Post by fortnightlily on Jan 10, 2024 11:01:18 GMT -5
I'm curious if my experience is common, which is that I felt a sharp cognitive decline after having my one child, and since he's 10, I'd say I've lost hope in bouncing back. I was always one of the 'smart' kids growing up, and into young adulthood I'd say it was a big part of my identity. Feeling like I can no longer follow complex topics like I used to, and that my memory is sh*t, has been very depressing, and been affecting me at work. When DS was young I could chalk it up to sleep deprivation and what not. But I haven't had that excuse for a while now. I'm in my early 40s. Is it perimenopause-related brain fog? Is it just that juggling a job and a home and a child overstuffs and overwhelms my brain and chronic low-level stress leaves room for nothing else? My labs are normal
Honestly no. What I do have, though, is information overload, which makes me feel like I have cognitive decline sometimes. There is just SO much for me to keep track of between myself, my job, my house, and then all my child’s needs/issues. I mess up and forget things simply because my brain is at capacity.
Yes. However, being pregnant activated a lot of autoimmune diseases and my brain fog is more from that. Doing things like Wordle and puzzles helps a lot.
I'm curious if my experience is common, which is that I felt a sharp cognitive decline after having my one child, and since he's 10, I'd say I've lost hope in bouncing back. I was always one of the 'smart' kids growing up, and into young adulthood I'd say it was a big part of my identity. Feeling like I can no longer follow complex topics like I used to, and that my memory is sh*t, has been very depressing, and been affecting me at work. When DS was young I could chalk it up to sleep deprivation and what not. But I haven't had that excuse for a while now. I'm in my early 40s. Is it perimenopause-related brain fog? Is it just that juggling a job and a home and a child overstuffs and overwhelms my brain and chronic low-level stress leaves room for nothing else? My labs are normal
I have almost the exact same experience, except for me this sharp decline happened in 2020, presumably due to extreme stress (my kids are 12/15, I didn't notice this so much when they were younger-- it all happened dramatically during covid shutdowns). I relate a lot to ADHD content I'm seeing on social media, but this wasn't true prior to 2020. I was also always one of the "smart" kids and now I am currently struggling with the steps involved to applying for both my kids passports at the same time and thinking I'm just going to have to go to the passport office twice so that I'm only doing one at a time (true story).
I am mid-40s, so I have often wondered if the timing was somewhat coincidental and it is actually perimenopause related. I also have a few other symptoms that could point to thyroid as the root cause.
I've honestly been putting off getting checked out because I'm afraid that they will just tell me that this is what happens in middle age and that is so depressing.
Post by wanderingback on Jan 10, 2024 11:30:26 GMT -5
I’m about 14 months post partum and the weirdest thing was happening about 6 months ago.
I would be talking and the wrong word would come out. Like I’d want to say, "I need to open the door" and instead say "I need to open the window." I was never stumbling to find the word it would just pop out and as soon as I said it I knew it was wrong and would correct myself. I have noticed the last 2 months or so it hasn’t really been happening. So weird.
And overall I feel good, like I don’t feel sleep deprived, I have a partner that takes on probably more child care responsibilities than me and I’m overall not stressed.
I’ve always had a bad memory so that hasn’t changed! Pregnancy really fucks up your body lol.
I definitely felt like I had brain fog when my kids were very young, but then it resolved. It did reappear during times of extreme stress, but would resolve when the stress faded. I suspect the brain fog when they were born/very young was similar in that it was a stressful period in my life.
Post by wanderingback on Jan 10, 2024 11:58:09 GMT -5
Oh, and I did go back to work 5.5 months postpartum and the first month I did feel like I was looking up a lot of stuff that had come easily to me before. But that has gotten much better thankfully!
Initially when I was sleep deprived yes, but not anymore. But also my kid is 7 now and I only have one child.
I think its more of what joy said about dealing with information overload. I do pretty well, but things definitely slip since there is so much to remember.
I also think scrolling my phone is making me dumber and ruining my attention span.
I’m about 14 months post partum and the weirdest thing was happening about 6 months ago.
I would be talking and the wrong word would come out. Like I’d want to say, "I need to open the door" and instead say "I need to open the window." I was never stumbling to find the word it would just pop out and as soon as I said it I knew it was wrong and would correct myself. I have noticed the last 2 months or so it hasn’t really been happening. So weird.
And overall I feel good, like I don’t feel sleep deprived, I have a partner that takes on probably more child care responsibilities than me and I’m overall not stressed.
I’ve always had a bad memory so that hasn’t changed! Pregnancy really fucks up your body lol.
I've had the same thing! Harder to think of the words I need sometimes. My partner has had the same thing, we think it's sleep deprivation.
My son is almost 2 and I do still feel a little foggy, but I'm not sure if it's just sleep deprivation still. He's not a great sleeper (still waking once, sometimes twice a night), so I'm still not as rested as I was before becoming a mom.
Honestly no. What I do have, though, is information overload, which makes me feel like I have cognitive decline sometimes. There is just SO much for me to keep track of between myself, my job, my house, and then all my child’s needs/issues. I mess up and forget things simply because my brain is at capacity.
I think this is a lot of it for many people. There are SO many more cognitive demands once you become a parent. Combine that with how we’re just getting more bombarded with information at alarming rates 24/7/365, and our brains just can’t keep up. Constant connection to technology also is doing our brains a disservice. I was talking to a psychiatrist about all of this recently, and he agreed with this. He feels pretty strongly that in 30-40 years, we’re going to look back and realize that we were doing so much harm.
Post by sillygoosegirl on Jan 10, 2024 13:48:13 GMT -5
Yes, but I don't think it was because of motherhood, and I do feel like I've mostly bounced back.
They tell me the autoimmune condition I have now that made my thyroid (among other things) not work, I developed because of pregnancy. I don't really believe that's the case, for a variety of reasons. Still have that condition, but thyroid replacement hormones mean I no longer have the major brain fog that I did.
Post by Scout'sHonor on Jan 10, 2024 16:17:58 GMT -5
I've had it in phases, first after chemo and felt I got back to a good mental level. Then post pregnancy my brain fried again, but felt it also got better after 2-3 years. However, the last year has been insanely hard and I feel like I'm constantly forgetting or mixing things up.
Post by midwestmama on Jan 10, 2024 17:01:57 GMT -5
I voted SS. Though my kids are older (teens), there is some sort of mental load at any age group for children. In addition to mom-related mental load, I will say that the last few years have been stressful for me in general with the changing employers right before the pandemic, then the pandemic, then getting promoted to a leadership role (and leadership was new to me), and the new role being the same kind of work but for countries outside of the US, so many new things to learn, plus working on multiple reorgs at said employer, and it's been a lot for me mentally. I think all of the stress has really done a number on my memory.
I voted SS. Though my kids are older (teens), there is some sort of mental load at any age group for children. In addition to mom-related mental load, I will say that the last few years have been stressful for me in general with the changing employers right before the pandemic, then the pandemic, then getting promoted to a leadership role (and leadership was new to me), and the new role being the same kind of work but for countries outside of the US, so many new things to learn, plus working on multiple reorgs at said employer, and it's been a lot for me mentally. I think all of the stress has really done a number on my memory.
Oof, yes, I relate to this as well. The past couple of years I've been moved into management for the first time as well as dealt with a number of organizational changes and the shift in doing heads-down project work to bounce-from-x-to-y-and-learn-to-manage-people work has been doubly rough on my brain.
My kids are still young and I'm definitely not where I was pre-kids. A lot of it is stress and managing things - with three kids someone is always sick and having to manage too much time off + schedules is rough. I feel like I'm never fully present anywhere because I can never get in a good rhythm, something always fucks it up.
I don't know if any of that made sense, which would be fitting 😅
Post by emilyinchile on Jan 10, 2024 18:37:22 GMT -5
As others have said, I think the increase in mental load has made me more forgetful and just kind of intellectually fried for sure. I think that the lack of downtime is also a factor. I used to have a fair amount of time in any given week where I was doing something for myself (working out, going out for coffee, just sitting around watching TV, whatever) in a relaxed manner. Now even though I do these things, I'm very aware of the time I have for them, so I rarely totally switch off, which I think contributes to my brain not getting to recharge in the same way.
I lived in a fog for the first two years of DS's life. He was a crap sleeper for well over a year and he had a severe allergy that required a lot of appointments and meal planning. I also decided to go back to school full time for a new certification when he was 18 months. Between keeping him alive and studying for my certification, all available brain space was used. I couldn't hold an intelligent conversation about anything.
Just before his 3rd birthday, H and I made the final decision not to have more children. I finally felt like myself again and I could not fathom returning to the fog and feeling so completely stupid and incompetent all the time.
There have been periods of stress since then where I have felt foggy, but nothing like the early years of parenthood.
Some of the responses here make me wonder about the frequency of long term/permanent effects due to autoimmune issues that appear or got worse due to pregnancy. Add the sleep deprivation and mental load of parenting and the brain fog can be overwhelming. Things got better for me after I began sleeping better but the brain fog came back in full force once my health declined in recent years.
I'm curious if my experience is common, which is that I felt a sharp cognitive decline after having my one child, and since he's 10, I'd say I've lost hope in bouncing back. I was always one of the 'smart' kids growing up, and into young adulthood I'd say it was a big part of my identity. Feeling like I can no longer follow complex topics like I used to, and that my memory is sh*t, has been very depressing, and been affecting me at work. When DS was young I could chalk it up to sleep deprivation and what not. But I haven't had that excuse for a while now. I'm in my early 40s. Is it perimenopause-related brain fog? Is it just that juggling a job and a home and a child overstuffs and overwhelms my brain and chronic low-level stress leaves room for nothing else? My labs are normal
I could have written most of this except my kid is 6. I'm just not keeping up with the information overload like I used to. I don't know if it's me who has changed, the world that has changed, if this happens to everyone and it's normally called a mid-life crisis, the impact of Slack and social media on my attention span, effects from the economy and having been laid off or watched coworkers get laid off six times in 5 years, or maybe all of the above? I just know I haven't felt my usual sharpness when tackling a new problem or challenge in quite a while.
I have a 7.5 year old and it hasn't gotten better. I figure this is how my brain functions now. It is what it is.
I will say starting a new full time job post kid has been very different than pre kid purely on a memory level. It's been a steeper learning curve because my memory is shit.
Honestly no. What I do have, though, is information overload, which makes me feel like I have cognitive decline sometimes. There is just SO much for me to keep track of between myself, my job, my house, and then all my child’s needs/issues. I mess up and forget things simply because my brain is at capacity.
This is true for me. Adding children to my already super busy brain has been overwhelming...there is so much to think about and keep track of that I no longer can hold some thoughts, even for a minute.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
My kids are still young and I'm definitely not where I was pre-kids. A lot of it is stress and managing things - with three kids someone is always sick and having to manage too much time off + schedules is rough. I feel like I'm never fully present anywhere because I can never get in a good rhythm, something always fucks it up.
I don't know if any of that made sense, which would be fitting 😅
Yes, but I think I've mostly bounced back now that my kids are older (5 and 8.5). Similar to wanderingback, I remember when they were younger that I'd be talking and all of a sudden I couldn't think of a word. I knew what I wanted to say, but the word just wouldn't come to me. It was really frustrating, it would hit like midsentence and I felt like I was losing my mind. It was mostly when the kids were really young (less than 2) and may have been more due to sleep deprivation than anything else. DD2 was a terrible sleeper (honestly, still isn't great). I really underestimated how long the sleep deprivation would last with kids.
I agree with others about my brain being too full and not being able to ever relax. I feel like I never have downtime anymore. Even when I have some time, I'm usually planning out what is next. Who is going where, what's for dinner, who needs new clothes/shoes/boots/school supplies, have I cut their nails recently, do I need to sign them up for summer camp, buy birthday gifts, what's the next holiday I need to plan for.... it goes on and on!!! And it drives me insane that it is really obvious my H doesn't think about any of this stuff the way I do.
I’m about 14 months post partum and the weirdest thing was happening about 6 months ago.
I would be talking and the wrong word would come out. Like I’d want to say, "I need to open the door" and instead say "I need to open the window." I was never stumbling to find the word it would just pop out and as soon as I said it I knew it was wrong and would correct myself. I have noticed the last 2 months or so it hasn’t really been happening. So weird.
And overall I feel good, like I don’t feel sleep deprived, I have a partner that takes on probably more child care responsibilities than me and I’m overall not stressed.
I’ve always had a bad memory so that hasn’t changed! Pregnancy really fucks up your body lol.
I've had the same thing! Harder to think of the words I need sometimes. My partner has had the same thing, we think it's sleep deprivation.
My son is almost 2 and I do still feel a little foggy, but I'm not sure if it's just sleep deprivation still. He's not a great sleeper (still waking once, sometimes twice a night), so I'm still not as rested as I was before becoming a mom.
The weird thing is in my brain it’s not like I would forget the word or struggle for it. My speech was always fluent, just a different word would pop out of my mouth and then I’d be like wtf, that’s not the correct word. Haha, so weird.
But it’s def gotten a lot better. I have the general I forgot a word or the word is on the tip of my tongue but I don’t think that’s changed too much since motherhood.
Sleep impacts our health so so much! Thankfully my sleep hasn’t been too impacted since returning to work as I typically get 7 hours of full sleep, but for those that don’t it can definitely affect our physical and mental health unfortunately.
In fact, I got Covid for the first time while on maternity leave when our daughter was about 7 weeks old. The only place I had gone was physical therapy masked and had 4 people over for Christmas dinner that had tested before coming. I’m convinced I finally got covid for the first time due to the lack of sleep and my immune system being like wtf haha.
Hormonal changes during pregnancy shrink our gray matter volume (which affects some cognitive skills negatively). The strongest hypothesis I've read is that this happens to make room for all the new growth that occurs when we become mothers- it's pretty wild! But "the fog" (it's real!) can linger in some people longer than others- one study I read suggested 6+ years!
Another thing that harms cognition is alcohol intake. Even light drinking shrinks gray (and white) matter, and it's worse for women than men.
I personally feel great- my kids are (generally easy!) teens, so I'm far removed from pregnancy fog. I feel much more adept at learning than I was in my teens and 20's, but my stress level is just so much better, in part because I have more skills to keep it under control now. I also don't (seriously, no judgment) drink or smoke. Sleep is my biggest brain-health challenge, I am definitely slower when I don't have enough.