My husband failed on my b-day :(

[devotchka]

Please excuse the ranting aspect of this but I guess I need to vent...

So - I was bragging on here about how H is awesome the other day, well he probably thought he had some stored up brownie points that he could use because he basically got me NOTHING for my birthday (today). Nothing. Not even a card or a fucking piece of paper or something. Jesus - how lame is that? I am not very high-maintenance, I don't need diamonds or anything - I was happy w/ what he got me for Xmas which was (inexpensive but) super cute earrings from Anthro (and he made a letter from Max with his hand print) - and all he had to do was get flowers and a card. We are not going through great times financially, but it wouldn't have cost much. Just something to show that he gives a shit. That's all I would want.

I told him yesterday when we went to see the Hobbit while my Mom watched M that the most wonderful present was to spend some one-on-one time with him alone AND THAT NIGHT I GAVE HIM A FREAKING BJ. The next morning he told me happy b-day and I asked if he got me a present (playfully) and he said "I thought you said you didn't want anything" - LOL... sigh.

Meanwhile, I guess the thing that makes me most mad, is that we have to go to his Mom's weddng (she is marrying her bf of 5 years) in Minnesota in February, spend over $1k on it which we don't have, and somehow that is justified but getting me something small for my b-day isnt. WTF.

I basically told him that I am extremely hurt. He didn't get me anything for our anniversary either and we got into a huge fight as a result. It was our first date after M was born and it was ruined. Last year for my Bday we went out w/ my family and they got me gifts and he got me nothing.

I am starting to realize that he finds presents obligations and not something he likes to do, and his family is really weird about it (they do amazon wishlists for xmas and no one gets anything beyond that - no one got us anything this year from his family, they just all got M kids/baby things bc we didnt have anything on the wish list that wasnt for him - lol)

I just don't think this is an excuse, esp when we have had this conversation more than once. And again, I would be happy with a card, chocolate and flowers for fuck's sakes. I got flowers on Mother's day and that's it too and had to sit on FB and watch everyone get ipads and try to think happy thoughts. Again, not that I want an iPad - just saying H just does not give a shit about presents :/

Anyway that is all. I had a nice Friday + Sat morning w/ my family and glad we went out to the movies last night but I am kinda hurt and I don't feel particularly special, just older.

[redmonkeystomper]

Sorry you didn't get anything for your bday! That sucks. Maybe later discuss it and say that even when you don't want a gift you would at least like a card. If you told him you didn't want a gift then he probably took that to mean you really didn't want anything.

[devotchka]

Jan 12, 2013 20:14:23 GMT -5 redmonkeystomper said:

Sorry you didn't get anything for your bday! That sucks. Maybe later discuss it and say that even when you don't want a gift you would at least like a card. If you told him you didn't want a gift then he probably took that to mean you really didn't want anything.

Thanks!

I never actually told him I didn't want a gift - no idea where he got that. I had even mentioned that I wanted a specific book a few weeks ago. I did tell him I was hurt and he said he is sorry, and that he understands how I feel, and while that trip to his Mom's in Feb is an obligation that he doesn't want to meet but feels like he has to - and I asked why my Bday isn't an obligation and he had nothing to say on the matter :/

[Deleted]

DH is really bad about gifts too so I definitely know the feeling. My birthday this Year was "ruined" too. I'm sorry I did talk to him about it at a later date and last week he used his own birthday money and got me a new iPhone- he said to make up for screwing up past gift givings. So maybe from now on he gets it?

Maybe try talking to him later and explaining that you just want to feel extra special and loved. It shouldn't be that hard! I too would be happy with a hand drawn/written card and flowers/chocolate.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jenbelle]

I'm so sorry, but Happy Birthday!

[devotchka]

Jan 12, 2013 20:22:50 GMT -5 ladybug said:

DH is really bad about gifts too so I definitely know the feeling. My birthday this Year was "ruined" too. I'm sorry I did talk to him about it at a later date and last week he used his own birthday money and got me a new iPhone- he said to make up for screwing up past gift givings. So maybe from now on he gets it?

Maybe try talking to him later and explaining that you just want to feel extra special and loved. It shouldn't be that hard! I too would be happy with a hand drawn/written card and flowers/chocolate.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks hun! I felt weird about posting this, I don't want to sound like I am a total bitch - he is great w/ M and is a sweet guy overall, he is just really cheap and about almost everything.

I feel like this isn't something to be cheap about, and it makes him come off as uncaring. I talked to him a few hours ago - and I have talked to him about it before. My Mom knows all about it and even asked if I wanted her or my Stepfather to talk to him (I said it would prob make him resentful + wouldn't help so no).

In the pile of excuses he gave, he said he doesn't have time during the week (the mall and a bazillion stores are literally down the street from his work, he could easily go at lunch or after work), and that my birthday is so soon after the holidays that it's hard. Sigh...

[devotchka]

Jan 12, 2013 20:24:08 GMT -5 jenbelle said:

I'm so sorry, but Happy Birthday!

:heart:

[Deleted]

Ya those excuses wouldn't cut it with me either- I'd be hurt too.

[livinreality]

So sorry, my DH is the same way. I make an birthday and christmas list or I don't get anything! I also set my mom on him about a week before a holiday to make sure he has something planned... all in the guise that they don't get me the same thing. Maybe a nice txt or email is in order a couple weeks before a holiday?

[sunshineluv]

Happy birthday!!! That sucks, I had a boyfriend once tell me that I was greedy for wanting a gift for my bday. We were long distance he did nothing but call me, I was mad like you are. It isn't selfish or greedy to want a bit of special attention for your bday.

I am sorry he eff-Ed up on your bday!!!

[cat19]

I know my DH sucks at gifting. If I tell him "I want this for this occasion" I'll generally get it. And since it sounds like that's what he grew up with, maybe you should just be more blunt in the future. This is the first Christmas I did that. Also the first Christmas I'm happy with my gifts. No coincidence! Good luck, and happy birthday again!

[erniebufflo]

I am sorry. That sucks. It's a Christian book, but it kind of reminds me of the Five Love Languages. It sounds like gifts and quality time are how you feel love, but not how your hubby shows love. Sounds like time for an honest talk.

[devotchka]

Jan 12, 2013 20:30:00 GMT -5 livinreality said:

So sorry, my DH is the same way. I make an birthday and christmas list or I don't get anything! I also set my mom on him about a week before a holiday to make sure he has something planned... all in the guise that they don't get me the same thing. Maybe a nice txt or email is in order a couple weeks before a holiday?

What is wrong with these guys!?

[livinreality]

Jan 12, 2013 20:35:40 GMT -5 devotchka said:

Jan 12, 2013 20:30:00 GMT -5 livinreality said:

So sorry, my DH is the same way. I make an birthday and christmas list or I don't get anything! I also set my mom on him about a week before a holiday to make sure he has something planned... all in the guise that they don't get me the same thing. Maybe a nice txt or email is in order a couple weeks before a holiday?

What is wrong with these guys!?

Obviously there parents did not teach them well, my sons will not have this problem!

[devotchka]

Jan 12, 2013 20:31:07 GMT -5 cat19 said:

I know my DH sucks at gifting. If I tell him "I want this for this occasion" I'll generally get it. And since it sounds like that's what he grew up with, maybe you should just be more blunt in the future. This is the first Christmas I did that. Also the first Christmas I'm happy with my gifts. No coincidence! Good luck, and happy birthday again!

That's a good idea. That's why I mentioned the book - but apparently I have to email him my Amazon wishlist in time for him to get it or he forgets or doesn't give a shit. I might as well just get myself a present TY!

[devotchka]

Jan 12, 2013 20:40:01 GMT -5 livinreality said:

Jan 12, 2013 20:35:40 GMT -5 devotchka said:

What is wrong with these guys!?

Obviously there parents did not teach them well, my sons will not have this problem!

DITTO!

[ruby412]

Ugh, I'd be annoyed if my birthday went completely unacknowledged. That said, prior to any holiday I tell H exactly what I want/expect. I learned from early on that we both do best that way. I get what I want, and he knows how to make me happy. I think you need to be clear with him that you are hurt, and also be proactive next time a gift situation comes up. Seriously, guys can be really dumb sometimes.

[devotchka]

Jan 12, 2013 20:34:34 GMT -5 erniebufflo said:

I am sorry. That sucks. It's a Christian book, but it kind of reminds me of the Five Love Languages. It sounds like gifts and quality time are how you feel love, but not how your hubby shows love. Sounds like time for an honest talk.

I've heard of this! I need to read it - not Christian but I'm sure I can still take away a lot from it :/

[devotchka]

Jan 12, 2013 20:44:26 GMT -5 ruby412 said:

Ugh, I'd be annoyed if my birthday went completely unacknowledged. That said, prior to any holiday I tell H exactly what I want/expect. I learned from early on that we both do best that way. I get what I want, and he knows how to make me happy. I think you need to be clear with him that you are hurt, and also be proactive next time a gift situation comes up. Seriously, guys can be really dumb sometimes.

Yeah, is it just a typical male trait or what? It is so strange to me. I was raised soooo differently...

It's a good idea to set expectations. I do this w/ my freelance clients but I never think that I would have to do it w/ H but that makes sense in a way.

[imimahoney]

Booo! I'm sorry your b-day sucked. Happy happy birthday!

[devotchka]

Jan 12, 2013 21:02:11 GMT -5 imimahoney said:

Booo! I'm sorry your b-day sucked. Happy happy birthday!

Thank you! <3

[mamasaurus]

Not even a card? WTF. You should get a card just for the BJ.

[TrudyCampbell]

Jan 12, 2013 21:24:10 GMT -5 mamasaurus said:

Not even a card? WTF. You should get a card just for the BJ.

This!!

I'm sorry, that's really shitty. I'd be really sad, too.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[devotchka]

Jan 12, 2013 21:36:57 GMT -5 TrudyCampbell said:

Jan 12, 2013 21:24:10 GMT -5 mamasaurus said:

Not even a card? WTF. You should get a card just for the BJ.

This!!

I'm sorry, that's really shitty. I'd be really sad, too.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I KNOW RIGHT?! Fucketty.

Thanks ladies

[Faevantastic]

He could've at least bought you cake. Grrrr.

Happy Birthday!

[charlielove]

Sorry, that is a bummer.

Happy Birthday!

[mrsjaymay]

Hey, today's my birthday, too! Happy Birthday, twin!

And so sorry your H is such a douche with presents. Mine can be the same way. I don't know what it is about guys that makes them not get it. It's the thought that counts! And never believe a woman if she says she "doesn't want anything."!!

Here's some bday drinks for us :drink: :drink: :heart:

[devotchka]

Jan 12, 2013 23:35:26 GMT -5 mrsjaymay said:

Hey, today's my birthday, too! Happy Birthday, twin!

And so sorry your H is such a douche with presents. Mine can be the same way. I don't know what it is about guys that makes them not get it. It's the thought that counts! And never believe a woman if she says she "doesn't want anything."!!

Here's some bday drinks for us

oh that's awesome!!!! twinsies happy birthday!!! what year were you born in? i am an '81 baby.

[mrsjaymay]

Jan 13, 2013 22:17:02 GMT -5 devotchka said:

Jan 12, 2013 23:35:26 GMT -5 mrsjaymay said:

Hey, today's my birthday, too! Happy Birthday, twin!

And so sorry your H is such a douche with presents. Mine can be the same way. I don't know what it is about guys that makes them not get it. It's the thought that counts! And never believe a woman if she says she "doesn't want anything."!!

Here's some bday drinks for us

oh that's awesome!!!! twinsies happy birthday!!! what year were you born in? i am an '81 baby.

1985 here

[Deleted]

Ugh....can we all take turns throwing veggies at him?