Insomnia/anxiety about sleeping in bed

[RoxMonster]

Wondering if anyone out there has been through this or has any tips. I have not really struggled with insomnia before like this (occasionally having a night it's hard to sleep but most nights, I would fall asleep when my head hit the pillow and sleep all night). A week ago Sunday, I only slept about 4 hours. It was the night before heading back to work after winter break and I think I had anxiety about it.

And that was it. Ever since having that night I could barely sleep, I am having a very hard time falling asleep specifically in bed. The second night last week that it was after 1 AM and I was still awake, I went down to the recliner in the living room and turned on the TV. I fell asleep within 15 minutes.

So now, I have this mental block about not being able to sleep in bed. I really don't want to consistently or permanently sleep in the living room because it makes me sore and stiff and I also want to be able to sleep in a bed for the times we travel or stay in a hotel, etc. My bed is comfortable and I want to be able to sleep there. But almost every night now, if I am still awake after laying in bed for a couple hours, I give up and go down to the couch and can usually get to sleep within 15-20 minutes. This makes me believe I have anxiety about specifically sleeping in bed.

I have tried going up to bed earlier and reading with a soft light on instead of watching TV until bed. I have tried having soothing sounds playing like waves because partly what happens is I just lay there and focus on my heartbeat and every other little sound so I can't sleep. Neither of these has seemed to work that well. And if I DO manage to fall asleep, it's usually like 1 or 2 AM but my alarm goes off at 515.

I am just so exhausted. I've been averaging 4 hours of sleep a night. I have anxiety about sleeping constantly now and have never been like this. I dread nighttime every day, it consumes all my thoughts. Right now, it's 7:30 and I have a huge pit in my stomach and feel on edge because I know bed time is coming and I probably won't be able to sleep again. It's just making me so stressed out and emotional.

Does anyone have any tips to help? I personally don't want to go on sleeping pills because I've heard horror stories about people doing crazy things on Ambien and that would just make me more anxious and nervous to be on it.

[dirtyred]

I fall asleep much faster if the T.V. is than I do in a quiet room. I think it keeps my mind from thinking about shit that would keep me awake.

If that doesn't work I'll take the over the counter sleep aid Unisom (or the cheaper Kirkland equivalent).

[W.T.Faulkner]

You’re worrying about not being able to sleep. This happened to me all the time.

Try Zquil or diphenhydramine just for one night. It’ll knock you out. And the psychological effect of “well, I just took this so I’m going to pass out” may help you relax too.

[Jalapeñomel]

There are less intense pills than Ambien: Unisom, Benedryl, even melatonin.

Good luck, insomnia sucks. I get it around my period a lot.

[jayhawk5]

I have insomnia too, but mine is middle of the night wakings where I never can go back to sleep. My Dr has chalked mine up to anxiety and prescribed me Zoloft, which I’ve put off starting because I’m afraid of weight gain, which is stupid I know.

Have you tried melatonin? That might be worth a try and you might feel better about that than a sleep aid such as Ambien. Or maybe even starting with Natural Calm supplements, which are just magnesium. Good sleep hygiene, such as lowering lights, no screens before bed etc. Good luck, sleep issues are a mindfuck, and quickly spiral, because sleep begets sleep and all that.

[RoxMonster]

I haven’t tried any supplements or anything yet so I can check those out.

[joenali]

I usually take unisom. I can fall asleep quickly but I tend to wake up and then not be able to fall asleep. I try not to take it all of the time, but it helps me sleep so soundly.

[meowmaps]

I've been experiencing insomnia more regularly in the past six months so I feel your pain! I'm still able to go right to sleep when I turn out the light and my head hits the pillow but I wake up at 2:00 or 3:00 and I'm just wide awake. I'm often awake for 2-3 hours before I can go back to sleep.

I attribute my problem to not enough energy expended during the day, anxiety about everyday things or a real (to me) problem that I take into bed with me, and now I also have anxiety about not getting a good night's sleep. I'll wake up and my mind will be going a mile a minute. It feels like I have to cycle through all these anxious thoughts before I can calm down and attempt to go back to sleep.

For the past week I've been having 1-2 mugs of rooibos tea before bed and I think it's been helping. I still wake up here and there but I'm able to go back to sleep quickly. It was my husband's idea. He thought it might relax me. It's possible!

I also read before bed every night from a regular paperback or hardback book. Something I haven't done yet but my therapist recommended is having a throwaway journal - somewhere where I can write down anything that's bothering me or on my mind before bed so I can purge those anxious thoughts. Then I'm supposed to rip up the page without reading it and throw it away.

[devonpow]

There is a podcast called Sleep With Me that I highly recommend for those times you can’t sleep because your mind is racing. It’s weird - this guy just kind of meanders and talks nonsense but in this very soporific way, it’s hard to explain. I put the sleep timer on for 30 minutes or so and put the podcast on. It’s so boring that it puts you to sleep, but not boring in a way that you are thinking about how boring it is. Hard to explain but really works for me.

[beerlover]

I'm really sorry. I've struggled with insomnia in the past and I know how bad it sucks. Like PPs said, I would try melatonin or Benadryl for a few nights to see if that helps. Once you get yourself back in a pattern of sleeping in bed a few nights, you should hopefully be less anxious about it and go back to normal.

For what it's worth, I've had a 5mg Ambien prescription for 3 years and I only take it a couple nights a month maybe - sometimes during a rough week it would be more frequent, but I've never felt dependent on it, nor have I ever gotten out of bed and done any weird stuff. I think most of those cases happened to people on higher doses though (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong).

I also deal with middle of the night wakings jayhawk5,. My PCP prescribed me .25 mg of Xanax for those times when I get up at 3am and my mind is racing. It's the only thing that gets me back to sleep. It definitely works, although it takes like 45 minutes which is annoying.

[beerlover]

devonpow, I used to listen to Sleep with Me after I had my DS and couldn't get back to sleep easily after nighttime feedings. I forgot about that! I'd definitely try that too RoxMonster

[goldengirlz]

Jan 15, 2020 20:34:14 GMT -5 W.T.Faulkner said:

You’re worrying about not being able to sleep. This happened to me all the time.

Try Zquil or diphenhydramine just for one night. It’ll knock you out. And the psychological effect of “well, I just took this so I’m going to pass out” may help you relax too.

Same. I take melatonin every weeknight and I think a good 50% of the effect is psychological. Usually I take 5mg* of melatonin and tell myself that if I’m not asleep in 20 minutes, I’ll add 1-2 Benadryl. Just knowing I have a “plan” soothes my very type A mind.

*This is a bit of a high dose. My doctor recommended 1-3mg for daily use but 🤷‍♀️... I guess I’m a rebel.

[dochas]

I take an otc sleep aid, or time released melatonin. For me though, I can't take something 2 nights in a row or it doesn't work. The sleepy time extra tea really helps too, so that's in my rotation.

[Jalapeñomel]

Jan 15, 2020 20:54:11 GMT -5 goldengirlz said:

Jan 15, 2020 20:34:14 GMT -5 W.T.Faulkner said:

You’re worrying about not being able to sleep. This happened to me all the time.

Try Zquil or diphenhydramine just for one night. It’ll knock you out. And the psychological effect of “well, I just took this so I’m going to pass out” may help you relax too.

Same. I take melatonin every weeknight and I think a good 50% of the effect is psychological. Usually I take 5mg* of melatonin and tell myself that if I’m not asleep in 20 minutes, I’ll add 1-2 Benadryl. Just knowing I have a “plan” soothes my very type A mind.

*This is a bit of a high dose. My doctor recommended 1-3mg for daily use but 🤷‍♀️... I guess I’m a rebel.

Really? I take the generic and it says to take two gummies a night, so 10 mg.

[egeiger]

Just looking for alternate ideas - have you reviewed diet and specifically caffeine? I find that when I have problems sleeping, I can’t have any caffeine after 1-2pm. Also, making sure I eat a decent meal helps. I often rush through and eat a lot of crap foods, so this may be specific to me.

Good luck! I know it sucks. I sympathize!

[jayhawk5]

Jan 15, 2020 20:54:11 GMT -5 goldengirlz said:

Jan 15, 2020 20:34:14 GMT -5 W.T.Faulkner said:

You’re worrying about not being able to sleep. This happened to me all the time.

Try Zquil or diphenhydramine just for one night. It’ll knock you out. And the psychological effect of “well, I just took this so I’m going to pass out” may help you relax too.

Same. I take melatonin every weeknight and I think a good 50% of the effect is psychological. Usually I take 5mg* of melatonin and tell myself that if I’m not asleep in 20 minutes, I’ll add 1-2 Benadryl. Just knowing I have a “plan” soothes my very type A mind.

*This is a bit of a high dose. My doctor recommended 1-3mg for daily use but 🤷‍♀️... I guess I’m a rebel.

I think that’s so true, that having a plan helps. And I don’t think there’s any shame in taking something short term to get back on track. @_beerlover, thanks for the suggestion I’ll have to try the Xanax if I get desperate. I have a prescription on hand for panic attacks, but get nervous about taking it too frequently-anxiety over anxiety meds, imagine that!

[yentl]

This is a common CBT technique for insomnia. You are feeling anxious in bed and having trouble falling asleep. You change the setting and the anxiety decreases. It's not that different than if you were feeling overwhelmed at your desk so you step outside for a few minutes.

I wouldn't stress about it. Try a mild sleep aid if you want (and the dosage for Melatonin is very low, def not more than a couple mg or you will probably feel really drowsy the next day). You will probably have no trouble falling asleep in your bed within a couple weeks!

[RoxMonster]

Thanks everyone. As far as caffeine, I have restricted to just coffee in the AM and none after noon(have done that for a few months since I cut soda out). I also do a 30 minute workout after work every day.

I guess at the end of the day, the important thing is to sleep. I don’t love that I am having a block about being in bed, but if being on the couch with the TV on low helps me get a full night of sleep, maybe I just need to do that for awhile?

[goldengirlz]

Jan 15, 2020 20:59:43 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Jan 15, 2020 20:54:11 GMT -5 goldengirlz said:

Same. I take melatonin every weeknight and I think a good 50% of the effect is psychological. Usually I take 5mg* of melatonin and tell myself that if I’m not asleep in 20 minutes, I’ll add 1-2 Benadryl. Just knowing I have a “plan” soothes my very type A mind.

*This is a bit of a high dose. My doctor recommended 1-3mg for daily use but 🤷‍♀️... I guess I’m a rebel.

Really? I take the generic and it says to take two gummies a night, so 10 mg.

By generic, do you mean an Rx from a doctor? If so, yeah, I don’t know. I’m only going off one specialist.

From what I understand, other countries do a better job regulating melatonin (it’s Rx only) but US manufacturers can, and do, sell much larger doses.

The large doses are for sporadic insomnia and the smaller ones are for daily use. That’s what my doctor said anyway.

[renna]

(((Rox)))

How is your vitamin D level? Low vitamin D can cause insomnia (and exhaustion), and it's not hard to be low in D when it's winter. Simultaneous exhaustion and insomnia sounds impossible but it really can be from needing a bit more vitamin D.

I don't know much about anxiety but I hope you are able to remember the good things your bed does for you, too, like how soft it feels on your back and feet after a long day, how it's so nice to be in there with your good husband (and other things you two might do there), how you like the way the bed looks in the room, how great it feels to sleep there after you've been on a great vacation. I hope you can see your bed for it's goodness in your life. I'm sorry that your work stress has made your sleeping and anxiety off-kilter.

Take care, and happy thoughts for restful sleep in your bed soon!

[mbcdefg]

I listen to ASMR videos on YouTube when I can’t get my mind to stop racing. I have a playlist of my favorites. It works as white noise for me.

[RoxMonster]

Jan 15, 2020 22:12:03 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

I listen to ASMR videos on YouTube when I can’t get my mind to stop racing. I have a playlist of my favorites. It works as white noise for me.

I love ASMR! I typically listen to it earlier in the evening around like 8 or 9 and many times it does make me drift off on the couch. Maybe I need to figure out a way to listen in bed. I feel like earbuds would bug me though and I don’t know that my DH would like it. He typically likes it to be quieter. Hmm.

I also will often fall asleep while watching TV on the couch but by the time I walk upstairs, set my alarm (which I have to check multiple times and have a whole routine for which I know is part of my anxiety), put PJs on etc, I am like wide awake again.

[redwino]

Jan 15, 2020 22:20:59 GMT -5 RoxMonster said:

Jan 15, 2020 22:12:03 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

I listen to ASMR videos on YouTube when I can’t get my mind to stop racing. I have a playlist of my favorites. It works as white noise for me.

I love ASMR! I typically listen to it earlier in the evening around like 8 or 9 and many times it does make me drift off on the couch. Maybe I need to figure out a way to listen in bed. I feel like earbuds would bug me though and I don’t know that my DH would like it. He typically likes it to be quieter. Hmm.

I also will often fall asleep while watching TV on the couch but by the time I walk upstairs, set my alarm (which I have to check multiple times and have a whole routine for which I know is part of my anxiety), put PJs on etc, I am like wide awake again.

Can you watch whatever you watch on tv on your phone? Lately, I've been playing judge Judy on youtube but face the phone away from me to avoid the light. I also take buspirone before bed but that doesn't work as well as JJ, lol.

[lifetaketwo]

Yes and it took me over two years to move back to the bed from the couch. I did it in waves. To start I would transfer to the bed during one of my middle of the night wake ups. Then I would start in the bed, but only during one of my medicated “reset” nights that I used klonopin. Eventually (with fails) I have been able to go back to the bed.

The couch and tv is what actually broke my insomnia cycle of 2-4 hour nights, so for a long while I just went with it. It worked and I needed a break. After about 6 months of relative success I started attempting getting back to normal. I didn’t try to force normal.

Severe insomnia is the worst thing I have ever experienced. It has effected every single part of my life, which is why the solution was so hard. I had to convince myself that it’s okay to not sleep. I had to make it not a big deal. I’m not fixed at all, but I’m in a much better place. I will always have bad nights when I have had a bad day, and that’s okay. It makes sense and I can predict it. Sometimes I can’t explain my bad nights and I still struggle with this. Things that helped me the most. Don’t try to sleep. Don’t mediate or read or watch tv with the purpose of sleeping. These things are just to relax and entertain you in the middle of the night. Allowing klonopin 1-2x a week. I saved it for days most important to me (weekend/family time). Back rubs and distracting stories from my saint of a H. For me the combo of not feeling completely alone in the middle of the night and the back rub physical relaxing would be enough. A good therapist who understands that it’s not about lavender on your pillow. It took me a lot of tries to find one.

I’m sorry. It will get better. I’m about 2 years out now, and it’s a lot better. I do have a trauma level fear of it happening again, but it’s much much better.

[mrsukyankee]

Jan 15, 2020 21:44:21 GMT -5 RoxMonster said:

Thanks everyone. As far as caffeine, I have restricted to just coffee in the AM and none after noon(have done that for a few months since I cut soda out). I also do a 30 minute workout after work every day.

I guess at the end of the day, the important thing is to sleep. I don’t love that I am having a block about being in bed, but if being on the couch with the TV on low helps me get a full night of sleep, maybe I just need to do that for awhile?

As a therapist, I'd say no, because all you are doing is reinforcing your brain's anxiety. I would give you a few exercises to try out instead and use a mild sleep aid on top of that for a few days. If you want any of the exercises I tend to use (I can sometimes suffer from insomnia) then let me know and I'll pm you.

[RoxMonster]

Jan 16, 2020 4:31:20 GMT -5 mrsukyankee said:

Jan 15, 2020 21:44:21 GMT -5 RoxMonster said:

Thanks everyone. As far as caffeine, I have restricted to just coffee in the AM and none after noon(have done that for a few months since I cut soda out). I also do a 30 minute workout after work every day.

I guess at the end of the day, the important thing is to sleep. I don’t love that I am having a block about being in bed, but if being on the couch with the TV on low helps me get a full night of sleep, maybe I just need to do that for awhile?

As a therapist, I'd say no, because all you are doing is reinforcing your brain's anxiety. I would give you a few exercises to try out instead and use a mild sleep aid on top of that for a few days. If you want any of the exercises I tend to use (I can sometimes suffer from insomnia) then let me know and I'll pm you.

Sure I would love some!

I did fall asleep on the couch while watching tv last night and didn’t wake up until 345 so I just stayed there (and fell right back to sleep until my alarm). I know it’s not ideal but I did finally get over 6 hours of sleep.

[RoxMonster]

Jan 15, 2020 22:05:01 GMT -5 renna said:

(((Rox)))

How is your vitamin D level? Low vitamin D can cause insomnia (and exhaustion), and it's not hard to be low in D when it's winter. Simultaneous exhaustion and insomnia sounds impossible but it really can be from needing a bit more vitamin D.

I'm not sure. Can they check this with a routine blood test? I have bloodwork scheduled for the end of Feb. but I think it's just checking kidney and liver bc of a medication I'm on. I could ask about Vitamin D.

[Waffles]

Jan 16, 2020 7:00:47 GMT -5 RoxMonster said:

Jan 15, 2020 22:05:01 GMT -5 renna said:

(((Rox)))

How is your vitamin D level? Low vitamin D can cause insomnia (and exhaustion), and it's not hard to be low in D when it's winter. Simultaneous exhaustion and insomnia sounds impossible but it really can be from needing a bit more vitamin D.

I'm not sure. Can they check this with a routine blood test? I have bloodwork scheduled for the end of Feb. but I think it's just checking kidney and liver bc of a medication I'm on. I could ask about Vitamin D.

I don't know where you live but unless you're in a very sunny area, you are most likely to be vitamin D deficient. According to my doctor, 90% of adults in Northern Europe are deficient in winter.

[Waffles]

Jan 16, 2020 4:31:20 GMT -5 mrsukyankee said:

Jan 15, 2020 21:44:21 GMT -5 RoxMonster said:

Thanks everyone. As far as caffeine, I have restricted to just coffee in the AM and none after noon(have done that for a few months since I cut soda out). I also do a 30 minute workout after work every day.

I guess at the end of the day, the important thing is to sleep. I don’t love that I am having a block about being in bed, but if being on the couch with the TV on low helps me get a full night of sleep, maybe I just need to do that for awhile?

As a therapist, I'd say no, because all you are doing is reinforcing your brain's anxiety. I would give you a few exercises to try out instead and use a mild sleep aid on top of that for a few days. If you want any of the exercises I tend to use (I can sometimes suffer from insomnia) then let me know and I'll pm you.

mrsukyankee, butting in to ask if you can share exercises to fall back asleep

I'm getting better but still tend to wake up around 3-4am, at which point anxious brain kicks in and stops me going back to sleep for hours. Of course, reasonable me can rationalize perfectly well during the day, but it's mission impossible at 4am.

[mrsukyankee]

My favourite exercise that I use for sleep (as someone who also has struggled with sleep) is this: www.mindfulnessmuse.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Cognitive-Defusion-Exercise-1.pdf. You can also get a YouTube video with a similar exercise (leaves on the stream) if listening works better.

For those clients who aren't particularly visual, I use the breathe counting - count in 5 as you breathe in, count to 7 as you hold, count to 8 as you release your breathe. (or any number that works for you). If a thought tries to intrude, imagine breathing it out.

Another thing I do (and give to clients) is to have a notebook they write down worries in before going to bed - if it's something they can problem solve, they write down when and where they will be to solve the problem. For example, last night one of my worries was that I had to print off something and I didn't want to forget about it. So I wrote down that I would send myself an email to work this morning with the link. When my brain brought it up again as I was trying to fall asleep, I reminded my brain that it was taken care of and to let it go (I imagined it floating away). I keep the notebook by my bed in case something new comes up.

Hope these help! Waffles, RoxMonster,