Post by rikkiandjulie on Dec 10, 2012 17:46:34 GMT -5
I could never date an addict because of my childhood, however, my mom has been sober nearly 10years and not fallen off. Everyone has baggage, and while his may be different than yours it doesn't mean he's not right for you. Clearly everything else with him is really great, give it a few more dates and see how you feel. My boss is an alcoholic, and in AA for 9 years, his GF of 7 is NOT an alcoholic and enjoys her drinks. They go to happy hour together, he drinks something else, and family dinners (both sides drink), he has sparkling water, cider, etc. They also went to Vegas recently and frequent music and wine festivals together. He says that he it's no big deal, most don't know he's an alcoholic, and he never feels like its rubbed in his face. He just drinks something else. This man can enjoy everything with you, he just won't taste the wine. I assure you that it won't be a big deal of you don't make it one.
That said its clearly a deal breaker for you, I'd cut him loose
I could never date an addict because of my childhood, however, my mom has been sober nearly 10years and not fallen off. Everyone has baggage, and while his may be different than yours it doesn't mean he's not right for you. Clearly everything else with him is really great, give it a few more dates and see how you feel. My boss is an alcoholic, and in AA for 9 years, his GF of 7 is NOT an alcoholic and enjoys her drinks. They go to happy hour together, he drinks something else, and family dinners (both sides drink), he has sparkling water, cider, etc. They also went to Vegas recently and frequent music and wine festivals together. He says that he it's no big deal, most don't know he's an alcoholic, and he never feels like its rubbed in his face. He just drinks something else. This man can enjoy everything with you, he just won't taste the wine. I assure you that it won't be a big deal of you don't make it one.
That said its clearly a deal breaker for you, I'd cut him loose
Rikki-iPhone
Thank you Rikki-I appreicate you sharing your bosses experience.
I could never date an addict because of my childhood, however, my mom has been sober nearly 10years and not fallen off. Everyone has baggage, and while his may be different than yours it doesn't mean he's not right for you. Clearly everything else with him is really great, give it a few more dates and see how you feel. My boss is an alcoholic, and in AA for 9 years, his GF of 7 is NOT an alcoholic and enjoys her drinks. They go to happy hour together, he drinks something else, and family dinners (both sides drink), he has sparkling water, cider, etc. They also went to Vegas recently and frequent music and wine festivals together. He says that he it's no big deal, most don't know he's an alcoholic, and he never feels like its rubbed in his face. He just drinks something else. This man can enjoy everything with you, he just won't taste the wine. I assure you that it won't be a big deal of you don't make it one.
That said its clearly a deal breaker for you, I'd cut him loose
Rikki-iPhone
I know a guy like this. They go to monthly wine shares and bring non-alcoholic wine for him, so no one even notices!
My personal issues are with my father and not wanting to have to deal with what I dealt with with him EVER again. It was rough feeling like your father chose booze over you (I KNOW he didn't NOW, but it was a lot harder then). I don't know if I could do it. I'd probably try, but proceed with caution.
I could never date an addict because of my childhood, however, my mom has been sober nearly 10years and not fallen off. Everyone has baggage, and while his may be different than yours it doesn't mean he's not right for you. Clearly everything else with him is really great, give it a few more dates and see how you feel. My boss is an alcoholic, and in AA for 9 years, his GF of 7 is NOT an alcoholic and enjoys her drinks. They go to happy hour together, he drinks something else, and family dinners (both sides drink), he has sparkling water, cider, etc. They also went to Vegas recently and frequent music and wine festivals together. He says that he it's no big deal, most don't know he's an alcoholic, and he never feels like its rubbed in his face. He just drinks something else. This man can enjoy everything with you, he just won't taste the wine. I assure you that it won't be a big deal of you don't make it one.
That said its clearly a deal breaker for you, I'd cut him loose
Rikki-iPhone
Thank you Rikki-I appreicate you sharing your bosses experience.
I think stories like this are good for you to hear RedRedWine. I think you are being really thougthful and that's good. You're not letting dealbreakers get in the way, but you are being mindful about what that might mean in the future. I think we are all entitled to have things we do and don't want in a potential mate, no matter how trivial they may seem to others.
What's important is how you approach those, are flexible on them when warranted and stay true to yourself.
It's okay to have deal breakers and understand why they are deal breakers for you. Everyone will be different. It's good to revisit deal breakers too because sometimes they are misinformed deal breakers that operate on wrong assumptions.
For example, porn sort of used to be an issue for me. I was unsure about it but it bothered me and definitely factored into some reasons why I ended dates. Of course, I was constantly meeting cool guys who liked porn to varying levels. I decided to learn more about it and even posted here at some point. I really thought about my feelings and realized that I was okay with porn. It was the assumptions I made about porn that made me uncomfortable. For some reason, I associated porn with sneaky/lying behavior, addictions, cheating and weird sex habits or strange fetishes. It was silly and now I am in a better place with it haha.
I guess my point is it's okay to think about deal breakers and explore various options and consider all aspects of a person. Sometimes though, deal breakers are deal breakers and it may never sit well with you no matter how great the guy is. You don't need to justify it. Just gotta do what you think is best for you and your future.