Alright, so DS1 has it in his head that he wants a pink Power Wheels Jeep from Santa for Christmas. Spoiler alert: not happening. We're trying to kind of coach him as he brings this up that Santa doesn't always bring everything we want. He is getting a bike for Christmas from us and I'm wondering about trying to incorporate that into a note from Santa. Or maybe we just shouldn't address it in the Santa note at all and just see how it plays out.
If you've had this happen, how have you dealt with it?
In our house the biggest most wanted present has always come from us (and we regularly shoot down ideas like power wheels and such and it’s not always the most wanted thing they want, just the present I think will be their favorite at Christmas) so much kids were never surprised not to get something. Santa brings the rest. I guess it’s just never been an issue even if they didn’t get what they wanted they were always fine. I wouldn’t do anything special or worry too much about it. Disappointment is part of life.
ETA: we weren’t huge huge into the magic of Santa. Like they believed in Santa until like1st grade and got presents, but we didn’t go out of our way to create an illusion of magic. I didn’t see the point in over the top lying about it, I guess.
We always frame it as a list of ideas for Santa but that Santa a) has a budget (he's got lots of kids to provide presents for!) and b) he knows about ALL of the toys so sometimes he'll know about something cool that she's never even heard of! Ultimately, it's Santas choice. She seems cool with that.
In our house the biggest most wanted present has always come from us (and we regularly shoot down ideas like power wheels and such and it’s not always the most wanted thing they want, just the present I think will be their favorite at Christmas) so much kids were never surprised not to get something. Santa brings the rest. I guess it’s just never been an issue even if they didn’t get what they wanted they were always fine. I wouldn’t do anything special or worry too much about it. Disappointment is part of life.
ETA: we weren’t huge huge into the magic of Santa. Like they believed in Santa until like1st grade and got presents, but we didn’t go out of our way to create an illusion of magic. I didn’t see the point in over the top lying about it, I guess.
I guess I'm just not sure how to work around this. He specifically said he wanted Santa to bring him a Jeep. I don't know if the right response is to say something like "Santa can't fit big presents like that on his sleigh" or to just continue letting him know that Santa gets to choose what he brings and sometimes you don't get all of the things that you want, which is what we've been doing. His Santa gift this year is a set of mini Cars (Pixar movie) that he has brought up constantly for months now and says he wants Santa to bring.
I was going to say we don't go crazy with Santa either, but we do set out cookies and milk (which of course get consumed) and DH writes a note from Santa for them to leave with the empty plate and glass. So I guess we do outright lie and play into it.
For a hot second, I thought about giving him the bike from Santa as sort of a replacement, but I want that gift to be from us, so I'm not doing it.
redheadk , I like the idea of talking about how Santa has a budget because there are so many kids to get presents for. He's not getting a Jeep mostly because of cost, so it's accurate. lol
My oldest child wanted the Death Star lego kit from Santa when he was 5. Was not happening, it's like $700. I told him that there was no way Santa was bringing it and that was final. I don't care too much about the magic of Santa so I wasn't too worried but I didn't do anything to ruin it either. Just said there was no way Santa was bringing it.
Post by thebreakfastclub on Oct 15, 2019 17:27:06 GMT -5
We told our son that mom and dad pay for the presents and work with Santa on delivering them. This is why we only get some toys for Christmas and we have a budget, etc.
DD makes a list and Santa gets to choose. Parents also have veto power so something like a jeep would have to be run by the parents first. We had this exact scenario when DD was 3...and 4...and 5. She never got the jeep. It was fine...she always had enough other things to be excited about!
Post by adeliepenguin on Oct 15, 2019 18:02:21 GMT -5
We always had the kids write their top three choices on their letter to Santa. Santa only chose to bring them two presents off of their list. I guess we were lucky the other two things were usually always reasonable. Except the one year my (old enough to know better) son tried to game the system and wrote laptop three times on his list. He didn't get a laptop. We told him Santa's letter isn't a grocery list - Santa still gets to pick what he brings.
I think you’re making this too complicated. A kid’s wish list is just a list of what they WANT. Santa can’t give every kid everything they want. The kids put stuff on their list, but Santa picks what to buy. Every time your DS says something about wanting the Jeep, repeat, “We’ll see, honey. Santa can’t always get what we put on our list, but he always gets us something he thinks we’ll like.”
Post by downtoearth on Oct 15, 2019 18:21:07 GMT -5
We just never make a big deal - and I still love and perpetuate the magic of Santa. Kids give a list of wants to Santa and then they can ask over and over for something (like a Switch and we are a no-gaming system family) and they just don’t get it. I don’t tell them anything about it... more that I just say, “Oh, interesting.” with little emotion.
So far it’s worked and the kids have had great holidays even when they don’t get their first choice item. Although we never had to tell the older boys about Santa - they figured it out without sad moments or stress and still love to help keep the magic for their youngest brother.
I think you’re making this too complicated. A kid’s wish list is just a list of what they WANT. Santa can’t give every kid everything they want. The kids put stuff on their list, but Santa picks what to buy. Every time your DS says something about wanting the Jeep, repeat, “We’ll see, honey. Santa can’t always get what we put on our list, but he always gets us something he thinks we’ll like.”
Yep. A wish from Santa isn’t a summons, it’s a request. I would encourage him to ask Santa for a few different items and drive home that Santa gets to pick what to give him.
DD makes a list and Santa gets to choose. Parents also have veto power so something like a jeep would have to be run by the parents first. We had this exact scenario when DD was 3...and 4...and 5. She never got the jeep. It was fine...she always had enough other things to be excited about!
Oh yes, Santa has to get parent approval! We do that one, too.
DD makes a list and Santa gets to choose. Parents also have veto power so something like a jeep would have to be run by the parents first. We had this exact scenario when DD was 3...and 4...and 5. She never got the jeep. It was fine...she always had enough other things to be excited about!
We are similar. Santa does not bring anything mommy and daddy don’t want in the house. He clears all big gifts with us. This got us out of Nintendo when he was 4 and 5.
Post by Patsy Baloney on Oct 15, 2019 20:05:56 GMT -5
Yep, I’d totally just drop a few reminders when he mentions wanting the Jeep - “Well, you know Santa always knows what the best gifts are. You can put it on your wishlist to let him know you want it, but he may choose something different,” etc.
If you’re worried about Christmas Day disappointment, just add a line that reiterated what you’ve already said, “Ho ho ho! I chose a few things from your wishlist to bring and a few surprises. We made them especially for you!”
I get your worry. Preserve the magic at all costs.
Except the cost of a pink Jeep, lol. That’s just crazy.
If mom and dad aren't onboard, you aren't allowed to ask Santa.
Santa won't bring what mom and dad don't approve of. Our DS has wanted a Power Wheels for years. "Sorry, it won't fit in our tiny garage, so we won't allow Santa to bring you one."
We've groomed DS (6.5) to understand that asking Santa for gifts isn't a free for all.
Santa doesn't use money, but he has "Christmas magic." There's only so much Christmas Magic to go around for all the kids in the whole world. We say Santa's goal is not to buy every kid everything on their list, b/c that's not really what Santa is about. We say Santa tries to choose some special things that are really good gifts, but they aren't always the biggest or fanciest things. Just some things that show the spirit of love and giving and make Christmas special. Also, Santa won't bring something that the parents don't think is okay.
In this case, I think I would tell him in advance that (for whatever reason you have--not enough room in the garage?) Santa is not going to bring the jeep, but you are sure he will bring some really great things that (kid's name) will love.
Post by UMaineTeach on Oct 16, 2019 9:44:36 GMT -5
I think this is a good example of things people do differently and passionately.
I consider asking to be a total free for all. Make the list as long as you want, but understand it’s a wish list.
I would study the Sears catalogue and write down page numbers, sizes, colors, prices... kept me busy for hours and I didn’t turn into Veruca Salt.
I figure a long list gives parents more veto power and helps not get locked in, while still getting some things the kid wants. Maybe Jeep and Nintendo are a no, but item 47, mini trampoline is a yes.
I don’t see much need for fancy excuses. If it’s literally the only thing that the kid wants, you have a month and a half to point out other neat toys, prompt for other ideas, and slowly plant the seed about flaws with the Jeep plan (where are you going to keep it, where can you ride it, how will the battery change, I wonder if you are too tall).
Post by minniemouse on Oct 16, 2019 10:00:15 GMT -5
We try our best to buy things they ask Santa for, but in a situation like this I just say Santa knows everything. Like the song says “he knows when you’ve been bad or good”- so clearly, he knows if we don’t have room/parents don’t approve, etc. Or- let it go and just don’t say anything at all. When he sees his presents on Christmas he might forget all about the Jeep and you won’t have to explain. My 6 year old is insistent about asking Santa for an iPhone. I told her she can ask for anything, but Santa doesn’t bring iPhones, so she should have some back up ideas too.
Post by minniemouse on Oct 16, 2019 10:00:15 GMT -5
We try our best to buy things they ask Santa for, but in a situation like this I just say Santa knows everything. Like the song says “he knows when you’ve been bad or good”- so clearly, he knows if we don’t have room/parents don’t approve, etc. Or- let it go and just don’t say anything at all. When he sees his presents on Christmas he might forget all about the Jeep and you won’t have to explain. My 6 year old is insistent about asking Santa for an iPhone. I told her she can ask for anything, but Santa doesn’t bring iPhones, so she should have some back up ideas too.
If it's something she really wants (and has been asking for consistently) I usually ask her WHY she wants it. What does she think it'll do? Why is it better than another option? Sometimes by doing that I find out she's not so specific but more "the idea sounds cool" if that makes sense.
But we let her make her list however long and with whatever stuff she wants. But explain that Santa can only do so much because he has all the other kids, too.
We try our best to buy things they ask Santa for, but in a situation like this I just say Santa knows everything. Like the song says “he knows when you’ve been bad or good”- so clearly, he knows if we don’t have room/parents don’t approve, etc. Or- let it go and just don’t say anything at all. When he sees his presents on Christmas he might forget all about the Jeep and you won’t have to explain. My 6 year old is insistent about asking Santa for an iPhone. I told her she can ask for anything, but Santa doesn’t bring iPhones, so she should have some back up ideas too.
You clearly haven't met my kid. He literally remembers everything. Every.Thing. He will remember that he wants a Jeep and he will bring it up. My best bet is to try to help him understand that he isn't getting one.
Post by starburst604 on Oct 16, 2019 12:42:16 GMT -5
So DD (4.5) is REALLY into the magic of Santa and I love it and encourage it. I was the same way and have wonderful childhood memories from that time when I believed. However, we are setting limits now on how much Sanata is capable of. Power Wheels is DD's big ask this year and we are going to get it, but have explained to her that it is too big and expensive to come from Santa, so it will come from us instead. If we didn't want her to have it or it wasn't in the budget, we'd explain that Santa doesn't bring those and that we can't get it because of X reason (too expensive/don't have room for it, etc) As far as the other things she's put on her Christmas list, I tell her that Santa will bring some of it, and our relatives may gift her some of things from it too. I pretty much know the difference between the things on there that she'll really be hoping for vs. the thing she saw in Kohl's once and NEEDED and so I'll suggest those to relatives when they ask what to buy her.
She's ridden on and driven several of her friend's Power Wheels so I know that it's something she really will love and not just thinks will be fun.
Santa doesn't use money, but he has "Christmas magic." There's only so much Christmas Magic to go around for all the kids in the whole world. We say Santa's goal is not to buy every kid everything on their list, b/c that's not really what Santa is about. We say Santa tries to choose some special things that are really good gifts, but they aren't always the biggest or fanciest things. Just some things that show the spirit of love and giving and make Christmas special. Also, Santa won't bring something that the parents don't think is okay.
In this case, I think I would tell him in advance that (for whatever reason you have--not enough room in the garage?) Santa is not going to bring the jeep, but you are sure he will bring some really great things that (kid's name) will love.
I'm not trying to make excuses, but DS1 is just a very logical kid. If I tell him there's nowhere to store it, he will point out that there is plenty of room in our shed. If I tell him we don't have anywhere to charge it, he will show me the outlet in the garage that we can run an extension cord from.
He's not getting a Jeep because I'm not spending a third of our Christmas budget on a toy for him. There are no other reasons beyond the price of it.
I think the next time he brings it up I'm going to let him know that the Jeep is too expensive and Santa won't be able to bring him that.
I guess I am making it into a thing for myself. I just hate the idea of him being disappointed on Christmas morning. He rarely asks for things and the one gift that he's been talking about for months (which he is getting) is a $20 set of mini Cars cars. The Jeep thing is newer, but anytime he brings up Christmas, he talks about both gifts. I'd just prefer to temper his expectations as much as possible so that he's not horribly disappointed when Santa doesn't bring him a Jeep.
My parents did what UMaineTeach does. I asked for the powerwheels every year and talked about it. I knew - deep down - that I’d never get it. My mom always said no when I brought it up. Would I be hopeful every Christmas? Yup. Was I distracted by all the rest and wasn’t super surprised it wasn’t there? Yup.
There was - however - a year when I didn’t really get anything I wanted. I don’t remember details anymore, but I was about eight and ended up with a boatload of dolls. Just dolls. I went to my room and cried. Hard. My mom was gentle with me. She understood my sadness but tried to put a bright spin on what I did get. She asked me to remember that gifts are fun but the person who gave it means more, etc. I still remember that Christmas very vividly.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Oct 16, 2019 13:33:45 GMT -5
I told my kids that mom and dad get veto power with santa, and if we tell him we don't want you to have something, he won't bring it, so they better ask for something else. Things that have been vetoed over the years are a kitten, a hoverboard, a phone (every year), and a trampoline (my dh is vehemently against them). We just make sure to ask them what they are asking santa for early enough that we can veto it and have them pick something else, and they've never seemed disappointed at all on christmas morning.
Santa doesn't use money, but he has "Christmas magic." There's only so much Christmas Magic to go around for all the kids in the whole world. We say Santa's goal is not to buy every kid everything on their list, b/c that's not really what Santa is about. We say Santa tries to choose some special things that are really good gifts, but they aren't always the biggest or fanciest things. Just some things that show the spirit of love and giving and make Christmas special. Also, Santa won't bring something that the parents don't think is okay.
In this case, I think I would tell him in advance that (for whatever reason you have--not enough room in the garage?) Santa is not going to bring the jeep, but you are sure he will bring some really great things that (kid's name) will love.
I'm not trying to make excuses, but DS1 is just a very logical kid. If I tell him there's nowhere to store it, he will point out that there is plenty of room in our shed. If I tell him we don't have anywhere to charge it, he will show me the outlet in the garage that we can run an extension cord from.
He's not getting a Jeep because I'm not spending a third of our Christmas budget on a toy for him. There are no other reasons beyond the price of it.
I think the next time he brings it up I'm going to let him know that the Jeep is too expensive and Santa won't be able to bring him that.
I guess I am making it into a thing for myself. I just hate the idea of him being disappointed on Christmas morning. He rarely asks for things and the one gift that he's been talking about for months (which he is getting) is a $20 set of mini Cars cars. The Jeep thing is newer, but anytime he brings up Christmas, he talks about both gifts. I'd just prefer to temper his expectations as much as possible so that he's not horribly disappointed when Santa doesn't bring him a Jeep.
He'll be fine. I remember wanting one of those power wheels when I was younger and my parents said nope, not going to happen. I still love my parents. So you can tell him that he isn't getting that. Or if you don't want to do that, disappointment is ok. In life there are disappointments, so he won't be scarred for life if he's a little disappointed on christmas.
My parents did what UMaineTeach does. I asked for the powerwheels every year and talked about it. I knew - deep down - that I’d never get it. My mom always said no when I brought it up. Would I be hopeful every Christmas? Yup. Was I distracted by all the rest and wasn’t super surprised it wasn’t there? Yup.
There was - however - a year when I didn’t really get anything I wanted. I don’t remember details anymore, but I was about eight and ended up with a boatload of dolls. Just dolls. I went to my room and cried. Hard. My mom was gentle with me. She understood my sadness but tried to put a bright spin on what I did get. She asked me to remember that gifts are fun but the person who gave it means more, etc. I still remember that Christmas very vividly.
Ugh, I had this same Christmas around a similar age. Hard to articulate but it was very much like a what is this? this isn't for me? My folks probably had x to spend and didn't realize I had transitioned out of kid stuff into more tween stuff? That was the Xmas I realized Santa wasn't real. Odd feeling, not like OMG I"M A BRAT crying tantrum sad - more like sad, now I know Santa doesn't read my mind to find the perfect present themagicisgone sad.