Post by helpshareplease on Apr 24, 2024 8:26:56 GMT -5
I have an acquaintance that is always doing this. I can't stand it. it's all...
"Oh My husband gave me a budget for my birthday of 500 dollars" OR "We only get 5000 dollars as a Christmas present from family" OR "My son that was held back in kindergarten is now 2 grades ahead" OR "We only get to take 2 vacations this year because we're too busy with work/kid stuff"
Am I just jealous? Or is this behavior in poor taste. I fell Like I'm just annoyed with everyone lately so that probably isn't helping. I suppose the answer is just to ignore idiots like this.
Post by onomatopoeia on Apr 24, 2024 8:35:14 GMT -5
It's definitely in poor taste. I usually ignore, and remind myself that people that talk like this usually have self esteem issues. Or I'll laugh and say "oh you poor baby" if I'm feeling fiesty.
Post by donutsmakemegonuts on Apr 24, 2024 8:37:35 GMT -5
It's definitely annoying, but I guess there's not much you can do about it besides ignore it. I would think after awhile of people either straight up ignoring their comments or changing the subject, the person would get it and modify their behavior, but we all know how that goes. They are most likely not self aware enough to realize this is tacky.
1 and 3 don’t seem like bragplaining to me. There is no complaint in 1, and 3 is a story of hope and being proud of your child.
Most people are sharing things as a way of creating connections and conversation. Some are better at it than others. Like, with 4, I can see that both ways, and knowing your audience. 2 vacations a year is a lot for some people, and not much travel for others.
It’s super braggy, especially when it’s constant. What’s really annoying is that it’s wrapped in the statement “we only have / we only get” that is supposed to illicit sympathy. What hell? I’m supposed to feel bad for your $5K Christmas? Ask follow up questions? Offer to run a budget? It’s confusing and a conversation stopper for me.
Post by Patsy Baloney on Apr 24, 2024 9:11:57 GMT -5
lol, this sounds like great trash talk fodder for later.
I’d probably say something like, “Are you complaining? I can’t tell if you’re happy or sad. *friendly laugh* What am I supposed to be feeling for you right now?”
I’m pretty affable and tend to come across as joking and it lets me get away with more in convos, I think. I’d probably push her a little bit with some sarcasm if she was being especially obnoxious.
You may find out she’s just not a great conversationalist. You may find out your suspicions of her being tasteless are 💯 She’ll have to reflect on that if you engage in a way that highlights it.
Most people are sharing things as a way of creating connections and conversation.
Eh, I agree that *most* people are, but I definitely think there are people who share things to inflate their own status, and it sounds like this lady is one of them.
I use a combination of ignoring and being boringly unimpressed. People like this often want the reaction and stop doing it as much when they realize you aren't going to give it to them.
Does this person annoy you generally otherwise? I find I'm more sensitive to comments like this from certain people. My sister for example (I love her, but there's a history, and I don't think she realizes how much she brags/bragplains).
Yeah, I'd try to ignore it as much as possible. If she's only an acquaintance, can you just avoid her?
I generally mute/unfollow these people on social media, and do the same in real life to the extent possible. My 4 year old would call this behavior eggnoxious, but not worth engaging.
It's more braggy than bragplaining other than #4. It gets annoying! You can always say "hey, were you planning to share that $500? I'd love a X item." Or I don't really like discussing money. Can we not talk about it?
I agree that most of your examples are closer to straight up bragging than bragplaining.
I guess it depends on your feelings about the person in general.
One of my oldest friends is a bragger over kind of bizarre things. She has other wonderful qualities and I've known her over 30 years, so long ago I stopped caring and just sort of trained myself to laugh internally at her ridiculousness and move it along.
If it was someone I didn't like as much, I'd probably just distance myself. Or accept the comments at face value and not as a complaint -- "Your family gave you $5k? Are they looking to adopt an adult child?", "with $500 you could take me with you to a spa for the day!"
Idk. It's easy to say that in theory. Some people get under my skin more than others. If you are able to treat it like a ridiculous quirk and not let it upset you though, it's probably best for your mental health.
It's definitely in poor taste. I usually ignore, and remind myself that people that talk like this usually have self esteem issues. Or I'll laugh and say "oh you poor baby" if I'm feeling fiesty.
100%
I have never encountered someone who is like this that it is not glaringly obvious they are struggling with self worth.
So I normally acknowledge what they are saying and then try to guide the topic along to something else. I don't want to dim anyone's light. I want to be happy for people when something awesome is going on for them. But if this is a chronic thing, I also know how to keep the conversation moving.
Post by fortnightlily on Apr 24, 2024 9:51:16 GMT -5
I'm of two minds on this. On the one hand, definitely don't brag and try to veil it as something else, that's obnoxious. And if you are going to complain about something where a lot of privilege is present, know your audience. On the other hand, just because someone has privilege doesn't mean they're never allowed to vent or just try to connect on complain-y common ground either, always dismissing someone's disappointments because "must be nice" isn't being a good friend, either.
You say this is an acquaintance, so yeah, they may not realize you can't relate, or they're dense and tactless, but either way, best to just ignore.
I also notice there is a certain type of person who lacks some tact and fills space with verbal diarrhea. The types that take over conversation or share WAY to much in a casual convo. They also tend to be the types who can be more braggy. And I try to just remind myself they are a little socially awkward/anxious.
The other night we encountered a friend of a friend at a track meet. Kind people would describe her as a talker lol. Anyways, the amount of causal brags/stories I heard out of her in 10 minutes was astounding. Like I feel like I got a year's worth of gossip in a shocking amount of time. And a lot of of it was bragplaining stuff. Anyways, she is a friendly person. But she is also super awkward. Sometimes I can handle her. SOmetimes I am looking for a way to exit the conversation. :-)
I have one friend who does this. In her case I think it comes from the insecurity of being a "have not". She grew up without much money and struggled financially as a single mom. She is well educated and had a good job with excellent benefits, but she and her ex elected to send their child to a very $$$ indie school (she had substantial scholarship funding) from pre-K-12th which seemed to leave her feeling even more secure than she would have been had she and her daughter not been around folks who had the means to have a very different lifestyle. She married a second husband who had both a prestigious job and good income and was widowed after 12 years and is well provided for.
I think sometimes she conflates her assets with compensation for things missing in her life like her late husband.
I try to extend grace, but sometimes it's just squirm worthy. At least she's very generous.
I either ignore it so I am not indulging them, or if I know the person well enough I will give them a sarcastic reply "oh that must be SO hard for you"
Most people are sharing things as a way of creating connections and conversation.
Eh, I agree that *most* people are, but I definitely think there are people who share things to inflate their own status, and it sounds like this lady is one of them.
I use a combination of ignoring and being boringly unimpressed. People like this often want the reaction and stop doing it as much when they realize you aren't going to give it to them.
Yeah, I do this in similar situations. I have a friend/colleague who complains (not bragplains lol) a lot, and my strategy is just to say something polite but short like, "Oh, that sucks" rather than have a big reaction which I know is what she wants. It's definitely reduced the long complaints over time!
So, "Oh My husband gave me a budget for my birthday of 500 dollars" would get a "Oh, that's nice."
"We only get 5000 dollars as a Christmas present from family" -- "That's too bad."
""My son that was held back in kindergarten is now 2 grades ahead" -- "That's great."
"We only get to take 2 vacations this year because we're too busy with work/kid stuff" -- "That's too bad."
I don't really have many ideas. I have friends that constantly brag on social media who are hidden. Not too many brag too much in real life. Some brag about weird things like "Kelly threw a fit about the team so she was able to get on our team for carpooling reasons". OK, not sure why you are bragging about Kelly's fits.
I don't know that I would think much about the birthday comment.
The family gifting 5K is kind of a lot, I might joke hey can they adopt me.
I think the kid comment is kind of like he was held back but doing well, is saying he caught up. Also, did they actually move him up 2 grades or is he just working ahead because those are totally different things? If they actually moved him I would take that as informational. If he is just doing some advanced work, then I think that is kind of something that isn't really that relevant except to say he is doing well. She could have just phrased this a bit different. "He was held back but has caught up and is doing really great now" might hit better.
I mean most people are busy with kid stuff and most people are taking 1-2 vacations a year around here, so this is not out of the norm at all. Maybe they think it is. I would say oh yeah the kid stuff is really busy!
I have an acquaintance who does this, mostly around her kids and sports. Like parents will be sharing photos of the kids having ice cream after the basketball game, and she'll post a video of her kid making a 3-pointer I just have to laugh now, because she does stuff like that so frequently.
Oh, and she also posted pictures of her family of four flying back from an international trip in first class, lie-flat seats recently. I find it fun to look at the pics of the vacation themselves generally, but don't need to see which cabin they can afford on the flight.
I also notice there is a certain type of person who lacks some tact and fills space with verbal diarrhea. The types that take over conversation or share WAY to much in a casual convo. They also tend to be the types who can be more braggy. And I try to just remind myself they are a little socially awkward/anxious.
The other night we encountered a friend of a friend at a track meet. Kind people would describe her as a talker lol. Anyways, the amount of causal brags/stories I heard out of her in 10 minutes was astounding. Like I feel like I got a year's worth of gossip in a shocking amount of time. And a lot of of it was bragplaining stuff. Anyways, she is a friendly person. But she is also super awkward. Sometimes I can handle her. SOmetimes I am looking for a way to exit the conversation. :-)
I'm of two minds on this. On the one hand, definitely don't brag and try to veil it as something else, that's obnoxious. And if you are going to complain about something where a lot of privilege is present, know your audience. On the other hand, just because someone has privilege doesn't mean they're never allowed to vent or just try to connect on complain-y common ground either, always dismissing someone's disappointments because "must be nice" isn't being a good friend, either.
You say this is an acquaintance, so yeah, they may not realize you can't relate, or they're dense and tactless, but either way, best to just ignore.
This is kind of where I fall. If you don't really like this person and they are just an acquaintance, there is no reason why you need to indulge their conversation if it makes you uncomfortable. But it is also all relative and what sounds super privileged to you might not feel that way to the person, and that doesn't mean their feelings aren't valid.
I've been around people like this who can't read the room and don't know their audience.
My approach, depending on the situation, is either to ignore them or tell them to wake up and read the room. I may help them read the room if they are really that clueless.
Post by archiethedragon on Apr 24, 2024 12:54:05 GMT -5
the person doing this is probably deeply unhappy with themselves so they do this to feel better. Revel in the knowledge that you are more well adjusted.