awesome.
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
Random UO here......I wish a lot of restaurants wouldn't premix bacon into their soups or some of their appetizers. I LOVE potato soup, especially in the Fall and Winter, but a lot of times I can't have it because it already has bacon into it. I don't know why places don't just add bacon when an order is made and then just stir it in. I really don't think it would make that much of a difference in taste, but that's me. Then I could actually order more of the soups and apps I actually want!
It also drives me crazy when people don't use turn signals, especially when they make sudden stops and then wait to turn which causes me to slam on my brakes. They are features in a vehicle for a reason!!
Obviously not as good as entire weekends without kids, but our date night regular sitter has been wonderful for us. Since they are at the house no lounging in bed naked, but we get to go out and be people again talking and having fun rather than parenting at every second.
It’s good that it is scheduled weekly if we have something going on or she does then it gets pushed back to every other week, but I guess what I am saying is there hasn’t been many chances for us to just be normal humans without that responsibility.
I think it can be an UO because we’ve had times where we try to do date night and just end up fighting or we were spending so much money in childcare anyway, or didn’t see them all week, or we couldn’t find a sitter, but we made it through all that. It won’t last forever but I am enjoying it while it lasts.
waverly I am always recommending the pre-scheduled regular date night sitter go people! Ours is every other week. I think the main impediment to date nights is the planning required, so it makes us much more likely to do them this way.
If I can turn my UO into a FFMC, the camping training was not that terrible. I mean, I would not pick to go and it was not FUN, but I am glad I did it and it's over. I think the girls really will like camping. And the reality of the training was nothing like the complexity of the manuals.
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
I've heard BSA doesn't require this level of training. The training is how to plan. I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around it.
BSA requires Baloo training, but I think that's more to do with safety. DS is 9 and in Webelos I. They had their meeting yesterday and he informed me that he is to plan one of the meals for the next camp trip. He has to decide what to make, write the grocery list, and make sure we have the necessary cookware (A dutch oven in this case) to do it. Maybe there is hope for the next generation of women after all!
Post by HeartofCheese on Oct 8, 2019 8:40:05 GMT -5
Random thought: everyone talks about date nights with the SO. How about a staycation with just the SO? I had a nanny for about a year and when it came to being able to relax, not having alone time at the house was such a big deal. I know some people have parents or in-laws who can take the kids for a weekend, but for those that don't - a few days off w your SO while still sending kids to school or DC could be pretty damn awesome.
We do those, but they are a rare day when we are both off. We actually did it twice recently though. Perhaps it was wasted because we were also getting through our to do list, but we made a lot of forward progress on our financial plan- we are so exciting! We did coffee out, then lunch out, fun stuff at home, and needed stuff at home.
Random thought: everyone talks about date nights with the SO. How about a staycation with just the SO? I had a nanny for about a year and when it came to being able to relax, not having alone time at the house was such a big deal. I know some people have parents or in-laws who can take the kids for a weekend, but for those that don't - a few days off w your SO while still sending kids to school or DC could be pretty damn awesome.
I teach, but despite me being off, we sent my daughter to school most days during the summer (I had to pay for it anyhow to save her spot), and my husband took a couple of days off, and it was HEAVENLY.