Please remind me I'm doing the right thing

[ElizabethBennet]

Thanks guys

[soozy87]

It's a little cold and heartless to help the dog but not the parents, but I see your reasoning.

[Deleted]

Feb 22, 2013 12:50:00 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

It's a little cold and heartless to help the dog but not the parents, but I see your reasoning.

stfu. 

You're doing the right thing. You are. Just stick to your guns. 

[macmars45]

You are doing the right thing.

I'm sorry this is so hard.

[ElizabethBennet]

I offered money to get him checked out. That's it.

[Deleted]

You're doing the right thing. They won't attempt to change as long as they think there is an easy way out. One of them should probably call to verify their refund was sent to the correct account number. And then their bank to find out if it is being held as pending somewhere.

If you send money for the dog, I'd pay the vet directly. Most would probably be willing to take your credit card number over the phone or send the bill to you.

[peanut2202]

You are doing the right thing by not being an enabler. It's tough love, but you are not a cold and heartless daughter. I've been in a similar position before, so I know how hard this must be for you.

If you send them money for the dog, do you think they will spend it elsewhere?

[luckyval]

I really hope that if the church helps that they require some sort of financial counseling or class or something to help them change their habits.

You are absolutely doing the right thing eb - if you keep bailing them out, you're enabling them.

[LeggsBenedict]

You are doing the right thing. Trust me, I've been there.

[ElizabethBennet]

There was a pending deposit for the account yesterday but today it's gone and the bank claims to have no record of it.

They would not use the vet money for something else.

I just feel awful.

[peanut2202]

Feb 22, 2013 12:50:00 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

It's a little cold and heartless to help the dog but not the parents, but I see your reasoning.

yes it's cold and heartless of her to want to help end a suffering pet's life versus prolonging it simply because the parent's cannot afford to put it down themselves.

It isn't like she has NEVER helped her parents financially ..didn't you read her whole post!?  Her parents have been bailed out by family for 30 years!

[Kristinmo]

You are doing the right thing but I can't imagine how hard it is.

[ElizabethBennet]

Feb 22, 2013 12:52:34 GMT -5 luckyval said:

I really hope that if the church helps that they require some sort of financial counseling or class or something to help them change their habits.

You are absolutely doing the right thing eb - if you keep bailing them out, you're enabling them.

The church isn't giving them money. They're set up a meeting with someone from the church to help them manage their finances and keep them accountable.

[Deleted]

Ya I second the STFU soozy. You are doing the right thing. It sucks for them and you but it will work out.

also maybe the tax refund is taking so long bc of other things they didn't pay. I wouldn't count on it. I have a feeling Uncle Sam is going to be taking some of that. Or at least it will go to some debt they incurred

[CurlyQ284]

Feb 22, 2013 12:50:00 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

It's a little cold and heartless to help the dog but not the parents, but I see your reasoning.

Yeah because the dog dying and parents being behind on their bills are totes the same thing. ((eye roll))

[Deleted]

Feb 22, 2013 12:53:59 GMT -5 ElizabethBennet said:

There was a pending deposit for the account yesterday but today it's gone and the bank claims to have no record of it.

They would not use the vet money for something else.

I just feel awful.

That happened to my DH and I a few years back. I think what it was was that the bank account at the time didn't have both our names on it but the check did. So it got put in pending them backed out.  Because basically it only had DHs name on it bu tthe money was both of ours.  It had to have both our names on the account. So they sent us a paper check instead. But it took awhile

[ElizabethBennet]

As far as we can tell, and their accountant can tell, they don't owe it to anyone else. They don't have student loans and they don't owe any back taxes. They also don't have any credit card debt. The only debt they have is their car so none of us can think of anything else it would go to.

I'm not saying it's not possible though.

Would it show as a pending deposit and then be sent to someone else?

[CurlyQ284]

When I filed, it said mine would be delayed because of tax issues (won't process until March). Could theirs be delayed too? It also said the refund would be deposited within 3 weeks of processing, could they be in that 3 week period?

[bigang]

Just a thought--If you parents are that much in debt, is it possible that their is a lien or a claim against them by someone and the IRS or their bank is required to send the refund directly to the other party rather than your parents? The IRS will notify them in writing and sometimes it takes awhile to get the notification.

I think you are doing the right thing. Also, if you want to help with the dog, you can usually pay the vet's office over the phone with a CC rather than sending your parents the money. I did this for my sister once.

I'm really sorry that you have to deal with this

[goaskalice]

That's so tough, but I think you're doing the right thing.

[ElizabethBennet]

I checked on the wheres my refund page on the IRS website and it says that the refund was sent to their bank yesterday.

[karmasabiotch]

Of course your doing the right thing. Help the dog if you can. Hopefully your parents will benefit from the financial counseling.

[luckyval]

Feb 22, 2013 12:55:07 GMT -5 ElizabethBennet said:

Feb 22, 2013 12:52:34 GMT -5 luckyval said:

I really hope that if the church helps that they require some sort of financial counseling or class or something to help them change their habits.

You are absolutely doing the right thing eb - if you keep bailing them out, you're enabling them.

The church isn't giving them money. They're set up a meeting with someone from the church to help them manage their finances and keep them accountable.

Even better!

[pedanticwench]

Feb 22, 2013 12:50:00 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

It's a little cold and heartless to help the dog but not the parents, but I see your reasoning.

It must get tiring to be a stone cold bitch all of the time.

[lime]

You're doing the right thing. I always say that you know you are doing the right thing with family when it is SO FUCKING HARD.

Stay strong.

[juliagoulia]

Feb 22, 2013 12:50:00 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

It's a little cold and heartless to help the dog but not the parents, but I see your reasoning.

  ^o) The dog isn't the one who spent the last 30 years being financially irresponsible.


OP- You ARE doing the right thing. I know it's hard to watch people you love struggle but the only chance they have at changing their ways will happen once they have hit rock bottom and they realize there are no more easy ways out. You are not the cause of their misfortune; they are. You are giving them the opportunity to do the right thing and take care of themselves.

[ElizabethBennet]

Thanks guys.

This is just so hard. I just can't take the woe is me anymore. They put themselves in this position. No one else did.

[Deleted]

I know when I move money online it can sometimes take a day or two between the banks. So maybe it will show up today? Monday at that latest.

You need to keep repeating your last post "THEY put themselves in this position. No one else"


Hopefully this will help them take the help from their church seriously.

[Deleted]

You are doing the right thing.  I'm sorry  you are in this situation.  

[soozy87]

Feb 22, 2013 13:01:57 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

Feb 22, 2013 12:50:00 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

It's a little cold and heartless to help the dog but not the parents, but I see your reasoning.

Every time you open your goddamn mouth, you're wrong. 

You are rapidly taking TOTS' place on my list of people who suck balls.

YES!

And don't worry, I already think you suck balls much more than TOTS.