Post by puppydoggie on Sept 26, 2012 9:54:02 GMT -5
Most of ours do,but i cant get over what an asshat dh's brother and wife are. They make zero effort. Never have made effort. So my mil and sil call them,tell them its dd's bday,skype with them,then they become heroes in inlaw' eyeswhen they are asshats. This is their only niece/nephew. Any similar experiences?
No not anymore. Our kids are all grown except for my 5 year old and mt sisters 2 year old. The oldest is 22. When we all had small kids we had parties and everyone came down it is just the little ones not so much.
We (my siblings) call my sister's kids and we send them gifts. I've never travelled specifically for any of their birthdays though. No one expects that. One of my husband's brothers has 3 kids. They all live in a different country so it's harder to acknowledge. Actually it's really not that hard to call, it's just that my husband doesn't know when their birthdays are. They're not big on birthdays in his family though.
I think it's nice that our siblings make the effort when they can, but I don't expect it...and I certainly don't take it personally if they forget.
I feel this way w/ anyone. Some people are "birthday people" and some aren't. And honestly- something tells me that you aren't all that close to your BIL anyhow. What else do they do throughout the year in regards to your kids? If "not much", then why are you expecting them to suddenly step up at birthday time?
I'd start accepting the relationship for what it is than getting upset every year. And really- I'd tell MIL and SIL to stop reminding him. If he wants to call, he will. Why force it?
Your child will learn who wants to be close as they grow older. They probably won't be all that close to your BIL. So what? Focus on the people who DO reach out instead!!
We're terrible in this regard, I always recognize my sister and BIL's birthdays, and they do our and my kids birthdays, but we don't do anything for my DH's sister and their kids, and it's the same for them, they don't recognize our birthdays either.
I chalk it up to SIL living out of the country for the past 20 years and just not being that close to DH. The relationship is fine if we visit over there or they come to the states, but otherwise they just don't communicate.
I have 2 sisters. One is very good about remembering and sending a small present. The other calls if she remembers, which is mostly if someone reminds her. She long ago asked to stop celebrating every kid's birthday as it was amounting to too large a chunk of their budget. I don't think either approach makes a difference.
I never quite know what SIL will do. Some years she remembers and sends a gift ahead of time, other times she remembers and sends the gift late, and some years there have been no gifts or calls. I don't get upset about it, because we tend to only call for her birthday, so I can't expect her to go out of her way for our kids.
Ultimately it doesn't bother me because the kids don't seem to notice that each year and Aunt is different.
Post by madringal on Sept 26, 2012 10:22:20 GMT -5
My sisters and I always recognize birthday for each others kids. DH's sister doesn't have kids and although she has NEVER called DD for her bday, she does always send a gift. I just think its rude I not call a 4 year old. My kids are her only nieces (no nephews).
My uncles on my Dad's side never acknolwedged my birthday growing up, but that side sux in general.
We always want to acknowledge our niece and nephews bdays it's just family dynamics with BIL make it difficult b/c it's a blended family and there are a lot of issues. Thankfully DH works with his ex-SIL, so if BIL fails to coordinate anything for family for birthdays, we can send things to the kids through her.
ETA: No kids on my side, but my sister is very excited to be an aunt, so no doubts she'll spoil the baby. Who knows about BIL, I have a feeling our kid will only cause more issues with the IL's.
Post by flygirl22 on Sept 26, 2012 10:27:37 GMT -5
Is the only reason you think your BIL and SIL are asshats because they don't acknowledge your kids birthday?
No kids, we don't really acknowledge our nephews/nieces birthday, we live far away, and we shower them with effecting when we are home, but yea.. Um... I don't think we are assholes.
My aunts and uncles never acknowledged my bday.. I didn't care.
I acknowledge my nieces & nephews' birthdays. I'm close with all of them.
I was not super close with my aunts & uncles, and they were/are all significantly older than my parents. I got an occasional card, but there was no major thing from them. It was normal to me. Birthdays were more an immediate family thing growing up.
Post by hbomdiggity on Sept 26, 2012 11:02:21 GMT -5
I admit that I am awful at remembering my brother's girls bdays. In fact i am pretty sure i missed all three birthdays this year. This is made worse that I always remember my sister's kid and usually generous with a gift.
Post by savannah11 on Sept 26, 2012 11:07:09 GMT -5
I have 11 nieces and nephews. There is a birthday almost every single month. I try to make sure we send a gift but we are bad about calling or acknowledging the actual day. I don't expect them to acknowledge our kids either.
Most of ours do,but i cant get over what an asshat dh's brother and wife are. They make zero effort. Never have made effort. So my mil and sil call them,tell them its dd's bday,skype with them,then they become heroes in inlaw' eyeswhen they are asshats. This is their only niece/nephew. Any similar experiences?
I am confused. It sounds like they DO acknowledge it (why else would they become "heroes"?), they just need to be reminded/prodded. If they were all "You say it's niece's birthday, well who cares?" then they are asshats. But if they just forgot -- whatever, I guess birthdays just aren't their thing and it doesn't sound like they are that close to you anyway.
Post by jillboston on Sept 26, 2012 11:16:16 GMT -5
I sent cards and money for each of my neices and nephews until they were 18 or 19. Religiously - even when I was a poor college student (I am the youngest of 7). Bro #1's kids and Sis's kids - thank you card or a thank you when I saw them. Bro #2's kids - nothing, nadda, ever - nor was my birthday ever acknowledged or Christmas card ever received by Bro #2' or wife/kids. I had 19 aunts and uncles (minus their spouses) never got cards or gifts and never expected them (different generation and we didnt' see them often if ever -plus they had their own kids and grandkids to worry about - my parents were both the youngest in their families as well).
Post by GailGoldie on Sept 26, 2012 11:25:45 GMT -5
everyone has their own "way" with birthdays - you can't expect others to give as much of a shit about other's birthdays as you do.
i don't care if my siblings remember my kid's birthdays... it's nice when they do - if not, no biggie. My kids aren't keeping a tally and neither am I.
We have 11 nieces/nephews and more are born every year. We acknowledge on FB if we remember, but we aren't expected to. With all the kids, aunts, uncles, and everyone, there's at least one birthday a week. I don't think your kids care if someone forgets.
My oldest bro & wife are pretty good. My other older bro didn't always until he got married & now his wife sends stuff usually. My younger bro & wife are good about it. My younger, single sister never misses anything. My BILs didn't but my MIL would send stuff & sign their names (they were in mid-late 20s) for the first 5-6yrs..lol. Now they moved here & always do. I didnt care when someone forgot but I don't plan on ever doing that to my neices now that I finally have 1 & 1 on the way!
Post by puppydoggie on Sept 26, 2012 11:38:34 GMT -5
Eh its probably just an issue of hey,could you ever acknowledge my kid,ever? So perhaps one day out of the year itd be nice. But,youre right. Must move on,not care,focus on those who do!
I am the youngest and got married later so their kids are much older than mine. I remembered every birthday, Christmas, graduation, confirmation, communion, etc... for my 3 siblings kids.
My sister remembers my son on all occassions. My 2 brothers not so much.
I don't have kids and only one of my siblings does. But no, we don't acknowledge them unless they have some kind of party. I perfer to spend time with/spoil them through out the year instead. My family has never been big on birthdays though.
Post by adamantium on Sept 26, 2012 11:59:04 GMT -5
No I don't send cards or anything for birthdays nor do I care if people send them to me or DS. I really don't make a big deal of birthdays, if other people do that is their preference. So sad if that makes me a bad aunt.
The only time I make note of a birthday is if we are in town for their birthday, then we'd bring a gift. Otherwise we'll live in our bubble several states away.
Eh its probably just an issue of hey,could you ever acknowledge my kid,ever? So perhaps one day out of the year itd be nice. But,youre right. Must move on,not care,focus on those who do!
But didn't you say they do acknowledge it once they are reminded?
I am the youngest and got married later so their kids are much older than mine. I remembered every birthday, Christmas, graduation, confirmation, communion, etc... for my 3 siblings kids.
My sister remembers my son on all occassions. My 2 brothers not so much.
Same here. One of my brothers/sil act like he doesn't even exist. I spent so much time with their kids - babysitting, taking them places. I never missed an event for either of them. They have come to NOTHING for my son. Never call, never ask about him. I love my niece and nephew dearly so I wouldn't take anything back. But I would love for their parents to know what pieces of shit I think they are.