We are totally in a rut too, majorly fueled by just being tired and adjusting (still! DD is 1) to life as parents. I know we love each other, but there isn't really passion right now. We aren't having a lot of sex, which I think is a strain, but I'm also too tired to initiate, so I wait for him to.
I think it's normal. I try to be nicer and not start dumb fights, but once in awhile it happens and I think it hits harder than normal since we're not as close right now. If that makes sense.
For a bff I would know and expect them to know my kids grade. For less close friends, I know their approximate age, and don't always remember the grades, but it's also not in conversation a lot. In your case I would be hurt that my friend didn't know. Sorry, that sucks. Maybe she is preoccupied?
-Pays the bills - me -Drops off/picks up from daycare/school or communicates with a nanny. Basically the daily logistics of childcare for any given day. - 90% me -Does the grocery shopping - DH or we go together -Does the miscellaneous shopping (lightbulbs, toilet paper, dish soap, etc.) - DH -Does the laundry - used to be more me, but since DD was born DH took over. He does 90% now -Calls the appropriate people and sets up times for household tasks like cable set up, dishwasher fixed, plumber etc. - both -Buys clothing for the kids - me -Packs the kids stuff for the day - me -Schedules Dr, dentist, and haircut appts. and takes the kids - me -Communicates with teachers - me -Manages car maintenance - both. We each manage our own primary cars -Buys gifts/cards for family members for holidays and for birthdays you (or kids) are invited to - me -Plans birthdays - me -Makes dinner - 75% DH -Housecleaning - 75% me - lawn, gutters, etc. - DH - snow shoveling - DH - pets - DH
DH works full time from home, and I work PT from home and travel some.
This is late, but I guess better late than not commenting. Its been a busy week, and I don't get on to post daily. But I have now taken the time tonight to read this whole thread, and I feel so many emotions. I am stunned, and saddened and angry. I don't really know what to say, but I'll write what I'm thinking.
I struggle with race issues sometimes because I struggle with my own identity as a multiracial person. I have experienced everything from casually hurtful or insensitive comments or questions from ignorant but "probably well meaning people", to being told to "go back to where you came from" (here? I was born and live here). I'm certain that my ethnic name has cost me not getting called for interviews or other opportunities. My mother (who is white) has been asked since I was a baby, if I was adopted. We have talked about that story and laughed about it, but it was always weird, and now as a mother myself I know how painful that was and she did her best not to show how it hurt her. At the same time, I know that my experiences pale in comparison to other POC. The stories @kirkette and cubed shared in this thread brought me to tears. I am so sorry for your experiences, and also to those whose stories were not shared here.
I sometimes let comments others make about race slide in "real life" because sometimes it's easier to let it go than to confront it each time. I don't like confrontation in general. But I am doing a disservice to myself and to others by allowing it through silence, and I'm working on that. I have been more conscious about calling out comments, and I will continue to push myself and my comfort levels to push back when I see it. Being uncomfortable is OK. Giving passes and allowing the behavior to continue is not.
Edited: typo
Eta again - I know I'm also very lucky. I have a privileged life in many ways too, which is part of the identity issue I have. I hate the feeling that I have to choose which part of me I "am".
Yeah.. the most my Pedi would say is that DD appeared to have a "slight tie", and it was up to me if I wanted to pursue it with a dentist or not. She didn't seem to care either way since DD was gaining weight.
I'm so glad that we did though, it was night and day difference.
Per the LC, his ties are pretty severe but he's gaining weight like a champ so I'm kind of worried about messing that up. I'm kind of worried about doing the exercises afterwards. Are they nbd or did the baby seem to really mind them?
DD had a stage 4 lip tie, I don't remember for tongue. So it wasn't slight like I was told by the Pedi.
Exercises were easy, it is just flipping up/flanging the upper lip and holding a second. Repeat a few times, a few times a day. Honestly I wasn't great about it but she was already flanging her lip better while nursing too, and it didn't reattach.
Do you have specific questions about it cricketwife ?
I probably will. I just feel so blindsided that I'm not sure what they are. I feel really upset about having to make this kind of decision. We have our one month pedi appt on Fri so it will be interesting to see what they say, but I know most pedis don't know much about tongue tieds so.....
Yeah.. the most my Pedi would say is that DD appeared to have a "slight tie", and it was up to me if I wanted to pursue it with a dentist or not. She didn't seem to care either way since DD was gaining weight.
I'm so glad that we did though, it was night and day difference.
Today is DDs first day at her daycare center. I can watch online what's happening and so I've been doing so a lot today. Seems like she is doing well, and I am amazed that she is napping! I missed when they put her down so hoping it went OK. I have to laugh though, she is the only walker in the room, and there is one kther crawler. DD keeps stealing toys from other babies and walking away.. and they can't follow her! But I also noticed she is being very sweet to a baby that was in a swing/rocker and has taken to one of the teachers already. She went over and sat in her lap on her own to read together.
I'm trying to be productive for work, been all over the place and on many calls so that's kind of a bummer.
Yes we went to a pediatric dentist who specializes in revisions, uses the laser. I found them through Google then read lots of reviews and joined a FB group and they were highly rated.
The laser experience was fast and healing was easy. I was more traumatized by the experience of holding DD during than she seemed to be after it was all done.
I think DD is adorable, and so pretty. We hear it a lot from strangers so I think it's not just me, lol.
I had actually thought about some baby modeling but not sure DD has the personality for it, or me for that matter. Although I am in photo shoots all the time, behind the scenes (tailoring).
However I recognize other gorgeous babies out there. Most babies are cute in some way or another!
I think bangs are cute, and have had them much of my childhood and a few times as an adult. DH doesn't like bangs so we haven't cut DDs hair yet, and I do a top pony/whale spout since all her hair won't go up at once yet. I don't think you can go wrong, but I do prefer side bangs, or thick straight across. Too thin looks like a mistake and looks weird to me.
Had a pretty chill day besides our Target run x3 this afternoon. I felt bad for lugging around DD so we stopped at the mall near our last Target so she could play in the play place for a bit.
I'm getting stuff ready for the week, I'm behind on emails and should probably take care of some.. but would rather do it tomorrow. DD starts daycare on Tuesday and I'm trying to prep for that too since I don't want to deal with it tomorrow, and won't be getting home til after dinner from the job I have booked. How is it already the end of August? Man.
I'm on my way to my third Target to try and stock up on diapers with the coupon and deal. We got everything else on our list at our regular Target, and both the first and the second one were out of size 3s in Cruisers. So annoying!
I feel so SO fortunate that as a first time mom I had this board with moms with diverse experiences and an understanding of how to truly be supportive and how not to be an asshole, lol. Many first time moms do not have that, most probably don't even. All they have are the grandmas (often with outdated advice) and maybe some friends who may or may not know how to be supportive. I encountered some real asshole moms in the breastfeeding support group I attended that first month too and the LCs were just so-so. But I had this board to come back to and get support and help sorting out all the conflicting advice (and assvice) I was receiving.
I definitely experienced what someone above referred to as "brainwashing" as I prepped to have my first child. I read the books, took the classes, bought into the experts saying to toss out formula samples, refuse bottles and pacifiers (nipple confusion!!!1111), and of course the message drilled in for those first few days: babies have tiny tummies, all they need is the colostrum. We were trying to fucking supplement via cup feeding that first week. I wish I had video of it to show you how completely ridiculous it was. My baby was asleep 99% of her first month since she was born at 36 weeks. All that formula was just dribbling right out of her mouth. She was sleeping on my boob but because she was latched and the LC said it "looked good" surely she was getting something, right? I am so grateful we paid for an LC visit at 5 days out and that she wasn't a kook. She told us to switch to supplementing with bottles, got me a hands free pumping bra, made the connection between my PCOS/fertility issues and my abysmal supply and gave me supplements, and taught us how to do compressions. None of this information was given to us by the hospital LC or the ones in the BF support group. Pediatricians are not trained for this. Hospital nurses only know so much.
We were fortunate to not have tongue/lip ties but we need medical professionals to get with the freaking program on this issue. You have pedis and ENTs saying "no there's no tie" or "revision won't really change anything" and then pediatric dentists that will step in and say "uh yeah, there are severe ties, let me laser this real quick and you can get on with breastfeeding." The mixed/misleading messages on this topic are ridiculous. You should be able to trust that your medical professional knows what they are talking about.
We need more evidence based research and protocols in place. We need to prioritize the moms and their mental health and happiness, we need to quit worshiping breast milk as the be all end all.
DD had a pretty severe (stage 4) lip tie, and a tongue tie. I got it corrected at 4 months, but struggled with nursing before that and started using a nipple shield at about 2 weeks old at the suggestion of my husband who Googled for ideas.
I had trouble with her latch in the hospital but because she was born on a Saturday, we didn't see an LC until Monday, the day of our discharge. She had been fine but her bilirubin levels were borderline and I went back to the Pedi the first 3 days after we were home, trying to get her to eat. I was also scared of formula, but at the same time my milk had come in and she wasn't latching. I had to pump, feed her by spoon or syringe, finally we did a bottle because we realized how ridiculous we were being feeding her like that. After we on our own figured out the nipple shield and it worked, I went back to nursing. But seriously, no thanks to anyone in the hospital, my Pedi's, or the LC. I saw another LC at the same hospital during the third week to make sure DD was getting enough because I read that the nipple shield may mean lower supply. She was fine. I did ask the LC about ties, and she wasn't able to give me a real answer or diagnosis because she "wasn't a doctor". Um thanks? Asked the Pedi, she said it was "slight" and as long as DD was thriving and gaining weight, no need to do anything. Obviously our ease of nursing and my comfort were not important. She also had reflux and lots of gas, which I believe was at least in part because of the ties. I went to a couple pediatric dentists, the first acknowledged the ties but again said that he didn't think they needed to be corrected, same reason Pedi gave. I pursued another opinion and finally got the laser revision. There was an immediate difference. We're still nursing at 13 months.
I wish that the support in the beginning had been better though, both from a BFing/formula standpoint, which would have helped a lot in those first 2 weeks. I wish going to the LC had been easier, and that behind the LC, that either the midwife/OB or Pedi would accept responsibility for questions and assistance for mothers who need it. I felt like I couldn't get help from the Pedi because it was "me" and not DD. But it goes hand in hand.
Instead of indulging in goat cheese at purple pig for lunch I spent 3 hours on the tarmac at O'Hare today. OMG. I only had m&ms and craisins for a total on 9 hours. I AM SO ANNOYED.
I did just go to Sunda in Chicago and had AMAZING food finally. I would have eaten my foot. My hotel room is gorgeous and is gigantic and has a corner view and two bathrooms. I am back from eating, I have a little work to do, then my ass is getting in my huge soaking tub and relaxing after my hell day of travel.
Sunda is SO good, nice choice! Sorry you got stuck at O'Hare, that sucks.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, and with young children. I'm glad you have good renters insurance and a paper trail. I don't have any advice PPs haven't covered but I hope that she pays up and this isn't a bigger PITA to fight than it is already. This is so negligent and awful to treat tenants like this.
Speaking of kid food, when do you make the move to stage 2 baby food?
As long as you aren't introducing more than 1 new food at a time (like the single ingredient foods), go for it. We started doing it within a month so that DD would get to try a bigger variety of flavors. Texture is the same as stage 1.
We also sometimes mixed in rice/oatmeal to the puree to thicken and add nutrients.
We use Pampers Baby Dry for night, since around 6 or 7 months. At first she wore a 2 in swaddlers and 3 in baby dry, now she's in 3 for both. Could size up, but they work and we have a ton in this size. Never leaks.
We do the Stonyfield yogurt also, and I really don't see the big deal. I'm not feeding DD lots of it, she has like half a pouch a day? We also sometimes do goldfish or animal crackers, but most meals are homemade and not a lot of processed food. I'm happy if she gets in most of her food groups, and I think she's just fine. Like pooh8402, she eats better than we do!
Shredded chicken, cut up sausage patties, small bites of fruits, bananas, avocados, very ripe pears. I microwaved frozen peas and carrots. DD also loved shredded cheese, beans and rice.