Post by whitepicketfence on Jan 24, 2013 10:44:09 GMT -5
LOL, no. Where I'm from, it's families with just 1-2 kids that are in the minority.
DH is the youngest of 6. All of his siblings have at least 3 kids. I'm an only child but that's because my parents got married in their early 30's, had trouble getting pregnant, and then my mom couldn't get pregnant again after she had me. My dad had 4 kids from a previous marriage.
We're considering a 3rd child although that would certainly be our last. I don't know how we would ever support more than 3 kids financially.
Post by barefootcontessa on Jan 24, 2013 10:48:49 GMT -5
I am pregnant with my fifth and have definitely received comments. In fact our REA, who you would think would know better being in sales, said, "You are kidding, right? Why on earth would you do that?" To which I replied, "We are doing our best to keep social security going." At one point in my life, I would have gotten my knickers in a twist, but now I am too busy and too tired to care. Everyone has the right to make their own choices about these things.
I'm confused about how this is judgeworthy - maybe they get looks because the kids are unruly? Or just because slightly larger families aren't the norm these days? A college friend has four daughters, all little and blonde and blue-eyed. She jokingly calls them her cute freak show, because they get stared at and garner comments all the time. "You're going to have your hands full!", "Hope Dad is saving up for all those weddings!", etc, etc, from random strangers.
She says she gets comments about the impact on the environment, how do you handle that many kids, how can you afford it, do you know what causes it, etc. etc.
This reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw the other day. They had one of those stick-figure family decals on the window with like six kids and above it was another decal that said "Yes, we know what causes it. LOL"
No. But I am having three, so judging a family with four or five would be a little hypocritical of me.
There are definitely people who judge families with more than two kids, though. I have gotten plenty of "don't you know what causes that?" kind of comments while pregnant with my third. I have said this before, but the bottom line is that anything other than two kids seems to yield judgment--in some people's opinions none or one is too few, yet three or more is too many. There is only one right answer.
Not at all. Large families are common here. We have a large Mormon population in Vegas and in the Mormon community it's fairly common to have large families. Most of my Mormon friends have at least 3 kids, usually 4 or 5.
Post by sosteadilygo on Jan 24, 2013 11:20:07 GMT -5
Not at all, but I do judge my friend that has 4 kids between her and her BF. She stopped working as much so they can get assistance, the kids eat like crap, they are way behind on bills and got their car repo'd because they are not responsible with money, etc. I hardcore judge that- I am in the belief that if you legitimately can't afford to have kids, don't have them.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Jan 24, 2013 11:28:26 GMT -5
i'm one of 4, h is one of 3 .. i don't judge larger families i just wonder how in our VHCOL locale they can afford that many kids ?!?
growing up i don't remember my mom getting a whole lot of flack for having 4 .. i guess as a pastor's wife, it was always assumed a large brode of kids would be involved.
I get tons of comments when I am out with my 4. We had them fairly close together and my husband travels a lot for work. I am usually juggling the kids on weekends between all the sports, activities and bday parties. The comments are sometimes supportive, sometimes not. I have learned to roll with it.
Two comments I will never forget: -we were at Sesame Place and through a miscommunication, my third took off to follow DH without DH knowing. We couldn't find him for no more than 30 secs when I caught up with him and he was fine. I went back to the couple we had gone to the park with and was shaken that we had "lost" him for even that short time. The wife says "that is why you shouldn't have more kids than parents" and meant it.
-I was at the OB for my first appt to confirm I was pg with my third. I went to schedule my next appt at the end and the girl congratulates me. I say thank you. She asks if it is my first. I say no it is my third. She gives me this weird look and says "well are you done now?" I was so taken aback I didn't even come back with a good reply. In retrospect, I should have said "You do realize people having babies is a big part of why you have a job?"
No. I don't judge people who are on assistance and have a lot of children either. I've known too many women who have virtually no say in their family planning to judge.
What? How do they have no say in their own reproduction?
I totally judge people who are on assistance with a large family. Otherwise, I don't care in the least.
No. But I am having three, so judging a family with four or five would be a little hypocritical of me.
There are definitely people who judge families with more than two kids, though. I have gotten plenty of "don't you know what causes that?" kind of comments while pregnant with my third. I have said this before, but the bottom line is that anything other than two kids seems to yield judgment--in some people's opinions none or one is too few, yet three or more is too many. There is only one right answer.
This is where I fall too, with what Hens said. Already, when we announced #3, I got a lot of comments about, "Wow, you're going to have to start using better protection." or "Do you know how that happens?" Where I am, anything over 2 is considered a large family and having a third kid makes you feel insane. I'm the only person in my department (at a large consulting firm) that has had more than 2 kids.
I come from a family of 4 kids. My mom came from a family of 4 kids. My dad from a family of 9 kids.
So to me it's the norm. The one thing that made me upset as a child was that when you see contests like "Win a family trip to Disneyland!" Or something similar it was always for a family of 4, do even when my parents won a day at the local fair my two younger siblings were left out, which made me sad.
No. But I am having three, so judging a family with four or five would be a little hypocritical of me.
There are definitely people who judge families with more than two kids, though. I have gotten plenty of "don't you know what causes that?" kind of comments while pregnant with my third. I have said this before, but the bottom line is that anything other than two kids seems to yield judgment--in some people's opinions none or one is too few, yet three or more is too many. There is only one right answer.
Yeah I got these kind of comments a lot when I was pg. with # 3. As well as the near universal assumption that we were trying for a girl
I didn't read all the other replies before I replied.
I do agree with hens. When asked how many kids I want I have always said 3-4. DH wants 4. We do get weird looks from some people. I don't care. If after one or two we decide to stop that's fine with me to, but I have always had the image of me having a large family.
I'm the youngest of five kids. I don't judge my family. :PWe did get asked a ton if we were Mormon or Catholic.... we're Presbyterian. If it helps, my twin sister was an oops and I was a surprise.
Now if they're on government assistance and keep having kids.... that's another story.
Post by jillboston on Jan 24, 2013 12:29:32 GMT -5
Youngest of 7 - but the first baby was born in 1946 and me in 1966. My parents were Catholic but probably did get the side eye in the generally non-Catholic town we were raised in. I imagine if my Mom could have used BC she would have.
I kind of, sort of judge one family but every time I have those thoughts, I do my best to stop them in. The family is extremely wealthy so that is not an issue. The problem is the mother has health issues that have resulted in her last three children being born at 24-27 weeks gestation. This family just had their 7th child a few months ago, at 27 weeks. The pregnancies put the mothers life in jeopardy, as well. Once in a while, I think that it is so irresponsible for the mother to put her life in jeopardy when she already has so many kids who need to have their mom around.
The couple is Catholic and therefore practices natural family planning. The last baby was admittedly an oops. I just keep thinking that in light of her health concerns, God would be OK with this woman taking matters into her own hands to ensure no more oops babies.
On the other hand, this family has 100's of millions of dollars--the dad's dad was an original founder of a fortune 200 corporation and was worth a a couple billion when he died, split between his 4 kids. The dad also happens to be chief of emergency medicine at a nearby hospital. So while I think it is irresponsible on one hand, I also think if any family has the means and expertise to handle a medical emergency and make decisions accordingly, it's this family. So I judge and then I feel bad about judging them.
I also have a friend who has 8 children between the ages of 3 and 21. She is also a dentist who practices three days a week, is the room mom for her son's class, has a rockin' hard bod, and volunteers to give free dental service at a homeless shelter.
No. I want one more kid. That would give me 4 total and I feel that is perfect for our family. Others can have more or less, I don't really care.
There is one person that I have judged. I was working at a university and had to drop some people from a course at the teachers request. It was a 6-week online course and the people that I dropped had not logged in as of the end of the second week of class. 1/3 of the class was over and they were going to fail so the teacher had me drop them. A few days later I got this call:
Me: Hello Her: Why did you drop me from my class? Me: The teacher told me to and you were going to fail. Her: Put me back in. Me: Are you planning to complete the class, because it is a little late at this point. Her: I am not going to do the course. I just want you to reregisted me so I can get the financial aid for being enrolled. I have 7 kids to feed and I need my financial aid. Me: So you plan to enroll, have the university send you money for taking the class, fail the class, then keep the money? Her: Yes. Now reregister me. Me:
I totally judge her both because she was rude and because she was trying to use the system. The fact that she had 7 kids and acted like this made it that much worse, IMO.
No. But I am having three, so judging a family with four or five would be a little hypocritical of me.
There are definitely people who judge families with more than two kids, though. I have gotten plenty of "don't you know what causes that?" kind of comments while pregnant with my third. I have said this before, but the bottom line is that anything other than two kids seems to yield judgment--in some people's opinions none or one is too few, yet three or more is too many. There is only one right answer.
Yeah I got these kind of comments a lot when I was pg. with # 3. As well as the near universal assumption that we were trying for a girl
Oh, how I want to punch the "were you trying for a girl" people in the face. Especially the ones who say things like "oh no," "what will you do?," or "bless your heart" upon hearing that it's a third boy.
No. I want one more kid. That would give me 4 total and I feel that is perfect for our family. Others can have more or less, I don't really care.
There is one person that I have judged. I was working at a university and had to drop some people from a course at the teachers request. It was a 6-week online course and the people that I dropped had not logged in as of the end of the second week of class. 1/3 of the class was over and they were going to fail so the teacher had me drop them. A few days later I got this call:
Me: Hello Her: Why did you drop me from my class? Me: The teacher told me to and you were going to fail. Her: Put me back in. Me: Are you planning to complete the class, because it is a little late at this point. Her: I am not going to do the course. I just want you to reregisted me so I can get the financial aid for being enrolled. I have 7 kids to feed and I need my financial aid. Me: So you plan to enroll, have the university send you money for taking the class, fail the class, then keep the money? Her: Yes. Now reregister me. Me:
I totally judge her both because she was rude and because she was trying to use the system. The fact that she had 7 kids and acted like this made it that much worse, IMO.
That is crazy, but I actually know a couple with 3 kids that have lived like this for 3 years now. They both enroll in college classes, take out the full amount of Stafford loans, drop their classes, and then keep the money.
I really don't think they understand that those loans won't just go away and you can't just keep taking them out.
That's not really an issue with someone having too many kids, it's more of an issue of people just being complete morons.
Yeah I got these kind of comments a lot when I was pg. with # 3. As well as the near universal assumption that we were trying for a girl
Oh, how I want to punch the "were you trying for a girl" people in the face. Especially the ones who say things like "oh no," "what will you do?," or "bless your heart" upon hearing that it's a third boy.
I just laughed out loud, this is me right now. Pregnant with #3 - boy #3 and while my boys wanted a little sister (so much so that when they found out this one was a boy, my 7 year old said it's ok mom, the next one will be a girl.....umm, I think we're closing up shop now so he may be disappointed) but I am thrilled to be having another boy. Quite frankly, I could give a shit if it were a boy or girl!
No. I want one more kid. That would give me 4 total and I feel that is perfect for our family. Others can have more or less, I don't really care.
There is one person that I have judged. I was working at a university and had to drop some people from a course at the teachers request. It was a 6-week online course and the people that I dropped had not logged in as of the end of the second week of class. 1/3 of the class was over and they were going to fail so the teacher had me drop them. A few days later I got this call:
Me: Hello Her: Why did you drop me from my class? Me: The teacher told me to and you were going to fail. Her: Put me back in. Me: Are you planning to complete the class, because it is a little late at this point. Her: I am not going to do the course. I just want you to reregisted me so I can get the financial aid for being enrolled. I have 7 kids to feed and I need my financial aid. Me: So you plan to enroll, have the university send you money for taking the class, fail the class, then keep the money? Her: Yes. Now reregister me. Me:
I totally judge her both because she was rude and because she was trying to use the system. The fact that she had 7 kids and acted like this made it that much worse, IMO.
That is crazy, but I actually know a couple with 3 kids that have lived like this for 3 years now. They both enroll in college classes, take out the full amount of Stafford loans, drop their classes, and then keep the money.
I really don't think they understand that those loans won't just go away and you can't just keep taking them out.
That's not really an issue with someone having too many kids, it's more of an issue of people just being complete morons.
That is true. I will admit though that my first reaction was "Someone should have stopped that woman from ever having children. Especially 7 of them." Very judgemental, I admit, but she made me really angry. She also accused me of thinking it was funny that I dropped her from her class. Trust me, there were a lot of things I was thinking about the situation but "funny" was not one of them. I understand that things happen and people sometimes need assistance whether they have children or not, but come on.