You are beautiful, kind, and a fun mom, all without having a stick up your ass. I can count the people I know who fit that description on my fingers, so it's kind of a big deal. We need to hang out more.
Also, are those your tits, or is somebody frying eggs on an elephant's dick?
You handle yourself so well when you have a UO. Also, you say things every once in a while that kind of sneak under the radar but make me think you have a wild streak, and it would be fun to party with you.
Your crotch smells so bad that when you go in for an annual, your OBGYN does a speedball, takes a shot of jack, and punches herself in the face before your appointment.
You seem like a very genuine, authentic, no BS type of person. It must be hard to wear your heart on your sleeve so much after all the crap you've been through. I think you must be the rock in the life of so many of the people you know.
Your toenails are so nasty that the last time you went in for a pedicure, they burned the salon down after you left.