5/23 weekend @ chat

[krystee]

readyin07 yes! I love the toddler stage and had so much fun taking DS1 to the library and little play places and swim lessons, and I am bitter that instead of getting that, I am getting to experience toddlerhood in a pandemic.

mmmomof2 great point on him not remembering it. There is a silver lining for sure. My other son is newly 5 and is at the perfect pandemic age, if there is such a thing. Not old enough to miss TOO much and only has preschool distance learning (which was a surprising amount, but not mandatory, so very doable), and old enough to bake with and watch fun nostalgic movies with.

[krystee]

Okay, I take it all back and blame it on a rough day. I walked in from the grocery store and he came running up beaming and throwing his arms around my legs, saying, “Mommy! I so happy you’re home!” Isolation would be much less sweet without toddler hugs.

[erbear]

May 24, 2020 12:23:21 GMT -5 krystee said:

Is any other parent of a toddler (1-2) feeling bitter that the pandemic happened at this age?

I am fully aware that the pandemic is not about me and I am devastated for the families who have lost loved ones. But if it HAD to happen, I would have really liked to not have a toddler. I need a break. (And I don’t even have it that bad because he goes to daycare three days a week...but my job is not a break).

I can't even tell you how many times I've say that I am grateful to not have young kids or teenagers right now. I can't even with how hard that must be.

[nessness]

I feel like DD1 (5) is handling the lockdown surprisingly well, but DD2 (3) is struggling more. DD2 is a really social kid, and her and DD1 play together a lot, but DD2 complains about being lonely every time DD1 wants to be alone or do "big kid" stuff.

She about broke my heart yesterday - she was playing with her trains, and pretending that one was a mommy train and the others were her babies. The mommy train abruptly said "I have to go work on my computer now" (which is, of course, what I say several times a day) and left the baby trains. Then DD2 told me that the baby trains were sad. 😭

[AJL]

I made the mistake of engaging with some "neighbors" via Nextdoor.  The issue is how to safely open up our neighborhood pool for the summer.  After several rounds of bullshit, all I can say is that Nextdoor is a garbage pit of human interaction.

[Ashley&Scott]

May 24, 2020 11:12:30 GMT -5 rubytue said:

This time I mean to be in the @ chat LOL

My friend is getting married in July. She said it’s a private ceremony at a B&B with party later. I’m making them a pair of bride & groom masks. Just for fun. Her’s will be a silvery silk with pearl trim. For him, black, with a white v area and a bow tie. Something like this listing on Etsy. But not an exact copy or anything www.etsy.com/listing/787487276/bride-groom-black-wedding-protective

So now, the @ part. She has an ~18 SN son (autism). I was kind of thinking I’d make one for him, too. I can’t imagine he wouldn’t be there. So, should I match the groom look? Or do something different?

I wouldn’t make a mask for the toddler. They aren’t recommended for kids under 2.

[gretchenindisguise]

May 24, 2020 23:10:59 GMT -5 AJL said:

I made the mistake of engaging with some "neighbors" via Nextdoor.  The issue is how to safely open up our neighborhood pool for the summer.  After several rounds of bullshit, all I can say is that Nextdoor is a garbage pit of human interaction.

I deleted my account a few weeks back. Best decision ever.

[ssmjlm]

I’m not sure this needs it’s own thread, but was in WP yesterday and pissed me off royally.


www.thelily.com/i-had-to-choose-being-a-mother-with-no-child-care-or-summer-camps-women-are-being-edged-out-of-the-workforce/

You can read the full article at the link.



This woman has a husband problem. Blaming closing her company on choosing to be a mom is completely wrong and not at all what she did. Plus now her employees and cofounder are without jobs and income.

[BicycleBride]

This may need a trigger warning so I’m going to attempt to put it behind a spoiler tag.

SPOILER: Click to show

I live in a state capital and unlike most capitals, we are a smaller town with the capitol building located in a residential neighborhood. Our kids play all over the grounds like a neighborhood park. Our governor and his family including his two elementary age kids live in the executive mansion across the street from the capitol.
This weekend there were a ton of 2nd amendment protesters everywhere and they hung an effigy of the Governor from a tree across the street from the mansion. Where his kids could see it. Where everyone’s kids could see it. They stormed his porch and beat on his windows. They did all this while covered in guns. It’s terrifying. I can’t get the thought of his kids out of my head and how terrified they must have been. It was terrifying for the entire neighborhood. I can’t believe this is where we are and what it has come down to. What kind of horrible people would do something like this?
[\spoiler]

[breezy8407]

jeaniebueller We are the outliers, too. My parents want us to come see them, but my dad has made it very clear he isn't going to live in fear of a cold virus. So...yeah. The constant weighing of risks and having to defend myself for our decisions is exhausting.

[rubytue]

May 24, 2020 23:27:31 GMT -5 Ashley&Scott said:

May 24, 2020 11:12:30 GMT -5 rubytue said:

This time I mean to be in the @ chat LOL

My friend is getting married in July. She said it’s a private ceremony at a B&B with party later. I’m making them a pair of bride & groom masks. Just for fun. Her’s will be a silvery silk with pearl trim. For him, black, with a white v area and a bow tie. Something like this listing on Etsy. But not an exact copy or anything www.etsy.com/listing/787487276/bride-groom-black-wedding-protective

So now, the @ part. She has an ~18 SN son (autism). I was kind of thinking I’d make one for him, too. I can’t imagine he wouldn’t be there. So, should I match the groom look? Or do something different?

I wouldn’t make a mask for the toddler. They aren’t recommended for kids under 2.

18 years.

[simpsongal]

May 25, 2020 7:58:32 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

I’m not sure this needs it’s own thread, but was in WP yesterday and pissed me off royally.


www.thelily.com/i-had-to-choose-being-a-mother-with-no-child-care-or-summer-camps-women-are-being-edged-out-of-the-workforce/

You can read the full article at the link.



This woman has a husband problem. Blaming closing her company on choosing to be a mom is completely wrong and not at all what she did. Plus now her employees and cofounder are without jobs and income.

yeah I thought the premise was spot on but the idea that the husband couldn’t handle parenting was ridiculous.

Re the above posts for age. I have a 3 and 6 yr old. This time is far harder on me and dh than it is on them. They get bummed on occasion but for the most part they’re having an awesome time. We’ll miss summer travel but I think we’ll get to the beach and do other things. On the whole, I feel worse for older kids missing sports, friends, camps, etc. but again, dh and I are exhausted.

[pugz]

ssmjlm I also found her story strange. She really closed her entire company because her husband couldn't parent? There has to be more to the story.

[cosmowife]

I am struggling with trying to determine my obligation to pay for additional childcare. My husband just had to start going back to work because our county opened salons. I’ve been working full-time for the entire quarantine. As of right now, we would have four weeks left of school before starting camp. My kids go to public school and I only have to pay for aftercare, which is around $500 month. Now since my husband is going back to work, how obligated am I to figure out childcare? Do I spend money that I wouldn’t have normally spent to bring in a nanny? There is no way I could get someone for $125 a week. I don’t really have the extra money for anything more. Do I work less so I can take care of the children while DH is out of the house? I am technically making less money right now because my work is not giving bonuses, and who knows how long they withhold bonuses at this point (they are a significant part of comp). So I really don’t want to spend extra money right now. But at the same time I cannot work well at all when my children are both home. There are just too many distractions between all of their schooling (5-7 calls per day plus school work outside of calls) and feeding them and keeping them occupied. DH was handling all of this up until Friday, when he started back. I keep bouncing back and forth - one second, I tell myself to hire whatever help is necessary. Then I flip and say that if work wants to withhold 30% of my pay, why should I come out of pocket to try to go above and beyond right now? Just do the minimum of what I have to do each day at times other than when my kids need me. I’m so conflicted.

[bears]

May 25, 2020 12:38:45 GMT -5 cosmowife said:

I am struggling with trying to determine my obligation to pay for additional childcare. My husband just had to start going back to work because our county opened salons. I’ve been working full-time for the entire quarantine. As of right now, we would have four weeks left of school before starting camp. My kids go to public school and I only have to pay for aftercare, which is around $500 month. Now since my husband is going back to work, how obligated am I to figure out childcare? Do I spend money that I wouldn’t have normally spent to bring in a nanny? There is no way I could get someone for $125 a week. I don’t really have the extra money for anything more. Do I work less so I can take care of the children while DH is out of the house? I am technically making less money right now because my work is not giving bonuses, and who knows how long they withhold bonuses at this point (they are a significant part of comp). So I really don’t want to spend extra money right now. But at the same time I cannot work well at all when my children are both home. There are just too many distractions between all of their schooling (5-7 calls per day plus school work outside of calls) and feeding them and keeping them occupied. DH was handling all of this up until Friday, when he started back. I keep bouncing back and forth - one second, I tell myself to hire whatever help is necessary. Then I flip and say that if work wants to withhold 30% of my pay, why should I come out of pocket to try to go above and beyond right now? Just do the minimum of what I have to do each day at times other than when my kids need me. I’m so conflicted.

Is there a way that you could get care for part of the day? My kids probably only really need intense help with school for 4 hours--the rest of the day they can get by with a combination of independent play, play together, and screen time. They are 6 and 8 and pretty good at taking care of themselves.

[notsopicky]

May 24, 2020 13:50:31 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

May 24, 2020 12:23:21 GMT -5 krystee said:

Is any other parent of a toddler (1-2) feeling bitter that the pandemic happened at this age?

I am fully aware that the pandemic is not about me and I am devastated for the families who have lost loved ones. But if it HAD to happen, I would have really liked to not have a toddler. I need a break. (And I don’t even have it that bad because he goes to daycare three days a week...but my job is not a break).

I hear ya. DD is nearly 3 and just does.not.stop. Bouncing, singing, asking questions, wanting to touch the computer while we’re each trying to work ... ooof. She still takes a nap, thank goodness, otherwise we’d be so so screwed.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but my kid is 9 YEARS OLD and still does these things. AND NO NAP! OMG!

[oswin]

pixy0stix how's the nugget couch? When did you order it? I now really want one and they're totally out of stock. 

[just]

May 24, 2020 23:56:56 GMT -5 gretchenindisguise said:

May 24, 2020 23:10:59 GMT -5 AJL said:

I made the mistake of engaging with some "neighbors" via Nextdoor.  The issue is how to safely open up our neighborhood pool for the summer.  After several rounds of bullshit, all I can say is that Nextdoor is a garbage pit of human interaction.

I deleted my account a few weeks back. Best decision ever.

Check out BestOfNextDoor for humanity despairing moments (and some funny ones too) twitter.com/bestofnextdoor

[pixy0stix]

May 25, 2020 13:16:40 GMT -5 oswin said:

pixy0stix how's the nugget couch? When did you order it? I now really want one and they're totally out of stock. 

oswin, I like it. The kid likes it so far, too. No complaints. I ordered it in February. I have a second one coming that I ordered at the end of March.

[notsopicky]

I am so happy right now for E. He and I went on a bike ride to deliver a thank you note/letter to one of his classmates who lives in our neighborhood (he came to E's virtual birthday party, and his mom dropped off a gift card for videogames--so sweet). We decided to ride down that street further, and lo and behold, his other 2 classmates in the neighborhood were having a socially-distanced "playdate" riding bikes in the cul-de-sac. My son was SO happy to see them and join in--he hasn't hung out with friends in 2 and a half months--they chattered away for at least a 1/2 hour. I hope we can plan to do it again in the future, seeing as we crashed this particular one, lol.

[waverly]

May 25, 2020 7:58:32 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

I’m not sure this needs it’s own thread, but was in WP yesterday and pissed me off royally.


www.thelily.com/i-had-to-choose-being-a-mother-with-no-child-care-or-summer-camps-women-are-being-edged-out-of-the-workforce/

You can read the full article at the link.



This woman has a husband problem. Blaming closing her company on choosing to be a mom is completely wrong and not at all what she did. Plus now her employees and cofounder are without jobs and income.

I agree. It’s a valid point that of course this is all falling in women. But it’s crazy that the unemployed man can’t care for one 3 year old. What a selfish jerk. Oh no he has to care for a 3 year old for 12 hours? I used to care for a toddler and baby while my husband traveled for work every week for years Mon-Thurs. What about single mothers or fathers?

[ssmjlm]

May 25, 2020 12:07:20 GMT -5 pugz said:

ssmjlm I also found her story strange. She really closed her entire company because her husband couldn't parent? There has to be more to the story.

My mom had a theory that the husband was probably having an affair and with the loss of daycare and his mistress, it was too much.

I don't think it was something that bad, but there are obviously marital issues that weren't covered in the story.

[MixedBerryJam]

May 24, 2020 11:12:30 GMT -5 rubytue said:

...So now, the @ part. She has an ~18 SN son (autism). I was kind of thinking I’d make one for him, too. I can’t imagine he wouldn’t be there. So, should I match the groom look? Or do something different?

Those are super cute. I’d make his match the groom but with a different color tie. Do you know her colors? I’d do that first, or the kid’s favorite color, if you want it to be a surprise.

[was5]

May 25, 2020 12:38:45 GMT -5 cosmowife said:

I am struggling with trying to determine my obligation to pay for additional childcare. My husband just had to start going back to work because our county opened salons. I’ve been working full-time for the entire quarantine. As of right now, we would have four weeks left of school before starting camp. My kids go to public school and I only have to pay for aftercare, which is around $500 month. Now since my husband is going back to work, how obligated am I to figure out childcare? Do I spend money that I wouldn’t have normally spent to bring in a nanny? There is no way I could get someone for $125 a week. I don’t really have the extra money for anything more. Do I work less so I can take care of the children while DH is out of the house? I am technically making less money right now because my work is not giving bonuses, and who knows how long they withhold bonuses at this point (they are a significant part of comp). So I really don’t want to spend extra money right now. But at the same time I cannot work well at all when my children are both home. There are just too many distractions between all of their schooling (5-7 calls per day plus school work outside of calls) and feeding them and keeping them occupied. DH was handling all of this up until Friday, when he started back. I keep bouncing back and forth - one second, I tell myself to hire whatever help is necessary. Then I flip and say that if work wants to withhold 30% of my pay, why should I come out of pocket to try to go above and beyond right now? Just do the minimum of what I have to do each day at times other than when my kids need me. I’m so conflicted.

I have a couple of thoughts.

I realize every school district is handling this differently, but are your kids required to be on that many calls per day? Is the state allowing schools to fail kids right now? Our district (and I think the state) has a policy  that children will be held harmless, but they do want them to complete as much of the schoolwork and attend as many online classes as they can. My first graders have 2 calls per week and they received a packet of work that we aren't required to turn in. They are strongly encouraged to use online resources where they login, so the teachers can track their work.  My 7th grader has online assignments from all her classes but they are only being graded pass/fail.

Do you have vacation time that you could take right now? If you take vacation time, does that impact your take home pay? Would you have to get just as much work done even if you take vacation time (if so taking vacation time might be pointless)?

Could you get your work done after normal business hours when your H is home?

I think it's all a balance - your kids might not be on every school call or complete every assignment; you might slack a bit a work; you might need to pay for part time help to keep your kids on track with some of their work and stay out of your hair. 

Good luck. They are tough decisions. My H was on layoff for 2 weeks but has been back full time since early April. I WFH and have the kids all day. It's a stretch and many days I feel like I bad employee and a bad mom. But, I'm taking a very relaxed approach to schooling. If the kids are not in front of a screen (and they are A LOT these days) I take that as a win.

[mysteriouswife]

When we had multiple deaths in a short span everyone was gifting the kids toys and craft supplies. First holidays without the grandparents were over compensated with more gifts.

H and I are at our wits ends with the clutter in the kids rooms and playroom. We made the decision to consolidate DS and the playroom. DD is getting out of the toy stage. It has been a nightmare. I have a plastic storage bin of hot wheels. We have so many packs of crayons and markers. I have several boxes of craft supplies to donate to a local org. DS is donating half the cars. DD will nit purge one damn thing! NOTHING. This has been contentious to say the least. Her therapist and I cannot break it. It’s hoarder level.

[jackie011]

May 25, 2020 21:55:39 GMT -5 mysteriouswife said:

When we had multiple deaths in a short span everyone was gifting the kids toys and craft supplies. First holidays without the grandparents were over compensated with more gifts.

H and I are at our wits ends with the clutter in the kids rooms and playroom. We made the decision to consolidate DS and the playroom. DD is getting out of the toy stage. It has been a nightmare. I have a plastic storage bin of hot wheels. We have so many packs of crayons and markers. I have several boxes of craft supplies to donate to a local org. DS is donating half the cars. DD will nit purge one damn thing! NOTHING. This has been contentious to say the least. Her therapist and I cannot break it. It’s hoarder level.

We are going through this right now, too. DS refuses to get rid of anything. When he discovers that I’ve tossed something (like a broken giveaway toy or dried up marker) he runs and hides under the dining room table and cries. I’m the bad guy for wanting to be able to walk across a room without fear of breaking a limb. Today I realized I’m back in the office starting tomorrow. DH can figure it out.

I do think we have a clutter issue in our house. DH has a lot of stuff, and we quickly run out of places for the stuff, so it sits out. I see other people with neat and tidy homes and wonder if my house will ever look like that. I think I need something more psychological than Marie Kondo.

[gt7301b]

May 25, 2020 12:07:20 GMT -5 pugz said:

ssmjlm I also found her story strange. She really closed her entire company because her husband couldn't parent? There has to be more to the story.

I couldn't even make it through the entire article it made me so angry.  I get that it is difficult to be the primary parent, but he only lasted three days... are you kidding me?

[InBetweenDays]

May 25, 2020 7:58:32 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

I’m not sure this needs it’s own thread, but was in WP yesterday and pissed me off royally.


www.thelily.com/i-had-to-choose-being-a-mother-with-no-child-care-or-summer-camps-women-are-being-edged-out-of-the-workforce/

You can read the full article at the link.



This woman has a husband problem. Blaming closing her company on choosing to be a mom is completely wrong and not at all what she did. Plus now her employees and cofounder are without jobs and income.

Um, yeah. I just read this. 100% agree that is insane she is blaming closing the company on being a mom. In addition to her husband being an issue, it says they closed on March 16, "with schools and daycares on the verge of closing". So her daycare hadn't even closed yet? I'm guessing the company was already having problems.

[waverly]

I agree there was more behind the scenes at the company. The partner at the company seemed totally fine with closing as well. One of them could have gone on leave and the other one keep it running and maybe hire a temp or something.