Oh! Something I wanted to ask (possibly offensive)

[lolaburns]

I don't have the experience, but I would think 2 would be doable if the spacing was such that the first was a little bit more independent. I would think 3+ would warrant having a SAH parent.

[Regina Philange]

I don't know if this question really pertains to me but I want to SAH w two. I wanted to SAH w one though but I can see now that's definitely not going to happen and I'm finally OK with it.

You are questioning it because of who would watch j and baby number two right? I know your mom watches J now. My mom watches Louie and my niece and i was wondering what would happen when a third baby comes along.

[ruby412]

A friend of mine has 4. She told me in confidence that she wished she had stopped after 2 and that managing the needs of 4, for her, was just too much. She SAH and has a part time nanny.

[Regina Philange]

Oh yeah. I can't help you there. I struggle w one.

[devonpow]

As the mom of two, I honestly don't know how anyone has 3 or more, regardless of spacing, working, or staying a home. I am worn out!

[laurack]

I don't know how I'm going to do it. Two, I can kind of see it being ok. But in my head I still want three. Maybe that will change when I have two.

But, financially we can't have more than two as daycare is too expensive. And I don't want to be a SAHM.

Seems like the mornings and evenings would be soooo stressfull with even 2 kids and trying to get out the door to work at 7, AND then trying to get home take care of 2+ kids, cook a dinner, get everyone in bed and not have a nervous breakdown every day.

I wonder if some people are better suited to such chaos? My mom had seven of us and she was saying the other day she was wishing she had an eight before it was too late (she had my little sis at 44) so my little sis could have a sibling closer to her age. WTF

[Deleted]

We can afford 3 in daycare AFTER I pass my PE and get a raise. 4 is definitely SAH territory - or for my friends who have 4 kids, they both work FT, but they have a live-in AuPair and the kids are spaced out from 1-10 yo. The 2 older kids are pretty independent, the 3yo is a 3yo, and the baby does her thing. the kids are all happy and healthy, the parents have a balalnced life - but it only works b/c they have the space for and the finances for hosting a live-in nanny/au-Pair.

[livinreality]

We want 4, I SAH now and would continue with 4, not sure how I (personally) could work and manage 4 kids, DH and the house (unless it was part part time just to get out of the house). Two is getting easier as the baby eats table food, bathes with DS and bedtime together, there schedules just line up better now... But I do think I will be tired and stretched to my limits till they move out.

[katie]

A friend of mine has 4 and she is 29... 5 year old, 2 year old and twin 10 month olds. I have no clue how she does it. Oh and she just got a car a couple months ago. I couldn't imagine not having a car with 4 children. I am sure it's a lot of work taking all of them out but just in case you needed to get something or run to the doctor. We are in the suburbs so public transportation is not really a desirable option. She SAH and started when she had her first.

[bebeetmoi]

We will only have 1 more, but in my dream world we would have 2 more. I'm likely going to SAH indefinitely, but I can't imagine how families who have 3+ kids and both the parents work FT- that must be difficult! I'm lucky in that we have my step-son a good portion of the time so all I know is how to manage the two of them, but I still get a break now and again when he is with his mother so having just DD seems like a vacation in a sense.

[livinreality]

Jan 10, 2013 15:48:29 GMT -5 @softskate31 said:

We can afford 3 in daycare AFTER I pass my PE and get a raise. 4 is definitely SAH territory - or for my friends who have 4 kids, they both work FT, but they have a live-in AuPair and the kids are spaced out from 1-10 yo. The 2 older kids are pretty independent, the 3yo is a 3yo, and the baby does her thing. the kids are all happy and healthy, the parents have a balalnced life - but it only works b/c they have the space for and the finances for hosting a live-in nanny/au-Pair.

I didn't think about a nanny but that definitely would make working doable, however I would have no take home pay after paying a nanny...

[chasbride07]

I think it's one of those things you just do. I have 3 and work full time. My saving grace is that I don't have to get out of the house for work. We have a nanny come to the house while I WFH. 3 mornings I week I take the older 2 to school and everyone goes because I drop them off before the nanny gets here. A lot of it is organization and kids in many ways do get easier as they get older. An example is that I don't have to dress my oldest anymore, just pull out his clothes and tell him to get dressed.

I think when you get into the 4 territory, there is often enough of an age gap between the oldest and the younger two that they can help to some extent, but I don't know.

[thedahliharpa]

DH and I were just discussing that now that D is here one of us has to always work a non traditional schedule, as I do now. We hopefully will never go back to both of us working 9-10 hour days M-F.

We did it for awhile w/ one and could do it with 2 if pressed but I think I'd be bummed out. I don't feel that I (I'm saying I, not speaking for anyone else) can give 2 small children everything I have to give them between 6-8pm 5 days a week. It would be very taxing for me personally. The 2 days I go into the office feel like one giant race from the time we wake up to go to bed.

I'm not advising not to have more kids for these reasons. I would just be very thoughtful about spacing.

[Deleted]

Eventually we hope to have more than 4 children. Right now we only have one, that being said when we have 2 and I have to start bringing both of them to daycare I plan to become a SAHM, I have a fantastic job where I can take T with me to work most of the time yet, and if I had another one I'd probably be taking baby with me for at least the first 6 months to 1 year as well. Once that was over though I'd be quitting my job.

My Mom always told everyone who asked her how she did it that the first 4 were the toughest, once you get past those the older ones are getting more independent and it get's easier. In the end I'm the 2nd oldest of 11 children. About 20 years from oldest to youngest age difference. DH is the oldest of 4.

[eav2c]

*If* I had four kids... I would work. I mean, I'd have to. I'd probably have all boys too and lord knows that they would eat as much food as the Duggars 20 kids or howeverfuckingmany they have.

I don't know how big families do it but I feel like they'd have to have pretty large incomes.

Also, I apparently don't understand the question. lol. I don't know... I cant even get one to STTN so I cant imagine going through this 3x's over again.

[Deleted]

Jan 11, 2013 1:34:47 GMT -5 eav2c said:

*If* I had four kids... I would work. I mean, I'd have to. I'd probably have all boys too and lord knows that they would eat as much food as the Duggars 20 kids or howeverfuckingmany they have.

I don't know how big families do it but I feel like they'd have to have pretty large incomes.

Also, I apparently don't understand the question. lol. I don't know... I cant even get one to STTN so I cant imagine going through this 3x's over again.

Eav you are hilarious! Yes just imagine the food bill when the teenage years hit, with 4 boys. I am scared with the two I currently have. The idea of lots of kids is a romantic one plus all the grandkids gathering on Christmas, and I'm sure like Johlise said after the first 4 years it calms down a bit, but for real, I could NOT do it.

You'd need loads of money and a nanny for sure. Unless you enlist the older kids to babysit like the Duggars do, and homeschool everyone. ?

[laurack]

Well you don't need loads of money to have loads of kids. There were seven of us and we were poor.

I guess if you want to maintain a certain lifestyle, you need a high income to have a lot of kids. That's our concern. I want to do fun things like travel, skiing etc. with my kids. My parents couldn't afford things like that. But we were all clothed and fed and happy.

[Deleted]

Four is a lot five holy shit. I think I would stay home at least till they are all in school full time.

[Deleted]

Jan 10, 2013 16:03:18 GMT -5 livinreality said:

Jan 10, 2013 15:48:29 GMT -5 @softskate31 said:

We can afford 3 in daycare AFTER I pass my PE and get a raise. 4 is definitely SAH territory - or for my friends who have 4 kids, they both work FT, but they have a live-in AuPair and the kids are spaced out from 1-10 yo. The 2 older kids are pretty independent, the 3yo is a 3yo, and the baby does her thing. the kids are all happy and healthy, the parents have a balalnced life - but it only works b/c they have the space for and the finances for hosting a live-in nanny/au-Pair.

I didn't think about a nanny but that definitely would make working doable, however I would have no take home pay after paying a nanny...

If you already have the house with an extra bedroom and maybe an extra car, having a live in nanny is cheaper than 3 in daycare. It works for my friends, but we don't have the house for hosting another adult who by contract would get her own room plus ideally own bathroom.

[laurack]

my mom said that the first two (11 months apart) were very hard. After that she said it was fine. The older kids help out. She had bigger gaps between each "set". So 37+38, 30+32, 22+25, and the baby who is 14.

She stayed at home with us.

In a way I think lots of kids is great, when you're older. Like she and my dad have lots of grandkids now and more to come. Theres always stuff happening. I kind of want that. But then the idea of having a lot of kids to take care of full time makes me feel extremely anxious!

[laurack]

I wouldn't want a live in nanny. I don't know, I just like privacy I suppose. I wouldn't want the person taking care of my kiddos all day to also live in my house.

A live out nanny would be an option. It's expensive, but at some point it probably becomes cheaper than multiple daycares. Daycare for my one baby is about $8/hr. (400/wk). Nannys cost about $20/hr around her. So maybe when I have three kids, a nanny would be an option. But then, for 3 kids nannys probably charge more than $20/hr. The $20/hr was just the quoted amount for a nanny for my one child.

[irishsara]

I have 3 and work full time. If we had another, I would probably still work. My oldest are pretty self sufficient. You don't need to do everything for them. When you have young ones, its hard to imagine them doing things for themselves. But, i don't need to dress him, change him, feed him, etc. He can make himself some cereal in the morning and make himself a sandwich if he wants.

So, as they get older they start doing things for themselves which frees up your time.

[fusion]

We want three or four and I mainly SAH (leaning towards being done at 3). I couldn't imagine working out of the home now and getting everything done without going insane, so hats off to you WMs of 2+. I have a friend that just had #5 though and she is a full time WOHM (as is her husband). She has a LOT of internal conflict, but she can't financially afford to SAH. Their kids range from 6 months to 13 years old. I have another friend that just had #4 and she is a full time WOHM while her husband stays home. They want 2 more I think and their kids are pretty close in age.

[irishsara]

A lot of people ask if having 3 is crazy. And I don't speak for everyone with more than 2 kids, but I think it was much harder to go from 1 to 2 than it was to go from 2 to 3. I feel like adding a 4th would be even easier.

[chasbride07]

Jan 11, 2013 11:05:10 GMT -5 irishsara said:

A lot of people ask if having 3 is crazy. And I don't speak for everyone with more than 2 kids, but I think it was much harder to go from 1 to 2 than it was to go from 2 to 3. I feel like adding a 4th would be even easier.

I completely agree with this. 1 to 2 we could trade off easier and have more kid free time. With 2, we got used to both being busy with kids all the time. Now with the 3rd we were already used to a high level of chaos and it didn't really get much more crazy.

[Deleted]

Jan 11, 2013 11:06:20 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

I would love a live-in nanny if I had a separate wing or a MIL suite. I wouldn't want one if it felt like having a roommate.

This is why I'd rather have 3 in daycare than have a live-in nanny.

My friends have a MIL suite for their live-in. When she is off-duty she can either hang with the family or go to her own section of the house.

[Deleted]

I don't think you need loads of money, you just don't live a lifestyle that your kids have everything they could possibly want. We were always happy, but we didn't got on major vacations, weren't involved in extra activities, my Mom homeschooled.. and we all pitched in. Our family has the moto. if you don't work you don't eat, so you learned to help out at a young age. That being said I also grew up in the country on a farm.

[thedahliharpa]

A woman in our Bradley class was having baby #9. She said going from 3 to 4 was the hardest transition. I have a hard time wrapping my brain around that.

[thedahliharpa]

Jan 13, 2013 0:37:59 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Well, I know that going from 3 to 4 pets was the hardest transition! lol.

Well then maybe you can add 5 more Tamb because apparently after 4 it was pretty easy.

[nilex0102]

I think working with two is doable (I work 4 days right now and will until Alex is closer to a year, then full time). For us it is a question of schedule and being close to everything - I am a couple of miles home to work and daycare - and a reasonable amount of flexibility in our schedule. That said throw in a husband who travels a good amount and sick kids and the dog and my weeks do get a little crazy. 3 kids and no way I would be working but we are two and done.