hideme, but what's wrong with that? It's like someone saying pregnancy sucked and I'd just rather not do it again. What's wrong with that? Why must additional children be brought into this world?
I was just thinking the same thing as I read that. I love my son immensely, but this baby stuff is totally exhausting and stressful. I suppose that wouldn't necessarily be the *only* thing stopping me from having another, but I'll admit that it does kind of tip the scales when combined with the other factors. If I were one of those people who absolutely loved giving birth and dealing with a newborn, maybe I'd be more apt to find a way to make two work. But honestly, I'm not.
There are many advantages to having just one child. I'm an only and had many opportunities growing up that I wouldn't have had with a sibling. That's not to say that a sibling wouldn't have been great, but there are no guarantees. My mom has one sister, and she has mental health issues. My mom's house was always full of drama when she was growing up because of this, so my mom says she always just shut herself in her room and read books. Her childhood would have been much better without a sibling. There has been all kinds of drama with her even as an adult, and now that my grandparents are dead, we will likely never even hear from her again. Having more than one child does not ensure that there will be more happy family memories.
. I think stereotyping/ judging based o birth order is almost just as bad as doing it based on skin color. It does no one any favors and everyone has different experiences with or with out siblings ( and or how many siblings) There is no magic formula for raising a perfect, well adjusted, functioning adult, siblings or not. Geez.
I grew up w/ 3 sisters. The 4 of us are super close. Always have been, hopefully always will be. H is also 1 of 4. He's not particularly close with any of his siblings. We debated a while about being 1 and done. We finally settled on 2, and we ended up w/ 3. While I'm glad my girls have each other it's obviously not the right choice for everyone. And I think having more kids is actually selfish b/c my girls play together and I get to sit and read and drink wine. Win, win on my part.
Having siblings doesn't guarantee that you'll be close and loving your entire lives. I am blessed to be close to my siblings but I have many friends who are either completely estranged from their siblings or whose siblings cause more heartache than joy.
Post by whosthatgirl on Jan 22, 2013 12:29:47 GMT -5
He's an idiot. Both DH and I have a sibling. We have 2 kids and are done. My sister and I never got along. I have very few good memories of having a sibling. I've met plenty of well adjusted only children. DD's best friend is an only. Those two spend enough time together to act like sisters. Just because you don't have a sibling doesn't mean you can't share your childhood with other kids. I don't think DD's friend is missing out because she doesn't have to be around another kid 24/7. She plays with other kids most days and her parents are definitely not raising a spoiled brat.
Post by karinothing on Jan 22, 2013 12:30:25 GMT -5
I am sad that so many seem to not have a good relationship with their siblings.
I think this author is ridiculous but my brother and I were very close as children and are close today. DH's sister is bipolar, but they are still really close luckily.
I do not think parents are selfish at all if they only chose to have one kid, but I really hope my son can have the kind of sibling relationship I had with his eventual brother/sister.
I am sad that so many seem to not have a good relationship with their siblings.
I think this author is ridiculous but my brother and I were very close as children and are close today. DH's sister is bipolar, but they are still really close luckily.
I do not think parents are selfish at all if they only chose to have one kid, but I really hope my son can have the kind of sibling relationship I had with his eventual brother/sister.
I agree completely.
I am very close with my sister and both my brothers are great. H is close with his brother, too. I am hoping DD has that one day. But I don't begrudge people that choose to stop at 1.
The guy who said the baby years sucked is a selfish douchebag for many reasons, but point taken that he's not a douche for making the decision to not have another. It's those other things that make him a douche.
I do agree with kari. I am sad that so many seem to not have good relationships with their siblings. I think the sibling relationship is wonderful and I'm happy to have 3 of them. I just don't think every child has to have a sibling.
I think it is interesting that so many on this board had/have negative sibling relationships.
I don't find that to be the case IRL for the most part. Not everyone I know is close to their siblings, but most have at least a fond relationship and no ill will.
I have no deep thoughts on this, just thought it was an interesting observation.
I think siblings very often enrich each others' lives--I know I feel like I have benefitted tremendously from having a sibling despite the fact that we aren't extremely close. I am glad that my kids have each other and hope they will feel the same way as they grow up.
But sibling relationships aren't always perfect (or even good), and assuming that what is good for your family is good for every family is pretty much the height of arrogance. The author is an idiot.
FTR I have 2 siblings. We got along OK as kids (our parents were good about not forcing us to do stuff w/our siblings if we wanted to do stuff with our peers), and are friendly if somewhat distant (physically and emotionally). Was it nice to have siblings? Sure. Would it have been the end of the world to be an only? No idea.
DH is an only, which is good considering how poor he and his mom were growing up. But he had a lot of cousins and got involved in martial arts, with its own constellation of friends and role models.
I have friends who are desperate for their kids to have a sibling, and I'm just meh about it at this point. But I don't see it as "you're a selfish jerk if you only have one, for whatever reason." Actually after years of wanting 2 kids, I've recently become really comfortable with DD being an only.
I am sad that so many seem to not have a good relationship with their siblings.
I think this author is ridiculous but my brother and I were very close as children and are close today. DH's sister is bipolar, but they are still really close luckily.
I do not think parents are selfish at all if they only chose to have one kid, but I really hope my son can have the kind of sibling relationship I had with his eventual brother/sister.
I agree. H and I are both close to our siblings, which certainly influenced our decision to have two kids. At this point, they like each other, so hopefully that lasts.
Their only cousins (so far) are both only children, and that works just as well for their families, too.
My God, what does this person think of people who chose not to have families?
What do you mean by this, and please don't tell me that those that are CF by choice don't have families. I have chosen to have a family of two adults. That doesn't make it any less of a family than one that is comprised of adults and children.
My God, what does this person think of people who chose not to have families?
What do you mean by this, and please don't tell me that those that are CF by choice don't have families. I have chosen to have a family of two adults. That doesn't make it any less of a family than one that is comprised of adults and children.
I hate this thought process. I consider DH and I a family unit. A child does not make the family, they are just another member of the family.
Post by RoxMonster on Jan 22, 2013 19:12:22 GMT -5
Yeah this article pisses me right off. My parents knew before having me they just wanted one child. They wanted to be able to help pay for my college, help pay for a car when I started driving, and be able to provide for me in the way they wanted and could not afford to do that for their kids if they had multiple kids. My parents are some of the least selfish people I know.
Just one example: I'd be in a group project for school and we would come to work at my house. We were supposed to split up the supplies but the two other kids in my group couldn't bring supplies because their parents couldn't afford it. One child came from a home of 4 kids; one came from a home of 6. One of the mothers told my mom to her face: "Well you'd understand if you had more kids. You can afford school supplies because you only have one." Uh, yeah. That was the point of having one child. So she could afford stuff.
This is not to say that if you have multiples you should be rich and be able to give them everything. But it bugged me when people expected my parents to shell out money for their kids just because my parents had one child. That doesn't make them rich (we were very middle to low-middle class growing up); it just means my parents were living within their means.
I also had a job since I was 16 and paid for some of my own bills even while in HS and living at home (gas, clothes, cell phone, etc). I would like to think I have a good work ethic, am not selfish and don't expect things handed to me. That's not how my parents raised me.
Post by stephm0188 on Jan 22, 2013 20:27:01 GMT -5
I totally agree with him. I AM selfish. I like having my body back. I like the lifestyle we currently have. I like my family the way it is. I like having time to pursue things that make me feel fulfilled. I know that having a second child would be challenging and stretch my patience, our freedom, and our finances. Those are all very selfish reasons.
But the rest of it? BS. My child is the center of my universe. And if I had more than one? Both children would be the center of my universe.
He plays nicely with other kids. In fact, I'd even say he's a bit of a pushover because he's never had to fight for a toy at home. I feel fortunate that we're able to take awesome trips and give him things we want him to have, but that doesn't make him spoiled. It makes him fortunate. I've met plenty of spoiled obnoxious only children. I've met plenty of spoiled, obnoxious people with siblings.
If the only gripe my kid has is that he didn't have a sibling, then I guess I should pat myself on the back for doing an awesome job at not screwing up his life further.
I totally agree with him. I AM selfish. I like having my body back. I like the lifestyle we currently have. I like my family the way it is. I like having time to pursue things that make me feel fulfilled. I know that having a second child would be challenging and stretch my patience, our freedom, and our finances. Those are all very selfish reasons.
But the rest of it? BS. My child is the center of my universe. And if I had more than one? Both children would be the center of my universe.
He plays nicely with other kids. In fact, I'd even say he's a bit of a pushover because he's never had to fight for a toy at home. I feel fortunate that we're able to take awesome trips and give him things we want him to have, but that doesn't make him spoiled. It makes him fortunate. I've met plenty of spoiled obnoxious only children. I've met plenty of spoiled, obnoxious people with siblings. If the only gripe my kid has is that he didn't have a sibling, then I guess I should pat myself on the back for doing an awesome job at not screwing up his life further. :Y:
The caveat about infertility issues and financial reasons is insincere and insensitive, and clearly made by someone who has experienced neither.
Especially since he follows it up with ALL only children are spoiled and selfish. Maybe my broken uterus gives me special dispensation from selfishness, but apparently that doesn't extend to my kid. This guy has hit the trifecta of douchiness: arrogant, obnoxious and stupid all in one fell swoop.
It sucks that both H and I have multiple siblings and none of us are close to any of them. If anything, I'm closer to his sister than he is--- and closer to her than my own two.
My oldest brother (I have two) is everything this article says about only children. Egocentric, entitled, arrogant, demanding, intolerant of anyone who dares to differ with him (not only in opinions but even personal preferences regarding trivial things). His need to control everyone and everything around him is pathological. He is a bully in every sense of the word, and completely lacking in anger management skills. As a teenager, he responded to minor irritations by screaming and breaking things.
In a long conversation about this, my father shed some light on all of this. He and my mom had my oldest brother, then a another boy two years later. This boy died three days after his birth. My dad told me that from then, he and my mom made my oldest brother "the center of the universe" as he put it. Another brother came along when oldest was four (I was born two years after that) but by then, the patterns were permanently entrenched.
So there you have it - this doesn't happen only in single-child families.
Furthermore, I suspect whoever wrote this tirade is basing it on observations of a generation of kids who stayed home all day until kindergarten. That's over; a lot more kids start daycare as infants now, mine included. It's unlikely I'll ever have another child, but the one I have is has been coexsiting peacefully with other children four days a week since she was three months old. She'll be fine.
My best friend is an only child and she is an awesome, well adjusted person. She loves her parents and had a great childhood.
I have a younger sister who I sincerely dislike. I love her because she's my sister, but we have very little interaction. She was most definitely not my confidant or someone to commiserate with when our mom was enforcing rules we didn't like.