Irrational & selfish UO re: end of life: I am sad that my parents want to be cremated & have their ashes scattered. I want them to be buried so that I can go visit them in a peaceful cemetary to talk with them when they're gone. I visit my grandparents' sites when I am in the city where they lay to rest.
I get it that I can scatter them in a beautiful place that they loved (where that is, I don't know, guess I should ask) and visit that place, but somehow that doesn't seem to be the same and I don't like it.
Your feelings are totally valid. After all, all of this stuff is really for the living anyway.
This reminds me that my H and I had a conversation once where he said he wants to be cremated, but I always assumed I’d be buried because that’s what Jews do. I’m like, Don’t you want to spend all of eternity together?? Now I have to find someone else to be buried next to!
On one hand I agree. On the other I think it provides closure for a lot of people.
Yes. Having dealt with the never-ending tidal wave of grief of my H after his brother died and didn’t want a funeral, it really is a double edged sword to not have an end-of-life send off. Their parents didn’t seem to care much, but my H and his sister are still struggling with never being able to have that collective goodbye.
We keep toying with planning something private on his death anniversary - a reading, a tree planting, anything really - but he’s still so raw.
Anyway, not my business what people choose to do when they die, but for some, the ceremony is extremely important.
We had the same experience when my FIL died. There was no funeral or even a death announcement, so for at least 6 months H kept seeing people for the first time and had to listen to their condolences (or in a lot of cases, inform them of the death) and it just seemed never ending. Then his mom spread the ashes without anyone else there, so there was no closure for him at all.
His mom says she doesn't want a funeral either, but H is adamant that they are for the living and that he is never going through the no-funeral grieving again.
Irrational & selfish UO re: end of life: I am sad that my parents want to be cremated & have their ashes scattered. I want them to be buried so that I can go visit them in a peaceful cemetary to talk with them when they're gone. I visit my grandparents' sites when I am in the city where they lay to rest.
I get it that I can scatter them in a beautiful place that they loved (where that is, I don't know, guess I should ask) and visit that place, but somehow that doesn't seem to be the same and I don't like it.
This reminds me that my H and I had a conversation once where he said he wants to be cremated, but I always assumed I’d be buried because that’s what Jews do. I’m like, Don’t you want to spend all of eternity together?? Now I have to find someone else to be buried next to!
I shouldn’t care but I’m still a bit shook.
Ugh, and what if your neighbor is annoying??
I keep going back and forth about what I want. Culturally, we’re supposed to keep our body altogether even if you’re cremated, but none of the beautiful places I want to be are cemeteries, so maybe I’ll just be scattered, but it also seems kind of nice to be somewhere at peace with people I love, but maybe I want one of those cool tree-planting burials…
Irrational & selfish UO re: end of life: I am sad that my parents want to be cremated & have their ashes scattered. I want them to be buried so that I can go visit them in a peaceful cemetary to talk with them when they're gone. I visit my grandparents' sites when I am in the city where they lay to rest.
I get it that I can scatter them in a beautiful place that they loved (where that is, I don't know, guess I should ask) and visit that place, but somehow that doesn't seem to be the same and I don't like it.
I was the opposite when my dad died. I wanted him to be cremated so I could keep him with us. I feel/felt like we just left him outside in the elements.
ETA: you can bury an urn, we have two in the family plot.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
Irrational & selfish UO re: end of life: I am sad that my parents want to be cremated & have their ashes scattered. I want them to be buried so that I can go visit them in a peaceful cemetary to talk with them when they're gone. I visit my grandparents' sites when I am in the city where they lay to rest.
I get it that I can scatter them in a beautiful place that they loved (where that is, I don't know, guess I should ask) and visit that place, but somehow that doesn't seem to be the same and I don't like it.
I was the opposite when my dad died. I wanted him to be cremated so I could keep him with us. I feel/felt like we just left him outside in the elements.
ETA: you can bury an urn, we have two in the family plot.
And combine names on the headstone. My grandparents and parents all have their names on the same stone.
Post by litskispeciality on Aug 1, 2023 11:21:40 GMT -5
We had my mom cremated and buried because she left no formal wishes. She always mentioned wanting to have her ashes spread out at sea, but we didn't know if that was real. My dad wants to be cremated and buried with her when he passes. In one sense I'm happy they did this, however she's buried closer to where she grew up, so I never visit. I've literally been like twice in 11 years. Granted we never went to my mother's parents/my grandparents graves growing up, and I only learned where they were when my mom died, so maybe it's different for others?
I think some folks have split up their ashes too, keep some with a family member, or bury the ashes, then scatter some. I can't wrap my self around if I'd feel incomplete in the afterlife, or if I'd be doing that for the living and not care?
Apparently cremation was also a big no-no in my dad's time in the Catholic church. Not sure how universal this was, but he had a lot of guilt when we buried my mom. He tried to justify to all of us that cremation was just a cost saving measure, but essentially I think he was looking for someone to say he won't go to hell.
PDQ PDQ
My husband is adamant that he will NOT be cremated. He's been like that for a long time, but I recently learned it's also a thing in his line of work. I'm frustrated because for me burying a body is kind of a waste of space and materials and a lot more money (but we have life insurance!), but alas I am to honor his wishes and have my body buried with him. I guess I could ask to be cremated and buried with him should I go second? His line of work also requires a huge production for funerals, even when you don't pass on the job. This crosses my mind a lot that universe willing he lives to be 80+ I don't think I'm going to do the big production, esp. if we don't retire here. He's said before he'd come back and haunt me if I didn't honor the process, but I hope he'll feel differently after retirement and in to old age. I don't want to disrespect his wishes, but if funerals are for the living, save me the effort of the big production he won't see. I guess that's my UO, I think my husband's wants are annoying and I feel like a jerk for thinking that.
I also worry about where we would be buried. Again universe willing we both live well in to older age we'll figure that out later, but if he were to pass before we can move I worry about burying him in the city where he grew up near his family, or in the city where we currently live, where neither of us have ties. What if I wanted to re-marry, now he's buried somewhere with no ties. I don't know it shouldn't take up that much headspace, but we've been to three or four big funerals since he's gone in to this career. Worst part is the only plans he'll tell me is the big production ceremony so to speak, and that he doesn't want it in a church, but good luck with his doesn't go to church dad fighting me that we have to have a Catholic mass funeral. *sigh*
Post by litskispeciality on Aug 1, 2023 11:23:17 GMT -5
Anyway wow now that I'm all bummed out here's a more uplifting? UO: I can't believe The Walking Dead is still on the air, and that the spin offs are still going (up until the writers strike). My DH still watches it, and I truly wonder who else, because I don't know anyone IRL who says they watch it. I'm not forced to watch it so I shouldn't care, but I thought the interest went away years ago.
Anyway wow now that I'm all bummed out here's a more uplifting? UO: I can't believe The Walking Dead is still on the air, and that the spin offs are still going (up until the writers strike). My DH still watches it, and I truly wonder who else, because I don't know anyone IRL who says they watch it. I'm not forced to watch it so I shouldn't care, but I thought the interest went away years ago.
I’m with you on this. The OG Walking Dead was incredible for many seasons but then it just got BAD. It was one of the few shows that me and H enjoyed together, but we both gave up. I did watch the series finale of that one even though I’d stopped watching the season before I think. We did watch a few seasons of Fear the Walking Dead, which then got really bad too. All the current spin offs are totally unnecessary IMO.
Post by Patsy Baloney on Aug 1, 2023 11:28:52 GMT -5
litskispeciality I wish you could alleviate your dad’s guilt about Catholicism and cremation. Cremation is absolutely “allowed”. The remains should be kept together and interred for the most rule following post-death process.
I grew up Catholic and worked for the church for a time and it’s a really common worry for older folks to have because the rules did change!
Irrational & selfish UO re: end of life: I am sad that my parents want to be cremated & have their ashes scattered. I want them to be buried so that I can go visit them in a peaceful cemetary to talk with them when they're gone. I visit my grandparents' sites when I am in the city where they lay to rest.
I get it that I can scatter them in a beautiful place that they loved (where that is, I don't know, guess I should ask) and visit that place, but somehow that doesn't seem to be the same and I don't like it.
Your feelings are totally valid. After all, all of this stuff is really for the living anyway.
This reminds me that my H and I had a conversation once where he said he wants to be cremated, but I always assumed I’d be buried because that’s what Jews do. I’m like, Don’t you want to spend all of eternity together?? Now I have to find someone else to be buried next to!
I shouldn’t care but I’m still a bit shook.
my Jewish grandparents were in a similar boat as you--my grandfather was buried in a Jewish cemetery that would also allow for cremated remains can also be buried. My grandmother was cremated They share a gravestone and they are both together in an important place to them and allowed them to meet their individual wishes with regards to their remains.
Your feelings are totally valid. After all, all of this stuff is really for the living anyway.
This reminds me that my H and I had a conversation once where he said he wants to be cremated, but I always assumed I’d be buried because that’s what Jews do. I’m like, Don’t you want to spend all of eternity together?? Now I have to find someone else to be buried next to!
I shouldn’t care but I’m still a bit shook.
my Jewish grandparents were in a similar boat as you--my grandfather was buried in a Jewish cemetery that would also allow for cremated remains can also be buried. My grandmother was cremated They share a gravestone and they are both together in an important place to them and allowed them to meet their individual wishes with regards to their remains.
That’s really sweet! And a good compromise. My H didn’t say WHAT he wants done with the ashes, and unlike some others, I don’t want them. So if he goes first, maybe I’ll do this.
I really feel like this is one of those questions people should be encouraged to ask BEFORE marriage. 😀
Anyway wow now that I'm all bummed out here's a more uplifting? UO: I can't believe The Walking Dead is still on the air, and that the spin offs are still going (up until the writers strike). My DH still watches it, and I truly wonder who else, because I don't know anyone IRL who says they watch it. I'm not forced to watch it so I shouldn't care, but I thought the interest went away years ago.
“How about we discuss a more uplifting topic than death by talking about … The Walking Dead?” 💀
In general, funeral processions don’t bother me. But Baltimore to Arlington on a weekday morning, that one bothered me. 😬
My step mom texted me one day that she had scattered my fathers ashes. I’m still processing that. But we did have a nice gathering when he passed. And, for my part, planning that was exactly what I needed to give me a task that 10 days afterward.
Anyway wow now that I'm all bummed out here's a more uplifting? UO: I can't believe The Walking Dead is still on the air, and that the spin offs are still going (up until the writers strike). My DH still watches it, and I truly wonder who else, because I don't know anyone IRL who says they watch it. I'm not forced to watch it so I shouldn't care, but I thought the interest went away years ago.
“How about we discuss a more uplifting topic than death by talking about … The Walking Dead?” 💀
Hahah touche. Yes I haven't even watched The Walking Dead or any of the spin offs because it's just too weird and dark. Certainly not an uplifting topic.
I think often people don't want to be a bother financially or logistically in death. I certainly do not. I am very midwestern and would rather die (literally) then put anyone out lol. Someone making a big fuss over me and giving up their Saturday to attend my funeral. OMG, cringe lol
But funerals, death announcements and burial are for the living. They do provide comfort and closure.Notsopicky, you might talk to your parents to see if there is some sort of compromise. A person can be cremated and buried. Or sometimes remains can be put into a figure or statue that you could have as a place to talk. There are options. Ashes don't have to be spread. My mom's ashes are sitting in my dad's house waiting until he dies. Then both of their ashes will be buried at a cemetary.
“How about we discuss a more uplifting topic than death by talking about … The Walking Dead?” 💀
Hahah touche. Yes I haven't even watched The Walking Dead or any of the spin offs because it's just too weird and dark. Certainly not an uplifting topic.
I'm going to confess that I just watched the last couple of seasons on Netflix to see how it all ended, and I actually got really into it. It was pretty good. I kinda want to watch some of the spinoffs.
Post by Patsy Baloney on Aug 1, 2023 12:11:10 GMT -5
The men in the new West Side Story weren’t remotely good-looking either. If you’re going to blow up everyone’s lives and cause all-out gang war, maybe pick a hottie, Maria.
Birth signs have zero to do with why you are the way you are. You are not impatient and quick to irritate because you are (insert astrological sign). It’s just the way you are.
it’s so bizarre to me that the zodiac signs are still in the cultural conversation in modern times. of all the woo stuff out there, this feels the least moored to reality.
Birth signs have zero to do with why you are the way you are. You are not impatient and quick to irritate because you are (insert astrological sign). It’s just the way you are.
it’s so bizarre to me that the zodiac sogns are still in the cultural conversation in modern times. If all the woo stuff out there, this feels the least moored to reality.
I had someone with all seriousness asked me a few nights ago what my partner's sign is, and I'm sure if I knew (I know the date but couldn't be bothered the sign) she'd have said "oh that explains it" when he randomly got up from the table and took off at a fast clip without saying why.
They've done surveys where they'll ask random people their sign, then read the horoscope, then ask how accurate it sounds. Except everyone gets the exact same horoscope. Rates of, yeah, that sounds accurate, are even across all signs. It such obvious bunk. Especially as they've added and shifted signs like when they discovered Pluto "oh that explains why it was never 100% accurate" and took it away again. Or when about 15 years years ago they shifted the dates for reasons
I think horoscopes are fun, in the same way that I like reading fortune cookies. As an introverted Gemini though, I don't particularly identify with my astrological sign.
The men in the new West Side Story weren’t remotely good-looking either. If you’re going to blow up everyone’s lives and cause all-out gang war, maybe pick a hottie, Maria.
Maria and Romeo (from the Shakespeare) are two of my most loathed theatre characters so I'd like to smoosh them together into one play and everyone left in their respective worlds would be happier.