So, I have a 17 year old.

[Deleted]

Life as I know it is pretty much over. The niece moved in today.

Into my tiny 795 square foot house. We might need to rent another place. It's not big enough for the three of us.

It's kind of awkward right now. :/

I feel like I just spent a year getting my shit together and organizing our life and setting new goals...and it's kind of all jumbled up again.

I love her, so I'd never tell her any different, but this isn't the 2013 I was hoping to see.

Is anyone even here?

[Roc A Bee]

Is she the one that just dropped out of HS?

[isabel]

I don't know the background of this, but I hope it turns into a good situation. It certainly sounds pretty life altering. Best of luck to all three of you!

[KaraOrNot]

Wow, that has got to be a huge change. Why did she move in?

[Deleted]

dvo- yes.

She doesn't have the credits to graduate even if she did great this semester. Her mom won't take her to a free tutor, or even take her to summer school. Her school is 1.5 hours away from our jobs, so there's no way we can do it. I would say SIL is 75% of the problem and the niece is 25%. SIL has always lacked as a mother and that's putting it nicely. She turns 18 in two weeks and SIL kicked her out because her Medicaid & food stamps were being decreased. She was mad because the niece wanted to get a job and it was going to be counted as family income. Mother of the year.

[goaskalice]

That sound like a lot to take on suddenly and you're an amazing person for doing it!

[blacksred]

Good Luck

[aspentosh]

That's rough. I can't imagine not being supportive. What is wrong with your SIL??

[greencrayon]

Your SIL sounds amazing... I hope everything works out!

[Deleted]

Surely there's some way to get her in a closer school? I wonder if maybe even a local private school might take her on scholarship? Or perhaps your state has homeschool credits?

[hulley]

This is a great thing you are doing for her. I did something similar for my sister, for slightly different reasons. From that experience, I'd advise setting up the ground rules ASAP and establishing the "my house, my rules" train of thought. I failed to do that and it hurt our relationship for a while.

I don't know what state you are in but in mine and a few others close to me, we have a Virtual Learning Center. Maybe google that for your state? It's free, and gives credits. I had a lot of students last year who'd made some mistakes early in H.S. and needed extra credits to graduate on time. It was a lifesaver for them.

Good luck!

[Deleted]

We stayed up all night talking. I'm kind of beat today.

Our plan right now is for her to start attending adult education courses to make sure she is ready for her GED test. I think there are some fundamental things she needs to work on. Our county has a really great adult education center and it's within walking distance of our house and they will prep and tutor her for free. It's four days per week, so that should keep her busy and give her some structure.

She was also attending vocational school to be a CNA and she really liked it. So she'll be signing up for a four week certification course. It's not exactly high paying, but $11/hour is a hell of a lot better than the $7.25 she would make working in fast food or something. There are plenty of CNA jobs available within a few mile radius.

After that she'll either 1.) hate living with us and move out pronto or 2.) be smart, keep living with us, save her money and get a car, and let me help her enroll in a community college, and hopefully someday make something of herself.

Hopefully she chooses the second option. She can live with us as long as she working towards/through college.

[countthestars]

That's awesome that you are doing that for her. I hope she continues to impress you and is able to go to CC.

[morningmania]

I am so glad that you are there for her. Sounds like you are all on the right track. I hope that everything works out well for all of you.

[Deleted]

That sounds like a good plan. Good luck to all of you.

[jillboston]

You are really doing a great thing here. The only other thing I would say is make sure she has access to birth control. She could derail her plans pretty quickly getting KUed and some teens would prefer to do just that rather than the hard road of GED and college.

[lys]

She is lucky to have you in her corner.  Actuallly she is doing quite well considering her background.  She may need some therapy in the future to deal with abandonment  issues.  Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing -- you will not regret helping salvage a life.

[Deleted]

Jan 23, 2013 10:22:08 GMT -5 jillboston said:

You are really doing a great thing here. The only other thing I would say is make sure she has access to birth control. She could derail her plans pretty quickly getting KUed and some teens would prefer to do just that rather than the hard road of GED and college.

This is a great recommendation, I'd have not thought of this and I really think this is a wonderful suggestion.

Papiercherri - it sounds like, if possible, moving to a larger rental would be great, but I am so in awe of what you are doing for your niece.  This can change her entire life.  Good for you for stepping up.  What an incredible thing to do for someone.

[Deleted]

Jan 23, 2013 10:22:08 GMT -5 jillboston said:

You are really doing a great thing here. The only other thing I would say is make sure she has access to birth control. She could derail her plans pretty quickly getting KUed and some teens would prefer to do just that rather than the hard road of GED and college.

That is my worst fear.

She *says* she's on birth control right now, but her medicaid is ending, so I'm not really sure what kind of health plan (if any) I can get her on.  

I see a trip to Planned Parenthood in the future.

[mishap]

She's really, really lucky to have you. Good for you for stepping up.

[jillboston]

Jan 23, 2013 10:36:35 GMT -5 papiercherri said:

Jan 23, 2013 10:22:08 GMT -5 jillboston said:

You are really doing a great thing here. The only other thing I would say is make sure she has access to birth control. She could derail her plans pretty quickly getting KUed and some teens would prefer to do just that rather than the hard road of GED and college.

That is my worst fear.

She *says* she's on birth control right now, but her medicaid is ending, so I'm not really sure what kind of health plan (if any) I can get her on.  

I see a trip to Planned Parenthood in the future.

Yes. PP definitely, but I also think it is important to really get to her feelings/ thoughts about this. As we all know- if a girl wants to get preggo to avoid the hard stuff in life she will do it. (not that she will have actually avoided hard stuff - just a different set of stuff). Best to really explore her feelings about it. I'm guessing PP may have people trained in the discussion (?) At the end of the day though she will have to be the one who chooses the harder road.

[chia]

You are her angel. While it wasn't the 2013 you expected, this is such a wonderful gift to her... and, I'm sure she'll appreciate it. If not now, than eventually.

Good for you!

[fromage]

Your follow-up post had me tearing up. What a wonderful thing you're doing for her.

[Deleted]

She's a lucky girl to have you. Good luck.

[Deleted]

Jan 23, 2013 11:29:53 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

AND, if you or your dh has insurance, if she's a minor and your sister gives you some kind of custodial right with her, you can get her on your insurance, and keep her there till she's 26. Check your own work insurance, most of them pay for coverage for minors in the house, like ifyou're raising a sibling or whatever.

I never thought about that.  I don't know the exact situation of her Medicaid.  It should be ending being as she's not in school.  SIL said it was ending, but I have my doubts, she's a welfare queen and I suspect that she will try to make it appear that she's still in school and living with her for as long as possible to keep drawing benefits.  She seriously knows how to work the system seven ways from Sunday.  We'll have to work on it tonight. 

And two boys in 1100 square feet is crazy! lol  My main issue with our house now is that you have to walk through the first bedroom to get to the second bedroom. DH said we could just buy a room divider for now, but even with that, I don't think it's a very good long term solution. I love our landlord and he owns some other houses.  I think we might just sit on a month or so we can all get adjusted to living together.

And guys, she came to my house with flip flops on and no coat.  She doesn't even own any fucking shoes or a coat.  JFC

[funnygirlglee]

You are doing a wonderful thing. Best of luck.

[Deleted]

Jan 23, 2013 12:05:39 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

What size does she wear? I'd be willing to send clothes/shoes/gift cards?

If she knows the social worker's name or you know where the social services office is, just call them, and tell them you have her, and you want to get it official so you can put her on your insurance.

Aww, thank you Sue Sue! We got it though.  I have more shoes and coats than a girl needs.

I probably just need to take a day off work next week so we can run errands and make phone calls.

[Deleted]

Jan 23, 2013 12:07:54 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

going through one br to get to the other? hmmm, maybe not. lol We had three bedrooms.

Yep, for some reason they built a lot of the older houses around here like that.  I have no idea why.  It's so odd and kind of defeats the point of having bedrooms. It worked out really well for me and DH because it was kind of a sitting room/home office, not so much with a teenager who needs some space though.

[jillboston]

Jan 23, 2013 12:07:54 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

going through one br to get to the other? hmmm, maybe not. lol We had three bedrooms.

My parents raised 7 kids in essentially a 2 bedroom house. Everyone trooped up the stairs to their room sort of through the "girls" room. (Stairs and door to second room at farther end of room) 2 girls in one double bed, older sis in twin bed. The boys room had a bunk bed and their portion of the second bedroom was partially separated by a room divider but was essentially one room with my parents on the other side of the divider. One bathroom.
The kids were spread out so everyone fit, barely. I didn't think it was strange at all. Only now does it seem odd.

[Deleted]

We've done this before and it isn't easy. You'll come across a lot of unanticipated issues and have to teach her things you'd never imagine. It can be very rewarding though.