Dating help

[twinmomma]

Soo... I may have completely freaked out beau. And since I have no clue what I'm doing when it comes to dating because all my prior experience with it was in high school, I'd appreciate advice.

He and I had plans to do dinner on Christmas after my family leaves. I realized today that all our conversations about it made it seem like I was trying to sneak him in after my parents are gone. So I jokingly told him this and said he'd be more than welcome to have lunch with us on Christmas Day. Lunch is at my house, nothing fancy and I know he'll be home alone otherwise. He said sure, then panicked later and wanted to talk more.

We talked, he obviously feels like it's a major, giant step. I realize it's a big step but my family is so casual and I'm so close to them I didn't really register how big. I left the choice up to him and was honest about how it would not bother me either way. He agreed to still come but more under the guise of "I want to make you happy" versus being excited about it.

Do I look like a crazy person if I call him back and tell him don't worry about it, let's stick to our original plan and skip the parents piece? I want to let him off the hook if that's what he wants. I feel like an ass that I didn't think through how an invite like that would look and just threw it out there.

[ilovelucyvv]

At this point I’d give him an out if he wants it but tell him that I’d be happy to have him with my parents if that’s what he decided.

Some families introduce a boyfriend/ girlfriend fairly early on, others don’t, it depends. Personally I think there is less pressure with an early introduction rather than waiting say a year into a relationship.

ETA Disclaimer that I haven’t dated anyone new in 12 years.

[mommyatty]

I think you already gave him an out and he didn’t take it. I think it’s fine to reiterate that this is his Christmas too and your family’s view on Christmas is it’s supposed to be low key and fun, so if he would feel more relaxed and have a nicer day waiting until you can be alone, that’s perfectly fine and in line with how you think the holiday should be celebrated. But you didn’t want him to think he needed to sit home alone. So he’s welcome, but this isn’t any sort of command performance.

[mae0111]

Dec 21, 2019 19:42:09 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

I think you already gave him an out and he didn’t take it. I think it’s fine to reiterate that this is his Christmas too and your family’s view on Christmas is it’s supposed to be low key and fun, so if he would feel more relaxed and have a nicer day waiting until you can be alone, that’s perfectly fine and in line with how you think the holiday should be celebrated. But you didn’t want him to think he needed to sit home alone. So he’s welcome, but this isn’t any sort of command performance.

All of this. Exactly what I was thinking.

[shakinros]

Dec 21, 2019 23:40:26 GMT -5 mae0111 said:

Dec 21, 2019 19:42:09 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

I think you already gave him an out and he didn’t take it. I think it’s fine to reiterate that this is his Christmas too and your family’s view on Christmas is it’s supposed to be low key and fun, so if he would feel more relaxed and have a nicer day waiting until you can be alone, that’s perfectly fine and in line with how you think the holiday should be celebrated. But you didn’t want him to think he needed to sit home alone. So he’s welcome, but this isn’t any sort of command performance.

All of this. Exactly what I was thinking.

Thirded. Good luck!

[twinmomma]

Thanks ladies! I appreciate the reassurance. After another long conversation, all is good. He is still (understandably) nervous but is very willing to show up and go for it. In return, I unexpectedly face timed with his siblings and their spouses last night to "meet" all of them for the first time, since he's out of town with them.

[supertrooper1]

Good luck twinmomma! I'm sure everything will go fine.

[shakinros]

So how did it go twinmomma ?

[twinmomma]

It went really well! He showed up with food and a gift for every person in my family, completely unexpected! My family is loud and casual and friendly so he just kind of slid in around the table and took it all in. Chimed in sometimes, seemed to enjoy himself. After they all left he told me he had fun.
We spent the rest of the night in very deep conversation about us, our exes, our divorces, etc... Very much needed and a really good night. He even changed his custody nights to match mine for the new year so we can spend more time together and be more official.

[mustardseed2007]

Dec 26, 2019 10:51:20 GMT -5 twinmomma said:

It went really well! He showed up with food and a gift for every person in my family, completely unexpected! My family is loud and casual and friendly so he just kind of slid in around the table and took it all in. Chimed in sometimes, seemed to enjoy himself. After they all left he told me he had fun.
We spent the rest of the night in very deep conversation about us, our exes, our divorces, etc... Very much needed and a really good night. He even changed his custody nights to match mine for the new year so we can spend more time together and be more official.

Now THAT is a big step!

[mommyatty]

twinmomma- I feel like you’re getting the good end of the karma equation. Swoon. Couldn’t be happier for you!

[twinmomma]

Dec 26, 2019 10:57:55 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

twinmomma- I feel like you’re getting the good end of the karma equation. Swoon. Couldn’t be happier for you!

Thanks!
I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, because it's hard to believe things can be this good. And apparently he has been feeling the same way about me. He's been through some shit too, so we are both relieved to find someone normal.

[twinmomma]

Dec 26, 2019 10:53:21 GMT -5 mustardseed2007 said:

Dec 26, 2019 10:51:20 GMT -5 twinmomma said:

It went really well! He showed up with food and a gift for every person in my family, completely unexpected! My family is loud and casual and friendly so he just kind of slid in around the table and took it all in. Chimed in sometimes, seemed to enjoy himself. After they all left he told me he had fun.
We spent the rest of the night in very deep conversation about us, our exes, our divorces, etc... Very much needed and a really good night. He even changed his custody nights to match mine for the new year so we can spend more time together and be more official.

Now THAT is a big step!

Ya, he mentioned it a couple months ago but hasn't brought it up since. Changing wasn't an option for me at all. I'm so happy it's official! Now we can see each in person more than once a week.

[idahome]

I love everything about your update. Enjoy your new relationship; it sounds like you’ve met your equal (in the best kind of way)!