TW Loss of Baby; question

[boymomof2]

Six weeks ago from today I lost my baby at 32 weeks in utero. He had Down Syndrome and I was just told post autopsy that the reason for it was due to his lymphatic system not being fused. I'm still grieving but trying my best to move on. I have 2 other children 11 and 6. I didn't feel complete and knew I wanted one more. While pregnant I finally had that feeling of being complete and that would be my last. Now after losing him I no longer have that feeling of being complete and long for another baby. I'm no longer with the father of that baby and I had planned on raising him on my own. I met with the genetics counselor who gave me the green light to try when I'm ready and the chances of a normal pregnancy are good. However, I turn 35 next month and need at least a year to recover after just delivering a 5lb baby 6 weeks ago. This would make me 36 and the closer I get to 40 my age will start increasing my chances of chromosome abnormalities. Because of this and the fact that I had already planned to raise this baby on my own I decided that I want to pursue artificial insemination. Has anyone down this road? I was hoping to hear from someone with firsthand experience and an idea of what the costs associated with it. From my own research it looks about $2k for everything but I want to make sure I have a buffer should I need more than one cycle.

[fivechickens]

I don’t have any helpful info related to your question but just wanted to say I am so sorry for you loss.

[flygirl]

I just wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss

[scm1011]

I am so so sorry for your loss. You've been in my thoughts.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I would plan on needing more than one cycle. This is the same as an IUI which I was told during fertility treatments has about a 15% chance each time of working. I know there are lots of ladies on the TTTC board that went through many IUIs unsuccessfully before moving to IVF. I went straight to IVF, so my insight on IUI isn't as good. I'd suggest posting over there for more info.

[boymomof2]

scm1011, Thank you. I don't expect it to work on the first try but want to make sure I'm saving enough to cover a couple rounds. If it doesn't work then I probably won't try anything further.

[starburst604]

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your son. I can't answer all the questions but did want to throw in one positive anecdote as someone who was successful doing IUI with injectables. I don't know much about the costs as it was covered by our insurance. I was 38 with unexplained infertility and 2 rounds of IUI were required by insurance before we could move to IVF. As a PP mentioned, the stats for IUI are bleak so I had very little hope but it actually worked the first time and resulted in my DD.

Our former neighbors are a same sex couple who went that route trying to have a child and I believe they said the most expensive part was the sperm. They were not using injectables or monitoring I believe, just using OPKs and going to the doctor for the insemination part which I don't think was terribly expensive. They tried for several months without success and put it on hold. I think the injectables and monitoring are where the big expenses come in, but likely increase the success rate as well.

[followyourarrow]

I’m so sorry. I lost a little boy at 17 weeks due to Down Syndrome. Please feel free to message me if you need anything.

I’d plan for 2-3 financially.

[msmerymac]

I'm so, so sorry.

I've also gone through IUI. The difference though is that I had fertility issues. So while IUIs are successful 10-15% of the time, you're also talking about a sample group of people who haven't been able to get pregnant on their own. I imagine the success rates for artificial insemination with someone who has successfully conceived three times already is higher, but I'm not sure what the numbers are. I do know that without insurance coverage, the cost of IUI ranges from $800 to $1500. If you're paying cash/have no coverage, you might be able to work out a discounted self-pay rate. Good luck!

[lightbulbsun]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I haven't had personal experience, but my friend had a sperm donor for both of her kids, and she said that her insurance covered everything except the semen, which was $8k. She ended up getting IVF for both pregnancies after three failed rounds of artificial insemination. I think she said that the amount of semen she purchased lasted 4-5 round of artificial insemination. She is 37 now, and is in the last month of pregnancy with her second.

[tacom]

I’m so very sorry for your loss. A former coworker went this route. She ended up getting pregnant on her first cycle which was a pleasant surprise (she was advanced maternal age and had no pg history). She has a healthy 2 year old boy now.

I wish you luck and peace along your journey

[brooke77]

I am so sorry for your loss.

My former coworker was pursuing motherhood on her own via sperm donor. Our insurance plan at the time did not cover much (any?) of her fertility treatments because she had not been actively TTC for 6 months and didn’t have a dx of IF. She was AMA (actually I think they called her geriatric - she was 44) and had the $$, so she just paid OOP. She did 3 rounds of IUI with meds and acupuncture and it cost about $10k. She did say that the sperm was cheaper if you bought batches for multiple rounds. You could return it, at a discount, if unused. Her doctor also made her undergo a counseling session before treatment.

There were single parent by choice boards that she found very helpful.

[nicanmatt]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I had my daughter, born with DS at 36. Her baby brother was born when I was 41 and has no chromosome issues. So I wanted to reassure you that another year, or two or three will be ok.

Once again. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you and your children are able to grieve together as I’m sure they are very sad too.

[sproctopus]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you how sorry I am. It's the hardest thing in the world. Thinking of you.

[grover]

I am sorry for your loss. We did two IUIs, were told to not expect them to work first go round, but ended up with both rounds working, resulting in a singleton and twins.

[halfpint]

Oct 18, 2019 16:53:10 GMT -5 brooke77 said:

I am so sorry for your loss.

My former coworker was pursuing motherhood on her own via sperm donor. Our insurance plan at the time did not cover much (any?) of her fertility treatments because she had not been actively TTC for 6 months and didn’t have a dx of IF. She was AMA (actually I think they called her geriatric - she was 44) and had the $$, so she just paid OOP. She did 3 rounds of IUI with meds and acupuncture and it cost about $10k. She did say that the sperm was cheaper if you bought batches for multiple rounds. You could return it, at a discount, if unused. Her doctor also made her undergo a counseling session before treatment.

There were single parent by choice boards that she found very helpful.

Just ftr, “geriatric” pregnancy and AMA are the same. You can be 35.5 and medically coded a geriatric pregnancy.

OP, I don’t have any advice, but am so sorry for the loss of your child.