Internet Junk Food

[niq]

V is 10 and, if he had his way, would watch nothing but video game YouTubers. He plays a lot of games I think of as "low quality" -- Bloonz TD 6, some stuff with dragons he can play on his Kindle, etc. We have a Switch but he doesn't play much stuff on it.

I am getting the sense this is all normal, but I'm trying to decide what to do about it if anything. What do you do in your household? Sometimes we ban YouTube during the school week. If he's watching one of the edgier youtubers I tell him to pick something more wholesome and he does.

School is going fine right now, home behavior is basically fine, except when he decides to mimic one of the YouTubers that pisses me off. If he's watching YouTubers that are secretly right-wing cranks it's not coming through. He used to ask about cryptocurrency a bunch but that's died down.


I feel like I'm turning into my parents complaining about this stuff. Why can't kids like more wholesome stuff like ... uh, Howard Stern's appearance at the VMAs, or George Carlin standup specials? And play more substantial games like Mortal Kombat and Grand Theft Auto! lol

[boiler717]

This is not a popular stance and it’s just what works best for our family (and realize it’s not an option / not best for many others), but DS (almost 8) doesn’t consume any screens solo any more. I realize there is a big difference between 8 and 10, but we decided earlier this summer to make screens something that is done with other people, not solo. We will do a family movie night or play switch together or he can play switch with friends, but other than that he doesn’t do any screens. We make sure to do things that he finds interesting, though. It was rough when we cut him off (he was used to starting weekend mornings with a few hours of solo screen time), but it’s so much better for us and he doesn’t ask for solo screen time any more.

[VillainV]

C is 9. We just keep an eye on how much time he spends on his iPad. If the weather is nice, we send him out to play (we’re fortunate that our neighborhood is conducive to this). If the weather is yucky, he can have a small amount of time, but then we make him pick something else to do (legos, watch a movie, play FIFA, board game, etc).

We have his iPad set to allow only 60 minutes of YouTube per day. That sounds like a lot. Most weekdays he doesn’t come anywhere close to that. Some weekends we will allow more time than that, but usually not consecutively — he has to go do something else, then can come back to YouTube later for a short time.

One thing I have learned is that often he will FaceTime a friend and they’ll share their screen to watch videos together, so just because he’s not watching on his app doesn’t mean he’s not watching. It’s also a way kids get around content limits on videos and games.

[Poppy]

I am pretty wary of YouTube. My son, who is almost 9, is not allowed to watch YT alone. Lucky for him, H likes to watch some video game YouTubers with him (Real Civil Engineer and occasionally Evan and Katelyn gaming).

I have grown a little less strict on TV shows (more Pokemon and stuff) whereas he used to be limited to PBS Kids. But YT is so unmoderated that I am not ok with him watching unsupervised. I don't know when that will change.

[kdubs923]

Oct 11, 2023 17:21:52 GMT -5 boiler717 said:

This is not a popular stance and it’s just what works best for our family (and realize it’s not an option / not best for many others), but DS (almost 8) doesn’t consume any screens solo any more. I realize there is a big difference between 8 and 10, but we decided earlier this summer to make screens something that is done with other people, not solo. We will do a family movie night or play switch together or he can play switch with friends, but other than that he doesn’t do any screens. We make sure to do things that he finds interesting, though. It was rough when we cut him off (he was used to starting weekend mornings with a few hours of solo screen time), but it’s so much better for us and he doesn’t ask for solo screen time any more.

Wow. No snark at all, just genuine awe. What does your DS do when he wakes up in the morning on a weekend?

We’ve definitely cut back on YT because it was negatively impacting their behavior. But I’m having trouble picturing a screen free weekend morning. I don’t sleep late, but I’m not always ready to get out of bed and be a parent on the weekends.

[karinothing]

Oct 11, 2023 19:00:39 GMT -5 kdubs923 said:

Oct 11, 2023 17:21:52 GMT -5 boiler717 said:

This is not a popular stance and it’s just what works best for our family (and realize it’s not an option / not best for many others), but DS (almost 8) doesn’t consume any screens solo any more. I realize there is a big difference between 8 and 10, but we decided earlier this summer to make screens something that is done with other people, not solo. We will do a family movie night or play switch together or he can play switch with friends, but other than that he doesn’t do any screens. We make sure to do things that he finds interesting, though. It was rough when we cut him off (he was used to starting weekend mornings with a few hours of solo screen time), but it’s so much better for us and he doesn’t ask for solo screen time any more.

Wow. No snark at all, just genuine awe. What does your DS do when he wakes up in the morning on a weekend?

We’ve definitely cut back on YT because it was negatively impacting their behavior. But I’m having trouble picturing a screen free weekend morning. I don’t sleep late, but I’m not always ready to get out of bed and be a parent on the weekends.

I am also in awe. I stay in bed until 10am on weekends only because of fortnight lol.

[felicity]

DS (9 in a few weeks) also loves video game YouTubers, and lately Mr Beast 🙄. I don’t know what he loves so much about him but it’s become a bit much. He’s only allowed to watch YouTube on the TV when we’re around so we can see it too. I limit the Mr Beast watching because I think he’s super annoying and sometimes inappropriate. I love Zebra Gamer for gaming, compared to most others at least. I limit the amount of gaming videos about making fighting mods in Minecraft and similar games because then DS gets obsessed with making annoying PVP games and playing tricks on people, and it’s just not good for him to be constantly watching older people who like to mess with their friends in games. It’s a battle here for sure to get him to watch other stuff.

[niq]

Oct 11, 2023 19:57:45 GMT -5 felicity said:

DS (9 in a few weeks) also loves video game YouTubers, and lately Mr Beast 🙄. I don’t know what he loves so much about him but it’s become a bit much. He’s only allowed to watch YouTube on the TV when we’re around so we can see it too. I limit the Mr Beast watching because I think he’s super annoying and sometimes inappropriate. I love Zebra Gamer for gaming, compared to most others at least. I limit the amount of gaming videos about making fighting mods in Minecraft and similar games because then DS gets obsessed with making annoying PVP games and playing tricks on people, and it’s just not good for him to be constantly watching older people who like to mess with their friends in games. It’s a battle here for sure to get him to watch other stuff.

If I'm being honest this might be my biggest frustration. He won't sit and watch a movie or even a TV show, at least at home. Movies in theaters have been tough too.

[Deleted]

I have honestly mostly given up. I have older kids who were not allowed any screens at all during the week until middle school. My youngest was in 2nd when covid hit and the rules about TV and computer during the week went out the window fast.

Honestly I don’t know if my older kids even benefitted from screen free week days in elementary school. Maybe they did, maybe it ultimately doesn’t matter, I have no idea.

With my almost 12 year old who loves YouTube and YouTube shorts we let it happen sometimes. Other times we are kicking him off to go find a friend to toss the football around with or we offer to take him to fish at a lake or River (he has an extreme passion for fishing). Other times I just ask that he try to watch some fishing videos for a while instead of the annoying YouTubers. Or I will say watch Netflix or Hulu because I’m over listening to YouTube. Haha. We added a TV on our main level so we can better keep an eye and ear on what he is watching. He doesn’t have a phone yet and I often hide his not school Chromebook from him (he has major ADHD so he just thinks he misplaced it, haha) so he’s limited on where and how he can watch YouTube junk.

[beerlover]

Oct 11, 2023 19:53:08 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Oct 11, 2023 19:00:39 GMT -5 kdubs923 said:

Wow. No snark at all, just genuine awe. What does your DS do when he wakes up in the morning on a weekend?

We’ve definitely cut back on YT because it was negatively impacting their behavior. But I’m having trouble picturing a screen free weekend morning. I don’t sleep late, but I’m not always ready to get out of bed and be a parent on the weekends.

I am also in awe. I stay in bed until 10am on weekends only because of fortnight lol.

Minecraft/Roblox for me.

We've cut down a lot on DS's screen time - no iPad/games on weeknights and only 1 hour of TV - but weekend mornings, he can do whatever TF he wants, lol.

[loira]

My DD (also almost 8) also doesn't really do solo screens. I know exactly what games she's got on her Kindle Fire, and our condo is small enough that it would be impossible for her to watch something on TV without us knowing.

Also probably unpopular but we don't allow YouTube unless it's one of her "how to draw" videos. I've seen too many "approved for YT kids" videos that had sexist or other problematic messaging.

That being said, even shows we let her watch are often annoying and creep into real life when she mimics characters. Most kid shows are about how smart kids are versus their stupid parents, and the kids are pretty rude - not limited to Nickelodeon or Disney kids because on rewatch of Full House I wanted to slap Michelle every time her character said "duuhhhh!"

[boiler717]

Oct 11, 2023 19:00:39 GMT -5 kdubs923 said:

Oct 11, 2023 17:21:52 GMT -5 boiler717 said:

This is not a popular stance and it’s just what works best for our family (and realize it’s not an option / not best for many others), but DS (almost 8) doesn’t consume any screens solo any more. I realize there is a big difference between 8 and 10, but we decided earlier this summer to make screens something that is done with other people, not solo. We will do a family movie night or play switch together or he can play switch with friends, but other than that he doesn’t do any screens. We make sure to do things that he finds interesting, though. It was rough when we cut him off (he was used to starting weekend mornings with a few hours of solo screen time), but it’s so much better for us and he doesn’t ask for solo screen time any more.

Wow. No snark at all, just genuine awe. What does your DS do when he wakes up in the morning on a weekend?

We’ve definitely cut back on YT because it was negatively impacting their behavior. But I’m having trouble picturing a screen free weekend morning. I don’t sleep late, but I’m not always ready to get out of bed and be a parent on the weekends.

It does help that I am naturally a morning person and don’t sleep in generally, so I am usually awake and up before him. He either will listen to an audiobook first thing or we will make him a cup of tea or cocoa and he sits with us while we have our coffee and chit chat. He knows we don’t do anything until the coffee time is complete. He then either helps make breakfast or we play a board game or read together while my husband makes breakfast.

[jeaniebueller]

My 9 year old is not allowed on YouTube. Her behavior and attitude were horrendous when we allowed her. Also with boys there is a lot of video game to alt right issues with the algorithm so I would monitor closely.

ETA: If you have a boy who watched a lot of gamer content on youtube, talk to them about the algorithm and some of the stuff that might be directed at them. YOu may be surprised about some of the political ads that they will get if they are on regular youtube. There is a strong gamer to alt right pipeline that is fueled by these social media apps. My son tells me that Andrew Tate is huge among boys his age. They learn about it somewhere. 

[beerlover]

We don't do YouTube (unless we're learning something together) or even YouTube kids either. The content is shit, even on YouTube Kids he was watching the weirdest, most annoying stuff. His behavior is much better after cutting that out.

[ssmjlm]

There is no way I'm playing a board game with my kid on a weekend morning. Sorrynotsorry.

We've cut a lot of the tablet except for roblox because playing on the fire is better than the chromebook according to the kid. Weekends are usually a show or two for her while I read and DH scrolls. We are both typically up before her and she needs a min before she's ready for breakfast.

Honestly what has helped the most is taking away the time she has to be idle. She's in 4 activities of her choosing, so between homework and reading, she may have time for one show before bed.


ETA: I will say I read a short ebook on kids and internet a long time ago and the biggest takeaway for me what not if my kid will see something bad, but when. We have A LOT of conversations about she has no idea who is on the other end of a game like roblox. I have no problem telling her it could be a kid or a 40 year old man in his parents basement. There's no way to know. So we talk about what she sees online and that she can always come and talk to us.

In fact she had a bad trade on Roblox and lost an important pet in the adopt me world. It was a good lesson for her that people suck.

[sdlaura]

We have no set rules on screens or what the kids can view beyond it being appropriate - which is pretty subjective. All the kids’ screen time does take place on the first floor of our house so we can see what they’re watching when we walk by.

My 9 and 11 year olds watch a lot of YouTube shorts. 9-year-old plays a lot of Minecraft with his friends. They’re not home all that much due to sports and school/aftercare - If they came home right after school everyday and didn’t have places to go in the evenings and on weekends, I’d be more inclined to limit it. We just have them stop on a case by case basis - like making sure homework is done first and having them get off if we think they’ve been on too long. I haven’t noticed them having shorter attention spans for movies.

Re: weekend mornings, I actually did a sticker chart to get my now 6-year-old to go downstairs and watch his tablet when he wakes up. He shoots out of bed at the crack of dawn and I got tired of being scared awake by his face two inches from my head My two younger ones are 3 and 6 and they watch shows but not YouTube.

[dcn]

I struggle with this a lot. Mine only have YT kids but even that has a lot of crap on it. They are limited via screen time on their iPads. They will come home and sit in front of a screen for 4 hours if I let them most days.

I started following thegamereducator on instagram and they have some good ideas to try out. They do talk about parallel screen time
Or even doing screen time together a lot. I think you have to even a little just to know wtf is out there.

Anyway, good luck. If you have success, share!

[Poeticxpassion]

DS is 9 and he is really into Mr. Beast on YouTube. Honestly, he jumps around from his iPad (games and YouTube kids), switch, and xbox. He doesn’t watch in the morning before school. We don’t set a limit and have found it works for us. He will turn it off to play Lego, basketball, etc.

If we ask him to do something, he will respond politely when he is in the middle of a game he can’t pause. This happens when he is playing a pvp match on Minecraft, but as soon as it’s over he will do what was asked.

What you are describing sounds normal to me, but kids have different reactions to being exposed to videos and games.

[erbear]

Oct 12, 2023 6:04:48 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

My 9 year old is not allowed on YouTube. Her behavior and attitude were horrendous when we allowed her. Also with boys there is a lot of video game to alt right issues with the algorithm so I would monitor closely.

ETA: If you have a boy who watched a lot of gamer content on youtube, talk to them about the algorithm and some of the stuff that might be directed at them. YOu may be surprised about some of the political ads that they will get if they are on regular youtube. There is a strong gamer to alt right pipeline that is fueled by these social media apps. My son tells me that Andrew Tate is huge among boys his age. They learn about it somewhere. 

This is really good info for parents of boys.

[vmars]

We blocked YouTube completely in our house. We had an issue where DS was sneaking onto an old laptop in the middle of the night and the algorithm brought him to inappropriate YouTube videos. We didn't find out until the school VP called saying he was repeating stuff to classmates.

He was also super into fortnight which also negatively affected his behavior and we stopped that too. Honestly cutting down on screen time has really helped. DS has ADHD so screen time is hard to navigate. We recently got him an Apple Watch and he texts a friend with it and some family, he plays pokemon go, and watches a movie or tv on the weekends for a little bit. He loves audio books and does that every night instead of tv/video games.

[sent]

DD is 9 and not allowed on YouTube alone. She's not really drawn to anything particular on there, maybe because she's a girl and we haven't done any video game stuff in our house. She and I have had discussions on why the shows they watch on traditional TV are vetted for various standards versus the internet which has no standards and leads to a lot of junk.

DS is 5 and figured out he can watch YouTube on the one TV we have hooked up to Apple TV. He also figured out that he can just use dictation to bring up whatever he wants to watch despite not being able to read or spell. This leads to him watching stuff that I call "junk videos" like where people play with little Peppa Pig figures rather than watching things o the official Peppa Pig channels. I have to constantly fight with him on what's not junk. I really just need to figure out a way to block YouTube from that Apple TV. I am ok if they watch music videos or educational things like travel videos before we go on a cruise, but DS likes to push the limit and constantly pull up "junk." He watches these videos of people making logos out of pancake batter. I've given up fighting him on calling that particular series junk.

[meanie]

I call YouTube junk food for the brain. My kids used to be obsessed with watching kids open surprise packs and play with toys, which was baffling. Now DS has moved on to watching people open Pokemon card packs and DD watches YouTube shorts.

It IS normal but it's up to each family how much they want their kids watching - even if you don't allow it at all I promise it's nbd socially, plenty of my kid's friends aren't allowed to watch YouTube.

We allow it after homework is done and on the weekends, probably more than we even realize/want them to. My DH and I wfh so there are times we realize, oh crap, how long have they been looking at a screen?

For the most part we aim for balance, they do go outside to play with kids in the neighborhood a ton. If we notice behavioral issues (like an obsession with Roblox) we lock everything down for a while.

[waverly]

We allow Switch games, and some online like Fortnight. Typically it is removed during the week physically due to the amount of time spent on it, and allowed on weekends.

The kids have Chromebooks from the school. I've asked the school to block You Tube, and the school ignores me, but there is some filter on some of the content, I think. I mean overall the Chromebook is pretty locked down and filtered, but the You Tube part I am not sure how much of a filter there is if any. We do tell them to close their Chromebooks and limit them and we talk to them about content, but sometimes they do get bad with it.

They do not have their own iPads. And DS's phone has no internet (Gabb Phone).

Our Apple TV also has You Tube, we've removed it several times, and the kids have added it back. So not sure where to go from there on this. You Tube is an ongoing battle.  

[waverly]

Oct 12, 2023 20:08:44 GMT -5 vmars said:

We blocked YouTube completely in our house. We had an issue where DS was sneaking onto an old laptop in the middle of the night and the algorithm brought him to inappropriate YouTube videos. We didn't find out until the school VP called saying he was repeating stuff to classmates.

He was also super into fortnight which also negatively affected his behavior and we stopped that too. Honestly cutting down on screen time has really helped. DS has ADHD so screen time is hard to navigate. We recently got him an Apple Watch and he texts a friend with it and some family, he plays pokemon go, and watches a movie or tv on the weekends for a little bit. He loves audio books and does that every night instead of tv/video games.

Did you block it at the router level?  

[macmars45]

It was pretty bad for DS(7) for awhile. We limited his without us there or said he could only watch certain things.

Thankfully lately DS has been mostly watching Brandon (DesignerslashGamer) Let's Play Lego Worlds. It's pretty fun and seems to be aimed at kids 7-10. H and I have watched with DS. The non screen time is spent drawing pictures or making his own books of the Let's Play or building the same Lego minifigs, buildings etc that he saw in the Let's Play. There's paleontologist name Sheila in Brandon's Let's Play so DS is dressing up as a paleontologist for Halloween this year.

ETA: DS plays Lego Worlds with H in the evenings after dinner. And on weekend mornings for a bit too.

[vmars]

Oct 13, 2023 15:27:19 GMT -5 waverly said:

Oct 12, 2023 20:08:44 GMT -5 vmars said:

We blocked YouTube completely in our house. We had an issue where DS was sneaking onto an old laptop in the middle of the night and the algorithm brought him to inappropriate YouTube videos. We didn't find out until the school VP called saying he was repeating stuff to classmates.

He was also super into fortnight which also negatively affected his behavior and we stopped that too. Honestly cutting down on screen time has really helped. DS has ADHD so screen time is hard to navigate. We recently got him an Apple Watch and he texts a friend with it and some family, he plays pokemon go, and watches a movie or tv on the weekends for a little bit. He loves audio books and does that every night instead of tv/video games.

Did you block it at the router level?  

Yes we did

[CloudBee]

We also don’t allow YouTube access solo. DS (10) must watch it on the living room TV. I can see the TV from the kitchen, so I don’t necessarily need to be in the room with him. I will also go about my day and leave to get laundry going, etc. He’s only allowed to watch from an approved list of channels on YouTube. No scrolling or searching outside of that, without asking. I suppose it’s easier to keep the rules strong from the get go than to dial them back.

When the junky stuff (Minecraft tutorials, frat boy type Mr. Beast) is playing on the family TV, we get annoyed hearing it and I think cut his viewing off a LOT sooner than we would if we couldn’t see/hear it. That junk drives me crazy, so after an episode or two I’m ready to ask him to turn the TV off and find something else to do. No streaming on the iPad is allowed.

On weekends DS isn’t allowed screens unless one of us is up. If he wakes before us, he reads or plays.

We have gotten DS to watch our shows/channels of choice by just turning them on and letting them play in the background. During Covid he binged on The Incredible Dr. Pol, the old black and white Dennis the Menace, and some survival show with my husband. We really only have one tv that gets used. (DH has a tv in his office, which is only used to watch the stock market during the day.) By not allowing YouTube viewing on a tablet and keeping all viewing on the one family screen in our main public space, DS is really stuck watching what we curate for him. Even if that includes some junk. And honestly some days we will say you need to pick X or Y, but no Z.

As a toddler we let him watch shows on our family iPad, and I just didn’t like how it sucked him in. How he was in his own little world with a screen right in front of his face. We ripped that bandaid off by about age 4 and changed our rules to main living area real TV screens only.

Our rules might be really strict, but he’s a well adjusted kid despite his lack of free scrolling.

I will also say that I’m certain our screen time rules and lack of free scrolling on weekends and such is what turned him into such an avid reader.

We take a similar approach with his Nintendo switch. At home, I would say about 75% of his usage takes place when the device is docked and running on our TV screen. The one place he has full freedom to curl up and play his Nintendo Switch or games on his new iPad right in his hands without question, is the hospital during treatment. But still no YouTube.

ETA: Mr. Beast has had some really questionable stuff on his channel, so DS is actually only allowed to watch that “with” DS. He can watch without DH, but only episodes they’ve previously watched together.

This is all so hard. Our kids are at risk of growing up far too fast with so much information and instant gratification at their fingertips.

[minzy]

CloudBee your comments about Mr. Beast led me down a little bit of a rabbit hole. My kids have watched him some and I mostly knew about him because of his giveaway challenges. This article www.abc.net.au/religion/mrbeast-and-the-problem-of-philanthropy-as-spectacle/101998574# uses the term “philanthro-capitalism” which is interesting food for thought and puts into a word just why I often find myself irritated with someone who lives nearby. (She’s always splashing about with her generosity of time and money, and is legitimately making a difference, but she slaps her face/business name on every little thing and it has irritated me for years for reasons until today I could not quite put my finger on. So thanks! )

Anyway to address internet junk, for my kid who is more prone to binging media content, we have been keeping her physically busier and out of the house more lately, and she just doesn’t quite have the time she used to for her iPad. Her behavior is generally “better” as a result and I think that is a good thing.

[melmaria]

Oct 13, 2023 19:43:53 GMT -5 vmars said:

Oct 13, 2023 15:27:19 GMT -5 waverly said:

Did you block it at the router level?  

Yes we did

Even if you don’t want to block YouTube for your whole house at the router level, there’s a way to block it on the system level on individual devices. My techie H has done this in the past.

My tangent question is - How does this work when they need to watch YouTube videos for school?

My younger kids are still very young (4 and 2), so they don’t have access to personal screens/iPads except for plane rides right now - it’s irrelevant. But when we went through this many years ago with my now-18 year old, blocking YouTube was impossible because starting in 6th grade/middle school she always “needed to watch some YouTube video for homework” (we checked Schoology, it was legit). But of course once she was on there watching YouTube “for homework,” it quickly spiraled into a bunch of awful, inappropriate garbage.

I’d really love it if YouTube videos didn’t have to be homework at all - but since I don’t really see that going away, my second wish would be for some sort of “academic” YouTube separate and apart from regular YouTube because I too would love to block YouTube - at least during the elementary/early middle school years.

[melmaria]

Oct 11, 2023 17:21:52 GMT -5 boiler717 said:

This is not a popular stance and it’s just what works best for our family (and realize it’s not an option / not best for many others), but DS (almost 8) doesn’t consume any screens solo any more. I realize there is a big difference between 8 and 10, but we decided earlier this summer to make screens something that is done with other people, not solo. We will do a family movie night or play switch together or he can play switch with friends, but other than that he doesn’t do any screens. We make sure to do things that he finds interesting, though. It was rough when we cut him off (he was used to starting weekend mornings with a few hours of solo screen time), but it’s so much better for us and he doesn’t ask for solo screen time any more.

This is where I have always been and where I hope to stay with my kids.

I’m a huge fan of limiting screen time to communal places like main living area real TV screens. My 18 year old grew up with lots of TV streaming options, video games (Minecraft etc) but it was almost on our communal TV when she was younger. We could pop in and out and see what she was watching/playing.

Similarly for my younger kids, we have iPads our 4 and 2 year olds can use while traveling (plane rides, car rides that last several hours), but that is it - they have not once used them at home, they don’t use them out and about (restaurants, etc). We’re going to restrict individual/personal screen use as long as possible - through the elementary years at least. We do family movie nights, and I’ll let my 4 year old watch some PBS kids shows on our tv on the weekends when we’re all hanging out in the same space, but I really never want to make it a solo screen activity for her unless it’s dire circumstances lol (like a plane ride where I need her to be quiet for 4 hours).