Randoms, ddot, twerks

[waverly]

I’m sorry. Hugs.

[polecat8]

You definitely want to get screenshots and/or financial statements for any accounts that you share. Keep a journal of everything he says/does to you. Talk to a lawyer to understand what your next steps are and what you are entitled to. Don't let him kick you out of the house.

And if you feel unsafe in any way, please call the police to file a PFA.

Big Hugs to you!

[vasc]

I’ve got nothing to offer but virtual hugs. {{{}}}

[vasc]

We got the doorknob cover yesterday and put it on the inside knob of DS’s room. He talked and whined about it all afternoon. 😳

At night he woke up at 12:00. I cuddled him for five minutes. DH cuddled him for five minutes. DS then tantrumed for ten minutes. Then DD couldn’t stand it anymore and let him out of his room to sleep with her. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

[twinmomma]

I second the journal plan. Even if it's just a note on your phone or something. Try to write down as many examples and as much as possible, especially when it comes to stuff involving a child. The most recent example is a huge one. If you can include rough dates to show a pattern, that will help too. Grab screenshots of any text messages you have.

When you talk to a lawyer or someone about it, don't hold back. Don't worry about him, worry about you and your son. You'll want to downplay things - it wasn't that bad, he didn't mean it, he tries to get better, etc... Don't let him bully you into that way of thinking. I know it's hard to break that thought process, but it's ok to be honest and put yourself first here. (advice I wish I had followed)

[campermom]

Hugs, WP’s.

[rere]

This fixation on money is weird. I get trying to save a buck, but this is extreme. Dh usually thinks the it's all fine, they are good, and I always take them to the doc anyway. 90% of the time I am right and his response is, well you usually know. With your assets, I don't get having the scrimp on coffee? And dishwashers? These battles picked, just seems off.

Make sure you have access to all of your assets. With the fixation on money, maybe he would try to hoard or move things around to keep from you?

[campermom]

Much love to this board

[xctsclrx]

I am sorry you are dealing with this. Just know that once you are out of it and don't have to tip toe anymore you will feel a million times better. I think there is some anxiety or mental issues with him and money because he is not being rational.

If he isn't willing to get the help for it there is nothing you can do and I don't think mental illness is an excuse for abusing your family nor should you have to endure it

Maybe big maybe, the separation will be the wake up call he needs to get help. Even if he does please carefully decide if you want to put yourself in that situation again.


Good luck and we are here for you in anyway we can.

[mae0111]

I also agree with the journal. It’s amazing what you can forget. Document EVERYTHING.

I documented everything about DD1’s mess this year and it’s amazing the things that I forgot. Things that had a huge impact at the time, or even just some details. I’m so glad I have it all typed up.

[mommyatty]

Create a new email address he doesn’t know and send everything there. In as close to real time as you can. Contemporaneous documentation carries more weight than past recollections.

Tell your lawyer everything. In detail. They’ve heard it all. And they’ve had cases worse than yours AND cases that you would consider petty. So don’t worry that you have something to be embarrassed about.

Also don’t go for the least expensive lawyer you can find. Get a person you feel comfortable talking to and who you think will fight like hell for you. Be prepared to have to hire a forensic accountant. As nuts as your H is about money, and how he feels you’re wasting his assets, I can guarantee he’s squirreled stuff away where you don’t know about it.

Also document all the money he spends on his own hobbies. He hunts, right? Guns and ammo and licenses cost money. Show that he’s happy to spend to make himself happy while trying to deny you and the kids medical care.

[mellym]

I am so sorry you're dealing with this on top of everything else in the world right now.

In regards to the bunk beds, we got one from Ashley Furniture when we moved DD2 into DD1's room. DD1 loved being in the top bunk and it was the easiest crib to bed transition because DD2 liked sleeping in the same room as her sister. We recently moved DD1 to her own room and now DD2 and DD3 share a room. DD2 is a much more cautious and fearful child so she didn't want to sleep up there and it wasn't safe for our toddler. We took the bunks apart and they sleep in the twin beds. It was really nice to have that option to separate them and use the twin beds alone. I end up in the bed with DD2 a few times a month because she has nightmares in the MOTN and I will say it's a very tight fit!

[supertrooper1]

I'm so sorry. I spent years walking on eggshells and the relief I felt when it was over was amazing. Our money was separate but he could spend whatever he wanted on anything, but he would question everything I purchased.
Good luck and we're here for you.

[erinshelley21]

No advice here, just wishing you strength through all of this. You CAN do this.

[sdlaura]

I ended up having to have our dog put down today. He was 14.5, so it was only a matter of time, but he was so happy and healthy till two days ago. I was hoping it was just something he ate, but ended up being a giant tumor in his stomach, liver lesions, and internal bleeding. The two older kids came with me to the vet and are handling it well. Very little sleep last night + pretty sudden dog death is making for an interesting day.

[supertrooper1]

I'm sorry sdlaura.

[campermom]

Sorry to hear that sdlaura. Thinking of you.

[mae0111]

I’m so sorry sdlaura.

[k3am]

sdlaura, so sorry.

[sandandsea]

I’m so sorry sdlaura. . Our 12 year old pup passed the day ds2 was born very suddenly from an instant health problem. It was so hard but looking back I believe God/the world/the fates/whoever knew I needed a huge distraction (a newborn) to be able to handle it as we were devastated. I’m sending you lots of internet hugs and lots supporting thoughts.

[sdlaura]

Thanks everyone. sandandsea we’re glad that DS3 arrived early so I was dealing with losing our dog with a newborn rather than when I was 39+ weeks pregnant. I think the hormones situation is probably better, and you’re right about the distraction. Plus our dog got to ‘meet’ all of our kids and vice versa.

[k3am]

It was... 96 degrees when we got home yesterday. ON THE FIRST FLOOR OF MY HOUSE. Came home and immediately jumped in the neighbor's pool. Then struggled through the rest of the night.

It's supposed to be another scorcher today. And tomorrow, once they wrap up the new A/C install? Low 80's. Because of course. Pretty sure we just guaranteed a mild summer.

[186momx]

k3am, yep I didn't fill our pool last weekend because the weather guys said low 60s and rain this week. Well this week has been upper 70s and sunny. Decided to start filling the pool last night so maybe we could get in it next week and I look at the forecast this morning and it again says low 60s and rain all next week. Ugh I just can't seem to win.

[sandandsea]

Yeah. It’s been super hot. We bought a kiddie pool (baby sized), sprinkler, and splash pad from amazon. We should have started the backyard project sooner because I would LOVe to have the pool in vs just starting to get quotes.

[mustardseed2007]

I'm loving our above ground pool although I'm investing a lot of time into the chemicals and stuff. But I actually think I'm doing that as a distraction to myself. I'm probably overthinking it a lot and will end up breaking something on it as a result!

[twinmomma]

Just had a follow up appointment with my PCP. Remember back in March I had to go to the ER for a weird heart thing? Now I've had an echocardiogram and will have to wear a cardiac event monitor to see if we can figure out what the heck the deal is. On top of all that, I'm getting tested for rheumatoid arthritis because she's not sure if it's hypermobility issues or RA issues. I swear... The autoimmune disease diagnoses just keep racking up on my chart. It's so frustrating that one follows the other and we just keep uncovering why I have the problems I do. I'm glad we're figuring it out, but it's so disheartening to have a laundry list of health issues.

[erinshelley21]

So sorry about your dog sdlaura !

[k3am]

Because corona, murder hornets, and protests aren’t enough excitement, we have a set of arsonists in the neighborhood lighting the hills on fire...

[phdmomma]

twinmomma, it is super disheartening. Although I did feel a big sense of relief after I got my diagnoses, that first I wasn't imagining all of these super weird issues, and second that there was something to do about them (not all of them), but some of them. Autoimmune diseases often mean that folks have more than one. But the first step to getting things under control is figuring out what is going on. Stay strong.