Hey everyone! Here's a post for us to drop our thoughts, vents, questions, wins for the month. Reminder this is not a diet/weight loss thread. It's for us to discuss what it means to be well with a health at every size mindset.
Try to avoid @ if possible!
How is everyone doing? The holidays can be a really hard time if you struggle with disordered eating. Diet culture is evvvvvvvverywhere this time of year and it is just ramping up for January, which is basically Celebrate Diet Culture month. Uggh.
I felt like I was in a fitness funk so I trained for a half and I ran it yesterday! It was just me (not a race) and not even close to a PR, but I’m pleased with how I kept a good mindset during training. I feel accomplished but not burnt out.
I’m not sure if it’s the season (darkness, weather, etc) or holidays, but this time of year is always difficult for me with anxiety and depression. So far, my anxiety has ramped up a bit but not nearly as bad as a year ago. I’m keeping on eye on it and I’m seeing therapist once a month instead of once a quarter.
I feel like I did well eating mindfully on Thanksgiving.
I did my first 5K in almost a decade this past weekend, and I loved it! I had to walk half and my time was terrible, but I was still really proud of myself. I am signing up for another one in April. My H did it too and is so into running now that he’a joined a more advanced running club and signed up for a mid-December 5K. I was getting worried about his health because he had been feeling off for a long time, but he has felt great since taken up running and I am so happy for him.
Post by wanderingback on Dec 2, 2019 9:34:23 GMT -5
I did the Chicago marathon in Oct and now my fitness has totally been slacking. I’ve worked out a few times, but nothing consistent. I love getting up in the morning at 5 and having plenty of time to myself, so I really need to get back to that. I really love the feeling of a good sweat and stretch in the morning! I’m on vacation this week, so another excuse to procrastinate ugh. Exercising is definitely good for my overall well-being.
I'm very ugh. I had a line on and a good in for a good job opportunity, but it's morphed into something I may not want. Which is making me feel very blah and flat, and blah and flat are how my January usually feels (it's cold, it's my birthday, it's post holiday let down, it's a time when I always question all of my life decisons), so feeling this way in December is making me very le sigh about everything.
I am trying to bolster my mood with cheesy Christmas movies and sewing myself something. But while I know exercise will improve my everything, I can't seem to drag my carcass to the gym.
I did make an appointment with my GP for an everything checkup. Which has been on my to do list for literally 6 months.
I’ve put on a few pounds in the last month. I am still planning to reject diet mentality. But I need to really dial into the intuitive part of Intuitive Eating, not just eating anything and everything. And my exercise has gone to shit because of a whole bunch of life stuff. I can tell I just don’t feel as strong or energetic, so my big goal for December is to do yoga every single day and do cardio 4-5 times per week. I can do this.
I finished the Intuitive Eating book and it was so helpful. I had been trying to move myself off the diet mindset long before I read it, but I didn't realize just how ingrained diet culture really is, so it wasn't easy to do. The book was really eye opening at just how fucked up my thinking about food and everything was, thanks in part to a constant stream of misinformation and toxic shit in our society.
So the good news -- I bought a bunch of new clothes, and for the first time in years, I have a closet that is actually full of clothing that I like and that fits, and I have a choice of options for various different occasions. 10+ years of working from home while yo-yo dieting left me with a completely dysfunctional and depressing wardrobe, I limited clothes buying because I never intended to stay my size for long, and since I didn't tend to need to get dressed all that much, I just wound up with random odds and ends. Getting dressed typically meant trying on 5 different things to try to see what fit to try to make an outfit work for a particular occasion. I probably bought too many clothes, given that I work from home, but I seriously don't care. It's life changing going into my closet and deciding between several appropriate, well fitting outfits.
The challenge for me right now, however, is that I have moments where I stop and I feel a little like I'm some kind of anti-vaxxer cult. I filled my instagram with good stuff, but now, I get a little twinge of self doubt when I see the instagram memes that rag on the medical community, or when I see comments that reflect a real distrust in doctors. While I know intuitive eating is backed by actual science and that doctors generally don't have specialized expertise in nutrition or eating disorders, I also am not completely at ease with the idea of being a part of a somewhat radical community that eschews conventional wisdom. While I know conventional wisdom is bullshit and a simple look at stats for weight gain post dieting reaffirms that, the amount of pro-diet "science" that is everywhere makes it's hard to not feel like I'm living in some anti-vaxxer state of denial and causes some self doubt.
ESF, this is a real struggle for me. The stats show that obesity increases the risk of various diseases. I know that. I also know that all of my attempts at dieting have either failed completely or resulted in weight loss followed by gaining even MORE weight. If I had done Intuitive Eating from the start and had managed to hold my weight steady, with maybe a standard age-related 10-pound gain, I’d probably be 50 pounds lighter than I am right now. But none of that means that I’m not at a higher risk for certain health conditions than people who aren’t carrying around all this extra weight. (@ issue: this also weighs on me constantly about TTC #2 and my history of gestational hypertension and hemorrhage and like half of therapy is me trying to forgive myself for being a fat pregnant lady and feeling like I caused all the difficulties.)
The flip side is that knowing what we do about dieting, which is better for my long term health: staying at this weight, eating nutritiously, getting movement that I enjoy, and having good mental health? Or dieting and probably gaining even MORE weight? Definitely the former but it’s still a struggle to stay in that mental space. I recently got approved for a new life insurance policy, but it costs $77/month based solely on my BMI so that definitely didn’t help.
That’s a really long way of saying that yes, there is still a lot of stuff to work out in my head.
Post by mrsukyankee on Dec 2, 2019 10:20:09 GMT -5
Not having access to a gym and not feeling settled in life has been a struggle for me. I've been more anxious in the past few months than I have in the past few years. I know it's short-term and so I've begun to deal with it. I'm walking more and I'm being more mindful about how much I'm eating and drinking during this season - it can easily get out of hand. I just keep reminding myself that this will be okay in the end, that I need to let go of my need to control everything and that I can handle the anxiety that comes.
Wellness... well, if I can babble on things health related... I an due to finish all treatments on Wednesday. Yay! I’m still loosing weight, albeit much more slowly than before. My cardiologist is so happy. I asked him to pass that message on to oncology. I’ll hear about it when I see the doctor today and next Monday. But the next Monday doctor is awesome. I’ll snark at him about how he is complaining about me losing weight and yet I’m still clinically obese, and he’ll chuckle and move on. We’ve played this game before.
Otherwise, I’ve started swimming again. I took 6 months off bc of surgeries and other infection risks. But I’m back! We did butterfly this past Saturday and I’m am so sore. But I have a goal. I want to do a 1 mile open water swim that benefits a local cancer center (not mine) next summer. I shouldn’t have an issue by then. Workouts are averaging 1200 yards now, but it shouldn’t be hard to build up to that in 6 months. However, while I was out, our coach changed. It was an older, retired guy. Now it’s a college age guy. I think he’s a bit unsure of how to “couch” the 40 year old in his group. There are two of us on Saturday mornings.
On top of swimming, I’m also starting to use our spin bike again. Not that much, but trying. Plus trying to cut meat out as much as possible. I even got H to accept my quinoa chili!
@angryharpy - yes to all of that and I'm sending you hugs. The reality is that dieting has caused me to gain too much weight for a diet to ever work again. I need to lose 50 pounds to get back to the weight I was when I started seriously dieting 15 years ago, and probably another, I don't know, 50 pounds, to get to whatever bullshit BMI weight I'm "supposed" to be. So assuming a best case scenario of a one pound a week loss, that's two years of unrelenting restriction. Except that I know I won't actually be able to lose a pound a week, because for starters, years of daily weigh ins have taught me that my body refuses to let me lose weight while I'm on my period. So I'm looking at years of restriction to get to some point where I know I have to severely restrict myself permanently to avoid gaining ten pounds the week I decide to eat pizza two nights in a row. It's just not worth it.
But when diet culture is literally everywhere, it's hard not to feel like my little instagram feed is like climate denialism.
I am struggling a little with actual wellness lately. My stomach has been upset a lot lately, and I think I really need to refocus on eating healthy and perhaps doing some elimination stuff if the eating healthy doesn't work. I feel like I feel bad more often than not lately, and I need to figure out if that's just having totally fallen off the healthy eating/exercise track (very possible!) or if there is something else going on. I probably need to stop being shocked when my stomach is upset after drinking mimosas, eating cinnamon rolls, and snacking on cream cheese based snacks all day though, lol.
I also really need to get back in the habit of some kind of exercise. I know it's unhealthy not to do anything, but I just haven't been able to make myself workout in the last several months, at all. I haven't even been to the gym since...idk when. Probably summer?
On a positive note, I've finally been seeing a counselor to get myself on track with focusing and doing things at work. I feel like my ADHD has been out of control in the last year and we're working on developing some tools to be more productive. I'm not there yet, but I feel good about at least taking steps toward figuring it out. I'm tired of being mad at my self and feeling guilty all the time about how unfocused and unproductive I am.
Post by secretlyevil on Dec 2, 2019 10:48:20 GMT -5
Taking last week off and just enjoying life was awesome and desperately needed. I can be kinder, to myself, to everyone and have the patience to stay that way. Who knows how long this will last but I am trying to be mindful of remembering where I was pre-Thanksgiving and focus on not letting it get back there.
I finally started seeing a therapist again. I've had some finance concerns lately that were giving me so much anxiety I couldn't sleep at night and am finally getting that taken care of and am meeting with a financial advisor and getting all retirement goals on track. Verdict out on the therapist but I'll keep her around for awhile (selling some stock and stop looking at the market has done wonders for the anxiety though. Like, it's over and done and I can't do anything about it now so...). Work has been a nightmare lately but I THINK the worst has passed...for now. Need to start making a plan there too...
It's cold and dark and hard to get motivated. I did pretty well with exercise over the weekend but sometimes it's just hard to go outside when it's so crappy. I do sometimes feel like a badass when I'm out there and it's like sleeting or whatever. I started working on some hill training by myself to increase my running speed. Hoping for the best. Bought some fancy workout leggings to keep motivated. I think they might be too fancy to work out in though.
My eating has not been the greatest lately. I feel like there's always something going on... Also the boyfriend has started cooking a bit and it's hard to turn his food down.
ESF I found when I read IE that it was like my eyes were opened to diet culture and suddenly I realized it is fucking EVERYWHERE and it is inescapable. Doubts and questions are normal and welcome. I have to remind myself often that diet culture is a liar. What I always come back to are the Minnesota starvation experiment and the other research that is the backbone of the IE approach. I haven't read the Health at Every Size book yet but it's on my TBR list for 2020. My dietician recommended it and said it helps with a lot of the questions about health and weight and the medical side of things vs. the body image and eating habits side. Maybe we can do a HAES book discussion next year in this thread.
Also it's a process. I have been in treatment all year and it's not a linear path. Monthly visits with my RD help me stay rooted and on track. Diet mentality sneaks back in so easily, because it is culturally accepted and was "normal" for most of our lives.
Just a little reminder to get your vitamin D levels checked if you haven't recently, and take your vitamin D supplements daily! I thought my meds had stopped working one year but turns out my D levels were crazy low. Now I take a D supplement daily from November-March and it helps a ton.
I have been exercising consistently 2 or 3 times a week for 9 months now. This is the longest I have ever exercised consistently since I have been an adult. I am so proud of myself as I feel healthier - I am able to chase my children more easily and just have more energy. I guess getting MS was good for one thing - it kicked my arse into gear about staying as healthy as I can in other areas!
Just a little reminder to get your vitamin D levels checked if you haven't recently, and take your vitamin D supplements daily! I thought my meds had stopped working one year but turns out my D levels were crazy low. Now I take a D supplement daily from November-March and it helps a ton.
Just had mine checked through my annual wellness screening at work and its low. Curious to know what supplement you take? I looked at them briefly and was overwhelmed with the choices!
Work has been really tough the past month and I'm ready for a break. Next week I go on vacation but the weekends surrounding it are busy and stressing me out. Hoping to be able to chill out and relax to get my mind of off everything. I'm also looking forward to some time off around the holidays and a fresh start for the new year.
Just a little reminder to get your vitamin D levels checked if you haven't recently, and take your vitamin D supplements daily! I thought my meds had stopped working one year but turns out my D levels were crazy low. Now I take a D supplement daily from November-March and it helps a ton.
My doctor was shocked that my Vitamin D levels are normal. He was like "you're a pale person whose depression gets worse in the winter and your VitD are fine. I almost don't believe it."
Post by sillygoosegirl on Dec 2, 2019 11:43:01 GMT -5
I broke my wrist 3 weeks ago (working in the yard->muddy shoes+deck stairs), so I've been on an enforced break from most exercise, and I'm giving myself more freedom with what I eat than I normally do. Honestly, it wasn't until I stopped that I realized how much I've been pushing myself. In a way, a break has been nice, but I'm also really frustrated about not being able to bicycle and I worry that it'll be hard to get back to being strong enough to do the rides I was doing before. Not to mention I'm going to have to do physical therapy to get my wrist movement and strength back. At least it's winter, so I'm missing cold dark wet cycling instead of fair weather cycling?
I'm also worried the fracture was more than just bad luck, and maybe somehow due to lower bone density due to my rare chronic condition. My endocrinologist kind of blew me off about that, but I'm going to push for a bone density scan. Definitely not the way I wanted to be working on my health right now.
Post by mrsukyankee on Dec 2, 2019 11:52:48 GMT -5
sillygoosegirl, definitely get checked out to rule it out, but I do want to mention that when I broke my wrist at the age of 12, my doctor told me that there are so many little wrist bones in there and that they are quite easy to break.
ESF I found when I read IE that it was like my eyes were opened to diet culture and suddenly I realized it is fucking EVERYWHERE and it is inescapable. Doubts and questions are normal and welcome. I have to remind myself often that diet culture is a liar. What I always come back to are the Minnesota starvation experiment and the other research that is the backbone of the IE approach. I haven't read the Health at Every Size book yet but it's on my TBR list for 2020. My dietician recommended it and said it helps with a lot of the questions about health and weight and the medical side of things vs. the body image and eating habits side. Maybe we can do a HAES book discussion next year in this thread.
Also it's a process. I have been in treatment all year and it's not a linear path. Monthly visits with my RD help me stay rooted and on track. Diet mentality sneaks back in so easily, because it is culturally accepted and was "normal" for most of our lives.
I like this idea!
That Minnesota starvation experiment haunts me. I feel like it explains so much, especially, the existence and evolution of the Food Network and its role in our society over the years.
My issues probably aren't helped by the fact that my H is doing Noom. We're each doing our things and most of the time, it's manageable but unless we lived in separate houses, there's no real way around being exposed to diet culture nonstop in the house. It's not like he's throwing it in my face or questioning my choices, but our plans are diametrically opposed and there's only so much we can do to keep our stuff to ourselves. Like, if it's fair for me to tell him to stop hovering around while I'm making dinner so he can monitor the amount of forbidden ingredients being added to a meal, then why wouldn't it be fair for him to tell me to not bring potato chips into the house?
@angryharpy , ESF , I have a few thoughts about your concerns about health, weight and kind of bucking against the medical community.
1 - I think a lot of the information and messaging on social media, especially Instagram, is geared towards those who have eating disorders or disordered eating thoughts. This is really where the root of IE began. I also think there are many more photos of desserts, donuts, pizza, etc. because the ideal client they are speaking to is petrified to eat those things. There's less information about gentle nutrition (nutrition education) because those with eating disorders don't need to hear that. IE can and should be applied to general health and medical conditions, but the current messaging is more for disordered eating. But I think all of this combined does make IE seem a little cult-ish online.
2- When we look at "pro diet science", there actually isn't really a lot of science. When we think that the stats show us that obesity increases risk of disease, we see this really isn't the case - behaviors increase the risk of disease, not body size / fat / adiposity itself. What we see in studies is that whenever weight is attributed to a positive health outcome, it always accompanied with a healthy behavior. For example - those who started exercising 4 days per week for 45 minutes lowered their blood sugars and lost 10 lb over 2 months. What the medical community has mistakenly done for decades is attributed positive health outcomes to weight loss. But when we break apart studies, we see that most people experience positive health outcomes with health-promoting behaviors even if their weight doesn't change. With overall health, those with poor health behaviors may be in a larger body and yes, this can increase disease risk. But those in larger bodies who practice health promoting behaviors, including stress reduction, don't have any more of an increased risk of disease compared to someone in a smaller body.
3- Another big part of HAES and intuitive eating is really just acknowledging that most people who attempt to improve health by using weight loss as a motivator are generally unsuccessful long-term. When people use internal / health outcomes as motivators, then they are more successful. So prescribing weight loss as a goal is pretty counterintuitive if we want our clients and patients to be successful.
4 - There are certain instances where weight loss may improve health or symptoms. For example, maybe someone in a larger body is experiencing knee pain. Yes, weight loss may improve their pain. But prescribing weight loss will likely be ineffective. So why start there? Another thing with health issues, especially orthopedic issues, is that those in smaller bodies are usually prescribed actionable steps, medications, therapies to help with symptoms. Those in larger bodies are usually prescribed weight loss. We have to ask ourselves from a social justice perspective how ethical this it is to prescribe weight loss as the primary treatment when we knew someone will likely be unsuccessful. In the knee pain example, a person in a smaller body may be prescribed physical therapy or acupuncture, where studies show those in larger bodies are forced to wait longer for these types of therapies - even though their symptoms can be improved by those non-weight-focused interventions.
I'm an intuitive eating dietitian and I specialize in certain medical conditions where clients can definitely find relief and improvement in symptoms and health regardless of whether they lose weight. So it's hard to understand why the medical community doesn't have the knowledge to educate them on those health-promoting behaviors and chooses to continue to prescribe weight loss. I also see clients in both large and small bodies experiencing the same issues, which again begs to question why we choose weight as a primary prescription for health improvements. These health issues occur in people of all body sizes.
If you want to read more about the research behind HAES then I would recommend reading the book called Body Respect by Linda Bacon. She does a phenomenal job addressing medical care, weight and the science behind weight-inclusive care.
Post by picksthemusic on Dec 2, 2019 12:41:47 GMT -5
I had my complete physical and pap a week and a half ago. My provider and I ruled out a bunch of things (rheumatoid, PCOS, iron deficiency), and we found out that I'm essentially normal, but with low Vitamin D and borderline hyperthyroid. I do have some mildly high inflammatory markers, but nothing else is reactive, so - shrug, I guess?
I've decided that in the whole health spectrum, I need to focus more on my mental health and well-being vs. my body at this point. I know exercise will be helpful with that (self-esteem, energy), but I need to be more present, and need to focus on things I like doing instead of just going with whatever my H suggests we do. If I want to read a book and take a long bubble bath, so be it. I'm going to do it. If I need to go get a massage because my body hurts, I'm going to do it. I'm going to pick up knitting again, and finish books.
I've gotten some new clothes that fit well and flatter my body as it is, and I feel great in them. I'm turning 40 this week, so it feels like I'm doing the whole 'what have I done with my life' thing, but all in all, I'm pretty happy. I know I have things I could change or be better at, but at this point I'm okay. This upcoming year will be full of big changes, though, I'm fairly certain.