Post by cricketwife on Apr 12, 2022 7:25:44 GMT -5
I posted this earlier in the week as a “vent” but today is MIL’s funeral in England. H was supposed to go but got Covid and couldn’t travel. In the last 3.5 years, he has lost “everyone” (older generation). His dad died suddenly and unexpectedly at 68. That was pre-pandemic so he was able to travel. Then the pandemic and his grandmother died, then his father (bio father, they had a good relationship as adults) and he couldn’t travel for those due to Covid restrictions. Then he lost his mum and was going to be at the funeral today. We avoided Covid all this time only for him to get it at the exact moment that it prevented him from going to his mother’s funeral. The only consolation in all of this is he was able to travel and see her in November when she was still living. I think I’m taking this harder than he is (at least openly). It’s like suddenly I’m grieving everything and everyone we’ve lost in the last 3 years. I’m grieving the relationships my kids never had with their family. My youngest, who is 5, never even met his grandparents. H was between jobs when he was little and we couldn’t afford to bring the whole family over, then the pandemic. I just feel like we’ve been robbed of so much. I was grateful for the technology to be able to watch the other funerals online, but now I just feel resentful that we are doing it again.
Over the weekend, a 17yo football teammate of my sons was killed in a car accident. My son(15) while he wasn't super close with him, he looked up to him and the older boys. I'm at a loss on how to help him grieve.
He isn't saying much. He asked to get a black button up for the funeral. And I took opportunity to explain what to expect at the wake. I've said how I am here to talk if he needs too and I mentioned that school has counselors if he'd rather talk to someone else. (school emailed they are open despite it being spring break and have grief counselors there if needed)
This is his first loss of a peer and it will be his first wake.
Any advice or experience. I'm not sure if I'm handling it right. :-(
cricketwife I completely understand. My boys don't have much family left either. Only DHs mom and she wants to move south now even thoigh we asked her not to move and his step dad who she's leaving.
I grew up with such a large extended family bit my mom passed when i was a teen, my dad moves atpid alot so my boys didnt get to know him much. They lost DHs dad during covid (to a heart attack). So I feel my kids got robbed for sure.
Update: we just got a text the football coach and team is getting together before the wake. They're all wearing their jerseys and meeting up 15 mins before the start of the calling hours. I think this helped my son feel better about things. I'm also picking up a friend to arrive with. I think it been tough not seeing each other since the accident.
I feel like an imposter mourning my Dad. My sister lived with him. He and my brother were business partners and best friends. I only live an hour and half away, but didn't see my Dad as much as I would have liked between work, kids, other life commitments, yadda yadda yadda. I've been having a hard time letting myself grieve because I feel guilty. How messed up is that?
I'm so sorry. I can relate. I've felt that way about SIL that passed in July. She had my brother, her parents, and her sisters. It's not like we were best friends....I've wondered if I was grieving too hard.
Let yourself feel whatever you need and be kind to yourself, don't just your feelings during this sad and emotional time. Your grief journey will be as unique as your relationship to your dad was.
I feel like an imposter mourning my Dad. My sister lived with him. He and my brother were business partners and best friends. I only live an hour and half away, but didn't see my Dad as much as I would have liked between work, kids, other life commitments, yadda yadda yadda. I've been having a hard time letting myself grieve because I feel guilty. How messed up is that?
I feel guilty going to visit my dad now that my mom died. I did help them as much as I could once she started getting weaker/sicker from her symptoms and then when she started chemotherapy. I spent the night many times, took intermittent FMLA at work to help get them both to their appointments and help around their house and stuff like that. But I'm feeling bad I didn't visit or call enough the past few years when my mom was healthy, so now I feel guilty going to see my dad too often.