adding my own... this is more a "random" than a question but...should I feel guilty if my kid is the last one at daycare in the evening? They close at 6pm and we are often picking her up between 5:50 and 5:55pm. I shouldn't but I feel super guitly when the teachers follow us out and lock up right behind us. We have never been past 6pm closing time.
No, never feel guilty for being a working parent! There are kids who are dropped off first and probably lots of kids who are dropped off earlier than yours. She gets one on one time with the teachers and keeps them company while they clean up. One of my kids would be sad when it happened occasionally as he got older but if it’s a normal routine hopefully she doesn’t. Occasionally I’d try to be early on the Friday if a holiday weekend so the teachers could leave early, but it’s there job to be there until closing. I work out at the same time a daycare closes next door to my gym and it’s funny because most of the parents seem to come in a hoard at the exact same time (because if I arrive a few minutes early there’s no parking and they are all there) and a few minutes later there is nobody except a couple teachers and maybe one kid.
Tonight is the first time this has happened, but I'm wondering what other parents do in this situation. Some friends came over with their kid, who usually gets along great with DD1. I love having them over because they generally play and entertain each other! Well tonight my kid wasn't having it and kept saying she didn't want to play with her (no actual reason given). Leading to meltdowns from the other kid because she wanted to play. I didn't know the best thing to say to my kid in this instance. I don't want her to be rude or mean to the other kid but didn't want to make her do something she didn't want to do. It was very awkward.
Post by timorousbeastie on Oct 29, 2023 19:23:08 GMT -5
Would it be terrible if, when DD goes on a sleepover, I tell the host parents to give her Benadryl to get her to sleep?
DD (9.5 years old) has a lot of anxiety, and one of her biggest triggers is things being different from what she’s used to. As a result, she always has a very hard time going to sleep when she’s not alone in her own bed. She ends up spiraling with her anxiety to the point where she can’t calm herself down with any of her usual calming tricks. When she had a friend stay over, I wound up having to sleep on the floor of her room to keep her calm enough to sleep. Vacations are always a struggle to get her to sleep.
H and I will be going away for a couple nights soon for a wedding. We did a trial sleepover with the family she’s going to stay with last night. She had a very rough time when it came time to go to bed, to the point I had to FaceTime with her until she fell asleep. When we are gone for the wedding, FaceTiming at bedtime likely won’t be an option given the timing of the reception. How much would you judge a parent if they asked you to drug their kid at your house? Because I really don’t know how she will get through the night without being artificially knocked out.
Tonight is the first time this has happened, but I'm wondering what other parents do in this situation. Some friends came over with their kid, who usually gets along great with DD1. I love having them over because they generally play and entertain each other! Well tonight my kid wasn't having it and kept saying she didn't want to play with her (no actual reason given). Leading to meltdowns from the other kid because she wanted to play. I didn't know the best thing to say to my kid in this instance. I don't want her to be rude or mean to the other kid but didn't want to make her do something she didn't want to do. It was very awkward.
oh man I hate these situations. We're you ever able to figure out what happened? When this has happened with us it's usually either my kid is hungry, or esp if it's at our house the other kid is playing with something she doesn't want them to, but she doesn't know how to express it so just kind of shuts down. If possible I try and separate them and talk to my kid totally alone to see if I can figure out what's going on. If that's not working or isn't possible I try and have them move into a parallel play situation like coloring together or something where they don't necessarily need to interact as much. And then throw snacks at them! Lol. And now before having friends over I tell her to put away super special toys she doesn't want others touching (it's usually her stuffed animal she sleeps with and gets personally offended if it's not being treated like royalty lol).
adding my own... this is more a "random" than a question but...should I feel guilty if my kid is the last one at daycare in the evening? They close at 6pm and we are often picking her up between 5:50 and 5:55pm. I shouldn't but I feel super guitly when the teachers follow us out and lock up right behind us. We have never been past 6pm closing time.
No, never feel guilty for being a working parent! There are kids who are dropped off first and probably lots of kids who are dropped off earlier than yours. She gets one on one time with the teachers and keeps them company while they clean up. One of my kids would be sad when it happened occasionally as he got older but if it’s a normal routine hopefully she doesn’t. Occasionally I’d try to be early on the Friday if a holiday weekend so the teachers could leave early, but it’s there job to be there until closing. I work out at the same time a daycare closes next door to my gym and it’s funny because most of the parents seem to come in a hoard at the exact same time (because if I arrive a few minutes early there’s no parking and they are all there) and a few minutes later there is nobody except a couple teachersi and maybe one kid.
Just want to point out even if the kid is the first one dropped off and last one to leave, still no need to feel guilty That’s not a compelling argument for those of us in that situation haha.
Would it be terrible if, when DD goes on a sleepover, I tell the host parents to give her Benadryl to get her to sleep?
DD (9.5 years old) has a lot of anxiety, and one of her biggest triggers is things being different from what she’s used to. As a result, she always has a very hard time going to sleep when she’s not alone in her own bed. She ends up spiraling with her anxiety to the point where she can’t calm herself down with any of her usual calming tricks. When she had a friend stay over, I wound up having to sleep on the floor of her room to keep her calm enough to sleep. Vacations are always a struggle to get her to sleep.
H and I will be going away for a couple nights soon for a wedding. We did a trial sleepover with the family she’s going to stay with last night. She had a very rough time when it came time to go to bed, to the point I had to FaceTime with her until she fell asleep. When we are gone for the wedding, FaceTiming at bedtime likely won’t be an option given the timing of the reception. How much would you judge a parent if they asked you to drug their kid at your house? Because I really don’t know how she will get through the night without being artificially knocked out.
Does the family know about her sleep problems? Does she normally take Benadryl? Can she take the meds on her own?
I certainly wouldn’t judge but I know some people have weird reactions to Benadryl so I would be a tad worried that if it’s not something she takes regularly and she’s already anxious that I’d then be dealing with a weird reaction in an already anxious child. So those are the questions I’d be asking/thinking. But if she normally takes it and does fine with it then just tell the parents she has to take her medication before bed.
Tonight is the first time this has happened, but I'm wondering what other parents do in this situation. Some friends came over with their kid, who usually gets along great with DD1. I love having them over because they generally play and entertain each other! Well tonight my kid wasn't having it and kept saying she didn't want to play with her (no actual reason given). Leading to meltdowns from the other kid because she wanted to play. I didn't know the best thing to say to my kid in this instance. I don't want her to be rude or mean to the other kid but didn't want to make her do something she didn't want to do. It was very awkward.
oh man I hate these situations. We're you ever able to figure out what happened? When this has happened with us it's usually either my kid is hungry, or esp if it's at our house the other kid is playing with something she doesn't want them to, but she doesn't know how to express it so just kind of shuts down. If possible I try and separate them and talk to my kid totally alone to see if I can figure out what's going on. If that's not working or isn't possible I try and have them move into a parallel play situation like coloring together or something where they don't necessarily need to interact as much. And then throw snacks at them! Lol. And now before having friends over I tell her to put away super special toys she doesn't want others touching (it's usually her stuffed animal she sleeps with and gets personally offended if it's not being treated like royalty lol).
Thank you for commiserating! It makes me feel better it happens to other kids. I tried talking to her but wasn't getting much of an answer. I think she was actually just really worn out? The other kid is a lot 😂 and maybe couldn't handle the overstimulation. Parallel play idea is a fantastic. I wish I had thought of that last night, I think it really could have worked.
oh man I hate these situations. We're you ever able to figure out what happened? When this has happened with us it's usually either my kid is hungry, or esp if it's at our house the other kid is playing with something she doesn't want them to, but she doesn't know how to express it so just kind of shuts down. If possible I try and separate them and talk to my kid totally alone to see if I can figure out what's going on. If that's not working or isn't possible I try and have them move into a parallel play situation like coloring together or something where they don't necessarily need to interact as much. And then throw snacks at them! Lol. And now before having friends over I tell her to put away super special toys she doesn't want others touching (it's usually her stuffed animal she sleeps with and gets personally offended if it's not being treated like royalty lol).
Thank you for commiserating! It makes me feel better it happens to other kids. I tried talking to her but wasn't getting much of an answer. I think she was actually just really worn out? The other kid is a lot 😂 and maybe couldn't handle the overstimulation. Parallel play idea is a fantastic. I wish I had thought of that last night, I think it really could have worked.
Oh man, I had this experience this weekend too. We got together with old daycare friends and DD was not having it. The other kid was SO excited to see DD and she kept telling him and me that she wanted alone time and didn't want to play. I wasn't sure what to do because awesome that she can articulate that (and I totally understand the feeling!) but this GTG had been planned for weeks and the other kid was clearly crushed. I tried to encourage DD to play with him but she stood firm and they ended up doing their own things. Sooo...solidarity, its a tricky situation.
Thank you for commiserating! It makes me feel better it happens to other kids. I tried talking to her but wasn't getting much of an answer. I think she was actually just really worn out? The other kid is a lot 😂 and maybe couldn't handle the overstimulation. Parallel play idea is a fantastic. I wish I had thought of that last night, I think it really could have worked.
Oh man, I had this experience this weekend too. We got together with old daycare friends and DD was not having it. The other kid was SO excited to see DD and she kept telling him and me that she wanted alone time and didn't want to play. I wasn't sure what to do because awesome that she can articulate that (and I totally understand the feeling!) but this GTG had been planned for weeks and the other kid was clearly crushed. I tried to encourage DD to play with him but she stood firm and they ended up doing their own things. Sooo...solidarity, its a tricky situation.
Aw man, I'm sorry you experienced this too! Are our kids around the same age? DD is 4. The other girl was so excited to play with her so I felt bad!
Oh man, I had this experience this weekend too. We got together with old daycare friends and DD was not having it. The other kid was SO excited to see DD and she kept telling him and me that she wanted alone time and didn't want to play. I wasn't sure what to do because awesome that she can articulate that (and I totally understand the feeling!) but this GTG had been planned for weeks and the other kid was clearly crushed. I tried to encourage DD to play with him but she stood firm and they ended up doing their own things. Sooo...solidarity, its a tricky situation.
Aw man, I'm sorry you experienced this too! Are our kids around the same age? DD is 4. The other girl was so excited to play with her so I felt bad!
Would it be terrible if, when DD goes on a sleepover, I tell the host parents to give her Benadryl to get her to sleep?
DD (9.5 years old) has a lot of anxiety, and one of her biggest triggers is things being different from what she’s used to. As a result, she always has a very hard time going to sleep when she’s not alone in her own bed. She ends up spiraling with her anxiety to the point where she can’t calm herself down with any of her usual calming tricks. When she had a friend stay over, I wound up having to sleep on the floor of her room to keep her calm enough to sleep. Vacations are always a struggle to get her to sleep.
H and I will be going away for a couple nights soon for a wedding. We did a trial sleepover with the family she’s going to stay with last night. She had a very rough time when it came time to go to bed, to the point I had to FaceTime with her until she fell asleep. When we are gone for the wedding, FaceTiming at bedtime likely won’t be an option given the timing of the reception. How much would you judge a parent if they asked you to drug their kid at your house? Because I really don’t know how she will get through the night without being artificially knocked out.
I would not judge the request but I personally would not feel comfortable administering medication intended as a sleep aide to another person's child. A routine dose of antibiotics or whatever, because they are completing a course? Fine. Ditto Advil or Tylenol if they had a headache. But something about giving them meds to help sleep makes me nervous.
No, never feel guilty for being a working parent! There are kids who are dropped off first and probably lots of kids who are dropped off earlier than yours. She gets one on one time with the teachers and keeps them company while they clean up. One of my kids would be sad when it happened occasionally as he got older but if it’s a normal routine hopefully she doesn’t. Occasionally I’d try to be early on the Friday if a holiday weekend so the teachers could leave early, but it’s there job to be there until closing. I work out at the same time a daycare closes next door to my gym and it’s funny because most of the parents seem to come in a hoard at the exact same time (because if I arrive a few minutes early there’s no parking and they are all there) and a few minutes later there is nobody except a couple teachersi and maybe one kid.
Just want to point out even if the kid is the first one dropped off and last one to leave, still no need to feel guilty That’s not a compelling argument for those of us in that situation haha.
True! We have been there at times and I’ve always been baffled, like don’t the other parents have to work a full 8 hour day plus unpaid lunch and commute?!! Parent math says the more hours your kid is at daycare, the less you have to pay per hour if it’s a flat fee. Get the service you are paying a fortune for!
Would it be terrible if, when DD goes on a sleepover, I tell the host parents to give her Benadryl to get her to sleep?
DD (9.5 years old) has a lot of anxiety, and one of her biggest triggers is things being different from what she’s used to. As a result, she always has a very hard time going to sleep when she’s not alone in her own bed. She ends up spiraling with her anxiety to the point where she can’t calm herself down with any of her usual calming tricks. When she had a friend stay over, I wound up having to sleep on the floor of her room to keep her calm enough to sleep. Vacations are always a struggle to get her to sleep.
H and I will be going away for a couple nights soon for a wedding. We did a trial sleepover with the family she’s going to stay with last night. She had a very rough time when it came time to go to bed, to the point I had to FaceTime with her until she fell asleep. When we are gone for the wedding, FaceTiming at bedtime likely won’t be an option given the timing of the reception. How much would you judge a parent if they asked you to drug their kid at your house? Because I really don’t know how she will get through the night without being artificially knocked out.
I have a dd with anxiety that centered around sleep issues when it first presented. I understand your concern but also your need to be able to leave her and go to the wedding, but I would not suggest benedryl (it has backfired on us before and made my kids hyper and not able to sleep instead of sleepy before (when given for allergies).
My best advice for this is to trial giving melatonin now and see if that helps, and if so, give that. I wouldn't judge a parent sending a kid with melatonin to help them sleep. But also, is this sleepover the BEST solution for the wedding? Do you have anyone who could watch her in your own home by any chance (like a grandparent who could stay in your home)? I know not everyone does, just trying to think of ways to make her the MOST comfortable. If not, then I'd be as up front with the friend's parents as possible about her anxiety (sounds like you have been though since you facetimed during the last sleepover), and then just hope they can do whatever they need to to help your dd through a rough night. But also talk to your dd about what she would want to have happen if she can't sleep and you aren't available. Would she want to just stay up until you ARE available? I mean the wedding won't go ALL night.
And I would also call ASAP to get her into therapy, because even if you don't have any other events that you know of coming up, she might not just outgrow this issue unfortunately (we had hoped that would happen, and it didn't). I am happy to say though that after therapy and starting zoloft, my 12 year old dd can now go to bed if dh and I aren't home, can attend sleep overs, can text us to say goodnight, etc. without issue and no longer takes hours to go to bed or wakes us up in the middle of the night because she can't sleep.
Does the family know about her sleep problems? Does she normally take Benadryl? Can she take the meds on her own?
I certainly wouldn’t judge but I know some people have weird reactions to Benadryl so I would be a tad worried that if it’s not something she takes regularly and she’s already anxious that I’d then be dealing with a weird reaction in an already anxious child. So those are the questions I’d be asking/thinking. But if she normally takes it and does fine with it then just tell the parents she has to take her medication before bed.
The family does know about her anxiety/sleep issues, although they may not understand just how much it can affect her at times. She’s taken Benadryl before for allergy issues, so we know that she thankfully is not the type to get hyper when she takes it.
I have a dd with anxiety that centered around sleep issues when it first presented. I understand your concern but also your need to be able to leave her and go to the wedding, but I would not suggest benedryl (it has backfired on us before and made my kids hyper and not able to sleep instead of sleepy before (when given for allergies).
My best advice for this is to trial giving melatonin now and see if that helps, and if so, give that. I wouldn't judge a parent sending a kid with melatonin to help them sleep. But also, is this sleepover the BEST solution for the wedding? Do you have anyone who could watch her in your own home by any chance (like a grandparent who could stay in your home)? I know not everyone does, just trying to think of ways to make her the MOST comfortable. If not, then I'd be as up front with the friend's parents as possible about her anxiety (sounds like you have been though since you facetimed during the last sleepover), and then just hope they can do whatever they need to to help your dd through a rough night. But also talk to your dd about what she would want to have happen if she can't sleep and you aren't available. Would she want to just stay up until you ARE available? I mean the wedding won't go ALL night.
And I would also call ASAP to get her into therapy, because even if you don't have any other events that you know of coming up, she might not just outgrow this issue unfortunately (we had hoped that would happen, and it didn't). I am happy to say though that after therapy and starting zoloft, my 12 year old dd can now go to bed if dh and I aren't home, can attend sleep overs, can text us to say goodnight, etc. without issue and no longer takes hours to go to bed or wakes us up in the middle of the night because she can't sleep.
Thanks for the melatonin suggestion; I’ll try that this weekend to see how she does with it. We have a family member that is supposed to stay at our house with her for one of the nights we are gone, but there’s a good chance that might not happen for reasons. And I definitely agree about the therapy. We’ve been working with a therapist off and on over the past few years, but I think it’s getting to the point where we need to be going more regularly than we have been instead of just working with the therapist’s suggestions at home. I’m very glad to hear your daughter is doing so well - it gives me hope!
adding my own... this is more a "random" than a question but...should I feel guilty if my kid is the last one at daycare in the evening? They close at 6pm and we are often picking her up between 5:50 and 5:55pm. I shouldn't but I feel super guitly when the teachers follow us out and lock up right behind us. We have never been past 6pm closing time.
Oh, gosh, No ! My DD is a teen now and it never even occurred to me once to feel guilty about an on-time pick-up at 5:55 pm. I will say that I loved our child care, so that probably played into never being the last one.
I vividly remember picking her up on the last day before kindergarten with the thought “Yaay, me ! We’ve never been late.” It was 5:59 pm. I was super proud.
Post by wanderingback on Nov 6, 2023 23:10:20 GMT -5
Ugh we seem to have our first issue at daycare. It looks like they put some kind of powder on her when they changed her diaper and her labia is all red and irritated and raw under the areas where the powder was. She looked uncomfortable when I was wiping her, it looks very painful I tried to wipe all the powder off so I hope I got it all. I don’t know what they put on her skin and don’t know why they would do that, but it’s making me sad. So that we have it in writing we’re gonna write a message in the morning and then when my partner does drop off he’s going to talk to them.
Ugh we seem to have our first issue at daycare. It looks like they put some kind of powder on her when they changed her diaper and her labia is all red and irritated and raw under the areas where the powder was. She looked uncomfortable when I was wiping her, it looks very painful I tried to wipe all the powder off so I hope I got it all. I don’t know what they put on her skin and don’t know why they would do that, but it’s making me sad. So that we have it in writing we’re gonna write a message in the morning and then when my partner does drop off he’s going to talk to them.
Oh no! I'm so sorry. You might already be planning to do this, but I would ask what their policy is for putting anything on a child. Ours requires that we complete a form for them to apply anything topical (diaper cream, sunblock, lotion, etc) and confirm that we have used it at least once previously without a negative reaction, so an unknown powder would not be okay, or at the very least a mistake (intended for another child?)
Ugh we seem to have our first issue at daycare. It looks like they put some kind of powder on her when they changed her diaper and her labia is all red and irritated and raw under the areas where the powder was. She looked uncomfortable when I was wiping her, it looks very painful I tried to wipe all the powder off so I hope I got it all. I don’t know what they put on her skin and don’t know why they would do that, but it’s making me sad. So that we have it in writing we’re gonna write a message in the morning and then when my partner does drop off he’s going to talk to them.
Oh no! I'm so sorry. You might already be planning to do this, but I would ask what their policy is for putting anything on a child. Ours requires that we complete a form for them to apply anything topical (diaper cream, sunblock, lotion, etc) and confirm that we have used it at least once previously without a negative reaction, so an unknown powder would not be okay, or at the very least a mistake (intended for another child?)
Thank you for this! I didn’t think to see if there was an actual policy. My partner talked to them at drop off. She said that she thought my duaghter looked irritated so they put on "butt paste" and it must’ve dried in to a powder like substance. She said we are responsible for providing diaper cream. But we never provided any cream cause we never put it on and she has never had any problems.
My partner wanted me to pull the ”I’m a doctor" card lol, but I didn’t think that was necessary. But it def was a contact dermatitis from what they put on her cause it was in the exact same areas and she has never had problems with diaper rash and it didn’t have the same appearance.
So anyway, to make things clear we do have this natural Diaper balm we used to use more when she was a newborn. So we’ll send that from now on so they don’t use anything random.
And I’ll look to see if there is an actual policy. Thankfully this morning the area looked much better and she didn’t appear uncomfortable anymore.
Does the family know about her sleep problems? Does she normally take Benadryl? Can she take the meds on her own?
I certainly wouldn’t judge but I know some people have weird reactions to Benadryl so I would be a tad worried that if it’s not something she takes regularly and she’s already anxious that I’d then be dealing with a weird reaction in an already anxious child. So those are the questions I’d be asking/thinking. But if she normally takes it and does fine with it then just tell the parents she has to take her medication before bed.
The family does know about her anxiety/sleep issues, although they may not understand just how much it can affect her at times. She’s taken Benadryl before for allergy issues, so we know that she thankfully is not the type to get hyper when she takes it.
Thought: would she fall asleep on her own watching a show on an ipad? I commiserate, DS had sleep issues as an older grade school kid, it was really hard.
The family does know about her anxiety/sleep issues, although they may not understand just how much it can affect her at times. She’s taken Benadryl before for allergy issues, so we know that she thankfully is not the type to get hyper when she takes it.
Thought: would she fall asleep on her own watching a show on an ipad? I commiserate, DS had sleep issues as an older grade school kid, it was really hard.
Good thought. She frequently falls asleep listening to an audiobook, but I can suggest she tries a favorite show, too.