I thought we'd have kids by now, but otherwise everything is as expected or better. We had been dating for 1.5 years before getting married, and have been married for 2.5 years.
No major changes happened until we had DS. We had to work harder to make time for us as a couple and not just as parents. But I think our life together has been pretty awesome, I think the only way it would be better was if we made more money--finances are often the big thing we fight about. We are working on that part though
Dated 2 years long distance before he moved in. We dated/lived together another 2 years before getting married. I knew marriage would not be perfect but the arguing began to get worse and on our 5th year of marriage we hit a very rough patch. We worked through it and with the help of an amazing counselor we now have a 100x better marriage. Though hectic as working parents of 2 kids, our lives got better after having them.
Post by whitepicketfence on Nov 12, 2012 10:43:55 GMT -5
We've been married for 6 years and have been together for 11 years as of this week.
I don't really know that I had any expectations of what married life would be like on our wedding day. We were both really young (22), hadn't lived together beforehand, and had a lot of growing up to do. As a result, we faced many challenges early in our marriage and the first 2-2.5 years were really difficult. We were even contemplating a divorce at one point but, thankfully, we were able to work through our issues and come out even stronger. We met in high school and started dating our senior year so, in many ways, we've literally grown up together.
I don't regret that we had a rocky beginning though. I feel that it made our relationship strong enough to deal with the many life changes that were to follow (buying a home, parenthood, my becoming a SAHM). We have such a rock solid marriage now and I'm extremely happy.
We've been together for 10 and married for 4. We have been living together with combined finances since practically the beginning. I honestly didn't think much would change after we got married.
We've had A LOT of ups and downs (remodeling home, downsizing, losing/changing jobs, family drama, etc) that has effected (affected?) our lives. It's just made our relationship stronger.
It's not puppies and rainbows by any means, we've just grown with eachother.
We lived together before marriage, yet everyone still said "the first year is the hardest, and it will take some adjusting".
Heck, 5+ yrs into our marriage and I still feel like we're in the honeymoon phase.
Granted that butterflies in my stomach sensation rarely still happens, but we are so madly in love. We do a lot to keep our relationship fresh. (As in new sparks, not dirty fresh.)
We really know how to relax and joke, go on small dates, and overall enjoy our time together.
We don't fight, but we argue well. When there's a disagreement, we both are on the same page with wanting to compromise, talk things through, see each other's side, and meet halfway when possible. We've never yelled at each other. Not even once.
So I went into our marriage thinking it would be hard work. But it's not. It's been more amazing than I had expected. I hate that people told me it would be tough. Marriage is obviously very situational to one's own set of circumstances/personalities.
I smile every time CB talks about her marriage. Same with miso.
This question is hard for me to answer because I really don't know what I expected marriage to be like.
I am proud of our marriage, but we are definitely in the "it takes work" camp. We are complete opposites (I am an ESTJ, he is an INFP), but together we are an unstoppable team. We have been building a business together, and watching his hard work and dedication pay off has been incredibly rewarding. I love being married to him and am excited for the future.
We didn't live together before marriage, but there were no big surprises.
I don't exactly remember what I expected, but I think it's been easier. Dating was harder than being engaged, and being engaged was harder than being married. For me I think it was harder when I had an out clause. Now there is no point in sweating the small stuff since I am stuck
I will say that I am very lucky that my husband is wonderful and a great source of support for me. So that our marriage is good is probably 80% him We've also been very lucky to have our lives go pretty smoothly, but in the difficult times (particularly when his father was very ill and subsequently died) we've done well. The thought of life without him scares the crap out of me (notwithstanding the occasional "if I were single" daydream).
Post by sillygoosegirl on Nov 12, 2012 12:03:37 GMT -5
It's not what I expected. I thought, after more than 4 years together and most of 2 years living together, getting married would just be more of the same. It hasn't been. We are completely different people than we were 7 years ago. We've not done what we planned to do. We've done a lot of awesome things we never planned to do. I didn't think a marriage could be as dynamic as ours has been. I think I would be bored out of my mind with our life if everything had stayed the same and gone according to plan...
We've been married a little over two years now. It has been difficult--which is what we expected. We got married after I graduated college and moved to another state right after. It was a completely fresh start, we had no friends or family here. That would have been hard enough, but DH was starting medical school, and I was unemployed with a fresh degree and little practical work experience. Plus, being together in 'real life' is quite a bit different than being together in college. Not the smartest/most ideal situation to start a marriage off in, but there you have it.
Things have been as tough like we expected--but we have had so many amazing experiences as well. We do have our issues--namely, communication, but we're going to be seeing a counselor for that. He's my best friend, and I don't know what I would do without him.
Despite the fact that he pisses me off like no other, he also makes me so happy--he's so determined and he tries really hard to work with me. When he walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, I still get butterflies.
I feel incredibly lucky because I can't say either of us put a ton of thought into the decision. We liked each other, marriage was the next logical step so we went for it. We were young and kind of naive. Life has thrown us some good challenges in the past three and a half years, and we've handled them really well together.
Our marriage has been difficult, but I wouldn't say that is unexpected. Our relationship prior to marriage wasn't easy either, and many of the things we used to have issues with got worked out by the time we got married (namely, many of the money related issues, excessive video game playing, job uncertainty for both of us, etc). But we've had a new set of issues since we've been married and I guess I would have expected us to at some point hit our stride and things to get less difficult.
I do think that overall we are more comfortable and have learned to work within our marriage more since we've been married. But I am seriously doubting if we'll ever get to a point where we'll ever just be in an easy blissful marriage. I didn't really expect that, though, I don't think I'm an easy blissful person and neither is my DH.
I'd say the hardest thing for me since being married is knowing that I chose this life and I can't (easily) get out of it. I knew marriage was "forever" but I think the length of forever really sunk in after getting married. The stuff that I don't like isn't going away or changing, and I've made a choice to live with it. That probably sounds more depressing than it is in reality, but I'd say that was the biggest change. Which really wasn't a change at all, just a different way of looking at things I guess.
Post by mellimel19 on Nov 12, 2012 15:26:06 GMT -5
So far, it's been pretty much what I expected, in fact, a little better. H and I dated for 7 years and lived together for 5 before we got married, so we didn't think there would be much adjustment after we got married. Everything has been pretty much the same, except that we feel closer to each other now, which was a bit of a pleasant surprise.
We lived in different states our entire engagement, and things still didn't change much when we got married. DH was shocked.
I learned over the last 7 years of marriage that DH and I don't always communicate well, especially when we disagree. It often takes more than one conversation to really get across what we're trying to say, and to hear each other. DH also tends to shut down during arguments, so we've had to get creative to get stuff out in the open. But I've also learned it doesn't scare me that it's all going to fall apart. We just have to approach things differently to iron out our differences.
And a lot of our disagreements, communication issues, etc. didn't pop up after we got married. It was after a child, and a major move.
Post by wanderlustmom on Nov 12, 2012 16:00:46 GMT -5
My marriage has been better than I expected. We've almost been married ten years. I feel such a deep sense of peace with DH. And I still find him really attractive and I want to be with him as much as possible. I also love the way he parents our children. We do argue some, it's not perfect and sometimes we are more connected than other times--but it always feels exactly where I want to be.
I still think to myself every.single.day how lucky I am to have my DH. We have been together since 17/18 and he is like my right arm. Things are a little different since DD was born and we have a lot less couple time, but we are starting to adjust to the new normal and we are a great parenting team.
My marriage is eerily similar to my parents', so I guess it's exactly what I expected.