Post by minniemouse on Jan 29, 2020 8:38:28 GMT -5
I’m so sorry that happened. Your dd knows you stuck up for her and that is important. Is there another team she can join? If not, gymnastics is an awesome sport (I was a gymnast, lol).
Try not to get down on yourself. Maybe that girl needed someone to get a little real with her.
Also, maybe the break will be good for you both. They say sport differentiation is great for young athletes, so think of this as a positive step forward for all of her athletic journeys.
Post by covergirl82 on Jan 29, 2020 8:48:11 GMT -5
Though my kids don't swim (although I used to, so I understand lane/circle swimming), the bully swimmer is a TEAMMATE. If this bully is injuring a TEAMMATE on purpose, then that is completely unacceptable and the coach(es) need to address it. I would be on the phone with all of them too. It would be like my DS throwing pitches to intentionally hit kids on his team during baseball practice if he thought they weren't swinging at his pitches and should be. I can tell you, his coaches would give him a warning, and if he kept doing it, they'd kick him off the team.
Good for you. I wouldn't feel guilty about what you said, based on what you've told us. That girl's parents are failing her and the coach is failing her and I'm shocked at the attitude those parents have at their daughter's actions. Horrible.
Your daughter knows you've stood up for her. Good for you mama. I think pulling your daughter off the team is the best thing all around. I would be on the phone, calling and emailing everyone to tell them exactly why my kid was pulled. And likely on local social media too n
You can find another sport (PP made a good point about differentiation) or try another team or take a break.
I'm so sorry you and your daughter have had to go through this.
Post by countthestars on Jan 29, 2020 9:16:44 GMT -5
Don't feel guilty. Your DD will remember how she felt when you really showed up for her (not saying that you weren't before) and that is powerful. Fuck that coach and the other family. I think trying gymnastics is a great idea, but go ahead and put her on the other team if she wants. Walk right by the haters at meets.
Wow, I just can't understand this. This other girl is CLEARLY bullying your kid. CLEARLY! Don't ever feel bad about protecting your kid. I would have gone off on her too! Why is the coach protecting her? What do the other parents think?
I'm so sorry that your daughter is going to have to stop doing a sport she loves (and is clearly good at!) because of a bully. I hope things work out in the long run that she ends up in a better place and hopefully with a group of teammates who respect her and are real friends.
Does she go to school with this girl? I'd be concerned about the bullying continuing in school even if they aren't on swim together anymore. I can't believe you used to be friends with this girls parents. They are just awful to allow their daughter to treat yours this way.
I'm so sorry you were put in this situation! I hope you are able to find something that makes you and your DD happy.
I still remember my dad standing up for me against a teacher and her unfair practices in 7th grade at a parent teacher conference. My parents were not helicopter parents, but they were there when it mattered.
Post by redheadbaker on Jan 29, 2020 9:29:46 GMT -5
Shitty parents and shitty "coach." They're failing to prepare her for real life.
I'm so sorry. Honestly, I wouldn't be ashamed at yelling at the kid. If your daughter really loves swimming, I'd let her join the other team if she wants to. So what if you have to see the old team at meets.
Maybe they'll be embarrassed when your daughter kicks their butts
I am so sorry they are being so awful to your daughter. I ditto the ones that suggested going to another team. So what if she has to see them at other meets - she might run into them at the grocery store, or at a park. Don't let them take away something she loves and is really talented at! But if you think seeing them at meets would be hard on her, maybe she just takes some time off competing, but still trains until she is ready to see them?
Either way, I am sorry your team has been so awful to you and your DD.
This reminds me of a bullying incident we had a work. When the staff member confronted the parent about their child's bullying the parents were nasty about it. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
ilikedonuts I'm not sure how bad I'd feel about raising my voice at the bully who is physically hurting my kid. WTF to the coach and organization as a whole. I'm sorry your daughter has to lose out right now. That sucks. When I was 33 weeks pregnant one of my preschool students was mad at another kid and punched me in the belly. I screamed in his face and then ran out sobbing. No regrets. Mama bear instinct took over. I definitely didn't apologize.
ilikedonuts I’m so sorry, it is insane to me that the coach and the other girls parents are so blind to a teammate/their child causing physical harm to your daughter. I mean, are they blind?! They’re doing her such a disservice teaching her that behavior is anywhere near acceptable.
I’ll echo the sentiment to join the other team if your daughter wants- I’d hate to let them take away something she loves altogether- but if she’d prefer to try gymnastics I’d support how she wants to handle it.
This is straight up poor sportsmanship and shitty human behavior and there’s no excuse. It reminds me of what happened in a middle school basketball game here last night - a player jumped up for a rebound and a player from the other team shoved her while in the air. She broke her wrist. Her dad jumped up and yelled out a “hey!” And the other team parents had the audacity to tell him to calm Down. No - he was yelling because of an egregiously aggressive and dirty play that injured his child, not over the game.
No one has a right to intentionally harm another in the name of competition. Get your kid far far away and don’t feel bad for yelling at the bully - at least someone told her what she needs to hear.
I’m so sorry that happened. Your dd knows you stuck up for her and that is important. Is there another team she can join? If not, gymnastics is an awesome sport (I was a gymnast, lol).
There is another team, but we will still have to see everyone at all meets.
DD1 loves gymnastics and we passed on team last year because swim is so often, but maybe so maybe all this is the push we need to just go for it.
Don't let this stop you, don't give them that power. You have the upper hand here. You really do.
From what you say, MOST of the other parents are on your side. They see what's happening and they and their kids will be HAPPY to see you all at other meets.
Don't not join another team because of those horrid parents and horrid coach. The BEST revenge will be when your DD succeeds on another team and beats the pants off of this team and - especially - that girl.
But truly- jaw on floor at the other parents. They are doing her no favors in life. And clearly they have some kind of "in" with the coach that he shows a degree of preferential treatment to their DD.
I forgot to mention the lovely voicemail from the dad telling me to never ever talk to his kid again. 🙄
I also learned today that a girl on our team accidentally got jumped on at practice (total accident) and almost went blind. So the team knows the damage that can be done and they still haven’t dealt with this and now my kid got belly flopped on last night and couldn’t have been truly seriously injured.
DH wants to take DD1 to practice tomorrow night, but I just want to be done. I’m honestly having another anxiety attack just thinking about ever having to set foot in a pool again at this point.
Why? I mean- these people clearly aren't listening and don't care. Your daughter is having crying fits over it. It's not a safe space for her, especially now with the other parents being total asses about this and emboldening their DDs horrid behavior.
There comes a point where you have to put your child first, and YOU are. Why isn't your DH behind you on this? I just think a line has been crossed that you can't really come back from.
I always read these posts with a little bit of skepticism but if even half of what you say went down as you said I wouldn’t let my kid near that pool/team again. There is literally nothing healthy happening here. She’s 8. Is she trying to be an Olympic swimmer? I’ve pulled my kid from a team for much less. The world is cruel enough and they will have plenty of opportunity to learn to fend for themselves. I’m not forcing my 8 year old to put up with this nonsense. Plus, you already had to flip out on the little girl (totally warranted), talk to the coach, reported this to admin. What more can you do to improve this situation?
Why? I mean- these people clearly aren't listening and don't care. Your daughter is having crying fits over it. It's not a safe space for her, especially now with the other parents being total asses about this and emboldening their DDs horrid behavior.
There comes a point where you have to put your child first, and YOU are. Why isn't your DH behind you on this? I just think a line has been crossed that you can't really come back from.
I think he doesn’t want them to run us out, but I keep telling him it’s a safety issue both physically and emotionally. I refuse to keep failing her anymore.
My daughter just started crying because I suggested skipping this weekend’s meet. I think the poor kid has no idea what she wants because she has been so beaten down by this.
My husband gets back from out of town tonight so I’m really going to just flat out tell him when I can actually talk to him for more then 2 minutes at a time, it needs to be over at this point.
I’m just still so sad over all of this
No, they aren't running you out. They are assholes that you've seen the light - FULLY - and you're making the CHOICE to leave.
But it sounds like you might need to talk to DD some more too (was she crying at being upset at missing the meet?)
In the end, I think it's time to follow your DDs lead on this. This can't be about your DHs "pride", or whatever it is that is making him want to stay.
Post by lovelyshoes on Jan 29, 2020 16:15:30 GMT -5
Switch teams. This seems like a disorganized mess. Our coaches handle everything and even the coaches that aren’t coaching the younger kids know each by name and our team is big. Our senior coaches would have stopped this at the first practice. This is no way to train. I don’t know how your state does it, but I’d join a new team asap so the US swim registration can be changed in time for the end of sc season competitions. Good luck!
No, they aren't running you out. They are assholes that you've seen the light - FULLY - and you're making the CHOICE to leave.
But it sounds like you might need to talk to DD some more too (was she crying at being upset at missing the meet?)
In the end, I think it's time to follow your DDs lead on this. This can't be about your DHs "pride", or whatever it is that is making him want to stay.
Good luck. This is all just horrible.
She wants to go to the meet. I’m thinking we’ll just skip swimming tomorrow and Friday and let her do the meet Sunday (the girl won’t be there) and then hopefully start a trial at a new team on Monday. I hate overriding DH but still this point I need to. He’s not thinking clearly.
He hasn't been there, so I would try to see it as having better information than him and making the right decision for the family vs. "overriding him". I'm so sorry - I can imagine how stressful this all is.
Join another. Who gives a flip if you see them at meets? Everyone stick to their team benches, her practices will be with her team, warm up before meets will be with her team, etc.
Your daughter deserves to thrive in her sport. Her current team isn’t allowing that. Time to find a new one.
Maybe direct your husband's feelings towards emailing the coach and the head of the swim organization a detailed list of why they suck and why you are choosing to go to another team, primarily due to safety. And maybe a google/FB review too.
If E still wants to swim I think another team is the way to go. Start fresh, choose to go somewhere that is safe and you will all be treated with respect. This coach has failed her and your family, I'm so sorry.
No, they aren't running you out. They are assholes that you've seen the light - FULLY - and you're making the CHOICE to leave.
But it sounds like you might need to talk to DD some more too (was she crying at being upset at missing the meet?)
In the end, I think it's time to follow your DDs lead on this. This can't be about your DHs "pride", or whatever it is that is making him want to stay.
Good luck. This is all just horrible.
She wants to go to the meet. I’m thinking we’ll just skip swimming tomorrow and Friday and let her do the meet Sunday (the girl won’t be there) and then hopefully start a trial at a new team on Monday.
I hate overriding DH but still this point I need to. He’s not thinking clearly.
I think that sounds like a great a plan. But before you switch (if you are into this sort of thing) I would look into your states "unattached rules". In Indiana (and it may be a USA swimming thing), if you leave swim teams you are considered "unattached" for like 180 days. So you can swim for another swim team, but you can't compete on their relays. So going into championship season, that may be a worry or concern. Just a thought.
My kid (7) is a swim kid. He's just moved from his first smaller team to a big one here and is having to learn his way with lane etiquette and all the rest of it. From what you've said, everything is completely unacceptable. I am so sorry your kid has been through that. And the only thing I'd be tempted to do in addition to what you've done and moving your kid asap is throwing the words 'getting out before we have to bring a lawsuit for injuries she gets due to your negligence' at them on your way out.
I hope she is able to find a new team you all love. I know how a good team can become your extended family so fingers crossed for you guys.
Post by minniemouse on Jan 29, 2020 18:58:39 GMT -5
@ilikeddonuts she’s 8, and very talented from what you have posted here. You have not ruined her life, even if she is upset right now. Another team will surely take her. Or she ends up on the gymnastics team and gets to try something different! Either way she wins. At least with gymnastics she won’t get kicked- only one person uses the equipment at the time for the most part (exception being floor during practice, but even then people take turns tumbling or stay to their own side).
You didn’t ruin her life. Model the way that she and your family should act during a cray situation that is not your fault.
I’ve had a lot of success ignoring and avoiding crazy people (not sure of the best wording here), and that is what you are going to show her.
Quit the team, please do not go to the meet. You all need a break from the emotions. Get back into swimming in a fun non competitive way, do another sport or another activity for fun. Take a few months and re-evaluate.
Then decide do you want to do other swim team or gymnastics or something else? She’s 8, she doesn’t have to be competitive at this exact moment. Yeah maybe it would be nice to switch to another team, but me personally, I’m going to need to focus on something not swimming right now, and maybe that is true for her as well.
I forgot to mention the lovely voicemail from the dad telling me to never ever talk to his kid again. 🙄
I also learned today that a girl on our team accidentally got jumped on at practice (total accident) and almost went blind. So the team knows the damage that can be done and they still haven’t dealt with this and now my kid got belly flopped on last night and couldn’t have been truly seriously injured.
DH wants to take DD1 to practice tomorrow night, but I just want to be done. I’m honestly having another anxiety attack just thinking about ever having to set foot in a pool again at this point.
Why? I mean- these people clearly aren't listening and don't care. Your daughter is having crying fits over it. It's not a safe space for her, especially now with the other parents being total asses about this and emboldening their DDs horrid behavior.
There comes a point where you have to put your child first, and YOU are. Why isn't your DH behind you on this? I just think a line has been crossed that you can't really come back from.
I'm here. She's 8. She's not in the Olympics. She doesn't want to swim. Why in the world would this even be an option?
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Wow! This all sounds crazy town. My friend had an issue with a coach on her dd’s team and she called the governing board of the team she swims under (USA swimming). I don’t know how it ended up being handled as she left the team, but she was glad to have reported it.
And I don’t want to be on this team anymore but I’m SO angry that in this world they’ve ignored bullying until it got to this and it’s ONLY an issue because I yelled at a kid harming my child.
No doubt!! i'd be furious too. This entire situation is utterly insane.